Samantha darling

by Jennifer Davis

  I spun the bottle and it landed on Austin. His card said neck. I crawled past Charlotte to Austin and moved slowly toward his neck, breathing softly, trying to make it sexy as he’d requested. The moment before my lips met his neck, I changed course and bit him, holding his skin in my teeth a few seconds before releasing.

  “Ow! Shit,” he complained.

  Charlotte laughed, falling backward. “That was the best kiss of the night right there.”

  “She bit me!”

  “I know, and you loved it.”

  “Well, I am at half chub right now,” Austin said, rubbing his neck, looking at Charlotte. “We’ll have to try that later.”

  She laughed, but I was kind of grossed out that Austin had a partial erection because of me.

  After that round, Austin had us change cards. A few turns later, Wes went. He’d had to kiss a couple of girls. One on the hand. The other on the elbow. I’d gotten up to get something to drink when the bottle stopped in front of where I’d been sitting.

  “Even though you’re out of your seat, it still counts. Show your card,” Austin said.

  I froze.

  “We don’t have all night, Samantha darling, show your card,” Austin repeated when I remained immobile.

  I flipped over the card and showed everyone. It said mouth.

  “Oh hell,” Charlotte exhaled.

  Wes got up and met me where I stood. I backed myself against a door frame.

  “Don’t,” I said.

  “I have to. Austin will boot me if I don’t follow the rules. I’ve been playing this game for ten years. I can’t let you be the reason I get kicked out.”

  I hated that I wanted him to kiss me. That it would mean something to me and nothing to him. That having him that close would upset my entire body while he would walk away unscathed.

  Even so, I wanted it.

  “Get to it, Cohen” Austin called. “Quit dicking around and kiss her already.”

  Wes placed his hands on my face, gently holding in place as his lips delicately pressed against mine. It reminded me of the first time he’d kissed me—when Austin had made him before taking me upstairs. Only now, he was more conscious, more in the moment.

  Once the kiss had lasted the appropriate amount of time and his obligation was fulfilled, I thought he was going to pull away. Instead, his tongue grazed my lips and mine parted without thought, allowing it inside of my mouth. My cheeks warmed as he deeply kissed me, pressing us against the door frame. He kept a slow pace, still the blood in my body rushed through my veins as if it were being chased. My fingers slipped between the waistband of his khaki shorts and the tail of his button-down and moved to hold his sides. His skin felt warm, his hips sharp in my grasp. Our arms wound around one another and it was as if we were holding on for dear life. I’d never felt so good and so bad at the same time. Tears gently rolled down my cheeks.

  Wes softly broke the kiss when he tasted the salt from my tears, but didn’t pull away from me.

  “Dammit, Cohen! No wonder you get laid so much!” Austin proclaimed. “If I were a chick, my panties would be soaked after seeing that shit.”

  The boys in the room laughed, but Wes never broke eye contact.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “Then why did you?”

  “I don’t know,” he said. But he did know. The way he’d held me, the way he’d kissed me, there was no way he didn’t feel for me.

  “You’re a shitty liar, Wes Cohen,” I breathed, before slinking away from him and walking out the door.

  38

  I spent the next day by the pool, lying in the sun, and thinking toward the future, considering all that I needed to do before leaving for school, and coming to terms with the fact that Wes and I would never be together.

  I didn’t go in until the sun had gone down. I microwaved a slice of the quiche Ellen had left for me, grabbed a bottle of water, and headed upstairs. Halfway up, the doorbell rang. I stood still and watched as Jonathan let Wes into the house.

  “I thought you left for school this morning,” I called down to him.

  “I was going to, but something happened. Something I think you should know.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “Can I come up?”

  I shrugged and finished climbing the stairs. I sat the quiche and water on my dresser and went to the closet to put a t-shirt on. I felt too exposed in the bathing suit I was wearing.

  Coming out of the closet, I heard my name from Wes’s phone speaker, and knew exactly what had happened. Charlie was getting even with me for lying to him about my feelings for Wes. Mr. Ferguson’s voice rang out louder, shouting for me to stop. My former classmates yelled and laughed like static in the background as the cars trying to avoid me crashed into one another.

  “Charlie sent that to you to punish me. He knew how embarrassed I was by it.”

  “It was in an email from the club. I went down there looking for him. The kitchen manager said he quit this morning. The chicken shit is lucky I didn’t find him. I got someone to disable the link and get the original video taken down so people who haven’t seen it won’t.”

  “Why did you do that?”

  “It was a shitty thing for him to do to you.”

  “Well, thanks for getting it taken down. I’d hate for my dad and Betty to see it. Hopefully, they didn’t.”

  “You’re so calm.” Wes glared at me. “How are you not boiling mad at him right now?”

  “Because I kind of deserve it.”

  “Why in the hell do you think that?”

  “I hurt him.” I shrugged. “He’s hurting me back.”

  “It’s a different kind of hurt. What he did to you is pretty fucking personal. Doesn’t this breach trust in your group?”

  “The group doesn’t exist anymore. It dissolved after Charlie told everyone we’d slept together.”

  “You should still do something, Sam. You can’t let him get away with that shit.”

  “Yes, I can, and I’m going to. We’re even now.”

  Wes stood, shaking his head. I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to do. Continuing to fight with Charlie would be a waste of my time and energy.

  The moment Wes opened his mouth to speak, his phone rang. I smirked. “You’d better get that. Might be a new girl on the line.” He remained still, staring at me. “You might as well answer. We both know you’re going to call back whoever it is once you leave here anyway.”

  “I don’t know what to do,” he said.

  “I think you push a button on the screen and then say hello.”

  “Not about answering the damn phone, Samantha! You. I don’t know what to do about you.”

  I was super confused by that statement. “Because I’m going to Stearns?” I asked. “Charlotte told me the campus is huge, so you shouldn’t ever have to see me.”

  Wes’s voice turned soft. “I’d want to see you.”

  My heart automatically beat faster at the thought. “Maybe someday, but right now, I can’t watch you be with a different girl every day.”

  He started walking and I thought he was going to leave, but he sat down beside me on the bed, looked down at the floor, and said, “Fear is a great deterrent.”

  I was silent, watching him, waiting for him to say something more.

  “Charlotte and I came to your house for dinner the night we met because Ellen asked her to. Charlotte didn’t want to get stuck with you, so she made me come too. But she ended up liking you and told me she’d kill me if I messed with you. That I owed her one because of Darcy. But I liked you too, so I told you that we could be friends, and I don’t even know why because I’d never been friends with a girl before. I just wanted to be near you. And then we started talking and actually became friends.” Wes moved to look at me. “I’ve never felt so protective of anyone. Not even Charlotte. I’ve never felt much of anything, and then…” he paused for a long time. “You know that night in the pool when I held my hand to your chest
and felt your heart beating?”

  “The virgin test,” I said grumpily, wondering what the hell that had to do with anything.

  “The first time my heart beat like that was when you kissed me on the Fourth of July. After Max interrupted us, I was glad, because it made me realize why that hadn’t happened with any other girl, but it also scared the hell out of me. It’s why I lied to you the night you were with Charlie. It killed me to act like I didn’t give a shit, and it really killed me when I found out you’d slept with him. It haunts me, actually, because I wanted to stay with you that night. I want to be with you more than anything, but a thirteen percent risk feels like thirteen million when you’re falling for someone who could be facing a life altering illness.”

  My heart had been singing because he’d finally admitted his feelings for me, and then it sunk straight to my feet. I exhaled until my lungs were empty. Of all the reasons I’d compiled that Wes wouldn’t be with me, fear that I would get sick had never crossed my mind. It wasn’t the shitty relationship he has with his parents, or because I’d been a virgin, or what had happened with Darcy. It was because of something neither of us could control, which made it that much more hurtful.

  “Between what you’ve told me and the research I’ve done… you could adore me one day and not recognize me the next. You could forget who you are, how to laugh—”

  “I know what it’s like, Wes. I lived it. I don’t need a recap.”

  “I told you I could make you hate me,” he said softly.

  “I don’t hate you.” I studied the face of this boy who’d helped me in so many ways to open up about my mother, and had been the best friend I’d ever had, and the only boy I’d ever loved and wiggled myself into his arms and told him I understood why he couldn’t love me back.

  “In the morning, I’ll withdraw from Stearns and re-enroll at Bradford so you won’t have to see me, and I won’t have to see you.”

  “I can’t let you do that. Charlotte told me how hard you worked to get into Stearns.”

  “It’s my choice to make.” Wes touched my cheek, then stood up and pulled me into his arms. I held him close, but not too hard. I expected him to tell me goodbye and was dreading it. My heart was already aching in anticipation, but he didn’t say anything until he released me. “I know it’s not fair of me to say all of this now. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lied. I’m sorry I’m so weak. I feel like I’m being pulled in two directions. These feelings… wanting you consumes me. I want to be with you so much that it hurts, but the fear…” his eyes swayed to mine, his fingers traced my lips. “I wish I could give you the first time you should have had. The one you wanted with me, because that memory is an important one no matter how long you may get to keep it. But that’s also not fair of me to say, because I couldn’t promise you anything more.”

  I began unbuttoning his shirt, even though I knew that sleeping with him would only bring more pain, but at that moment, I didn’t care. He felt for me, too. He wanted me, too. “Either way, I’m going to hurt like hell tomorrow,” I exhaled. At least I would have the memory.

  He stopped my hands from moving and held them, looking into my eyes, before placing his mouth close to my ear. “You’re not just important to me Samantha Roberts,” he whispered. “You’re everything.” He kissed my cheek, then let go of my hands and allowed me to finish unbuttoning his shirt. I was trembling. We’d grown so close and had confided in one another more than to anyone else in our lives. We’d allowed the other to know our secrets. To see inside—to peek at the ugliness we contained, and something in that was beautiful.

  He removed the shirt once I had it open and laid it on the bed. I touched his chest, allowing my fingers to trace the planes. Since I was only going to get one opportunity to touch him, I took my time. I placed my hand over his heart and felt it beating hard against my palm. I kissed him there, then pulled my shirt over my head and tossed in onto the floor. He traced the lines of my collarbone before slowly kissing my shoulders and neck. My body felt electric. I plucked the rubber band from my hair and let it fall past my shoulders before removing my bathing suit top. I shifted to take off the bottoms, but he stopped me.

  I was moving too fast.

  Wes sat on the edge of the bed and reached his arms around me, holding me tight; his cheek pressed against my belly. My fingers danced in his hair as he began to place kisses beneath my breasts. His hands remained firm on my back as his mouth moved upward. His tongue twirled across my nipples, making them rock hard. I’d never felt anything so good, and bent down and kissed him almost too aggressively. He groaned and slid his hands down my hips, removing my bikini bottoms so skillfully that I hadn’t initially felt them leave my body. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and teasingly kissing me as his hand slipped between my legs and gently touched me before his thumb swept through the warm wetness of my center. My breath caught as his released. With soft pressure, his thumb moved back and forth over me, and for the second time, I’d never felt anything so good. My fingers folded, digging into his arm. If masturbating really felt like this, I would definitely start doing it.

  Wes lifted my right leg and placed it over his, drawing me closer to him. Rubbing in a circle now, he leaned forward and returned his mouth to my breasts, holding his free arm firmly against my back. I sighed, feeling the nerve endings beneath his thumb come alive. I felt as if my entire body were opening up, as anticipation and pressure rose in my gut. I held his shoulders as I began to shake. My body knotted, my middle tightened, and then so did the rest of me. A rush of air exited my throat attached to a sound I had no idea I could make, and the pressure I’d felt in my core released as my body gently convulsed. Wes moved my leg to stand, and with a fistful of my hair in his hand he desperately kissed me. His mouth became softer as I gently outlined the shape of his lower back.

  My hands slid down and unbuttoned his shorts. He pushed them down, along with his boxer briefs, then smiled at me. I was happy to see it. He was still with me. Still wanted to be with me. I had taken a few steps back and suddenly felt self-conscious. I was nervous about being completely exposed in front of him. I’d been naked in front of Wes on the Fourth of July, but he couldn’t see me the way he could now. Our bodies had been pressed together that night. With all the naked bodies he had seen, I wondered if he would compare mine to them, or make a list in his head of the ones he’d experienced that were more appealing than mine. I bit my bottom lip as Wes’s eyes soaked me up. His chest heaved a bit as he held out his hand and drew me nearer. “You’re so beautiful,’’ he murmured, brightening my insides. No one but my mother had ever said that to me.

  We moved to the bed, and he rested his back against the headboard. Since we were pretending it was my first time, I straddled his lap putting myself in the position he’d read would be the easiest for me, then leaned in and warmly kissed his lips as he slid on a condom. He took his shirt from the bed and threw it over my shoulders. At first, I was devastated because I thought he was trying to cover me up, but I quickly realized that he was only trying to make me comfortable. I slid an arm into one sleeve, then the other, leaving the button-down open in the front. The shirt smelled like Wes, which made being wrapped in it even more comforting. Before we’d begun, I knew that this wasn’t about the things sex usually was for Wes. It drove home how much I meant to him, and knowing that before having sex with him was even more comforting than being wrapped in his shirt.

  Wes waited for me to make the move. I set my eyes on his chest, watching as he steadily breathed. It helped to keep me calm as I took him into my hand and began to slowly ease him inside. I felt the pull of my skin stretching to accommodate him within me and although it was uncomfortable at first, I felt relieved, and was so at ease with him that I didn’t worry that I was doing something wrong or wondering if I was good enough, or better than the others, because it wasn’t about that. It was about me and him and us and our feelings.

  Wes held my hips as I slowly worked him in and out of me. I placed
my arms loosely around his neck and locked my fingers in his hair. He kissed my chest, neck, and chin, making his way back to my mouth. Kissing him at that moment intensified everything I was feeling. He wrapped his arms around me and moved us so that I was on my back. I liked feeling the weight of him on me, the way he moved. My legs snaked around his, my fingers stiffened, the tips pressing into his back. He slowly inserted his tongue into my mouth, gently brushing it against mine. The combination of kissing and the pressure of him inside of me was making me crazy. He was gentle, but so deep within me that I wanted to cry, not because it hurt, because I’d never felt so connected to anyone before. I guess that’s how sex was supposed to make you feel. His head was buried in my neck, my breath in his ear. I wanted to whisper for him to never leave me. Instead, I ran my hands up his back, attempting to draw him further inside, although impossible, as he slowly rocked into me.

  My breath became heavy. My sex contracted, and then a wave of the best feeling I’d ever had rolled through my entire body and lingered there, making me even more sensitive to having Wes inside of me. So much so that I truly felt that I was going to come out of my skin. My legs clenched him tighter against me, feeling my warmth saturate us. My eyes opened to Wes watching me with a slight smile on his face. He placed a gentle kiss on my lips, asked if I was okay, and then moved to lie beside me, closing his shirt across the front of my body.

  Lying there, my heart was full, but dread crept in. I had everything I wanted. But he was leaving me in the morning. There were things I wanted to say to him, but I opted not to burst the bubble we were in, because we both knew what tomorrow would bring. For that reason, I knew he wouldn’t say goodbye before leaving, so after he fell asleep I wrote a note and tucked it in the pocket of his shorts.

  Go to Stearns

  Find me if you change your mind.