“No Billie?” Casey asked.
“She doesn’t play. She wanted to come and watch, but then I told her you were coming and she got all snarky and decided to go and have a swim instead,” Liam replied.
“I have that effect on women all the time,” Casey said with a wry smile.
“She’s just jealous. She wants to get her hands on Olivia, and she thinks you being here is going to cramp her style.”
“I’m not sure she’s that keen on me after today,” Olivia said, not wanting Louise to say any more. “I lost my temper during rehearsals. Billie kept asking for line rewrites for Susie. You know what she’s like. Absolutely everything has to be said. And Susie’s just not like that. She lets her actions speak more than her words. But Billie wanted her to spell everything out and I had to put my foot down.”
“Sometimes having things spelled out can be helpful.” Louise looked at Olivia, but it was obvious she was speaking to Liam. “Some of us need things to be said out loud, really plainly.”
“Yeah, some of us do.” Olivia couldn’t help but agree. “But not Susie. I think Billie just wanted to make it awkward for me by having me say all these over-the-top loving things to her. She’s so fucking weird.”
“I think she’s annoyed you won’t succumb to her charms and she’s paying you back. Her hating on Casey is the same. She spent the whole day trying to get Casey to be charmed by her, failed miserably, and then got into super bitch mode. It wasn’t pretty.” Louise turned over a card and they resumed their betting in silence.
Across from her, Casey seemed thoughtful, and Olivia couldn’t help but feel bad. She probably just wanted to do her job, earn her money, and say good-bye to the whole circus, but first Olivia and now Billie were giving her attention she clearly didn’t want.
“Do you remember that guy I dated back home? Nathan. The guy who used to set up the stage at the theater school.”
Louise changed the subject and Olivia was grateful.
“Of course I do. He was cute. You tried to set me up with his brother. You couldn’t believe I wasn’t interested in double-dating. I think you had difficulties understanding the concept of lesbianism back then.”
“I still do. Why would you limit yourself so narrowly? I like to think I’m someone who believes in equal opportunities. I give everyone the equal opportunity to be loved by me, to love me. I think that makes me generous.” She said it with a smile.
“Or possibly a little slutty.” Olivia couldn’t help the cheap shot. She knew Louise’s speech was meant for Liam. To let him know that she had dated guys.
“I’ve known you for three years and you’ve only ever dated women,” Liam said as he cleared the “table” of the pot of pretzels he had just won.
“I only ever have women show an interest in me these days. Maybe it’s because of the show. Maybe other folks assume I wouldn’t be interested, because of Jessie I mean. Michael is the first man they’ve let her sleep with and we’ve had to wait till season four.” Louise waited a beat. “Till today.”
It felt like everyone was waiting for Liam to speak. But he looked down at his pretzels, silently sorting them into small piles.
“So you’re looking forward to capitalizing on the new storyline with lots of male attention and new boyfriends?” Olivia threw a soft pitch in Louise’s direction.
“No, I’m not. I’m sick of meaningless hookups with people who don’t even know me. I want something more meaningful, with someone I like, someone I love, someone I can imagine buying a pet with one day.”
“What kind of pet?” Liam asked the question without taking his eyes off Louise.
Olivia couldn’t stop herself from reaching out a hand and prodding Casey’s thigh. Casey looked across at her and widened her eyes. They both knew that this was important.
“A dog, maybe two.” Louise’s eye contact with Liam was just as intense.
Liam looked away first, seeming to find his beer bottle fascinating.
Casey leaned across and stole one of Olivia’s pretzels, popping it into her mouth before Olivia could object.
“Hey.”
“What?” Casey smiled and lifted her shoulders as if to protest her innocence.
From the other side, Liam slipped one onto her pile and she rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek. But Casey messing around with the pretzels was exactly what was needed to lower the tension, and her timing was one more thing for Olivia to admire about her.
Louise dealt the next hand and Olivia realized her pile of pretzels was a lot smaller than when she’d started. She wasn’t the best at poker when she was concentrating, but tonight, with Casey on her mind, she was barely paying attention to the game.
“What about you?” Louise addressed Casey. “You dodged all Billie’s questions about your love life today like you’d been learning interview avoidance skills from this one.” She jerked a thumb in Olivia’s direction. “We’re all sad singles. What about you? Single? Married with six kids? Sharing a dog with someone special?” Louise asked. “I mean, I’m gonna find it hard to believe there isn’t someone. I imagine you get a lot of offers.”
Louise’s tone was a little flirtatious, but that was just Louise being Louise. Olivia guessed she was trying to help her out, but Casey had already told her she was single. She waited for Casey to avoid answering. She wasn’t someone who seemed to like talking about herself.
“My building doesn’t allow dogs.”
Olivia smiled. It was a good answer.
“But I’m guessing the building allows girlfriends. I mean, I’m assuming you don’t live in a convent.” Louise persisted. Olivia loved her best friend, but right then, she wanted to strangle her. She wasn’t exactly being subtle.
“It allows girlfriends.” Casey picked up her cards, clearly wanting to get back to the game. “And my roommate would definitely approve. She spends half her time trying to find me one.”
Olivia couldn’t help the jealousy that bubbled up.
“But I’ve been taking a well-earned break. I decided I’m happier to Netflix and chill on my own, and not just because it means I never have to share the popcorn.”
Olivia got up to grab another soda. On the way to the cart, she deliberately stubbed her toe against Louise’s knee, wanting to let her know that her grilling Casey was not what Olivia needed—or wanted. Louise looked in her direction and Olivia shook her head in warning.
“Liv said you’re only visiting. Does it feel weird to be back, or good to be home?” Liam asked. “I know whenever I go back home to Milwaukee, I miss it. It’s a place that reminds me who I am. It doesn’t matter if I’ve been away a month or a year.”
It was a good question, and Olivia wanted to hear Casey’s response.
“I miss London, because it’s London, you know. The culture, the history, the ridiculous buzz of the place. Here you can be anything—anyone—you want. But you’ve seen it…it’s also crowded, noisy, polluted, and expensive.” She smiled. “But I sometimes think that whatever’s wrong with it, it’s mine. This was where I was born and it’s always been my city, my place, my home.”
She sipped her soda. Olivia watched her lips caress the edge of the can and felt her reaction in the unmistakable pulsing between her legs. She knew she was holding her breath, her memories of Casey’s mouth on hers running riot.
They’d stopped playing and were all listening to Casey.
“So why did you leave then?” Liam seemed genuinely interested.
“A well-earned break, like I said.”
“That sounds glib. Like the kind of answer you’d give Billie.” The challenge came from Louise, and Olivia was grateful. She should take the toe-poke back.
“You’re a tough crowd.” Casey placed her bet, tossing three pretzels onto the pile.
“You’re forgetting we avoid answering awkward questions for a living. We know glib
when we hear it.” Louise made a rolling motion with her hands as if to tell Casey to stop stalling.
“I had a breakup here. One of those girlfriend cheats on you with someone in your friendship group type of dramas. I’m sure that happens all the time in your world, so maybe it’s not very shocking, but for me…” She seemed to search for the right words. “For me, it was hard to get past. And it kind of ruined the way I felt about the place.”
Olivia knew some of this, knew that Casey had left to escape a difficult situation with an ex. But the rest of it was a surprise.
“After we broke up, she had a lot to say about the whole thing. She had a platform. She was active in social media, on YouTube. She said a lot about it that I didn’t want people to know. Things that should have stayed between us. When I left it all behind, it meant I didn’t have to face people who knew what had happened and I felt a thousand times better.”
Olivia’s heart ached for her. She wanted to reach across and comfort her. The strength of the feeling surprised her.
“And being back—is it hard?” Olivia didn’t want Casey to feel pressured by the questions, but this was as much as she had told her all week, and she was grateful to understand her a little better.
“A little, but not as much as I expected. I’d like to think it’s because I’ve done a lot of moving on, but it might just be that you guys have kept me so busy I haven’t had time to dwell on the past.”
Olivia sat back down on the floor next to Casey.
“Do you ever think about coming back? I bet your mom would love it if you did.”
“I considered it in the beginning. The adjustment was hard. I missed people, missed my job, missed the city.” Casey looked at her as she spoke, and Olivia had the feeling they were the only two people in the room. “But there were more reasons for staying away than coming home.”
“What did you do before you left?” Liam asked as he cleared the table of his winnings. His pile of pretzels was twice as big as everyone else’s.
“I was a youth worker. Not all that far from here. I worked with troubled kids—those that were on the verge of running away, or not doing well at home. It was great, I loved it. And I miss it a lot.”
“It’s a shame you had to leave that behind as well.” Olivia meant it. But she caught the downward shift of Casey’s eyes, the slight tension in her shoulders. She’d somehow said the wrong thing. She felt bad. She didn’t want Casey to be upset, to be reminded of tough times.
“Do you miss Brooklyn? You made it sound like you had a good thing going on there.” Casey returned her gaze to Olivia, and Olivia felt captured by it.
“I do.” She wanted to give Casey an honest answer. “I liked having seasons, walking the dog, and I had a lot of fun being on stage—New York has so many cool theaters—and I sometimes miss that.”
“I don’t. Sometimes the ones we performed at had more rats than people in the audience,” Louise said. “It was bleak sometimes, and I’m pretty sure I’d miss the adoration. There was never anyone waiting for us at the stage door.”
“I’m not sure I’d care.” Olivia meant it. She loved acting, she loved Susie, and she was proud of what they’d done with the show, but the rest of it was a grind. “The being photographed, talked about, intruded upon. I hate it. You take it in stride, but I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to it.”
Maybe, like Casey, she was just a private person who’d ended up in the wrong career.
“And I don’t know how I’ll ever get tough enough to cope with the industry, the people like Kristin—and Billie. People who don’t care what they do, who they step on, to advance their careers.” Olivia looked at Casey. Her face carried a small frown, and Olivia wanted to know what she was thinking.
“Wow.” Louise’s voice rang out, disturbing the intensity of her connection with Casey. “How did things get so serious? Poker night is usually all about gossip and beer.”
“You always do that,” Liam said. “Make a joke whenever things get too emotionally honest. It’s a form of deflection. It’s like you’re scared of feeling your own feelings about things.”
Olivia saw Louise blink and then blink again. It was the closest thing to a double-take she’d seen in real life.
“That’s not true,” Louise replied, sounding a little hurt. “Maybe it’s precisely because I’m feeling my own feelings that I change the subject. And maybe you should be grateful that I’m deflecting and not expressing them.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Liam asked with a frown.
“Nothing.” Louise backed down. “Just that poker night is supposed to be a bit of light relief, not full of our collective angst. When did we all get so angsty anyway?”
“Actually, she’s right. Louise promised me lots of laughs, a mountain of pretzels, and juicy industry gossip about people I’m certain I’ve never even heard of.” Casey took Louise’s side. She and Louise seemed as different as chalk and cheese, but Olivia could tell they liked each other.
“I’ve got a good one,” Louise cut in, speaking in a low conspiratorial tone. “I saw Kristin a few months ago. Inside the Honda Plaza.”
“You already told me.” Olivia tried to close Louise down. She didn’t want Casey reminded of the car crash that was her relationship with Kristin.
“But what I didn’t tell you—because I thought you’d get pissed at me—was that after I saw her, I put on my best Southern-lady-from-out-of-town accent and told the mall cop I saw her shoplifting. It was lame, but it was all the revenge I could think of taking that wouldn’t see me put in prison. Though,” she smiled, “maybe that wouldn’t be so bad, especially since I can’t seem to find love on the outside.”
Liam laughed.
They all looked at him.
“I think that might be the first time I’ve heard you laugh in two days,” Louise said with a smile.
Liam lifted his shoulders in a half shrug. “Well, I’m sorry, but tonight hasn’t exactly been a barrel of laughs. And I’ve had a very weird few days at work.” He looked at Louise as he said it. The tension cranked up a notch. “So forgive me if the idea of you and some Big Boo prison daddy dyke seems like light relief.”
“I think she was probably imagining Ruby Rose. But it’s good to remind her of Big Boo. It might help keep her on the straight and narrow,” Casey joined in, smiling.
It was a smile that made Olivia weak at the knees. She was happy she was already sitting down.
“I don’t think she’s ever been on the straight and anything.” Liam continued the teasing, and Louise play-punched his thigh. He grabbed her hand and Olivia couldn’t help but notice the shift in the atmosphere as the two of them wrestled with their hands, neither seeming to want to let go. She looked at Casey, who was also watching the two of them with interest.
“I need some air.” Casey got up and Olivia couldn’t help but feel disappointed. She still hadn’t had the chance to apologize for her drunken behavior, or—if she could find the courage—to talk about what was going on between them.
“Want to come?” Casey spoke directly to her. “Maybe we could walk along the river down to Tower Bridge. It’s beautiful at night. And it’s not that far.”
“That sounds great.” Olivia jumped to her feet.
For a second, there was silence. Louise looked at Olivia and then at Liam. He looked from Olivia to Casey and back to Louise.
“I think I’ll stay here and eat this huge pile of pretzels I seem to have won. Drink another one of these beers Lou sprung for.”
“I’m not sure we were invited.” Louise gave Liam a nudge with her foot. “Your superhero name should totally be Captain Oblivious.”
Liam blushed.
“Go and have your walk.” Louise smiled at her. Though, truthfully, it was closer to a smirk. “Go on.” Louise waved them away.
“I think we’ve been dismissed.”
Olivia tried to sound more casual than she felt. A twilight walk with Casey along the river was not going to help her get her feelings in check. Was Casey as oblivious as Liam, or did she know how many butterflies Olivia was feeling right then?
The loud knock on the door startled her. Louise got up to answer it. It was Billie. She stepped into the room without waiting to be asked and walked straight over to Olivia.
“Thought you should see this.” She handed her an iPad.
At the center of the screen was a close-up photograph of her asleep in the back of a car. In the back of Casey’s car. Covered in Casey’s jacket. She scanned the text that accompanied the picture. It was the same crap as before. Suggesting Olivia had been drinking and was sleeping it off in the back of the “official car,” while studio executives tried to figure out what to do about the fact that her drinking had become a problem for them.
Olivia couldn’t believe it. Her brain tried to process everything at once. The website was the same one that had run the story the day before. They’d said she was drunk then too. But none of it was true. It was crazy.
The photo was a surprise. It was from the first day, the afternoon Casey took her to eat pie. She handed the tablet to Louise.
“I don’t understand what the hell is going on.”
“Someone’s clearly got it in for you.” Billie said what was obvious.
“Or someone is looking to make a bit of money.” Louise looked up from the screen before passing it to Liam.
Olivia couldn’t see past the photo. Casey told her she’d been asleep for maybe half an hour. It was mid-afternoon and the parking lot had been almost empty. She didn’t remember seeing another soul.
“Did you see anyone that day?” she asked Casey.
“What day?” Casey frowned at her.
Olivia signaled for Liam to pass Casey the iPad. She looked at it for a moment and then lifted her eyes to Olivia’s.
“I don’t remember seeing anyone. But I went to get coffees, remember?” Casey’s brow furrowed. “But I was gone for less than five minutes. I didn’t want to leave you out there sleeping on your own.”
Never Be the Same Page 22
