Death Benefits

by Hannah Alexander

  She blinked, her golden-brown eyes clouding, then she glanced at the children who stood beside her and turned away.

  Dark-haired, dark-eyed Lucy continued to study him as they boarded, as if he were an interesting mathematical equation on a school chalkboard.

  When they reached their seats, Ray sat behind Ginger. He smiled and winked at Lucy, and she looked away.

  Once again, Lucy had the window seat, and she seemed pleased with this. She had remained near an adult at all times, while watching her little sister with all the dedication of a prison guard. Ginger wasn’t the only one who seemed distracted by something, though from the little Ray knew of Lucy, he wasn’t sure if this was characteristic of her or not.

  Ray glanced at Graham and Willow, sitting across the aisle from Ginger and the two little girls. Steve and Helen Courtney sat across the aisle from Ray, with Larry Bager and Preston Black in front of Graham and Willow. Someone had made a concerted effort to keep the family together. To Ray’s surprise, no one joined him. He had three seats to himself.

  A flight attendant handed Lucy and Brittany blankets and pillows. Lucy wrapped herself from head to foot with the blanket, and pushed a pillow beneath her, craning to see out the window as they took off.

  Before they had reached cruising altitude, Ray saw Brittany lie across Ginger’s lap, and Ginger’s head lolled sideways. He wanted to nudge her and remind her of the crick she would have in her neck if she stayed that way for long.

  He remembered flying with her to Belarus a couple of times, usually overnight flights. He could never understand the logic of traveling at night. It wasn’t as if most people were going to sleep—at least, he never did. Ginger was one of the few people who seemed able to sleep anywhere, anytime. He never could.

  Ginger always awakened with a stiff neck. On their second flight to Belarus, he’d given her a pillow to support her neck. She’d taken it with her on every trip after that. But she hadn’t brought it with her this time.

  He glanced toward Lucy, and saw her watching him through the crack between her seat and Ginger’s. He grinned and winked at her, and she retreated back into her cocoon, hiding from the world. But why?

  He unbuckled his seat belt and leaned over the seat in front of him, pressed the release and gently pushed Ginger’s seat back the two inches the airlines allotted for stretching out. Not generous, but better than nothing.

  At the movement, Brittany snuggled closer to Ginger’s shoulder. Ginger’s lips parted slightly.

  Ray couldn’t help watching her, moved by the vulnerability that sleep always brought. How he wished—

  Her eyes opened. For a quick moment, her gaze remained tender, holding his, warming with the start of a smile.

  Then those same eyes chilled, memory obviously returning. The moment ended, and Ray felt a sharp prick of sorrow.

  “I didn’t want you to get a crick in your neck,” he explained, suddenly awkward.

  She nodded, resettling. “Thank you.” Her tone didn’t invite further conversation.

  He returned to his seat, once again saddened by the loss of their former closeness. He rebuked himself for this inability to let the past go, but logic wasn’t a part of this relationship. Had it ever been?

  Lucy’s head popped over the top of her seat, and she stared at him, her gaze solemn.

  “My name’s Ray,” he whispered.

  She nodded, grimacing, as if to say, Of course I knew that. Do you think I’m deaf?

  “I believe this must be your first flight,” he said.

  She didn’t say anything, but her eyes widened.

  “Do you like it so far?” he asked.

  She hesitated, then whispered, “Why do you want to know?”

  Her question surprised him. Not something he’d have expected an eight-year-old to ask. Then he remembered about her mother. Lucy was behaving like a child whose mother had left her and her sister at home alone at night, careful to avoid talking to strangers, in case someone asked her about her home life.

  “I remember my first flight.” Ray continued to whisper. “My uncle took me up when I was ten years old. He had his own airplane, and he knew I was afraid of heights, so he talked me through takeoff. I loved it immediately. He flew me over the whole town of Branson, where I grew up.”

  Lucy blinked at him. “Why are you telling me about it?”

  Again, her response startled him. “So you won’t be so afraid.”

  The blanket she’d worn over her head slid to her shoulders. “I’m not afraid of flying.”

  He leaned a little closer. “I can tell you’re afraid of something, though.”

  She pulled the blanket back over her head.

  “I saw how frightened you were back at the airport,” Ray said a moment later. “You haven’t relaxed since I first saw you in Springfield. Are you afraid to fly over the ocean?”

  Lucy shook her head.

  “I saw how tightly you held Brittany’s hand as we boarded the plane.”

  “Jet. It’s a jet.”

  “Oh, excuse me. You’re right, of course.”

  “I know why you’re trying to be nice to me,” she said.

  He raised his eyebrows.

  “You’re talking to me because you like Aunt Ginger, and you want her to like you.”

  Ray laughed, hoping his laughter didn’t offend Lucy.

  She smiled, as if pleased that she’d caused this kind of reaction.

  “Something funny?” came Ginger’s sleep-riddled voice.

  “Sorry,” he whispered.

  Lucy intrigued Ray. She reminded him of one of the kids at the children’s home he helped support in Columbia—the child with the abusive father. Ray knew Lucy had endured some hardships in her short childhood, as had Brittany.

  More reason to do everything in his power to see to it that this experience was a good one for her.

  Lucy wasn’t the only one who appeared unable to relax. Graham, Willow, Ginger, Preston, and this unexpected wild card in the mix, Larry Bager, all seemed hyperwatchful of the children, and of the crowds around them at the airport.

  Ray studied the reflection of Lucy’s face as she gazed out the window. What was she thinking right now? Was she simply looking at the clouds, enjoying her first chance to observe them from above instead of below?

  Or was something darker weighing on her mind?

  “Lucy?” he said softly, unwilling to leave well enough alone.

  A moment later, her head appeared over the top of the seat. She looked wary of him still. “How do you know our names? You said Brittany’s name, too, when you talked to me awhile ago.”

  “Graham is one of my best friends, and he talks about you girls all the time.”

  “He does?”

  “He sure does. He’s very much looking forward to the adoption.”

  Her eyes filled with sudden, surprised interest, and he could tell she was trying not to smile. “If Graham is one of your best friends, then why doesn’t Aunt Ginger like you, too?”

  “Oh, well, that’s another story entirely.”

  She tilted her head to one side and waited, as if ready to hear the story.

  “I’ve got a lot of extra room back here,” he said. “It’s going to be a long flight. Want to spread out a little? I’ll let you have my window seat. That way Ginger and Brittany will have more room to relax and—”

  “And you’ll have time to charm her before we reach Hawaii,” Ginger said from the seat beside Lucy.

  Ray laughed again, though he could see he wouldn’t have Lucy’s company beside him on this flight.

  SEVEN

  Ginger braced herself against the compelling appeal of Ray’s hearty belly laugh, which characterized him more than any other single trait. He had an innate ability to see humor in some of the darkest situations, and that very asset had served him well over the years—had served everyone under his direction.

  She unbuckled her seat belt and eased Brittany’s head from her lap. With a reassuring pat
on Lucy’s hand, she slid to the aisle, allowing Brittany to stretch across both seats.

  Ray stopped laughing when she plopped into the aisle seat beside him.

  How could she have forgotten how much space this man took up? And that with barely an ounce of fat on him. Okay, maybe a few ounces. A man in a sedentary job didn’t make it to forty-nine years old without acquiring a little added padding.

  “We need to get a few things straight, Ray Clyde.” Ginger kept her voice low, aware that Ray wasn’t the only one whose attention had suddenly focused on her. She could see Willow and Graham watching her from across the aisle.

  She shot Graham a mind-your-own-business look, and he averted his gaze. Willow did not. Instead, she raised an eyebrow as if to warn Ginger to be good.

  “What is it we need to get straight?” Ray asked.

  She turned to find herself gazing up into eyes of the softest, darkest blue. How could someone with such a gentle gaze be able to make such cruel decisions?

  “These two little girls are precious to me,” she said quietly. “As they are to Graham and Willow. They’ve been through a lot of pain in their lives.”

  “I understand that. Graham told me.”

  “No, I’m not sure you do understand. They don’t need to be used as pawns so you can try to make amends with me.”

  There was a slight hesitation, then, “You know better.” His voice chided, but remained gentle, maybe a little sad.

  In spite of herself—in spite of the truth that had lived with her since last March—she felt the sting of reprimand. She knew how much Ray loved kids. Helping children in need was his passion in life. As a pediatrician, he had access to all kinds of troubled children in Central Missouri, and while keeping up with a busy practice and overseeing GlobeMed, he also provided medical services free of charge for two orphanages in Central Missouri.

  The knowledge that she wasn’t earning any points with him—nor was she scoring points against him—didn’t concern her. The only concern she had was that he not involve himself in Lucy’s and Brittany’s lives. They could easily attach themselves to him on this trip, then they’d be forced to endure yet another disappointment when it became obvious he wasn’t going to be around any longer.

  Yes, the girls could learn to live with another disappointment, but they’d had enough for a while.

  It occurred to Ginger that she hadn’t felt it necessary to warn Larry Bager not to form an attachment to the girls. Of course, Larry Bager didn’t exactly strike her as a cuddly teddy bear of a man who would spend every waking moment with Lucy and Brittany unless he had to…unless he was paid to do it.

  Not that she felt Ray was a cuddly teddy bear of a man, either, but…

  “Let’s try to be honest with one another for a moment,” Ray said. “You feel you need to place some distance between the two of us on this trip, and so you must make sure I don’t bond with Lucy or Brittany.”

  She leveled a look at him. He had that unnerving ability to read situations with quick conciseness. It wouldn’t help to dissemble. She’d noticed he was no longer laughing.

  “You have a problem with that?” she asked.

  “I do. A considerable amount, as a matter of fact.”

  “Sorry you feel that way, but since I’m their caretaker on this trip, and I’m to be their Aunt Ginger, then I say what goes.” What she wanted to say was for him to go home as soon as the wedding was over and leave all of them in peace.

  But she knew that having another physically dominant male around to help watch out for the kids was probably a good idea, as much as she hated to admit it.

  “I know you have a mind of your own,” she said. “And I have no right to tell you what you can and cannot do with your time after tomorrow.”

  She really didn’t want it involving her and the girls.

  He watched her in silence, studying her expression, looking into her eyes, waiting.

  She shifted in her seat. No one else had quite the same knack of rendering her speechless and making her feel like a total incompetent. But of course, that was his specialty, wasn’t it? Making someone feel incompetent by removing that person from a loved post…

  Stop it, Ginger. You’re behaving poorly.

  But hadn’t Ray already drawn the battle line many months ago? And hadn’t he crossed it first by coming on this trip?

  How could Graham place her in this kind of situation?

  “Ginger,” Ray said, “we need to talk.”

  “That’s what we’re doing. Were you in on the double cross with Graham and Willow?”

  “What are you calling a double cross?” His voice was a little too loud, and she saw Willow glance her way.

  Ignoring the narrowed eyes of her friend, Ginger returned her attention to Ray. “Do you mind not dragging the whole cabin of passengers into this mess?”

  “I’m not the one who—”

  “Graham knows how the loss of my post in Minsk affected me. He brought you along, anyway.”

  “Maybe he thinks you overreacted last year and is trying to help you see that.”

  Ginger bit her tongue for a moment. Lucy would be listening carefully.

  “Look, I realize this trip isn’t about me,” she said. “It must seem as if I’m behaving selfishly.”

  “I know you better than that,” he said. “Under normal circumstances, you wouldn’t behave this way.”

  She paused, trying to detect even a hint of sarcasm in his voice. “And besides,” she said, “Graham and Willow have a right to anyone they want at their wedding.”

  “Exactly.”

  She bristled. He didn’t have to be so smug about it. “But perhaps both my brother and my former mission director fail to see what your actions did to my life.”

  Ray blinked then, and she thought she detected a brief flicker of pain. Must be imagining things.

  “I had children at that clinic whom I’d promised I’d return to,” she said. “How must they feel about Christian Americans who aren’t true to their word?”

  “I explained your situation when I flew there,” Ray said.

  She remembered the edge of desperate appeal with which she had fought for a chance to return after her medical leave last year. She must have seemed to him to have an unhealthy attachment to her post. Was that the real reason he’d pulled her? Had he imagined some form of emotional instability?

  “I have no doubt that it hurt you, Ginger,” he said, “but that wasn’t my intent.”

  “You don’t have any idea what it did to me, and it’s become obvious to me that neither does Graham, or he wouldn’t have placed us both in this situation,” she said, gesturing around them. Of all things, not only to place them together for the first time since their sharp disagreement last year, but to do so in such a public place?

  “I think he knew what he was doing,” Ray said.

  She crossed her arms, feeling a wave of discomfort tingle her skin. “All right, then. He’s a big boy, and this isn’t his first marriage, or Willow’s, so there’s no need for a crowd of well-wishers. He could have had this wedding without his big sister holding his hand. After all, neither set of parents is coming with us.”

  “Maybe that’s why it was so important for us to be here.”

  “If it had been so important to have you be his best man, I didn’t need to be a part of it.”

  She knew she sounded childish, but right now the flow of words was covering up another, more immediate concern as another uncomfortable wave of heat rushed over her skin. Soon her face would flush bright red, and she would perspire.

  Oh, Lord, please. Not now. How humiliating.

  “That isn’t fair.” Ray’s voice was a little harder this time. “Graham knows more than you do about the situation.”

  She blinked, surprised. “Why is that?”

  He looked away. “He was aware of your health problems.”

  “So? I’m a physician’s assistant, Ray. I understood your concerns. What more could he have known that
I didn’t? And why on earth wouldn’t you tell me everything you told him? The condition was benign.”

  Ray gave a long, low sigh. “Let’s just say Graham understood my concerns better than you did because he was also concerned. You have a tendency to think you’re invincible. Those who know you and love you aren’t always quite so cavalier about your safety.”

  “Meaning what?” she asked. “That I can’t be trusted to take care of myself? That’s silly. Besides, Graham wasn’t the one being tricked to come back to the States. In fact, he helped you to coerce me back here.”

  “And yet you forgave him,” Ray said softly.

  More heat across her skin, more perspiration prickling her neck and chest. She resisted the urge to grab a magazine from the seat back in front of her and fan herself. “I know my brother. He was simply concerned for my welfare.”

  “And you couldn’t accept the possibility that it was my concern, as well?” Ray asked.

  “It seems to me your biggest concern was getting me out of Belarus and off GlobeMed’s payroll so someone younger, with more training, could take my place. Yet you didn’t have the guts to tell me the truth.”

  “You don’t know what your future would have been if you’d stayed in Belarus,” Ray said sharply. “A health problem that is benign here in America may not be so benign in a country that doesn’t have the degree of health care that we have here in the States.”

  “We had everything we needed right in that clinic.”

  “Oh, sure, all the old equipment handed over by hospitals that were upgrading here in America. Half that equipment is useless, and there’s no one in all of Belarus who knows how to repair those machines when they break down.”

  She frowned at him. There was something else going on here that she wasn’t quite grasping, and right now her discomfort was to the point that she didn’t feel she could pursue it. Get out now, Ginger, while you have some self-respect left.

  She waited for the flight attendants to pass with the refreshment cart, irritated that Ray was right. For the moment, she deemed it wise to discontinue the conversation. But when would she ever be able to discuss it without getting upset? One more thing she needed to say to him…