Awakened in September

by Kelsey Clayton

Her eyes narrow in confusion. “So, you two aren’t related?”

  Almost every part of my brain is screaming to run. I’ve never spoken to anyone about what happened to my mom and dad, apart from the people who knew me when it happened. As far as anyone else is concerned, Heather and Dan are my parents. However, as Kayleigh squeezes my hand a little, I feel myself start to calm.

  “No. We’ve been best friends since kindergarten. His parents took me in when mine died.” There. It’s out.

  “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Her tone is sympathetic, but I can tell by the look on her face she isn’t pitying me. Maybe this is okay. “How old were you?”

  “Twelve. They were in a car accident. I was about to get put in the system, but Heather and Dan intervened. Since then, they’ve raised me as their own.”

  She halts, forcing me to stop as well. I turn to face her and find her looking at me with such sincerity. “Thank you for bringing me.”

  I know that’s not all she’s thanking me for. She’s thanking me for opening up and telling her more about myself, but without making it awkward. She’s also giving me a way to change the subject if I want to. This is exactly the kind of thing she does that makes me so comfortable with her.

  “Thank you for coming.”

  WE’RE ALL SITTING IN the kitchen, talking to my mom while she cooks, when Josephine comes in the front door. I shout for her and smile as she runs in and embraces me tightly. We may have fought a lot as kids but we miss each other while we’re away at school.

  “Joey, this is Kayleigh.” I say, using the childhood name that I know irks her. “Kayleigh, Joey.”

  “Oh, Holden’s girlfriend! It’s so nice to meet you!” She beams, and what she just called her is not lost on anyone.

  Brandon laughs and Heather coughs. Kayleigh, however, cowers slightly. “Oh, um, we’re just friends.”

  There’s that fucking word again – friends. I wince, partly because I hate the way it sounds, but mostly because I know Jo and she will not keep her mouth shut on this one.

  Sure enough, she gets a knowing look on her face. “Oh honey. You’re home with him for Thanksgiving. No offense, but you are not just friends.”

  Kayleigh doesn’t argue it. As Brandon greets Jo for the first time since she walked in, I lock eyes with her and mouth an apology. She shrugs it off. Just when I’m about to worry she’s upset, she smiles at me – calming my nerves in an instant.

  “Okay.” Jo says to Kayleigh. “You need to come with me while I unpack and tell me all the embarrassing stories I can use against my brother.”

  Even if she was going to fight it, she doesn’t stand a chance as Jo is already pulling her out of the kitchen and towards the stairs. She gives me one last glance. I wink at her and watch the way it makes her giggle.

  Brandon disappears to god knows where, leaving my mom and I in the kitchen. She takes the chef’s hat I used to wear out of the drawer and grins – a silent plea for me to help her cook. I roll my eyes playfully and take it from her, putting it on my head. I start to peel the potatoes when she hums.

  “You know, it’s nice to see you like this.”

  “Like what?” I question, perplexed.

  “With her. All soft smiles and butterflies.” She tells me like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You two look really good together. It’s just nice to see. With the way that you’ve always been so blocked off, I wasn’t sure it would ever happen for you.”

  “If what would ever happen for me? What are you talking about?”

  She chuckles softly and shakes her head. “Falling in love.”

  The potato peeler falls from my hand, hitting the floor with a loud clatter. I’m about to deny it when Kayleigh comes back into the room. She goes over to the kitchen table and grabs something off it.

  “Sorry, forgot my phone.” Her eyes land on me and my ridiculous hat. “Aw. Don’t you look adorable.” She arches on her tippy toes and kisses me briefly before leaving the room again.

  I can’t move. I’m stuck in a trance, staring at where she just stood. Falling in love. Falling in love. Falling in love. Heather’s words echo around my head and suddenly everything becomes crystal clear. I’m so fucked.

  Chapter Twenty One

  I desperately try to distract myself, but I can’t seem to get those three words out of my head. Everything in me wants to tell Heather she’s wrong, to tell her that’s not what this is. Yet, every time I open my mouth, the words just won’t come out. They’re stuck in my throat along with my heart, which is beating so loud I feel like Edgar Allen Poe. It pounds against my rib cage, threatening to break through and throw itself right at Kayleigh’s feet.

  It was one thing when the guys would tease me about my obvious feelings towards her. However, it’s completely different when it comes from my mom. Her opinion and viewpoint on things have always been something I take seriously; this time is no different.

  “I-is that what this is?” I whisper.

  She glances at me from where she’s chopping the vegetables and smiles. “That’s what it looks like to me anyway. Only you know what you feel.”

  What I feel. How do I feel? “Well, I feel like every millisecond I’m without her is like a decade of pure torture.”

  “Is that why you invited her here, even though you two aren’t serious?”

  “Partially. She was just going to stay home. Her mom and stepdad went away on vacation or something, and I just don’t understand it.”

  “Don’t understand what?”

  “How they could just leave her on a holiday. I mean, how is someone not taking every possible opportunity to spend their time with her? I just don’t get it.” I walk around the counter and sit on one of the bar stools, placing my elbows on the counter and my head in my hands.

  Heather snickers quietly to herself. “Well, I’m glad you brought her. She’s lovely.”

  “She’s incredible.” Ugh, I’m screwed. I’m absolutely screwed.

  WHEN MY GRANDPARENTS START to arrive, Kayleigh and Jo come back downstairs. I introduce her to each of them. Like I knew she would, she fits in naturally. They all assume that she’s my girlfriend and I leave it to her to tell them otherwise. If it were up to me, they would be right. Eventually, she stops correcting anyone and just nods along, giving me the chance to pretend we’re in an actual relationship.

  “Alright. Food’s ready.” My mom shouts from the dining room.

  All of us stand from the couches we were sitting on and make our way towards the delicious smell that’s wafting through the house. Kayleigh stays by my side and I can sense her anxiety building by the expression on her face. My mom stops as she’s coming out to grab another dish.

  “Oh, and Kayleigh? Holden told me you’re a really picky eater, so don’t feel like you have to eat anything you don’t want to.”

  It wasn’t easy to think of that excuse but I knew I had to come up with something. The last thing I want is for her to be uncomfortable. She has been doing so well when it comes to upping her calorie intake and I’d hate for that to be ruined because I selfishly wanted her to come home with me.

  As Heather walks away, Kayleigh’s eyes snap to mine – wide and full of wonder. I wink once again, always loving the effect it has on her. She grins back at me and shakes her head while we walk into the room and take our seats.

  BRANDON, JO, KAYLEIGH, AND I are sitting in the living room. Once dinner was finished, the grandparents left and my parents tiredly retreated to their bedroom. Even Jo looks like she’s about to fall asleep, too stuffed from the large meal. I’m sitting on the couch with Kayleigh’s head in my lap. She hums happily as my fingers rake through her hair.

  “Hey H.” Brandon looks up from his phone. “Did you still want to go to Craig’s?”

  “Is he having something?”

  He shrugs. “It’s not exactly something, just a few of the guys are there.”

  I look down at Kayleigh, knowing that if she’s too tired to go then I’ll just stay hom
e with her. However, she nods, telling me she’s down for it. We all get up, with Josephine murmuring something about food comas and sleep, and go to get ready. Once we’re changed, we meet at the front door and climb into Brandon’s car.

  Craig’s isn’t very far. The ride only takes about ten minutes. When we get there, we walk around to the back like we’ve always done. As soon as Brandon opens the door, Kayleigh’s eyes widen. The smell that infiltrates my nose tells me why.

  “They smoke?” She asks, seeming surprised.

  “I know they used to, I just didn’t know they still do. Do you want to leave?”

  I’m completely willing to go if she’s not comfortable but she shakes her head. “No, it’s fine. I just didn’t expect it, that’s all.”

  With my hand on her lower back, I lead her inside. It’s a very small get together. Anything here always is, though. Craig’s basement isn’t that big so he likes to keep it low key. This is exactly what I needed. A party to see old friends, but one that doesn’t require too much of my energy and attention.

  “Hey! Look who it is!” Justin says as soon as he sees us. Everyone looks up and starts to shout their hellos. Kayleigh nervously tucks closer into my side.

  “Kayleigh, this is Craig, Justin, Tyler, Mason, Chelsea, and Layla.” I point to each person, going in order around the room. “Guys, this is Kayleigh.”

  They all shout their hellos as she shyly waves. We go over to the mini fridge to grab a couple drinks. Chelsea follows us over there but I’m not worried about it. While she’s someone I dated in high school, she’s nothing like Bianca.

  “Wow H, look at you, bringing a girl with you to a party.”

  I chuckle. “Very funny, Chels.”

  “You must be something special.” She practically whispers to Kayleigh. “I dated him for like three months in high school. I’d show up at parties and have no idea he was there until we ran into each other.”

  Rolling my eyes, I smile. “Okay, we were like sixteen. What did you want me to do? Have my mom pick you up before I snuck out?”

  She waves me off dismissively. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see how it is. You went off to college and learned how to be a gentleman.”

  “Gentleman?” Kayleigh snorts. “Please. Let’s not add to his already inflated ego.”

  “I like her.” Chelsea gleams.

  I fake a pout and when Kayleigh notices, she coos. “Aw, don’t worry. You’re still adorable.” Her hand lightly pats my cheek.

  Chelsea returns to her previous seat while Brandon, Kayleigh, and I all take the remaining empty couch. As if it’s a natural reaction, my arm goes around Kayleigh’s shoulders. For a second I think she’s going to freeze up from the PDA like she normally does, but instead she smiles and settles against me. My ex gives me a look, knowing this stuff is all out of character for me. I don’t mind though. This is what I want.

  “So, H. Where’s your shadow?” Tyler quips.

  I groan loudly. “Somewhere far away from here I hope.”

  Kayleigh looks up at me. “Your shadow?”

  I shake my head as a sign not to worry about it, but Craig starts to laugh. “There is a girl we went to school with that is absolutely obsessed with Holden.”

  “She’s not obsessed with me.”

  “Oh please.” Layla pipes up. “That girl makes Carol Bundy look normal.”

  I ponder it for a second then nod. “On second thought, don’t post anything about me being here. I don’t want her showing up.”

  They all laugh and Mason goes to pass me a blunt. I shake my head immediately but Kayleigh still notices it.

  “Have you ever done it?” Her voice is low like she doesn’t want anyone to hear us.

  “I used to do it in high school, but stopped once I got to college.” She doesn’t answer right away which has me beginning to panic. “Does that bother you?”

  To my relief, she shakes her head. “Not at all. I’ve just never done it.”

  Okay. I knew she was innocent, but this could get fun. As I think about seeing her high for the first time, a smirk spreads across my face. “Do you want to? I could corrupt you.”

  “Corrupt me?” She snickers. “I’m not a saint.”

  “Oh, trust me babe, I know.” I try not to envision of all the things we’ve done in the bedroom that prove she’s anything but innocent. “But really, if you want to try it, I’ll do it with you.”

  “Okay, but you have to help me. I have no idea what to do.”

  A new feeling of excitement courses through my veins. “It’s easy. Have you seen someone smoke a cigarette?” I ask, gesturing for Craig to pass me a new one. He knows I’ll pay him later. “Well, it’s just like that. Just suck in and hold it for a few seconds, then blow it out.”

  I demonstrate what to do. My lungs spasm, no longer being used to the smoke, but I manage not to cough. Kayleigh’s eyes stay focused on my mouth. Once I’m done, she carefully takes it and does the same. Brandon, having heard the conversation, is just coming back with a cold beer as she starts coughing violently. The two of us chuckle while Bran hands her the drink.

  “Thank you.” She croaks.

  The three of us share the one blunt until it’s gone. I make sure to point out that if she takes less in, it’ll be easier on her throat. Besides, she doesn’t need that much to get high with it being her first time and all. I even show her how to shotgun, trying my best not to get hard from how hot it is with her. When it’s gone, she looks confused.

  “I don’t really feel any different.”

  “Give it a minute, babe.”

  Once I start to feel it, I can tell she is starting to as well. She snuggles herself closer into my side and smiles. It’s not her usual smile though. It’s the one that seems to be reserved just for me. I must admit, this is the best I’ve felt in a while.

  “You okay?”

  She nods lazily. “I’m great.”

  A small laugh leaves my mouth and I press my lips against her forehead. Chelsea manages to snap a picture right at that moment and sends it to my phone. I look like a loved-up idiot. No wonder everyone can read me like an open book with her.

  We hang around Craig’s for another hour before deciding to take an Uber home. We’re all high and it’s too far to walk. We’ll just take Dan’s car in the morning to pick up Brandon’s. When we get home, everyone is already asleep. Brandon goes into his bedroom as I bring Kayleigh to mine. She throws herself onto the bed and giggles.

  “What’s got you so happy?” I shut my door and lock it.

  “You. You’re cute.”

  “Cute? I’m a man. Cute is a word you’d use to describe a puppy or a baby.”

  She pouts adorably. “You don’t think I’m cute?”

  I lean down and suck the puffed-out bottom lip into my mouth, biting it softly and causing her to moan. When I release it, I keep my face close to hers. “Not cute. Fucking gorgeous.”

  She blushes and closes her eyes. They blink open every now and then, as if she’s fighting falling asleep. I watch her closely, letting myself take in every beautiful feature she has – the way her hair lays against the side of her face and how she doesn’t even need makeup to look good. She has that natural beauty but she doesn’t even realize it. I’m not sure when it happened. I don’t know if there was a defining moment where this was decided, but I realize now that she means everything to me.

  Her hand reaches out and lands on my chest, right over my heart. I wonder if she can feel how fast it’s beating.

  “It’s already yours.” I whisper. “No need to rip it out of me.”

  THE NEXT MORNING, BRANDON and I wake up early to go get his car. I scribble out a quick note so Kayleigh knows where I am then head out. As soon as we get into the car, Brandon smirks.

  “What?”

  He snickers and shakes his head. “Nothing. I just find it amusing.”

  “Find what amusing?”

  “You being whipped.”

  A loud bark of laughter leaves my mou
th. “I am not whipped.”

  “Yeah, okay.” He grins. “Really though, I’m happy for you.”

  “Thanks.” I reply, feeling ridiculously content for only getting a few hours of sleep.

  He keeps glancing from the road to me and back again. “So, what are you going to do?”

  My eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, every time she mentions that you’re not together, you look like you want to throw up. So, what are you going to do about it?”

  What is with my family and being right about everything? Hearing Kayleigh say the word friends to describe us feels like a stab to the chest. How can I just be friends with her when I want so much more? I take a deep breath and when I exhale, I have a newfound determination.

  “I’m going to make her mine.”

  Chapter Twenty Two

  I glide across the ice with ease. Skating comes as natural to me as walking now, and usually, it’s a major stress reliever. Today, however, that’s not the case. Since we got back from Thanksgiving break, I can’t seem to get my mind off my parents. It’s something that happens this time of year. The constant reminder that they’re are gone and I’ll never get to spend another holiday with them burns into my mind and just won’t leave.

  “Rivers!” Coach yells. “Get your head in the game and run the damn drill.”

  I roll my eyes, honestly not caring if he sees me or not. It’s only practice and it’s not like I don’t already know what I’m doing. Everyone on the team knows I’m set to become captain next year, and that wouldn’t happen if I was inexperienced. Hell, even the NHL wanted me last year. I could sit on my ass in the middle of the rink and Coach still wouldn’t kick me off the team.

  No matter what I do, I can’t manage to get my mind under control. Missing them is especially rough this time of year. Memories of all the moments we spent wrapped up with each other on the couch admiring the Christmas tree, and all the mornings spent opening presents – they’re right there at the front of my brain, constantly reminding me of their absence. A part of me wonders if I should talk to Kayleigh about it but the last thing I want is to seem weak. For all I know, my confident attitude is one of the things she likes about me, and I don’t want to risk that.