Nobody's Baby

by Carol Burnside

  “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  She’d supplied the answer to her questions with that yes. Said what he hadn’t admitted aloud for years. That yes stunk up the room like Limburger cheese.

  Rio tried to shake off the memory, but the horror of that night would never completely leave him. Hank had come home in a worse mood than usual. Always, there was a fog over the whole scene because his head had been reeling from the blow, his eye swelling shut. But he’d never forgotten the sensation of his bone snapping under the grip of those big hands or the red haze of pain that arrowed into his body. “Once. My mom stopped him.”

  “That’s one time too many. I’m sorry you’ve had to live with such a horrible memory.”

  He’d never figured out how to accept sympathy for such a thing, so he shrugged. “My mom drew the brunt of his anger to herself, to protect me. When that stopped working, she took him out with a frying pan, called an ambulance, and we ended up in a shelter.”

  “So you get your protective instincts from your mother.”

  “She ... I guess so.” He’d seen the look of determination and anger on his mom’s face when she’d struck, had been so worried about how the violence of both parents would affect his own actions, he’d allowed his memory to completely dismiss the love behind her actions.

  Rio felt like a water buffalo had head-butted him into a mire and left him stuck in the mud, but he’d been rescued. Kate had come along and pulled him free. His world tilted off axis as he wrapped his head around this new version of his past.

  “You might look like him, might be of similar build, but your upbringing and free will come into play too.” She continued to try to convince him of his own goodness, with no idea the impact her words had on him. No idea.

  Looking at the earnestness on her face, the concern, his chest filled and expanded. He wanted to crush Kate to him and swing her around until she laughed again, to kiss her and keep right on kissing her. He wanted. Oh, yeah, he definitely wanted. And because he did, because it was impossible, he held up a hand and pretended to listen. “Did you hear that?”

  “No. What?” she asked in hushed tones.

  He stared at the silent monitor because he couldn’t keep up the pretense under Kate’s direct scrutiny. Not without showing her the rawness that was inside him, bursting to get out. It was too new. “I’d better go check on him.”

  Kate rose from her sofa. “But honestly, I didn’t hear —”

  “Stay. I’ll call if I need you.” He snatched up the monitor.

  “Rio. I’m closer to that thing than you were. I would’ve heard if he’d made a noise. Did I do something, say something that offended you? If so, I apologize. That wasn’t my intention.” There were big tears in her eyes. Tears of regret and compassion. For him.

  He returned the monitor to the table and pulled her to her feet, took the mug and set it aside.

  Her eyes widened, her throat bobbed.

  “It’s not what you said, Kate. It’s you. You see me like no one else has. It makes me want to be that man, makes me want to do things that would complicate everything. Like this.” Rio linked the fingers of one hand through hers.

  Her gaze turned wary. Her back straightened.

  “And this.” With his free arm, he circled her waist and pulled her closer.

  “Not a good idea.” There was a husky quality to her voice that belied the warning in her words. “Remember?”

  “I do. That’s why you should’ve let me go while I still had the willpower to avoid this.” The instant his lips touched hers, her body relaxed against him. Cool fingers tunneled into his hair, massaging his neck, sending sizzles straight into his groin.

  He hadn’t meant for the kiss to be anything more than another taste of her, but it took on a life of its own.

  Rio poured his gratitude into the kiss. Kate opened to him. He tasted warm chocolate and the sweetness of her. She matched him kiss for kiss as the taste he’d yearned for became a feast.

  When his need for her became a physical ache, he came to his senses, pulled away and sank into the sofa cushion, dragging her across his lap. A tiny sound escaped from her throat when her thigh brushed against the evidence of his desire.

  Kate’s breath puffed warm on his neck as she tried to push away.

  “Shh. Be still. Let me hold you. I need to hold you.”

  “Oh, Rio.” The fight left her. She sank into him with a shaky sigh and proceeded to wet the front of his shirt with her tears. He couldn’t weep for the boy he’d been, nor did he wish to dwell on the pain of his past. So, he held and soothed, suspecting her emotional storm was the result of hormones in turmoil and an empathetic nature. She would make a great child psychologist someday.

  He held her long after the last sniffle, after she fell asleep and as long as he dared. When he was sure A.J. would stir any minute, he carried her to bed and covered her with a blanket. More than anything, he wanted to crawl in beside her, to hold her through the night.

  What the hell had she done to him?

  It didn’t matter that they couldn’t make love. It didn’t matter that he’d probably be more sexually frustrated come morning than he’d ever been in his life. Those things simply didn’t matter as much as just being with Kate.

  * * * * *

  After observing Rio over the next two days, Kate thought she noticed a slight shift in his interactions with A.J. It was more a feeling she had rather than anything she could pin down, but Rio wasn’t so rigid, so tense after their talk. Such things were hard to tell from across the room. But she’d yet to get within five feet of the baby and wanted to keep it that way.

  Her own feelings were in turmoil. One minute she wanted to throw herself at Rio, the next she was panicking and wishing she could leave. She needed regular bouts of breathing room, especially after falling asleep in his arms. Distance — like a hundred miles — would be nice.

  Rio secured A.J.’s diaper with the tabs, turned the excess back with the soft side toward the shriveled umbilical stump, then rearranged the baby’s clothing and blanket.

  The clean, powdery smell of baby acted like a magnet. Kate hugged her crossed arms tighter around her midriff and ordered her feet to stay put. “Everything okay here?”

  “I’m not sure. This cord is kind of gross. You think that’s normal?”

  The youngest child she’d ever babysat had been six weeks old and her cord long gone. “I wouldn’t know about that. Are you following the pediatrician’s instructions?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Any signs of infection, such as redness or puffiness?”

  “None.”

  “Then you shouldn’t worry.”

  He nodded and glanced up, his gaze flicking over her sweat suit and fur-lined boots, then placed A.J. back in his portable bassinet. “You headed out?”

  “Thought I’d take my usual afternoon walk. Got to get back into shape.” Kate wound a scarf around her neck. With the temps hovering in the high 20s for two days, she also wore a T-shirt under layer but felt like a blimp. These days, sweats were the only thing that really fit her until she could get rid of her remaining tummy bulge.

  He gave her another once-over, the slight gleam in his eyes making her pulse leap before he turned his head to look out the front window. “It’s a beautiful day. Better enjoy the weather while it lasts.”

  “Bad forecast?”

  “No, but this time of year it’s inevitable. The slopes are hurting for snow, so I figure we’re due to be dumped on soon. Hey, I could use a break and A.J.’s going back to sleep. Let me get one of the guys to sit with him, and I’ll go with you.”

  “Yeah, sure.” The walks she’d started the day after arriving were about clearing her head, getting away from Rio and A.J. for awhile, as well as getting much-needed exercise. But she couldn’t tell Rio that. If things had been normal, she wouldn’t have seen either of them after the birth. But nothing had been normal in her life for a very long time. Why should today be any different? “I
’ll wait for you outside.”

  At least she’d have a few moments alone before Rio joined her. Kate slipped out the door, pulled on gloves and a stocking cap and paced along the driveway in front of the condos several times.

  There was something happening between her and Rio she didn’t understand. A future for them was impossible, yet she couldn’t stop thinking about him, wanting his relationship to blossom with his nephew, wanting him to be happy. There was a look in his eyes. The one that told her he continued to find her appealing, though she wasn’t at her personal best right now.

  She released a breath on a heavy sigh, making a small cloud in the frigid air.

  “Tired of waiting?” Rio called and bounded down the stairs. Dressed in jeans, boots and a thick jacket over layers of T-shirt and flannel, he looked at home, like a man who belonged here. He glanced around, a wide smile lighting his face. The sheer appeal of his athleticism and vitality, combined with his close proximity, robbed her of air. Her lips parted in surprise.

  “Or was that a weight-of-the-world sigh?”

  She couldn’t seem to make her brain function.

  Rio stepped into her personal space. His gaze searched her expression. “Kate?”

  What was she doing? He must think her loony. Sheesh. She was never this senseless. Speak. “I ... my mind wandered. What did you ask me?”

  He raised a hand as if to touch her face, then let it fall. “That was a big sigh. Tell me the truth. Are things harder for you to deal with than you’ve been letting on?”

  “It’s ... difficult,” she admitted. “I know A.J. isn’t mine in the traditional way, but I feel connected to him.”

  “I’d be shocked if you weren’t. I’m sorry it’s a struggle for you, but if it helps any, your being here makes a huge difference to me and A.J.”

  “You’re doing fine. Your diapering, feeding and burping skills have improved. I don’t think you’ll need me much longer.”

  He shot her a look of alarm. “Now that’s the epitome of optimism. Don’t get carried away just because I haven’t done irrevocable harm so far. Sponge baths are one thing. Once that cord falls off, I’ve got to maneuver a slippery infant through a real bath without drowning him. That’s my next hurdle. Then there’s spoon feeding cereals and —”

  “Okay, okay. My job isn’t done, but don’t expect me to stick around to help you teach him how to ride a bike or drive a car.”

  “Believe me, I’m all too aware of how soon you’ll be out of our lives,” he muttered.

  Kate couldn’t think of a response, so she started walking. They fell into an easy rhythm, following a path Rio had pointed out. Once they’d entered a thicket of tall evergreens, he turned her toward him and framed her face with his hands. “I’ve been wanting to do this for two whole days.”

  He touched his lips to hers and withdrew. The look in his eyes was tender, almost worshipful. “You can’t be surprised. My attraction to you hasn’t changed.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  Rio’s mouth claimed hers again, took and plundered with an eager recklessness. His kiss erased the slight brain function she’d regained from their short, invigorating walk. Flitting through her mind was the thought that this was wrong on so many levels. Inappropriate. Bizarre. Unreasonable. Dangerous. Yet they seemed to do it with startling regularity.

  The kiss swallowed her up, warming her from the inside out. She let it overtake her for a few moments because she’d wanted it too, but it wasn’t right for her to give Rio false hope. She pushed him away. “Stop.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I want you to.” Kate turned and walked away before he could see the lie in her eyes.

  Chapter Ten

  Their journey through the woods was accompanied by the songs and calls of the bird world piercing the crisp air and the occasional whisper of not-quite dry aspen leaves as some woodland creature scurried off. The path wound deep into the woods, eventually ending beside a small stream, where a large tent pad and oversized picnic table awaited warm-weather visitors.

  Kate sat down to catch her breath, and Rio joined her without comment, leaving some space between them. Their gazes met for a second. No accusation in his. No apparent animosity. So. They were going to ignore what had happened. Fine by her. “It’s beautiful here. So peaceful. You should bring A.J. to see this when it’s warmer.”

  “There’s another hurdle,” he responded with wry humor, as if they were friends and hadn’t kissed. “Outings.”

  “A little preplanning will help those go smoothly. Babies are happier all around if you stick to a routine. Figure that any outing with a baby will take twice as long as you expect. Plan to make trips short during periods between feedings and always take a well-stocked diaper bag along. If I were you, I’d keep it supplied and ready.”

  “Done and done.” Rio looked quite pleased with himself. “The Foxe’s have a sister with kids who was kind enough to e-mail me a list for a baby go-bag, though it turned out that Allie already had one packed.”

  “I’m not surprised. She was so ready to be a mom.”

  He leaned forward, bracing forearms on his knees and stared at the flowing water with a solemn expression.

  “Sorry.” Kate touched the sleeve of his jacket, then caught herself and returned her hand to her lap. “I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

  “You didn’t.” He reached out and took her hand in his bare one. The warmth of his skin seeped through the thick knit of her glove. “Well, you did. But it’s mostly because every time you tell me something else I need to know, we’re one step closer to you leaving. Lately, I find myself wishing there was some way you could stay in our lives. Crazy, huh?”

  His glance and wry smile made her wistful. “Rio —”

  “I know. I’ll just say this and shut up, okay?” He angled his body toward her. “If you decide you want to work out a different arrangement than what we have, I’m willing to hear options.”

  She took back her hand, avoiding his gaze. She wanted to ask if those options included him, or just a relationship with A.J. Better she didn’t know. A.J. was lure enough without adding his hunky uncle into the mix. The point was moot anyway. She had to be firm, stick to her plan. “I appreciate that, but a complete break is what’s best for everyone. Especially your nephew. I’ve got goals and dreams yet to be realized. I need to explore them, to reach for them. Having me come and go from his life would be too confusing.”

  Rio looked as if he were going to say something else, then he clamped his lips shut and nodded, keeping his word.

  * * * * *

  In the days that followed, Rio developed a cautiously optimistic attitude about his future with A.J. Full-time care of an infant was a much larger job than he had imagined, often leaving him more exhausted than a day of traipsing around the African plains with a bunch of demanding, photo-greedy tourists. But he was adjusting and getting a sense of that heart-knotting thing that Toby had experienced with his nieces. Rio had hoped his mom would come to visit and provide some relief, but her friend’s surgery had been more involved than the doctor had expected and recovery was slow.

  “Hey, there, little man. Enjoying your mid-afternoon bottle?” At Kate’s urging, he’d begun to engage with A.J. Talking to a baby seemed silly at first, and Rio wasn’t yet comfortable doing it in front of others. There was something addictive about the baby’s eyes fastening on his face, as if Rio held all the power in the world.

  He had to admit, this baby thing wasn’t all bad. Some of it was even enjoyable. Like now, with A.J. content and sucking down the last of a bottle. Rio set it aside, moved the baby to his shoulder and patted. Toby came in from grocery shopping at the very moment A.J. let go of his post-bottle air bubble.

  “All right, A.J.! That was a healthy one.” A collection of earth-friendly shopping bags swung from the beefy guy’s arms as he bumped the door closed with his knee. “Hey, man.” He hitched his chin at Rio. “They were out of filet mignon, so I got rib
eyes. Hope that’s okay.”

  “Yeah. That’s fine.” He lowered the baby into a reclining seat and buckled him in. “Let me get A.J. settled and I’ll help you carry those in.”

  “No need. Got it all in one trip. Checked out the tabloids like you asked. They don’t lack for imagination. Apparently you and Kate have escaped to a secluded love nest. Nothing more from your ... uh, Hank.”

  “That’s not good.” He had an itchy feeling between his shoulder blades. What was the old man up to now? Rio had learned to use that feeling as an early warning system, seeing as it had saved his bacon many times on safari. “Did you make sure you weren’t followed?”

  Toby stilled in the act of unloading bags. “You don’t think we’ve heard the last of him.”

  “He’s a greedy bastard. Was always chasing the next get-rich scheme or inventing one to rip people off. I can’t see him backing away from a gravy train like the Hawthorne fortune, but if you weren’t tailed ...”

  “Damn.” Toby’s thick neck and cheeks reddened as he grimaced. “I didn’t check. Not really. I mean, it’s habit to check the rearview, but we made sure we weren’t followed initially and haven’t had any problems here. Stupid. Can’t believe I made such a rookie mista —”

  “Hey,” Rio cut him off. “I wouldn’t have thought of it either, except my high alert meter is going off, y’know?”

  “Yeah, but it’s not your job to think of it. Sorry, man. I’ll let Cody know when I’m done here. We’ll add more night rounds and do some reconnaissance on the surrounding roads during the day.”

  “You’re still doing night rounds?”

  “Damn straight. It’s SOP on a protection detail.”

  It might be standard operating procedure but as secluded as they were, the twins couldn’t be faulted much if they’d relaxed their routine. He figured Toby had just redeemed himself. “Nice.”

  “You got a recent photo of this guy Hank?”

  “Not a thing. My mom might have something, but it would be a couple decades old. I could have her fax it to us.”