by Jessie Olson
He let go of her arm and stepped back. “It wasn’t a lie. You came back.”
Lizzie pushed him aside and went down the stairs. She took her keys from the door and stepped out onto the porch, knowing Oliver was right behind her. She stepped onto the porch and felt him take her arm. “Oliver, this has to stop. I need to live my life now. Not… the one you and Lily never had,” she looked away from the eyes that seemed to burn into her soul with accusation and challenged her goodness. “Please go.”
“She asked you to leave, Oliver,” Ben appeared at the bottom of the porch stairs.
Oliver let go of her arm and turned to face Ben. She had not seen them together since high school. Both sets of eyes burned with an intensity that frightened her. She saw Ben’s fists curled tightly at his sides. She wondered what he was going to do when Oliver didn’t leave. Oliver was taller. He was probably stronger than Ben. He could hurt Ben. He could… “Ben,” she began as the keys rattled out of her grip. She shifted back to Oliver and tried to offer a smile to him. She couldn’t find the strength to be pleasant but was able to tender her voice to kindness. “Oliver, please go. Please don’t make a scene.”
Oliver looked at her again, breaking the madness in his eyes. There was the soul struggling to be good. She could see it, but no longer believed its ability to completely overcome. He nodded reluctantly to her and let the meanness return with a nasty look at Ben as he walked away.
Lizzie bent down to pick up her keys and rose to find Ben’s arms circle about her. She looked over his shoulder and watched the silver Jeep leave Jefferson Park. “Are you okay?” Ben pulled back to look at her face.
Lizzie nodded, unable to find the strength in her voice to speak. She hugged him tightly and let loose the tears her panic froze earlier. “My meeting ended early. I came to help you pack.”
“He’s mad,” she swallowed as she released the embrace. “Because of me.”
Ben wiped the tears from her cheeks. “It isn’t your fault.”
“I’m the only one who can fix this.”
“What do you think you can do, Elizabeth? You can’t reason with him. You know that.”
“Lily took everything away from him. Everything. He could have had a perfectly happy life. He could have married the daughter of the blacksmith, but Lily…” the words were exiting her mouth without the cognition of the memory. “Lily went back to him to try to forget… you. Just like I did. I have to fix this Ben. I have to put right what she did to him.”
“How are you going to do that? How could you possibly give him what he lost? You don’t want to be with him,” his jaw was very tight.
“I don’t know. I just know I have to stop his sadness,” she faded with a look at the blue spring sky.
“What if he kills you, Elizabeth? That won’t stop anyone’s sadness,” he took her shoulders.
“He won’t kill me.”
“He’s waiting to put you in a position to die or have to live like us.”
“That won’t happen.”
“Elizabeth, I don’t know what I will do if he hurts you again,” he folded her into another furious embrace.
Lizzie loosed one of her arms and stroked his cheek. She kissed his lips softly. “Ben, he isn’t going to hurt me. He can’t hurt me any more than I’ve already hurt him. I have to undo that. I have to make peace with him.”
“He’s too mad to understand peace.”
“Charlotte told him Lily would come back to him and put right what happened in the Fulton House two hundred years ago. I have to put it right, Ben. No one else can do that.” She didn’t know how that would happen. She knew only that as Oliver released Lily from her sorrow, Lily now had to release Oliver from his.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Lizzie was still breathing deeply as she sat at her desk. She hadn’t run more than a mile since the marathon. She was glad to make use of the cool July morning and test the path on this side of the Charles. She felt the oxygen in her veins and realized how much she missed it. She checked her emails, confirming the schedule for Saturday’s anniversary party. It was the biggest event yet. Andrew sent a half dozen messages about plates and cutlery, even though they confirmed all the rentals two nights earlier. Lizzie sighed with a happy annoyance. It was still early enough that she found Andrew’s attention to these details charming. It allowed her to concentrate on food and figures.
The business was a healthy distraction from the apprehension that hadn’t left her since April. She settled happily into her new life with Ben. It didn’t feel new, just like something that was waiting for her to come back. It didn’t diminish her content and it helped her optimism.
She knew Oliver didn’t leave Massachusetts. He didn’t try to contact her in the two months since his appearance at Jefferson Park. Lizzie hoped he was busy settling into his new job and consumed with the details of his move. Ben was still worried. He didn’t like when she went for her run before he left for the office. She indulged him and carried her phone, even though she hated the weight of it in the pocket of her shorts. Oliver was no where to be seen. He was probably writing syllabi.
She glanced to the left of her keyboard and noticed an off white envelope. She recognized the red address as that of the clinic. After so many months of mystery, the clinic underwhelmed her on her first visit the week before. It wasn’t much different than the corridors of Mt. Elm, just a good deal quieter. Nevertheless, she felt her slowing heartbeat pick up speed again as she fingered the flap on the back. Ben put it there, so he already knew the outcome. She opened it and looked at a couple pages of numbers and letters she didn’t understand. At the bottom of the last page, she saw in Ben’s handwriting. “You passed.”
She smiled broadly, forgetting the anniversary party and her other unchecked emails. She half wished Ben would indulge his overprotective habit and visit her on his lunch break. If he knew and saw her going for a run, wouldn’t he want to taste the benefits? No… Ben wouldn’t do this impulsively. He was probably anticipating her blood much more than she anticipated giving it to him. He wouldn’t squander it on a spontaneous morning. She suspected there might be a delay for a few more weeks to coincide with her birthday and the fact she couldn’t find her passport.
She left her office and was on her way to the shower when she heard the door knock. She ran through the list of possible deliveries and hoped that it was her new mixer. She still felt the elation of her run until she recognized the dark eyes of Oliver looking at her. Her water bottle slipped from her grasp as she stepped back a few strides.
“Lizzie.”
“How did you get in here?” she thought of the doorman and Ben’s insistence on screening all visitors to the apartment.
“I want to talk to you,” he shut the door and stepped further into the apartment.
“Yes,” she caught her breath and tried to collect her thoughts.
“Did you just go for a run?”
Lizzie studied his calm expression and saw no indication of hunger for her endorphins. “It was pretty pathetic,” she made herself laugh. “I haven’t… as you can probably tell, I’ve been sampling a lot of recipes lately.”
“You look the same as you did… in April,” he looked down. “Please, can we talk about that?”
“Yes,” she bent down to pick up her water bottle. “I think we should.”
She showed him the large couch and decided to sit on one of the chairs. She eyed the full rack of wine by the dining room table and wondered if she should do that just in case. It was only 9:30. That was reckless. She needed to be clearheaded and aware of everything that was going on. Wine would help Lily’s memories. Lizzie didn’t want them to control what she did, what she had to do.
“So you took the job at UMASS?”
“I did. I have too many reasons to stay here.”
“I hope I’m not one of them,” she said slowly, but with every effort of emphasis.
“Of course you are.”
“Oliver…” she shut her eyes an
d drew in a breath. “I am happy here. I am happy with Ben. Can’t you see that? If you really do love me, don’t you want me to be happy?”
He looked at her. She could see his thoughts struggling behind his eyes. “I want you to be happy.”
“Then, it is best if you leave us be,” she saw him shift his eyes downward.
“What are you afraid of, Lizzie?” he wasn’t lifting his eyes. She couldn’t see if his eyes changed as his voice had. “Why do you need me to stay away? Are you afraid you will second guess your decision to go back to him?”
“No.”
“What happens when you have another memory?”
“I won’t,” she sat stiffly in the chair. “I learned everything I need to know about Lily. But it doesn’t matter, because… because she is dead, Oliver. I am a different person. I make my own decisions. I choose Ben. I chose him the first … I knew after the reunion that I wanted him more than anyone else.”
“But you didn’t know who you were then.”
“I knew exactly who I am. I didn’t understand Lily, but I always knew her,” she dared herself to touch his hand. “Oliver, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that she hurt you. I am very sorry that I… I have done the same thing. It isn’t fair to you… because all you ever were and ever tried to be was my friend.”
“That’s not all I ever was,” he revealed his darker eyes. They were still human, very human. They were hurting from a heartache as old as he was.
She pulled back her hand quickly, afraid her oxygenated blood got too close to him. “Oliver, why do you want Lily back if she was so horrible to you? She used you as she had been used by Horace Fulton and Charlotte. She didn’t have a heart. Why do you want to win it?”
“You have a heart, Lizzie. You are what she always wanted to be, but could never become. Don’t you see that? Part of that is her unfulfilled wish to marry me.”
“I don’t want to get married.”
“Not to Ben. But…” he took her hand back to his own. “Lizzie, you know this is what she wanted. She wanted it so badly she let herself die when she couldn’t have it.”
“She wanted to marry the father of her child. Not a monster,” Lizzie hardened her voice as she clenched the fingers in his hand to a fist. “You became everything she hated, Oliver. You lost her – you lost your only opportunity for her when you became one of them.”
“It was everything she ever wanted. She only loved monsters. She loved Horace. She loved Charlotte. And she loved Ben. She only loved the ones who used her and mistreated her. That’s what she … that’s what you want, Lizzie. That’s why you never dated anyone else. You were waiting for us, because you knew no one else would be as exciting or thrilling. And after that you couldn’t go back, could you? Even your doctor had something to do with vampires. Don’t tell me this isn’t what you or Lily wanted. It’s all you’ve ever wanted.”
Lizzie stared at him. Did he know about Claire Chamberlain? There was something about his stare that implied he knew everything. He knew about Eric. How? How did he know these things? Was he that clever? Or did he follow her? He knew enough to show up one day at the coffee shop when she and Andrew hadn’t signed a lease. He knew her time at the marathon to be there when she finished. He knew when she would go back to her apartment from Ben’s. He knew where Ben lived. He knew… he knew all about her.
“But I love Ben,” she whimpered as her confidence drained from her.
“I loved Charlotte,” he answered. “I was blinded by that love.”
She shut her eyes and drew in a breath. She saw Ben standing over Lily’s lifeless body and walking away. She saw a girl with red curly hair lying in the mud with blood crusted at her throat. She saw the unmarked grave and the lime falling over her body. She saw Ben take her gloved hand…
“Eloise wasn’t Lily,” Lizzie opened her eyes wide.
“You said you remembered.”
“I remembered that she had red hair,” Lizzie took back her hand and stood up from her chair. “I… I was there. But I wasn’t her.”
Oliver shook his head slowly and then quickly as if pushing the argument out of his mind. “That girl was Lily. Charlotte told me.”
“She told you because she knew you were still angry at Lily. You didn’t know about the baby. You still blamed her for … you still believed she was going to leave you. You wanted to punish her through that helpless child. Charlotte knew you hated Lily. She wanted to protect Lily and let her… let her go to Ben.”
“Charlotte hated Lily as much as…”
“But she loved her, too. She told… she told Maria what you both were. She told her long before Ben ever knew she knew. She knew Maria was Lily and sent you after Eloise.”
“No,” Oliver shook his head.
“Yes,” Lizzie nodded her head as the thoughts became clear in her head. “Maria didn’t understand. She never fully understood, but she loved Ben.”
“He’s been filling your head with this.”
“Ben knows nothing about this. He…” Lizzie froze as she saw Oliver’s eyes. They had the anger she once saw in Ben’s eyes, but not the struggle for restraint. “Oliver, please. I’m sorry. But you should know. You have to… Lily came back to him, not you.”
“She loved me.”
“She loved the boy. Her friend, Tom. He died. You became… you became like Charlotte when Lily died. Ben became human again. He lost the monster and you became it,” Lizzie explained as she walked slowly away from him. She left her cell phone in her office. Why hadn’t she kept it in her pocket?
“Why did you let him manipulate you again?” he followed her slow steps, shortening the distance between them.
“Oliver, you are the one… please go.”
“Lizzie… he doesn’t… he can’t love you like I do.”
“He doesn’t.”
“He isn’t the one you are meant to be with.”
“He loves me. Elizabeth Watson. Not the ghosts of his past.”
“Lizzie…”
“He didn’t leave me dying.”
“No,” he protested, almost desperate.
“I don’t want you here,” she rushed towards the staircase. She flew up the stairs to her office. She couldn’t find the phone on her desk. Where was it? She raced down the hallway to the bedroom. She went to the dresser and looked through her purse.
“Lizzie, you can’t mean that,” he entered the bedroom.
She trembled as she took her next breath. There wasn’t anything in that room with which she could defend herself. “Please,” she lost the force of her voice. He came closer towards her, backing her against the furniture. “She didn’t want you, Oliver,” Lizzie snarled. “She wanted you to kill her.”
“She wanted the baby to die,” Oliver shook his head. “She came back to me.”
“No,” Lizzie looked up and glared. “She did not.”
“Lizzie,” he reached out to grasp the back of her head. “You want this. I know you feel obligated to Ben… but you gave yourself freely and willingly to me. How can you tell me now that this isn’t what you want?”
“Because you left me to die. Because you don’t care about hurting me.”
He dropped his hand. “Don’t you understand, Lizzie? I… I want you to be like me. I want you to be with me forever. Not as Lily. As you are now… as Lizzie.”
“I don’t want to go on forever,” Lizzie felt the pressure of the wood against her back as she heard the door open and shut from downstairs. “I want to be human.”
“You would be human. I am human.”
“No, Oliver. YOU are not human.”
Oliver grasped her shoulders and forced a kiss on her lips. He pulled back and looked at her helplessly. “Doesn’t that make you feel human?”
Lizzie felt her eyes fill with tears, wondering where Ben went if he really entered. “It terrifies me.”
“Of course it terrifies you,” Oliver slid his hands down along her arms, grasping her fingers. “The things that frighten us are the
most worthwhile.”
“Not this time,” Lizzie raised her hands to push him away.
He pushed her back, holding her in place against the dresser. She felt the speed of her heart increase as he pressed against her. “Lizzie,” he caressed her neck and bent down to kiss it.
Lizzie looked over his shoulder, hoping a shadow would appear in the doorway. Where was Ben? Maybe she imagined the door. She was still alone. By herself. He could overpower her and force her down and take her clean healthy blood. She moved her chin and forced his kiss away from her neck to her lips. He relaxed his pressure, allowing her to reach behind and grab her purse. She swung it at his head and pulled herself away. “Leave!” she shouted so Ben would hear her.
“No,” Oliver grabbed her again. He raised his arm almost too quickly for her to see it. She felt the pain strike across her face and force her to the ground. She hit the floor hard and thought she should get up and run, run from the room, run from the apartment… but a sudden movement startled her from that thought. Ben pushed Oliver to the ground beside her.
“Elizabeth, go,” Ben urged as Oliver shoved him back to the other side of the room.
Lizzie stood as though she were made of clay. She couldn’t go or run as she planned. She saw Ben grab a chair and force it against Oliver. Oliver pushed it back. He was stronger than Ben. He was going to hurt Ben. He could kill Ben. But Ben was quick. He moved away from the chair as it shattered the mirror in the room. He went to Lizzie and pushed her into the hallway, guiding her quickly back down the staircase.
“Take my car and go. Go somewhere he can’t find you. Go now!”
“No,” Lizzie shook her head as Oliver grabbed Ben from behind. Ben shoved his elbow into Oliver’s gut and tripped him as he lost momentum. Oliver recovered and got up quickly, slamming a fist down on his head. Lizzie froze, suddenly aware of their strength and their anger, unleashed after years of restraint. One of them was going to die. She knew that was the only way it was going to end.
