Misplaced Innocence

by Veronica Morneaux

  But when it came right down to it, she was absolutely miserable. It had been a long time since she’d shared her bed with someone. So long, she had almost forgotten what it was like to feel skin on skin and the touch of someone’s hands in her hair. And it had been even longer since someone had touched her the way Jared had, sweetly, as though he didn’t expect anything from her in return. She could almost forget the way it had been when the light of day burned brightly outside, slipped into the house and filled it with its heady warmth. But at night when she was in the empty bed with no one beside her but a scruffy dog, it was harder to overlook.

  Charisma threw herself into her sketches. She told herself that the deadline was looming, and that was why she had to spend every spare moment with the pad, the weight of the pencil in her hand. She would spend hours watching each line create a little more depth, a little more life, to her characters. She would tell herself it was because of the deadline, because she needed the paycheck, but even she could tell it was because she couldn’t stand those excess moments with Jared, going out of her way not to touch him or notice the way his blue jeans melded to his body.

  And from the looks of things, Jared felt the same way. Or couldn’t have cared any less. She hadn’t quite figured out which one of those options was more appropriate. He was sometimes gone when she woke and sometimes seated at the big desk in his bedroom, papers strewn in front of him. She couldn’t even bring herself to ask what it was he was working on. She could barely even bring herself to admit that she wanted to know what he was doing, or cared about where he was when she was first slipping out of bed. Sometimes, when she passed him in the hall she could smell the faintest scent of cologne. Honestly, she’d discovered, she liked it better when he smelled of horse. Even cattle was more preferable, though she couldn’t remember a time before knowing Jared that she had wished for cattle smell over a nice perfume.

  As the days passed, Charisma became more and more comfortable in his home. The longer she went without any indication of someone watching her, waiting for her, the easier it became for her to pretend no one was looking for her at all. Even though she knew she was being lulled into a false sense of security, she let it happen. She would stand outside with Scruffy, feel the sun beat down on her back and the gentle wind tug through her hair. She let Scruffy take her time, chase the bugs she found most interesting. She stopped checking every corner for things that might or might not be. And when just over a week had gone by, Jared snatched his keys from the kitchen counter and said he was going to head out to Bill’s and do a little grocery shopping. He asked her if there was anything in particular she wanted from the store, and before she could stop herself, the words were falling out of her mouth.

  “Oh, I’ll just go with you.” There was a healthy pause, as though Jared were waiting for her to change her mind, retract her statement. When she didn’t, he offered a shrug.

  “Company would be nice.” He gave her that crooked grin, and she tried to keep her heart from stopping. She was on her feet and moving toward the door before she could second guess what she was doing.

  Riding in the car had become an almost foreign experience. The scenery whizzed by and for the first time in a long time she noticed what was passing by. She loved the way the light hit the ground, the swollen puffiness of the clouds. She appreciated things she hadn’t before, and felt truly like an artist for the first time in a very long time.

  The drive slipped by; neither she nor Jared had much to say. She tried not to notice the way her eyes kept slipping over to him, or that sometimes she felt his eyes do the same.

  It was almost a comfortable silence. He tried to focus on the road; she tried to focus on anything other than the man driving the car. She pressed close to the window, tipping her face upward and enjoying the feel of the sun on her skin. Even through the closed window, it was warming. Charisma had the sudden desire to tell Jared to pull the car over, to stretch out on the ground near the side of the road and enjoy the day. She wished for a day like the ones she used to have, camped out and being lazy on a beach towel on the Jersey shore. She would watch the tourists, some of the women wearing bikinis two sizes too small, others tugging at their tops and bottoms as though they weren’t used to letting others see the bare expanse of their skin or the lines of their bodies.

  Now she missed the sound of the water. She missed the exhaustion that would sweep over her and lead her into the sweetest sleep on the sands of the beach. She missed things she was pretty sure she would never be able to find in Arizona.

  She was still thinking about the hustle and bustle of the boardwalk when Jared pulled into a parking spot. They had driven all the way to Bill’s and hardly exchanged a word. Charisma swung the car door open and stretched in the sunlight. She felt languid, lazy, like she just wanted to seep into herself and melt. But those feelings inevitably turned to melting with someone else, and that someone was dangerously close to her and entirely off limits. She sighed, wished again for the simplicity that had once been her life, and walked into Bill’s with Jared.

  There was something vaguely domestic about grocery shopping with Jared, but Charisma suppressed that recognition and moved through the small store. Bill wasn’t at his station by the door, and she suspected he had slipped into one of the backrooms for something. The ever-present fan was whirring in the corner, doing little to change the indoor temperature. But it had been so long since she’d been out in the heat of the day, she was almost glad for the warmth.

  Charisma meandered up and down the aisle, as if she expected there might be something new to buy at the store this week. Truthfully, she was mostly hoping that Bill had gotten a new shipment of chocolate bars, because she was pretty sure she more than deserved one after this past week. She made sure to walk on the opposite side of the store from Jared. There was a danger in being so close to him and doing something as routine as grocery shopping.

  Bill finally made an appearance, and Charisma had the suspicion that he had known they were there, had seen them pull up and park. She wondered if he was hoping to catch the two of them in their natural habitat, see them do something he could cling to. Well, she thought bitterly, if that were the case, he was certainly going to be disappointed. There was nothing to write home about here.

  “’Elo,” Bill said in that trademark, long, drawl. He nodded once toward Charisma. “How you been? Haven’t seen you around in a dog’s age.” He left that expectant pause, as though he were just waiting for an explanation of why Charisma hadn’t been making her routine visit to the store. Charisma smiled tightly, trying to find a way to answer him without saying too much.

  “Oh, you know,” she said after a moment of considering and abandoning every one of her options. “I’ve been pretty wrapped up with work.”

  Bill nodded, a gesture caught somewhere between believing her and doubting her every word. “I see. Imagine the both of you stopping in at the same time today.”

  Jared actually snorted from where he stood near the frozen food. “Give it up, Bill, you know we came together.”

  Bill had the good grace to blush, the color creeping into his cheeks and the tops of his ears. He grumbled something unintelligible and flipped open his newspaper, finding some distraction in the familiar gesture.

  “Thought we’d carpool; save the planet.” Charisma tucked her head down so Bill wouldn’t see her smile. The sarcasm in Jared’s voice was almost biting, but he wasn’t angry, just baiting Bill.

  Bill coughed twice, “Well,” he said after a moment, “that’s good. We should save the planet.”

  Jared took pity on Bill then and changed the subject. “So, tell me, Bill, what’s been going on in Carlton recently? What have we missed by being on the outskirts of life?”

  Back on solid ground, Bill launched into an update about Susan Reynolds’ dog and its new hair cut, how Darren Miles had landscaped his yard. Charisma watched his eyes slide back and forth between the pair before bringing up Maryanne’s recent appearance at the town
social and what he had heard about a fight between her and Jenny Doorman. Jared laughed, nodding his head, “That sounds about right,” he said.

  Charisma realized she was frowning. That realization was closely followed by an understanding that she didn’t care to hear about Jenny or Maryanne or anyone else that Jared could chuckle and nod about as though he would expect nothing less from them. As though he knew every nuance of their being and could provide a play by play of how they would interact and each one of their character traits. Charisma snatched a candy bar from the shelf and tore it open. There was no better time for chocolate than now. She bit a chunk off and chewed slowly, hoping Bill and Jared weren’t watching her stand in the aisle and angrily devour the poor chocolate bar. She glowered over the dark candy, her eyes narrowing into slits, and then turned abruptly away from the men and their conversation.

  The chatting continued while Jared and Charisma moved through the store, sweeping up items they would need for the upcoming week, Charisma clinging to her chocolate bar like it held the answer to everything that was wrong with her life. Bill was ringing them up and Charisma was finishing her chocolate bar when Bill furrowed his brow and said, “Oh, I’ve been meaning to tell you, but of course,” he added as an aside Charisma was sure was meant to admonish her, “I haven’t been able to reach you at home.” She didn’t think it would be appropriate to tell him that she hadn’t been at her house, nor that even if she had been at her house, she wouldn’t have answered – the phone had long since been yanked from the wall and left lonesome and unused on the kitchen counter. “Some nice looking fellows came by looking for you, Charisma.”

  She almost choked on the candy still in her mouth. After a moment of her coughing and sputtering around the candy Jared reached over and thumped her solidly on the back. She was so wrapped up in what Bill had said, that she forgot to feel the electricity his touch brought.

  Jared let his hand linger against the span of her back for a moment longer. The pressure was comforting, a reassurance that everything would be okay.

  Bill went on as though Charisma weren’t about to have a total break down there in front of him. “Said they knew you from when you went to school together. I told them of course I knew you, wasn’t any possible way to live in Carlton and not be known about it. I guess they were having some problems with the post office and forwarding your address. I told them where they could find you. I would have just given them your number, but you know….”

  He finally looked up from slipping the groceries in a brown paper sack and stopped talking. Charisma had turned ashen. The dark circles that had become more prominent as the weeks had trickled by stood out against the sallow white of her skin. Jared reached out again to steady her as the candy wrapper fell from her trembling hand. She must have teetered because the pressure on her arm increased. Jared was talking to her, but she couldn’t make out his words. There was a ringing in her ears and she could feel her breath start to come more quickly. He shook her once gently, then tilted her chin toward him, briefly, with his free hand. “Focus,” be growled.

  “Everything okay?” Bill asked, openly concerned over the sudden change that had washed over Charisma.

  She took three deep breaths, and tried to focus on Jared’s face. But suddenly all she could think about was where those men were, that they knew where she lived, that it was a good thing she had been staying with Jared and that she hadn’t been alone in the house. She worried that maybe someone had seen them drive by. She worried that they had tracked her down to Jared. That it would be only a matter of time before they found her and then…she didn’t want to think about that.

  Jared was flipping though his wallet, redirecting Bill’s attention away from Charisma and back to him. “Maybe we should stop by and see if they left a note,” he said nonchalantly. “Did they stop by recently? Maybe they’re still in the area.”

  Charisma knew he was trying to establish a timeline, but the chills swept down her back anyway. What if they were still in the area? What if they were somewhere near by right now? Or maybe they even knew she was in the store now.

  Bill furrowed his brow, and Charisma had the uncomfortable feeling that his days were blurring together, that he would never be able to give her an accurate representation of when those men had been in town. It could have been half an hour ago, it could have been last week, for all Bill would be able to tell them.

  After another minute of silence, he seemed to settle on a time when the men had been through, “I do think it was two days ago or so. Came in and bought a Coke and some cookies. I guess it had been a long drive.”

  Charisma murmured the best response she could muster, though two minutes later she couldn’t remember what it had been. She moved on autopilot out of the store, following Jared closely, wanting to cling to his shirt and hide her face behind him. She was blinking in the sudden sunlight when Jared came to an abrupt stop and Charisma plowed into his back.

  She was still regrouping when she realized there was someone in front of them. A shapely someone wearing short khaki shorts and a tank top. Auburn layers framed her pretty face and complemented the husky color of her skin.

  “Why, hello,” she said, her eyes opening wide, dark lashes heavy with mascara. A rich laugh slipped out of a lipsticked mouth. Even Charisma was mesmerized by the white of her teeth against the bold red color. “I haven’t seen you around town in a while, cowboy.”

  She didn’t exactly turn her gaze toward Charisma, but she suspected the purr of the woman’s voice and the way she said cowboy were entirely for Charisma’s benefit. Her words were like a caress, slipping down the body Charisma had spent only a small time exploring. It was intimate, like she knew exactly what to say and how to say it. Jealousy bit into Charisma, and she was almost unable to restrain herself from reaching out to touch Jared.

  She didn’t have to restrain herself for long. In a lightning quick move she didn’t expect, Jared reached out and pulled her forward, brandishing her in front of him like a shield. “I know, Maryanne,” Jared said, as if his absence from town had been deeply troubling, as though there was nothing more he could want in life than to wander the streets of Carlton and be assessed by the local women. “I’ve been awfully busy, with the practice you know.” He opened his mouth again, but was abruptly interrupted.“Really?” Maryanne asked, her eyes narrowing and her mouth becoming an angry rosebud. “I heard from Jenny Doorman just the other day that you haven’t been out to see her foal in a while. In fact, she said the foal is doing great and she’s had no need of your … services.”

  “Well,” Jared impressed Charisma by not even skipping a beat, “My services have been needed elsewhere.” He gave a little shrug and the sexiest grin Charisma had ever seen before pulling her toward him by the elbow. “I don’t believe you and Charisma have met. Charisma, this is Maryanne. Maryanne, this is Charisma. Maryanne and I went to high school together. You remember me telling you all about her, right.”

  There was the slightest pressure on her elbow where Jared’s fingers bit into her skin. She stepped closer to him and the pressure let up. She tilted her face up to get a better look at his, imagined she saw the faintest glint of desperation in the depths of his eyes. “Oh yes, of course!” She pulled out what she hoped was an acceptable smile, but all she could think about was how someone had managed to find her in this nowheresville town, that they had followed her to the one place she thought she would never be found, and that her life was dissipating entirely before her very eyes. “It’s nice to meet you, Maryanne, Jared has had so many nice thing to say about you,” she said instead, before turning back to Jared. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m feeling very well.” Before she could stop herself her hand slipped to her stomach in what she hoped was a display of not feeling well, and what she feared would be taken as an insinuation of pregnancy. “Maybe we should get home?” She let the word ‘home’ hang in the air between the three of them, feeling oddly exposed beneath Maryanne’s glare and the gentle feeling of
Jared’s hands on her skin.

  Jared pursed his lips and began to usher her toward the car. “Sorry, Maryanne, we’ll have to catch up soon!” He tossed another charming grin over his shoulder in her direction, one with just the slightest hint of apology. Charisma had never seen a grown man be so anxious to escape from a harmless woman. They slipped into the car quickly, Jared dumping the bag of groceries onto Charisma’s lap and jamming the gear into reverse. The wheels spun and the car sped out of its spot and on its way home. The whole thing was so ludicrous Charisma would have laughed if she weren’t otherwise occupied imagining every worst scenario possible concerning the visiting men.

  Jared cleared his throat. “Thanks for that,” he said. “Maryanne can be…difficult”

  Charisma could still feel the burn of Jared’s fingers on her skin. “Hmm,” was all she could manage.

  When they were safely off of Main Street, and heading toward home, Jared finally broke the new, strained silence. “Who do you think came by Bill’s?”

  “I don’t know.” Her voice was small. The truth was she didn’t know, but she was sure as hell certain it was not classmates of hers from high school. “I don’t know how they found me or where they’ve been or where they could be now. Maybe they’ve been in my house.” A long pause followed that strangled sentence while she thought of the things she had in her house, of what might give an indication to where she was, who Jared was. “It’s only a matter of time.”