by Ceves, Nina
“I’m just saying what I mean, what I feel.”
“That’s it, exactly. That’s what makes it so romantic.”
“Is that… do you like that?” He couldn’t stop looking at her face in the soft light of the restaurant.
She nodded, her face flushing. She looked out at the restaurant’s bustle, not meeting his eyes.
“I’m glad.” He waited.
She finally looked back at him, her face suddenly serious. “I almost gave up on even hoping that someone would say things like this to me, would feel this way about getting to know me, getting closer to me.”
He could barely breathe. All he could do was look at her, trying to absorb her words. Why was there a table in between them? Why were there other people around? All he wanted was to pull her close, and feel her against him, get his mouth on her again.
“I thought,” he said, his voice rougher than usual. “I thought that I wouldn’t have room in my life for someone, being so consumed with being a father, taking care of a baby. But what happened was that becoming a dad, and loving Elijah, well, it made my heart bigger. I know I don’t have a lot to offer, but I look at you, and all I want to do is know you more and more, and be with you. And share…” I want to take care of you, keep you safe, he added silently. Share my life with you, share everything.
Alma’s eyes filled with tears and she blinked quickly.
“Did I say something wrong?” He tensed.
“You,” she said quietly, pulling her napkin off her lap to wipe quickly under her eyes. “You said something beautiful.”
Chapter Nineteen
Alma sank into a chair on her patio and closed her eyes. Daniel had just driven home and she wanted utter silence in order to remember and savor every moment of their evening together. Their time before going out had been so full of passion. She wouldn’t have stopped. She was glad though, now, that he had pulled back, made that joke about her perfume. She had more and more to look forward to, this way. New firsts. This way, taking intimacy in stages, felt utterly delicious. She sighed, remembering what he had said about having room in his heart. She concentrated, recalling how dark his eyes had looked, how his voice had rasped with the words he said. The absolutely hottest, lion-voiced, tattooed, and romantic guy ever, she thought.
Her phone vibrated and she clutched it, opening her eyes. Her heart sank, it was her mother. If I don’t answer, I’ll just have a more involved conversation later, she told herself.
She answered her phone and then the rest of the conversation involved her saying, “Si, mama. No. Si. Yes. Mama! But he is. He is not. It’s not like. No! Yes. Yes. No. Okay, yes, see you Sunday morning.”
By the time the conversation was over, Alma ended the call and her hearts and flowers mood had dissipated. Her mother had expressed her concerns over Alma dating a man who was divorced and with a child. Not divorced? No? Never married? Oh. And his career? His education? Oh. Elena was like an artist, so skilled was she in the art of getting information with just a few choice phrases and questions. She gently suggested that Alma consider that she was raised with certain values, and it would be better to not get more involved with someone who had a different outlook on life and family. And future. Security. Elena admitted she always wanted to see Alma get married in their church and start a family with someone special, someone from a nice family.
Alma strode into the house, her face set. He is from a nice family, a family made up of him and Elijah. What could be a nicer family than that? That’s what I should have said, she thought. She dreaded having Daniel and Elijah come over on Sunday now, after what her mother had said. She would keep Daniel and Elijah in one part of her life, and her family in another.
After she had gotten into bed, Daniel called to say good night. He seemed to hear something in her voice and he asked what was wrong.
“My mother is just too intrusive at times,” she admitted. “She cares, I know that. But she doesn’t always stop and look at things from my point of view. I think it is because she got so used to just taking care of me, knowing what was best for me, all those years all by herself.”
“Did she not like me?”
“I’m sure she liked you,” said Alma.
He was quiet, waiting. She didn’t know what to say.
“Tell me. It’s me having a kid?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said.
“Does she think I have a bunch of different kids with different women or something?”
“I don’t know, and I don’t care. She just has this idea of what she wants for me. She… it doesn’t matter.”
“What’s the kind of guy she wants for you?”
“Oh, let’s talk about something else. She is just really involved in our church and it doesn’t even, you and I just started getting to know each other so it’s not even as if…” She pressed her lips together, hating this conversation. She wants to see me walk down the aisle in a white dress, she thought. She wants me to start a family with someone.
“Do you… does she…” He was quiet for a few moments. “Do the two of you go to church every Sunday?”
“Just about, yes,” she said.
“What church?”
“Incarnation. On Jefferson.”
“Well, okay, then.”
“Why?”
“I’ll see you there.”
“Daniel, you don’t have to do this,” she said, uncomfortable.
“I’ve been meaning to find a Sunday school for Elijah. This is just the push I needed. My mother used to take me to church until I was a teenager and I gave her a hard time, and wanted to stay in bed on Sunday mornings. I regret that so much now.”
Her heart broke for him. “If you really want to go, not just because you think it will make my mother accept you…”
“I’ll see you there.”
She could hear the smile in his voice. “Okay.”
* * *
Daniel charged his phone and couldn’t help but laugh at himself. He was so gone. Church on Sunday. He grinned.
Chapter Twenty
Alma was just sitting down to work on a project when she got a call from Daniel.
“Completely understand if this isn’t possible,” he started out saying.
“What’s going on?” She could hear the tension in his voice.
“Little Learners just called. They said Elijah isn’t feeling too well. Just a cold, but they asked me to come and get him. Thing is? I’m in Santa Fe. It’s my first day of my new job and we’re working on this old historic house.”
“I can get him for you,” she said, wondering if that would be possible, if that’s what he even wanted. The words just jumped out of her mouth.
“Really? That would be great. If I leave now, I can be there in an hour. I just didn’t want him to have to be at school waiting for me. I added you to his pick up list, of the people who are allowed to pick him up. Everything he needs is in his diaper bag. The school has a few extra car seats, you can grab one. I appreciate this, Alma. I’ll be there as fast as I can.”
Although her eyes were widening at the thought of car seats and diaper bags, she wanted to help Daniel. “Why don’t you stay at work, and I’ll take the day off to care for Elijah? I’ll call you if he is truly sick, though.” She started to panic, wishing she hadn’t volunteered. How would she know if he was sick?
“Really?” The relief in Daniel’s voice was immense.
“Yes,” she said, taking a deep breath. She could do this. It was just one day. Right?
After a few more hurried words, Alma drove to Little Learners, finding it easily. She rang the doorbell and was allowed in, and then she had to sign in after she explained why she was there.
“Here he is,” said Elijah’s teacher, coming out of a classroom. She had Elijah bundled up in a large, soft blanket. “Here’s his diaper bag. Poor guy, hope you feel better.” Without further ado she handed him to Alma who found herself holding Elijah, just like that. He smiled sleepily up at her.
His teacher got one from the front office and took pity on Alma’s wide- eyed expression, installing it with an ease that spoke of lots of experience. She buckled Elijah in, and Alma was grateful to see that he did not protest. He just looked around wonderingly.
“Thank you so much,” said Alma to his teacher, who waved and went back into the school.
Alma got into the car and started it, feeling so nervous. She had the diaper bag on the passenger seat. She checked Elijah again for the third time. He was buckled in safely, his eyes looking puffy and tired. How on earth did anyone drive with a baby in the car? The world seemed suddenly so fraught with danger. Checking her mirror, she drove out of the parking lot very slowly, her heart in her throat as she drove onto the main road. Her mind raced. Daniel had said Elijah had everything he needed in his diaper bag. Diaper bag! She had never even changed a diaper. And what about feeding him? Didn’t babies drink from bottles until a certain age? She remembered Daniel giving Elijah a bottle to drink at Scott’s house. She was horrified remembering pouring the last of her soymilk into her second cup of coffee that morning earlier. Oh why couldn’t she have just had one cup? Why did she always run out of milk and then have to stop at the store? She felt overwhelmed at the idea of stopping at the grocery store with poor little Elijah who was not feeling well. She would have to carry him through the big store and then carry a carton of milk. What if she dropped him? No. She saw Café Rosita up ahead and pulled over very slowly. She would just buy a cup of milk in a to go cup. That would be enough, wouldn’t it? He would need something to drink, she thought, worriedly, not sure of what to do. Maybe he had a sore throat! He couldn’t tell her. She got out of the car and looked at Daniel’s car seat buckles. She would have to buckle him in again. Oh, what if he wouldn’t go back into the seat easily? What if she got the buckles all wrong? I can do this, she thought. I’m a visual person. She studied the seat belt and buckles while Elijah smiled and tried to grab her nose. Then she unbuckled him and carried him carefully out of the car and into the café. Of course there was a line. How would she get her wallet out of her bag and pay and keep hold of Elijah? One thing at a time, she told herself.
There was one woman ahead of her, an older woman with a lot of jewelry. As she waited for her order, she turned to look at Elijah and Alma. “Oh, what a cutie. Yes you are. Oh, he is darling,” she said, smiling. Elijah kicked his feet.
Alma felt a sense of pride as she gazed at Elijah, and she smiled.
“Yes, you are a cutie,” said the woman. “Are you his nanny?”
Alma froze.
The barista was just handing the cappuccino to the lady and he froze too. He had short hair, glasses, and a bushy beard, and his brown eyes widened. He opened his mouth and then shut it, concern and frustration in his expression.
“No,” said Alma. “I’m not his nanny.” She took a quick breath, not looking away from the woman’s eyes.
The woman paused, looking confused, then flustered. “Oh. Oh, I…”
“I am his friend,” Alma said, squaring her shoulders at the counter, ready to order. “I would like to buy a cup of milk, please.”
The barista grabbed a paper cup. “Almond? Soy? Whole?”
Alma blinked. What kind? Her mind went blank. She had no idea. I should have texted Daniel and asked him, she thought in distress. No, I can handle this.
“I remember you, you always get vanilla soymilk lattes.” He smiled gently.
He filled the cup and placed a cap on top. He handed her the cup. “On the house.”
“Thank you,” said Alma, trying to stop her hand from trembling as she turned to go back to her car. She set the cup on top of the car’s roof, buckled him into his seat, remembered the cup, and got back into the car. Numbly, she drove slowly back home.
Elijah had fallen back to sleep almost immediately. His eyelashes looked dark against his flushed cheeks and Alma hated to risk waking him. She remembered that Daniel had said Elijah would wake up every time he was moved after he had fallen asleep. She carefully as possible, feeling as though she was being very awkward, unbuckled him and lifted him from his car seat. How on earth did people do this? Closing the car door, getting the cup of milk, his diaper bag, and her own bag from the front seat, her brows furrowed in concentration and care, Alma made it to her front door. The baby felt so much heavier than before, his sleeping head resting on her shoulder. Unlocking her door, she bent her knees and was so careful not to jostle him as she got into her apartment. She set the cup down and let the bags slide to the floor. Now, where to put a baby? She looked around her apartment. Putting him on her sofa, she piled pillows around him and on the floor, worried he might suddenly roll over and fall. She took his little shoes off and covered him with the blanket she kept on her sofa. Sinking back onto her heels, she looked at him worriedly. He hadn’t even had his milk yet. She got up to put it in the refrigerator, then hurried back to sit by him. On her phone, she searched for information about babies who were sick. Increasingly stressed, she kept looking away from the screen to gaze at his flushed cheeks and listen to his breathing. He seemed peaceful. His nose twitched, his eyelashes fluttered, and Alma barely blinked, watching. She texted Scott but didn’t get a response. She wasn’t aware of how much time went by when she saw she was getting a text from Daniel. The amount of relief she felt upon learning he was in the parking lot was huge. Within moments, she was opening the door, grasping his hand, and leading him to Elijah. Daniel crouched down, looking at the baby. He reached out and held his hand close to his head.
“He doesn’t seem hot,” he whispered.
Alma shook her head, her eyes wide, locked on Daniel’s. Was there something she should have done? Should she have taken him to the hospital or the baby doctor? Pediatrician, that was the right term.
“How are you doing? You okay?” Daniel reached out and placed his hand on Alma’s cheek. “I can’t thank you enough.”
“I was so worried,” she admitted.
“I think he just has a cold,” he reassured her.
Just then, Elijah sneezed, which made him wake up. He cried, his voice sounding scratchy. His face screwed up angrily as he looked around, crying louder.
“Come here, buddy,” crooned Daniel, lifting him up. “You got a cold? Aw, poor papi. That’s rough. No cure for the common cold. Not yet, pobrecito.”
Surprised, Elijah looked around, his glance landing on Alma, who was smiling at Daniel’s words. He started and then grinned.
“Well, good afternoon to you,” said Alma, smiling. She felt so relieved, she couldn’t even describe it if she tried. “You didn’t know you were visiting me, did you? No, you didn’t, did you?”
Elijah sneezed again and then yawned, his eyes shutting. Daniel held him carefully against his chest.
“Daniel, he didn’t have anything to drink or eat yet. I ran out of the milk I drink. I don’t even know what kind he likes,” Alma whispered.
“He’s still on formula,” he said softly, smiling at Alma.
“Oh,” she said, nodding. She had had no idea. Formula.
“What’s wrong?” He looked at her, frowning.
“Nothing, I just feel badly, I didn’t know. I drink soymilk, the vanilla kind, and the barista gave me a cup at Rosita.”
“How are you supposed to know? He drinks soymilk formula, so that would have been fine. He cried a lot when he was a couple of months old, so his pediatrician suggested this different kind of formula and he has been on it ever since. He has his formula in his diaper bag, though. You mix it with water. Believe me, I’m learning as I go along. It’s not as though these little guys come with a manual. Don’t worry, Alma, he just needed a place to rest. Thank you for being there for him, for me. But is there something else? I feel like something… happened.”
Alma looked at him, his kind eyes, his colorful arms holding his sleeping son. “There was this woman. At the café. It might seem like nothing.”
“What?” His low voice seemed even lower, even quieter, his eyes locked on hers.
“She said how cute Elijah was and then she,” Alma paused. Just say it, she thought. “She asked if I was his nanny.”
At first he looked uncomprehending and then he froze, not looking away from her. “I’m… What? She said that? I’m so sorry. I want to find that lady and yell at her.”
Alma nodded and shrugged, looking down at Elijah.
“What did you say?” Daniel asked after a few moments.
“I said that I was his friend,” she answered, her throat feeling tight.
“I love you, you know,” he said. “As if it’s not completely obvious. As if there was any other possible outcome of knowing you. I am so ridiculously in love with you.”
Chapter Twenty-one
Just like that. Alma stared at him, her mouth open, not breathing, not blinking, shocked. Shocked and… what was that other feeling? It was rising, like a sob, like laughter, from someplace deep inside. Joy. She felt joy flooding her, filling her, as she took a breath, and took another, blinking back tears. “Yeah?” Her voice shook. She looked down, her hair hiding her face. After a moment, she looked back at him.
He tilted his head, a smile at the corner of his mouth, as he looked at her face.
He could break her heart. He could break it so terribly, because it wasn’t just him, it was Daniel and Elijah. He could break her heart in two. It was too late, she admitted to herself, starting to smile. She was already so in. These two guys, she thought, smiling even bigger. She looked from sleeping Elijah to Daniel’s arms up to his face again. His face was serious, his eyes hot. She breathed in and let it out.
“I love you, too,” she whispered.
His eyes got darker and brighter at the same time and his mouth opened slightly. “Yeah?” His raspy voice sounded rougher. “Come here.”
She moved closer. Daniel moved his head toward hers, brushing his lips against hers. He kissed her cheek, her chin, her eyelids, and then back to her mouth, so softly. She kissed him back. Tears filled her eyes. It was such a quiet moment, infused with so much emotion. They had to be so quiet and gentle, Elijah right there between them. Somehow, to Alma, the moment felt nearly sacred. It was as though their mouths were making promises to each other, saying things in kisses.
