Never Be the Same

by M. A. Binfield

  “I’m sorry if I said the wrong thing.”

  “You didn’t.”

  “Then why has the temperature in here just dropped ten degrees?”

  “It hasn’t.”

  Casey needed to get a grip. Olivia wasn’t trying to offend her. She was just stating the obvious. Casey was her driver and she was pretty sure that being driven around by some nobody she expected to be able to boss around was as ordinary to Olivia as taking a shower.

  Estelle headed toward them with their drinks balanced on a plastic tray. She put them down in front of them and stayed to ask Olivia some questions about her trip. Casey was happy to be relieved of the responsibility of making awkward small talk.

  Her stomach growled softly. If she was going to enjoy anything about this strange day, it was going to be the steak pudding and mash. Then she would get some badly needed sleep and wake up tomorrow determined not to do anything that would give Olivia the slightest reason to doubt her professionalism. Olivia was clear what she expected from Casey—be on time, wear a uniform, and do what you’re told. It was disappointing, but it wasn’t difficult. And it was only disappointing because she had let her attraction cloud her judgment. Olivia had the fame and celebrity that Hannah had always craved and which Casey couldn’t understand ever wanting. If that wasn’t reason enough to give her a wide berth, Casey didn’t know what was.

  Chapter Six

  Casey flopped down onto the bed and groaned. She wasn’t just stuffed after the huge meal they’d eaten, she was tired and stupidly full of regrets about the day. She shuffled into a more comfortable position on the bed, cast several of the pointless brocaded cushions onto the floor, and closed her eyes.

  Her brain was whirring. She couldn’t help but wish things had gone better, that the cherubic, slightly mussed up Olivia who had woken from sleep in her car had been with her the whole day. The wondrous expression on Olivia’s beautiful face as she sipped the coffee had been as close to perfect as Casey had seen in a long while. Sadly, Olivia was also someone who seemed to enjoy putting Casey in her place, and she was annoyed with her own naivety in trying to help Olivia rescue something from her day. She took her annoyance with her into sleep.

  Startled by the sound of her phone ringing, Casey sat up and looked around, confused by where she was. She picked up her phone and offered a groggy hello.

  “Babe, did I wake you? Did I get my timing wrong? I thought it was evening over there.” It was Gina.

  “It is. I fell asleep.”

  Gina laughed. “You’re napping in the middle of the day. That’s not gonna get you laid. Get up, go outside, meet women. London is your oyster and you, Casey Byrne, are a pearl.”

  Casey rubbed her head as she leaned across to look at the bedside clock. It was almost six and she’d only been asleep for twenty minutes, but she couldn’t blame Gina for that. Her brain was sluggish, but she did the math while reaching across for the bottle of water next to her bed.

  “You sound a bit perky for a Sunday morning.”

  “Some things are worth getting up early for. And the sweetheart next door fixing me breakfast is definitely one of them.”

  “And the ‘sweetheart next door’ doesn’t mind you calling me when you should be giving her all your attention?”

  “Nope. She is putty in my hands right now, and I know I don’t have to tell you why.”

  “That’s right, Gina, please don’t tell me why. I know the TMI concept is hard for you to grasp, but some things are best left unsaid.” Casey couldn’t keep the smile out of her voice. “Anyway, what’s up? You’re not calling to cancel my vacation, are you? I mean, if you’ve discovered some kind of travel website emergency that requires me to come home immediately, I wouldn’t mind. Not even two days under my belt and I’ve already had enough.”

  “Really? How bad is she? Worse than you thought?”

  “Mom’s doing okay, I suppose. She’s trying to stay off the drink.” She looked at the stuffed folder of unpaid bills that she’d brought back from her mom’s yesterday. “But she’s in a pretty monumental mess. I don’t know how long it’s been going on, but I suspect she’s been hiding how bad it is from Jack.”

  Casey didn’t want to lay all of her gloom at Gina’s feet, not when it seemed like her own day had started so well. She made herself sound brighter.

  “But David already found me work. And it’s the best, and worst, driving job in London.”

  “Explain.”

  “Well, the good news is that I’m speaking to you from a very expensive hotel where the clients have ‘insisted’ I stay so that I’m available as needed. I’ve already hit the gym, the sauna, and enjoyed the depth of this mattress more than I should. Bad news, I’m on call to a bunch of overindulged actors and actresses in from LA on some kind of promotional tour for their shit-hot TV show. And—”

  What could she say? I already have a crush on this gorgeous woman I saw through the fog of a sauna who turned out to be kind of spoiled, and I just wish I didn’t feel quite so disappointed.

  She decided to spare Gina that version.

  “Do you know Olivia Lang?”

  “Are you kidding? Everybody knows Olivia Lang. At least in my gay-ass world they do. She’s the best thing in that show by a long mile. I mean, it’s a great show, but she is fire. I’ve never missed a single episode. I mean, where else do we see our queer selves represented so positively?”

  “That good, huh? I’ve never seen it.”

  “I tried to get you to. Remember me raving about how well they handled that storyline about that trans guy getting assaulted by his friend when he came out to him. That was that show. Susie—Olivia Lang’s character—is a boss. She ruined the guy who did it. He was some bigot senator’s son. It was so satisfying. And not just because of how good she looks in business suits.” Gina whistled softly.

  “A boss,” Casey said. “Yeah, that makes sense. She’s keen to keep letting me know who’s in charge.”

  “Wait. You’re driving Olivia Lang around London? No fucking way.”

  “Not just her. Four of them. It’s just that today, the rest of them didn’t turn up.” Casey looked at the schedule David had finally managed to get from the production company. She scrolled down to the bottom of the email on her phone. “Liam Morris, Louise Garland, Billie Carpenter. I think they all act on the show too.”

  “They surely do.” Gina squealed as she spoke. “The first two are part of the original cast from season one. Liam plays Michael—that trans character I just told you about. He’s awesome. Louise plays Jessie. She’s like the show’s comic relief and beating heart all wrapped into one amazing character. And Billie Carpenter is one of those ambitious as hell models who’s made a move into acting. Surely even you’ve heard of her. She was voted, like, sexiest newcomer in Hollywood last year, or something. She turned up at the end of season three as some senator’s wife with an eye for the ladies.”

  Casey was in awe of how Gina managed a social life, a busy job, and still kept track of every single item of queer popular culture.

  “That is every kind of incredible. I think I’d combust at the idea of having Olivia Lang in the back of my car. Sorry, babe, couldn’t resist. I know it’s objectionable, objectifying, whatever, but she’s damn hot. How did you concentrate on the driving?”

  Casey felt herself flush at Gina’s words. There had been moments when she’d sneaked a glance at Olivia and lost concentration before feeling instantly guilty for her passing feelings of lustfulness, and—yes—at her objectification of an actress who probably got pretty sick of people looking at her that way.

  “It wasn’t hard. She slept half the time and grouched at me when she was awake. Needs a babysitter as much as a driver.” Casey felt disloyal bitching about Olivia. She hadn’t been that bad. They had different lives, but it didn’t make her a monster. “I’m not being fair. She’s okay whe
n she wants to be. We had food, went to a museum. I guess I forgot what it’s like to be a driver, to be treated like the hired help. I’m probably just being sensitive.”

  “She took you to a museum and to eat and you’re complaining she’s treating you like the hired help?”

  “I took her. Not that it matters. It won’t happen again. I’m a driver, not a tour guide. We both kind of agreed it was better that way.”

  There were muffled voices on the other end of the call, and Casey guessed that Gina’s breakfast was ready.

  “Babe, I have to go.”

  “Sure.”

  “We will definitely continue this conversation later though.” Gina lowered her voice. “Just tell me she’s every bit as hot in real life as she is on the show.”

  “I couldn’t say, I’ve never seen it.”

  “Casey.” Gina sounded exasperated at her refusal to play the game.

  “What do you want me to say? She’s beautiful. I mean, eye-wideningly, skin-pricklingly, muscle-tighteningly, jaw-droppingly beautiful. Enough?”

  “Good to know you noticed.” Gina laughed and then said her good-byes and Casey was left feeling like that last sentence was the most honest she’d been with herself all day.

  * * *

  Olivia was standing in the doorway at the back of the room. She was late. Only a few minutes, but enough that her costars were already seated and Max—their emcee for the evening—was on her phone, obviously asking someone where Olivia was. The room was packed, and some of the studio people had been left standing along the wall on one side. She could see their relief as they caught sight of her in the doorway.

  “They’re going to knock on her door.” Max put her hand across her phone and spoke to the audience. “She’s probably gonna have to peel herself off some woman she met in the elevator.” There were laughs and whistles and the odd “wish it was me” comment. It was Olivia’s job—as the actress who played Susie—to play along with the innuendos. It wasn’t always her favorite part of the job, but it was fun, mostly, and the adoration she got as Susie contrasted spectacularly with the lack of attention she got as Olivia.

  She took in a breath and got into role.

  “Sorry I’m late, bathroom break, and don’t get excited, it was just little old me in there today. Sorry to disappoint y’all.”

  Every head in the large conference room turned to look at Olivia as she made her way down the central aisle, the crowd bursting into applause and cheers. At the end of season three, Susie had enjoyed a threesome in a hotel bathroom with a woman and her wife, while they’d been on their honeymoon. Even by Susie’s standards, the scene had been pretty risqué.

  As she approached the table, Olivia noticed that the chair that had been left for her was between the emcee and Billie. As the crowd settled down, she remembered the article that Liam had shown them and wondered whose idea it had been to seat her next to Billie.

  Olivia climbed a little awkwardly up the steps at the back of the raised platform and squeezed past Louise and Liam on her way to her seat. She put a hand on Louise’s shoulder as she passed. “You couldn’t have saved me a better seat.” She muttered the words without moving her mouth.

  “We don’t believe you. We just hope she—or they—were worth keeping us waiting for.” The emcee played to the crowd, making the joke at Olivia’s expense.

  Olivia took her seat as Billie put a hand on her arm and leaned into the microphone. “I’m gonna get mighty jealous if it’s true. I’ve got high hopes for us next season.”

  The crowd cheered as Billie turned to smile at her. It was, she supposed, a nice smile. But everything about Billie made her wary, and she’d learned the hard way to listen to her instincts when they told her someone wasn’t to be trusted.

  Olivia moved her arm away, breaking the contact between them.

  “We’ve all got high hopes for next season.” She spoke directly to the audience. To the people who loved the show and loved the characters. To the people she felt needed them to represent them in the best way possible. “And we’re beyond happy that we get to shoot even a little part of it here in London town. I’m not sure we have room for all of you as extras, but I definitely think we should try.” The crowd laughed and Olivia felt herself relax for what felt like the first time that day.

  Except it wasn’t. She’d felt relaxed waking up under Casey’s jacket and under her watchful gaze. Her dark eyes making Olivia feel safe and secure. She shook the thought away. Casey was her driver. They had nothing in common. And she was pretty sure Casey didn’t even like her.

  “What’s your favorite thing about London so far?” A woman with spiky blond hair sitting at the end of the front row was called on by Max to ask the first question. Liam got everyone’s sympathy when he explained he’d been ill in bed all day and hadn’t ventured outside of the hotel.

  Billie responded next.

  “Well, I already fell in love with your accent. And if I hadn’t promised this one I’d be on my best behavior,” she made Olivia cringe by casting a thumb in her direction, “I’d be trying to get myself an English girlfriend for sure.”

  The implication was that Olivia wouldn’t approve of Billie chasing other girls. And she could tell from the audience’s reaction they’d taken Billie’s meaning that way too.

  Max invited Olivia to speak next. She guessed she was supposed to flirt back with Billie and act a little jealous, but she didn’t want to play that game. She looked out at the crowd and decided to ignore Billie’s bait in favor of being more honest.

  “Definitely not the traffic. I saw a little too much of that today.” The audience murmured in agreement. “But I was taken to this fantastic little old pie and mash place near London Bridge.” She leaned into her microphone. “The portions were huge, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be digesting the food till Tuesday, but I recommend the steak pudding highly.”

  Olivia caught the quizzical look Louise gave her. She had left the café visit out of the highlight reel she had given Louise and Liam. She didn’t have to tell them everything. And for now, her afternoon with Casey was something she wanted to keep for herself.

  Chapter Seven

  Olivia was sitting in the same armchair in the lobby she had occupied two days ago. When she had made a fool of herself with Casey. Except it was four hours earlier and this time, she had Liam and Louise for company. The ridiculously early start was because they were doing a live appearance on one of the UK’s most popular breakfast shows.

  “What’s the point of us all getting up at stupid o’clock if we’re just sitting here waiting for Billie and end up being late anyway.” Louise was not at her best in the morning.

  “She likes keeping us waiting. It makes her feel important,” Liam replied without looking up. He was bent over his phone. “She did the same yesterday, but you weren’t so beat up about it because it wasn’t six a.m.”

  Olivia was half listening to them and half watching the elevators. Like them, she was waiting for Billie, but more than that, she was waiting for Casey. Yesterday, they’d spent most of the day together but hardly exchanged a word and it hadn’t felt good. Casey had driven them to three different radio stations and then to a fabulously ornate hotel near King’s Cross station where they were going to be shooting next week.

  Every time they’d finished what they’d been doing, Casey had been parked outside waiting for them, and Olivia had watched as she carefully put her book on the seat next to her and got out to open the doors for them. She wanted to ask if it was boring following them around. She wanted to know what Casey was reading and whether she was enjoying it. Anything that wasn’t the awkward silence that seemed to sit between them.

  She’d only tried to make conversation once—asking Casey if she’d been back to the sauna—but the shake of her head didn’t offer much opportunity for any kind of a follow-up and Olivia felt stupid for even trying. Ca
sey wasn’t interested in her and Olivia shouldn’t give a damn about what her unfriendly driver thought of her. But the trouble was that she did and she couldn’t help wanting to try for a better connection. She didn’t understand where the yearning came from, but it was there and it was surprisingly strong.

  The elevator doors opened and Roger hustled over to them. “She’s not coming. She’s not feeling well.”

  “She just realized that.” Louise was the first to respond. “Fucking awesome.”

  “I think she thought if she got up, had a shower and some breakfast, she’d feel better, but she doesn’t so…” He shrugged. “You should probably go on without her.”

  “She had breakfast?” Olivia asked. “We’ve been waiting for her for the best part of thirty minutes—time when we could all have been having breakfast—and now we’re just being told to ‘go on’ without her. I don’t know why she thinks she can pull stunts like this…and I don’t know why you guys pander to her so fucking much. It’s not even like she’s the star of the show.” Olivia’s frustration got the better of her and her voice was louder than she intended. She spun around, wanting to just get the hell out of there, and found herself face-to-face with Casey, standing a few yards away. She looked down as Olivia tried to meet her gaze, a dead giveaway that she’d heard the whole thing, heard Olivia, yet again, being a bitch.

  She moved closer to Casey. “Sorry if we kept you waiting. I didn’t realize you were already outside.”