by Jessie Olson
The impulse filled her before the thought registered completely. She went back upstairs to the closet in her office. She found a box of things from Jefferson Park. She knew it was in there. She heard another crash from downstairs, causing her hand to shake as she moved the contents of the box around again. Her fingers still rattled when she found the small gift bag. She pulled out the antiquated compact and rushed into the bathroom. She didn’t know if it would work… what it would do to her. Another crash forced any more hesitation out of her mind. She dumped the ancient powder into a glass and mixed it with water. She swallowed the chalky substance and felt an immediate need to purge her body of it. She held her jaw tight and summoned the strength to leave the bathroom and walk back down the stairs.
She came back to the living room, where Ben was fighting to hold off Oliver. His head was bleeding. Had she ever seen the blood come out of one of them before? Did that mean anything? Did it mean that Ben was… She lowered her eyes and saw Oliver had something in his hands, a broken leg from one of the stools.
“Oliver,” she called, letting the pretense overtake her expression. “Let him be.”
“I will finish this,” Oliver gnarled, flashing his sharp teeth.
“Oliver,” she forced herself between them. “Please leave him be.”
She didn’t look at Ben, not even to check if the wound was serious. It couldn’t be. She couldn’t think about Ben. She had one thing to do. She took Oliver’s hand and led him through the doors to the balcony. She pressed her lips to his and knew his passion was redirected. She took herself away from him and touched his temples with her palms. “This is what is supposed to happen,” she leaned her neck towards him and let him bite into her. She saw Ben stand up and race to the door. She met his eyes as Oliver took more of her blood and froze Ben in place inside the apartment.
Elizabeth felt the lightness of her head. With every ounce of her strength she pushed him away. He stepped back and grinned at her for a moment with satisfaction. Then his mouth soured. “Lizzie, what did you do?” he looked at her.
“I set you free,” she cried as he faltered and squinted out the light of the sun.
Ben stepped onto the balcony. “Stay away, Ben,” Elizabeth said firmly.
Oliver’s skin reddened and started to blister. He was in pain and looked at her as he sank lower to the ground, clutching his stomach. “Finish it,” Oliver muttered.
Elizabeth took the broken stick from his hands and stabbed it through his chest. She closed her eyes, fearing an explosion of blood or something grisly. She opened her eyes slowly. There was no blood. No burnt up corpse. Just him staring lifeless at the sky.
Elizabeth felt the weight of her body collapse her knees. She sat on the floor of the balcony, prompting Ben to come near. “Ben, stay away. I’m poison,” she swallowed, slowing her breath. She felt the heat of the July sun on her cheeks. She leaned her head against the edge of the balcony and then it all went cold.
The room was dark when Elizabeth woke up. She was in the guest room. She sat up slowly and saw Eric sitting by the dresser. “What… what are you doing here?” she asked groggily.
“Kate called me,” he smiled and moved to the bed. “She’s downstairs with Ben and the others.”
“The others?” Elizabeth could hear voices echo outside the door.
“Two of their lawyer friends,” Eric took her blood pressure and listened to her heart. He flashed a small light in her eyes.
“How long have I been out?” she felt the shock of darkness after he removed the light.
“It’s 9:30,” Eric looked at her. “Do you remember me bringing you up here?”
“No,” Elizabeth closed her eyes, seeing a dream of someone standing over her … and a sharp pain in her arm. She looked above her left elbow and saw a small bandage.
“That was the chelation agent. It should be working the lead out of your system.”
“And then I went back to sleep?”
“I imagine you are in shock.”
“Did he take too much blood?”
“No… I mean emotional shock,” Eric looked at her and offered a smile. “Physically, you’re fine.”
“Am I going to get sick?”
“No,” Ben said from the doorway. “He gave you a treatment I developed at the clinic. It will get the lead out of your bloodstream within a few weeks. There should be no lasting effects.”
Elizabeth couldn’t meet his eyes. All the details of what happened before she blacked out replayed vividly in her mind, especially the green eyes watching what she did. “Good.”
“Even so, we have to monitor your health until then,” Eric eyed Ben cautiously. “Just to make sure you aren’t suffering any symptoms. It will be best if you keep a healthy distance from Ben during that time.”
Elizabeth looked at him, wondering what Kate Chiang told him about her and Ben. Did any of it matter now? Ben might not want her to stay knowing what she was capable of.
“It’s just a precaution,” Eric smiled at her silence and looked towards Ben in the doorway. “Not a quarantine.”
“You are a very brave woman, Elizabeth,” Dr. Chiang came beside Ben in the doorway.
“I’m not brave,” Elizabeth shook her head. She looked at her hands expecting to see traces of blood. But there was nothing.
“You’re very clever. How did you know to do that?” she went to Eric’s side. Elizabeth couldn’t tell if it was a need to protect herself or her favorite source. She saw him slip her hand into his and knew it wasn’t just about blood.
Elizabeth looked towards Ben and let her eyes water. “I didn’t know,” she breathed out. “I didn’t know if it would actually work. I just wanted to weaken him and stop him from hurting Ben.”
Ben left the door and grabbed her hand, ignoring Dr. Chiang’s attempt to stop him. Elizabeth felt the warmth of his fingers and then retreated her hand, shifting away from him on the mattress. “I didn’t know it hurt him so badly,” she dropped her head, unable to look at any of them. “I didn’t know that I would be able to do that.”
“Ben explained he was already infected. You didn’t make him sick, Elizabeth,” Kate softened her voice. “The powder you … what you put in your blood set off more severe symptoms of what he already suffered. He wouldn’t have survived the rest of the evening. You stopped his pain.”
“I killed him,” she sobbed, still staring at the blanket over her lap.
“It was self-defense,” Ben said coldly.
“It was murder,” she muttered and then looked up suddenly. “Are we going to have to call the police?”
“No,” Ben answered firmly.
“But Eric said you have lawyers here.”
“Yes, and they will take care of this,” Ben pulled back a second urge to reach for her.
“Take care of this? What do you mean? He has a life, friends, students… a new job. People will wonder why he isn’t there. He can’t just disappear,” Elizabeth protested.
“He died in a horrible accident,” Kate said without any emotion. “That’s all they need ever know.”
“What about his wife?” Elizabeth looked at Ben suddenly.
“I spoke to Alison,” Ben looked down. “She knows what happened. They are still married, so there are legalities that must be settled. But… she doesn’t, we needn’t fear she will interfere with anything.”
“What about the… body?”
“Eric and I have taken care of that,” Kate squeezed her partner’s hand.
“But I… killed a man. I have to … pay some consequence.”
“Haven’t you already?” Ben looked at her helplessly.
Elizabeth eased her head against the wall. It was still all too vivid in her mind… and yet distant as a dream. “I…” she looked down at her hands.
“Ben,” Kate let go of Eric’s hand and rested a hand on Ben’s shoulder. “I will go downstairs and finish up with Scott and Barbara. We can let ourselves out.”
“Thanks, Kate,”
Ben flashed a quick grin of appreciation at his colleague but kept his focus on Elizabeth.
“I still want you to go to the clinic tomorrow morning. Just to ease my conscience. I want to make sure you haven’t been exposed.”
“Yes, Dr. Chiang,” Ben agreed quietly.
“Elizabeth, if you feel anything - especially muscle pain - please call me,” Eric turned to collect his things from beside the bed.
“Mm hmm,” Elizabeth responded and looked back down to her hands as Ben closed the door behind him.
“It will be all right, Elizabeth,” he sat on the foot of the bed, keeping a safe distance from her.
“Are you…” she let herself look up for the bruise on his head. There was nothing there. Not even a tiny scratch. “Ben, I’m sorry.”
“You don’t apologize, Elizabeth,” he set his jaw. “Not for this.”
“I… did something terrible,” she blurred the attention of her gaze.
“He would have killed you,” Ben breathed out. “You had no choice.”
“He wanted to change me into what he was. And he did that. He made me a killer.”
“Elizabeth,” Ben reached a hand across the bed. She went to take it but shook her head. “I can only get infected if I touch your blood. Is your hand bleeding?”
“No,” she looked at her palm once more just in case and then let him take her hand. “Does it ever leave you?”
“What?”
“The guilt of taking a life?”
“No, Elizabeth,” he sighed slowly. “It will never leave you.”
“I don’t know what I feel right now. I still… I still don’t believe it happened. That I really…” she touched her neck with her free hand, knowing she couldn’t feel the marks to confirm they were there. “Do you forgive me?”
“For what?”
“For letting him in. For not listening to you. For… letting this happen.”
“You knew it was going to happen,” Ben tightened his hold of her hand. “You knew you had to do this.”
“To take away his life?”
“Think of how many lives he’s taken, including yours.”
“But… that’s,” Elizabeth heard Charlotte’s words without hearing Charlotte’s voice.
“He would have killed you again,” Ben clenched his jaw. “You stopped him from doing it a third time.”
“No,” she stopped the blurring of her eyes with a direct look at his. “Ben, I wasn’t Eloise.”
His eyes narrowed and revealed his impatience. “You knew what she looked like.”
“I knew what she looked like because I helped to bury the body.”
Ben swallowed weakly, the realization shaping the new expression of his eyes. “Maria?”
Elizabeth nodded, allowing a little elation to come through the heavy sorrow. “I don’t remember much at all. I just…” she shut her eyes. “I don’t think she wants me to remember. She was so sad. But she needed Oliver to know. I needed to tell him that I’ve always come back to…”
Ben let go of Elizabeth’s hand and paced to the other side of the room. “Maria left me,” he said weakly. “If you are her… and she was Lily…”
“Ben, I know it’s too much. It isn’t worth understanding. I don’t want to understand it any more. I want to go on with my own life now. My life as Elizabeth… whatever it might be after this. After today.”
“It will be whatever you want it to be.”
“Are there really no repercussions for this? Legally?”
“It was self defense, Elizabeth,” he looked at her eyes. “And even if there was no legitimate … it would be much more complicated to involve any authority in this matter.”
“Why were the lawyers here?”
“Because Oliver has a lot of unfinished business. He has an estate that must be settled. We have to explain his death in a way that won’t reveal what he was.”
“What about those who knew he was a vampire? Won’t they be curious how he died?”
“We shall deal with that if it happens. Alison knows… she wasn’t surprised,” Ben bit his lip. “She knew what he was capable of. I think a part of her is relieved.”
“But it was still…” she shut her eyes as she started to feel the tears that weren’t there minutes before. “What did they do to his body?”
“He will be cremated this evening.”
“He’s outlived his family too long to be buried with them.”
“The consequence of choosing our life, Elizabeth,” Ben looked at her sadly. “Maybe we can bring the ashes back to California. He always liked the forests there. I think that is where he was most at peace, where he felt the most human.”
“Can we do that? Is that right for me to do?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Because I took him out of this world,” she started crying again.
“No, Elizabeth. You said it. You set him free.”
She curved her mouth up, but didn’t feel the happiness of a grin. She wanted to reach for his embrace, but knew she would have to wait weeks, perhaps months before she could trust herself to be that close to him. “Ben, I don’t want to live here anymore.”
“I don’t either,” he paused, showing Elizabeth the restraint in his urge to satisfy her wish for his arms. “I will go wherever you want to go. I’ll leave Boston if that’s what you want to do.”
“No, I don’t want to run away. I just don’t want to stay in this apartment.”
“We’ll go to a hotel tomorrow and then start looking for a new home,” he took her hand again and cautiously kissed the back of her fist.
She smiled at him and breathed out in relief. “Thank you.”
*****
The morning sun still hid behind the clouds, stubbornly refusing to turn the sky blue. It kept the moisture in the air as much as it kept it on the blades of the grass, soaking her slippers as she ran across the field. They were already standing outside the shop. Annie was there and saw her approach when she pulled away from her nephew. He followed Annie’s eyes to her as he went to his mother. The brown eyes lightened and allowed a smile to soften his somber expression.
He turned back to his father and offered a few brief words before taking her elbow towards the other side of his saddled horse. The poor old mare was burdened with his musket and sack. She wondered if the animal would make it to camp without collapsing.
She saw the restraint and allowed herself to forsake her own to kiss him. He might not return. He might not survive the British muskets or the cold at camp. That was the reason she left Harriet alone at breakfast. She didn’t want him to leave her thinking she never cared for him, that she didn’t want him to do everything he could to come back alive.
She saw the appreciation of his happy expression when he stepped back, no longer concerned with the watchful eyes of the wheelwright and his wife. She muttered the apology she rehearsed all the night before and as she watched Harriet hem and haw over her porridge. She was sorry for rejecting him, for not going to the church and becoming his wife. It didn’t matter what his family wanted. She saw what he wanted in the love of those brown eyes. Love that no other person ever gave her. She told him when he came back, things would be different.
He accepted her words and walked away with a smile… with enough hope, she prayed, to give him reason to come home. He embraced his mother once again before mounting his horse. He gave her one last glance before leaving. Before going to an uncertain fate. Before leaving and possibly never returning.
Lily turned away and walked back through the dewy morning.
Elizabeth opened her eyes. There was a small amount of light seeping through the blinds of the hotel room. She could make out the shadows of furniture in front of her as her senses warmed to the sensation of Ben lying beside her. She turned over to face him. He was awake and moved his eyes slightly to meet her own. The freckles under the green eyes were evident, even in the dim light. He needed to get more blood soon.
“You aren’t ke
eping your distance,” she whispered to him, as if someone was watching their room and would report him for not sleeping in a separate bed.
“You are worth the risk,” he smiled and touched her cheek. “You were dreaming. I could tell by the smile on your face.”
“I don’t … I don’t remember,” Elizabeth said weakly. She knew Oliver was in her sleeping mind. She knew it was goodbye, but the details were losing shape.
“It doesn’t matter,” he kissed her lightly on the forehead. She smiled before turning back to her left, spooning herself into his side. She shut her eyes, feeling the sensation of dew on her feet and fell back asleep under the watchful stare of the green eyes.
Chapter Forty
Elizabeth took the opportunity of quiet and wiped off her hands. She smiled at her volunteer staff, a handful of boys and girls from the honor society. She saw herself amongst the quartet laughing and serving barbeque to the endless line. She gave them another nod of approval and excused herself to find Ben.
“Miss Watson.”
“Mr. Benson,” she repeated the smile she offered to the high school kids. “It’s a great turnout.”
“It’s the best one we’ve had in six years,” he beamed proudly. “I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done.”
“It’s been my pleasure,” she looked towards the stage, happy to see that Jack’s band wasn’t playing yet.
“Here,” Mr. Benson held up an envelope. “I wanted to give you something. We’ve had so much more…”
“No, no, no,” she took his hand gently. “I told you, the food is my donation.”
“At least let me pay for your travel.”
“Don’t worry, Mr. Benson. My boyfriend is underwriting whatever costs we can’t cover,” she found the green eyes in the crowd, trying to look interested in the conversation at his table.
“He’s already been very generous.”
“Yes,” she nodded. “We want to do this for Melissa. In honor of Oliver.”
“Your family has been very good to ours. Between you and your cousin, this has been a terrific evening.”
