Never Be the Same

by M. A. Binfield

  “He’s not answering my calls. I even rang his sister’s house to try to talk to him, to see if he was there, but she said she hadn’t seen him.” She waited and Casey knew she was leaving space for her to react.

  “Why the hell would you do that?” Casey didn’t disappoint. She gripped a can in her hand tightly and felt it dent under the pressure. “She’s just as bad as he is. You know that, Mom. Half the time he took money off you, you said it was because she needed it, that she was the one putting him up to it. Can’t you just be glad he’s gone?”

  Her mom seemed sad for a second, but then it was gone and was replaced by a stubborn blankness that was familiar.

  “He’s sorry, I know he is. He just doesn’t know how to say it. I know him a lot better than you do. And, yeah, she’s responsible. I’m pretty sure that’s where he’s moved to. But it’s just because she needs him to help with the kids. They’re his nephews, what’s he supposed to do? What kind of man would turn his back on his own family when they need help?”

  “The kind of man who spent your savings, maxed your credit card, and pretended to pay your rent for a year while stealing the actual money. And he’s left you so fucking destitute that you can’t even afford to eat properly, let alone pay your bills.” Casey made herself slow down and lower her voice. Shouting wasn’t going to get them anywhere. “I know you don’t want to admit that I was right about him, but this isn’t about saving face, Mom, it’s about saving this house and your sanity. Let’s not pretend him coming back is gonna help you in the slightest, and I don’t wanna be hard-faced about it, but I’m not helping you get everything sorted just to see him waltz in here and sit right back down next to you again.”

  Casey knelt in front of her mom. She could hear her sniffling, trying to hold back the tears. She was stubborn and frustrating, and she had terrible taste in men, but her mom was hurting. Of course she was. She’d been betrayed and left looking a fool. And Casey knew from bitter experience just how much that hurt. She put out a hand and tentatively stroked her mom’s knee. They were not a family that showed each other affection.

  “It’s all right, Mom. We’ll sort out the house. And I’ll stay around for a bit till you get back on your feet. The council will probably be sympathetic about him stealing the rent. They might even help.” She stood and went back to unpack the rest of the shopping. “What did the police say about the chances of him being charged and you getting things back from him?”

  Her mom shifted in her seat. It was a slight movement, but it told Casey everything she needed to know.

  “You didn’t call them.” It was a statement, not a question.

  Her mom lowered her eyes. The shake of her head barely discernible.

  Casey couldn’t muster surprise, never mind anger. She could probably even script her mom’s excuses. She took a deep, slow breath. “How about we have some more tea and try to figure out what other bills need to be paid?”

  She switched on the kettle and sat opposite her mom, opening the overflowing folder of bills and letters that her mom used to keep so organized. Casey was a realist. She had to be with her upbringing. Her mom had made bad decisions before, and she’d make them again. Casey adding her own disappointment to the mix had never helped, and it certainly wouldn’t help either of them now.

  She scanned the room. The microwave was gone, and the small TV that used to sit on top of the fridge was missing. He’d even taken the coffeemaker. What a bastard he was.

  Casey would earn as much as she could while she was here. She’d find a way to pay off her mom’s arrears and then go home. To Portland. To a place that had never treated her as badly as London had. If it went well, she might even be back home for the end of basketball season. And she wasn’t going to feel guilty about not being here. Her mom had Jack, her beloved son. He was useless in a crisis, but he was a lot closer to home than she was. And since he now had a regular job and a girlfriend her mom was always praising, he had no excuse for not helping out more. Her mom might need her, but she had never much acted like she missed her.

  * * *

  After getting back from her mom’s, Casey couldn’t decide whether to nap or work out. The soft, deep mattress had lured her in, but she was far too agitated to sleep, so after tossing and turning for half an hour, Casey hit the gym hard, working out all the frustration about her mom’s situation that she hadn’t been able to express while they were together. Every lift, every stretch, she imagined getting her hands on Neil—a guy who almost made her stepdad seem decent—and somehow making him pay her mom every penny back. But of course, it was impossible, so Casey pounded the treadmill until she was ready to drop.

  And then, later, still unable to manage more than a fretful nap, she decided to try the sauna. It was electric and not that large, but it was wonderfully hot. She wasn’t the only occupant. On the middle bench opposite the door was a woman stretched out in a towel. They nodded a hello to each other as Casey took her place on the adjacent set of benches. She had a British person’s fear of small talk and relaxed only when it was clear that the woman wasn’t going to try to make conversation.

  Casey had put on a sports bra and shorts, not knowing if the dress code would allow her to be naked, and as she lay on her back, she opened her towel, wanting to feel the heat more directly on her skin. She closed her eyes and let it permeate deeply, melting away the tension in her muscles. The feeling was blissful.

  There was movement opposite, and Casey opened her eyes and turned her head, wondering if the heat was chasing away her companion. But the woman had simply changed position and was now sitting—legs stretched out in front of her—showing no sign of going anywhere. For a second, their gazes locked, and Casey felt herself captivated by the woman’s hazel eyes until she closed them and tilted her head back, leaving Casey feeling oddly dismissed.

  She took a moment to consider the woman. She had pretty fair hair, more auburn than blond, tied up in a messy bun. Beneath it, her beautiful face carried a frown, even in rest. And Casey found herself wanting to know why, to know what it was that was troubling her. She shook her head at her momentary insanity and made herself look away. It wasn’t cool to admire other women in the sauna, and Casey felt bad that she’d even noticed that the skin on the woman’s neck and shoulders looked so soft and kissable.

  She closed her eyes and willed herself to concentrate on the feeling of the heat on her skin, on the tension draining from her body. She wasn’t Gina and she wasn’t the kind of person who got all worked up about being close to an attractive woman—a very attractive woman—in a skimpy towel.

  “It’s a little too hot for me,” the woman said, and Casey opened her eyes, avoiding proper eye contact by staring at the ceiling.

  “Want to turn it down?” Casey sounded a little raspy. She reached for the water bottle she had grabbed on the way in.

  “No, no, I’m good. I think I’m done anyway.” There was a pause. “And you look like you’re enjoying it.”

  The accent was American, and Casey could detect a smile as she spoke.

  “I am. I like it hot. But honestly, feel free to turn it down a little if you want to stay.” This time she turned her head. And caught the woman staring at her with interest.

  “Like I say, I’m good.” She nodded at Casey, leaned down to pick up her own water bottle, and got up off the bench. At the door, as Casey did the unthinkable and blatantly checked out her legs, the woman turned.

  “Don’t fall asleep though, it’s dangerous. You look like you might.” She gave Casey a shy smile. “Maybe I should come back and check on you later.”

  “See if I’m cooked?”

  “Something like that.” Again, the smile was adorably shy. And every kind of beautiful.

  As the woman left, Casey let out a breath. See if I’m cooked. She muttered the words, mimicking herself. Great banter, Casey. I’m not surprised she didn’t stick around. She clo
sed her eyes and willed herself to relax, to let the heat take over again. The woman’s shy smile came into her mind’s eye. So. Damn. Cute. Maybe they could become sauna buddies and eventually, if the woman’s hotel stay ran into several years, Casey would pluck up the courage to ask for her name.

  She made herself take some slow, deep breaths, wanting to empty her mind, but knowing it was impossible. It’d been quite a day. She’d arrived, got herself a job that allowed her to stay in this swanky hotel, and found her mom in an even worse state than expected. And now she could add getting all hot and bothered about a beautiful stranger to the list.

  Yeah, quite a first day.

  Chapter Four

  Casey rubbed her neck and stretched out with a groan. She looked at her phone and realized she’d been reading for an hour and a half. It was a quarter to ten and no one had called on her to drive anyone anywhere, despite her getting up early and being down in the lobby in her driver’s uniform since eight. If there were going to be long periods of downtime like this—coupled with the hotel’s deluxe facilities—she might start to like this job.

  It was surprisingly quiet in the cavernous lobby. A handful of people were hanging around the reception desk looking like they were checking out, and a few others were sitting in the leather armchairs that formed a lounge area opposite reception. Like her, most looked as if they were waiting for someone.

  She guessed that most of the guests had already headed out for the day and would come back later with tired feet, lighter wallets, and piles of shopping. London was big, overwhelming, and expensive.

  “Hey.” David answered her call on the first ring. “Everything okay?”

  “I think so. Just checking the arrangements. Did you say they’ve got my number and they’re gonna call if they need me for anything?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  “No calls at all so far. I’m staked out in the lobby, and there’s no sign of anyone remotely resembling a TV star.”

  “Like you’d know.” David scoffed.

  “I’d know. Suntanned, Botoxed to the point of no return, and taking worshipful selfies of themselves for their adoring fans to like on Instagram.”

  On the other end of the line, David laughed. “Judgmental, much?”

  “Completely.”

  Across the lobby, the elevator doors opened, and the woman from the sauna wandered out. She looked every bit as alluring with her clothes on. She had sunglasses on her head, a small pile of books in one hand, and a phone in the other. Her legs—the very same ones that Casey hadn’t been able to take her eyes off last night—were now encased in a pair of pale green Capri pants, and her outfit was topped by a sleeveless white summer top. She had a purse hanging off her shoulder that matched the color of the pants perfectly. Casey sat up straighter and ran a hand through her hair, surprising herself by caring what she looked like to the gorgeous stranger.

  She tore her gaze away from the woman and tuned back in to what David was saying.

  “I mean, I’ll check I gave them the right number for you, but maybe they’re just having a lie-in. And maybe you should get off the phone with me in case they’re trying to call you right now.”

  “Okay, boss.”

  “Funny. Get off the phone.” David paused. “You wearing the cap?”

  “What do you think?”

  “Just make sure you wear the jacket.”

  Casey looked at it, draped across the arm of the chair she was sitting in. “It’s going to be eighty-five today.”

  “And that beautiful SUV I’ve given you has top of the range air conditioning. Wear the jacket.”

  “David?”

  “What?”

  “I should get off the phone in case they’re calling.”

  “You’re insubordinate.”

  “And inscrutable.”

  “And incorrigible.” He laughed first.

  They had once constructed a dating profile for her that consisted only of words beginning with I. It was a happy memory, now clouded by the fact that it was the dating profile that had attracted Hannah. For a while, she and Hannah had been happy together and David claimed his “I” words were responsible, but then there was absolutely nothing about the relationship for her to be happy about and David had ceased claiming credit.

  “I’d better go.” Casey couldn’t help but sound flat.

  “Sorry, babe.”

  “Don’t be. Not your fault. Being back here is all the reminder I need anyway.” Casey shrugged even though she knew he couldn’t see her. “I’m putting the jacket on.”

  “We both know you’re not.” His voice contained a smile.

  “See you later.”

  “Yeah.”

  He hung up and Casey realized that her sauna woman had chosen the seat that was at a right angle to hers and was now leafing through the books she had been carrying. She was so close that their seats touched at the corner. This seating choice was despite the lobby having about six other empty armchairs that didn’t in any way touch hers. Great. Now she was gonna have to make small talk with a woman so poised and beautiful that it made Casey anxious just to look at her. Not for the first time in her life, she regretted her complete absence of “game” when it came to women.

  She gave herself a minute, steeling herself to say hello and to point out that she had survived falling asleep in the sauna, but the woman’s phone rang and Casey breathed out a sigh of relief.

  “Hey, where are you guys? I’m downstairs and ready to go. I’ve gone through all the guidebooks and the tickets they gave us and planned the perfect day.”

  It was rude to eavesdrop, but their chairs were very close together and, short of getting up and moving to another chair, Casey had no choice but to listen to beautiful sauna woman’s end of the conversation, while acting like she wasn’t listening to her end of the conversation.

  A long pause and a sigh followed. “Oh, c’mon, Lou, don’t do this. We’re not gonna get much more free time after today, y’know?”

  Casey watched as the woman began gently kicking the leg of the table in front of her with the toe of her bright pink—and obviously brand new—Converse trainers.

  “Yeah, I know. If he’s sick, he’s sick, but I don’t know why you need to blow me off to play nursemaid. Maybe he can just go back to bed for a few hours and we can catch up with him later.”

  The response must have been negative because the woman sank back into her chair.

  “I get it. No problem. Of course, it’s miserable for him and you’re a sweetheart for staying behind. I was just being selfish and wanting some company. No, I’ll be fine. I’ll go and see some stuff and see you later. Maybe we can grab some dinner before tonight’s thing. Okay. Bye, babe. Give Liam a kiss from me.”

  After disconnecting the call, the woman cursed softly.

  Casey didn’t know what to say. She felt uncomfortable at having listened in but also felt a hard-to-explain wish to say something to make the woman feel better.

  “Forgive me for overhearing, but it sounds like your sightseeing day has hit the buffers. I’m sorry about that.”

  The woman turned to her in surprise, and the heat Casey felt in her cheeks told her she’d embarrassed herself by speaking up, effectively admitting she’d been listening to a stranger’s phone call. She tried telling herself it was okay because they weren’t technically strangers, they had met in the sauna, they’d exchanged actual sentences. She wasn’t weird. Honest.

  The woman looked at Casey appraisingly and then surprised her by yawning deeply and raising both arms above her head in a long stretch. “I don’t know what the hell buffers are, but I do know I’m not going to waste the only free day I’ll get on this trip. I’m going to go out and see London without my sick friends.”

  Casey felt warm. It had nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with the glimpse of midriff she
had seen in the gap between her top and the waistband of her pants as the woman stretched. She willed herself to stop behaving like a hormonal teenager. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t talked to a beautiful woman before. Okay, so it had been a while since one had her feeling all flustered like this, but it was all in there somewhere. She made herself concentrate.

  “Why’ve you got so little free time while you’re here?”

  “It’s a working visit. We got in last night and this is pretty much the only free day we’ve got, but,” the woman sighed, “jet lag had me sleeping in, and now my friends are too busy being ill to come out with me.” She smiled. “Buffers have been hit, apparently.”

  “I can’t even explain it to you,” Casey replied. “I don’t know what they are either. I just know they get hit when things go wrong. Sorry.”

  “You apologize a lot for someone who hasn’t done anything wrong.”

  “British,” Casey said. “We’re sorry for everything that ever happened to anyone.”

  They looked at each other for a beat. Casey could get lost in those eyes.

  “Are you sorry enough to come sightseeing with me today?”

  * * *

  Olivia wanted to swallow the words as soon as she’d said them. The dark-haired woman now staring at her—in what looked a lot like horror—was gorgeous. The kind of gorgeous that had stayed with Olivia long after she left the sauna last night. She had fallen asleep thinking of how great the woman looked stretched out, all sweaty and muscular in her hot boi-shorts. It had been so much better than counting sheep.

  But asking the woman to go out with her for the day, when they’d barely exchanged a few words, was the kind of move Susie would make. And it was completely out of character for Olivia. She fought the urge to run away.

  “Me?” The woman pointed a finger at her own chest. It drew Olivia’s attention to her dark gray shirt—tight in all the right places.

  Olivia shook her head, shaking Susie away. She was Olivia Lang and she did not ogle, proposition, or flirt with total strangers, however hot they were.