Mine

by S. A Partridge

  Be calm, heart. Just chill.

  I pry my phone out my bag and start messaging Lorenda.

  “Who are you texting?” he asks.

  I glance at him out the corner of my eye. “Lorenda. My ma. I call her Lorenda because she lost her motherly privileges when she shacked up with Jerome.”

  He nods and adjusts my bag on his arm. It’s always stuffed with music books and I struggle with it daily. Fin carries it without complaint.

  “You can’t accept the bad things in life, Kayla. People will walk all over you if you do, and bad things will keep happening. You can’t show fear. But you don’t have to worry about that from now on, okay? You’ve got me.”

  “Do I?” It’s so hard to keep the sarcasm out my voice. I don’t know how to process this information, so I change the subject. “That was a very impressive, not-at-all terrifying display just now.”

  “Then why did you scream?”

  “I … I don’t know. I’ve never seen anyone fight before. In real life, I mean.”

  “That’s cute.” He squeezes my chin between his fingertips and smiles again. All that anger is gone.

  Finlay

  CAVENDISH SQUARE, MONDAY

  I hold her hand tightly. Not like I held Jules’ hand. I press my thumb against her skin so I can feel that she’s there. I don’t want to ever let it go. I’m acting crazy again. I shouldn’t have punched Craig, but I just get so worked up sometimes.

  It’s an effort to calm down. I’m showing this unstable side of me too soon. It’s going to spook her.

  We head into Burger King and order two burgers and some fries to share. We manage to get a table and I wait for her to sit down before I do. I saw some guy do that in a movie once.

  She’s not talking much. I watch her eat. She takes one chip at a time and chews on it forever. I resist the urge to shove a handful into my mouth in one go.

  “How was your day?” I ask.

  She swallows before answering. “It was okay. Yours?”

  “You can do better than okay. Did you have Music today?”

  She takes another chip. Talking to her in real life is more difficult than I thought. I wait, expecting her to automatically fill the silence, but she doesn’t take the bait. I’ve noticed that if she’s on the defence she can give it, but when she’s nervous like she is now, she shuts up tight. I’m learning how she ticks.

  I look into her eyes and feel the moths flutter their dusty wings in my stomach. She really is the most beautiful girl in the world. I reach across and take her hand.

  “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk.”

  “It’s easier on the phone,” she says.

  I know, because I’m really good at getting girls to do what I want that way. I stroke her fingers and just look at her. I let her eat all the fries. I still can’t believe I managed to convince her to come on another date with me.

  I can’t blow it now.

  I’m going to kiss her – I know she wants me too. And if I leave it any longer, it’s going to become an issue. I want to kiss her so badly. I lick my lips, imagining it in my head. I’m probably as nervous as she is right now. I’m going to be cool. It’s so easy to put on the Thor persona on stage, but around her it’s impossible. She’s got right into my head. She’s touched that crazy nerve I thought I had under control.

  All I know is that now I’ve got this girl, I’m going to do whatever it takes to make her mine.

  Kayla

  CAVENDISH SQUARE, MONDAY

  Fin insists on paying for the movie tickets, just like a real date. Excitement prickles my skin. Our smiles are infectious. We laugh at nothing and run around the cinema lobby like no one else is here. I’m on such a high from being around him, it’s like I’ve slipped and fallen into his universe and it’s just us and no one else. The outside world is just background noise. I don’t even focus on the movie. I keep wondering if he’s ever going to kiss me. Every time I think he’s about to, nothing happens.

  We whisper all the way through. When someone shushes me, Fin straightens up and tells whoever it is to shut up. I put a hand on his wrist, feeling his pulse speed up beneath my fingers.

  “Calm down,” I say.

  He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Sorry.”

  We sit in silence for a while, our foreheads pressed together. His breathing steadies.

  “What is this, Fin?” I whisper.

  “It’s a date.”

  Warmth explodes inside me. “No, I mean … you and me. Is this actually happening?”

  “Why are you doubting it?”

  “Because this type of thing doesn’t happen to me.”

  “You’re perfect,” he whispers.

  My body stiffens. No one’s ever said that to me before and meant it. The words leave me breathless and I can’t talk because my throat is all closed up. The world is spinning. I feel his fingers brush my face and I look up slowly to see him staring at me. This is it: That’s the look. His fingers fan out across my cheek. He leans forward and our lips open at the same time.

  It takes an eternity to connect. His mouth is warm. And soft. I sink into the kiss, relaxing all over as his tongue explores my mouth. My eyes close. This is what a kiss is supposed to feel like. A never-ending connection. An exploration. And a discovery.

  When our lips part, our eyes pop open at the same time. His are shining. He’s smiling, breathing heavily. I lean forward and our smiles collide once more.

  The movie ends and we leave not knowing what happened. If Lorenda asks me what it was about, I’m screwed.

  Outside the cinema, Fin takes my hand and twirls me around. I’m conscious that we’re the only two in school uniform, but that doesn’t matter. My laughter echoes in the nearly empty lobby. Fin laughs too, deep and rough and secretive, like he isn’t really sure of himself, or maybe he just doesn’t get to laugh a lot. I know I don’t. He pulls me back into a hug and squeezes me so hard that my breath catches in my throat.

  “Too tight,” I gasp.

  That’s when I feel him straighten and he releases me like he’s been zapped by lightning.

  “What’s wrong? What did I say?” I ask, flicking loose hair out of my face and spitting out my own aquamarine ends.

  He’s looking towards a group of girls coming up the escalator. My heart stops when I see Julia, Lucinda, Samantha and their gang. Julia stops at the top of the escalator and stares at us like we’re wanted murderers or something. I am deader than dead.

  “Hey, Fin,” she says thickly. The rest of the pack circle her, their eyes laser beams.

  Fin places him arm around me. “Hey, Jules.”

  She looks from me to Fin, then back to me. Her lip wobbles; she’s about to cry. One of her friends grabs her arm and they walk off, shooting a dirty look in my direction.

  “Jules really is your girlfriend, isn’t she?”

  Fin looks panicked. “No. Christ, no. You’re the only girl in my life. Don’t even say that.”

  I can feel myself retreating. “You’re already seeing someone. That’s why this has always felt too good to be true. Because it is.”

  He grabs my hand and pulls me down onto a couch covered in popcorn kernels underneath a giant poster of Hugh Jackman. I am sobbing, unable to stop. This is what happens when I start to hope. Real life steps in.

  Fin holds me tightly and presses his lips against my ear. “Stop crying. I don’t have a girlfriend. How many times do I have to tell you?”

  I sniff loudly and shake my head. “I don’t believe you.”

  His stubble grazes my neck and a shiver runs from my lower back all the way up my spine.

  “What if I asked you to be my girlfriend? Would that fix it?”

  I swallow a sob and nearly choke.

  “You’re only asking because I’m crying,” I say, my chest heaving.

  He shakes his head and burrows his face into my neck. Despite my emotional flood, I laugh.

  “Is that a yes?” he asks in a gruff whisper.<
br />
  “Yes.”

  Finlay

  LANSDOWNE, TUESDAY

  Earlier today, Reynolds gave me another detention for ditching early yesterday. Why does the guy keep honing in on me? Maybe I touch a nerve with him. What an idiot. He’s going to get his ass handed to him if he’s not careful.

  My mind isn’t here at school. When my phone vibrates, I pull it out my pocket, expecting a message from Kayla. But it’s Jules. And she’s furious.

  Why didn’t you tell me you were seeing someone????

  “I wish this day would just end,” I mutter through my fingers. “I’m tired of the same four walls staring back at me.”

  Kelwyn looks up from drawing in his Geography textbook. “That’s a good line. You should write that down.”

  “Shut up.” I rub my face. “I can’t concentrate on anything Bertram is saying.”

  “You don’t look so good.”

  “My head is being weird. I dunno if its a headache or what, but it feels stuffed up.”

  “Maybe you should cut down on the dagga.”

  “I haven’t smoked since Sunday.” It takes a minute for my own words to sink in. I haven’t been smoking much since I met Kayla. I haven’t needed to.

  “Maybe you’re in withdrawal. No wonder you’re feeling weird.”

  “Yeah, probably.”

  But there’s something else sitting heavily on my mind. I haven’t told Brendan about Kayla yet. And while I do want to delay the inevitable Jules fallout for as long as possible, what I also really want is to shout into a microphone that I have a girlfriend.

  A girlfriend. Me.

  As if he somehow knew I was thinking about him, Brendan chooses this exact moment to WhatsApp me.

  Practice tonight. No excuses. I mean it.

  I swing my neck back and stare at the ceiling. She must have seen I was online because, when I check my phone again, there’s another message from Jules.

  And Kayla Murphy?!?!! After everything I told you about her?? Are you just trying to hurt me, Fin?

  Why me?

  Girls sure know how to make life difficult. I put my phone away and decide to follow Kelwyn’s suggestion and write some lyrics. I open my Science book, because it’s the one I rarely use and there are plenty of blank pages.

  Baby, you half of me.

  Best of me.

  Only reason to be me.

  I was a bad man,

  now in no man’s land,

  Trapped in quicksand.

  Now you here to rescue me –

  nowhere else I wanna be.

  I smile under my hand. I’m not used to writing happy lyrics, but the words come as easily as the darker stuff.

  Kelwyn elbows me hard in the ribs. “Who keeps messaging you? Your girl?”

  I shake my head. “My friend’s sister.”

  He whistles through his teeth. “That’s playing with fire, my friend.”

  I tap my pen against the book. “Tell me about it.”

  I’m so done feeling guilty about Jules. It’s selfish, but I’ve got more important things to worry about now. Another message comes through and I whip out my phone again.

  This time it really is from Kayla.

  Hey, we meeting after school or what? I’ve been hiding from your “girlfriend” all day. She’s on the warpath.

  The corners of my mouth crack into a smile. I just hope Jules isn’t making life too difficult for her.

  Shit. Yeah. Okay. I’ll get you after school.

  You sure? What if Craig brings backup?

  Then I’ll kick the crap out of them too.

  I’m not scared of privileged southern suburbs boys. I’m not going to let anyone get between me and my girl.

  I try to concentrate on what’s happening in class but I’ve slipped so far behind, there’s no point. Bertram rattles off about water management in South Africa, but he knows no one is really listening. He’s just going through the motions so that he can say he’s done his job. I lean back in my seat and cross my arms, hoping for this torture to end soon.

  My posture is mirrored across the classroom. One kid is even sleeping. Marshall’s huddled at the back of the classroom, talking loudly with his new crew. He doesn’t give a damn if Bertram knows, and Bertram’s not going to do a thing to stop them either.

  I don’t even feel like smoking weed. All I care about is seeing Kayla. I’m crazy about her. Or just crazy. Or both.

  I GET THERE just as the first students start pouring out the gate. I see her amongst a cluster of students coming out of the double doors. The rest of them just seem to fade away. I raise my hand to catch her attention and she beams at me, making my stomach squirm. The feeling only intensifies when she breaks free of the crowd and runs up to me.

  “Hey, Thor. No ponytail today, I see,” she says, reaching up to rustle my hair. I’m not wearing a beanie today.

  “Hey, yourself.”

  We shuffle awkwardly for a minute. I brush a stray piece of hair out of her face. She’s so beautiful it hurts to look at her.

  “Tell me it wasn’t a dream and you really said yes to being my girlfriend.”

  She slaps me playfully on the arm. “That’s so cheesy, Fin. It only happened yesterday. You promise you weren’t just trying to get me to stop crying?”

  I lean forward and plant a kiss on her cheek. “I meant it, but I can ask you again if you want. Right here in front of your whole school.”

  She blushes and I know I’ve said the right thing for once. I hoist her bag over my shoulder. Then I take her hand. Her hair is coiled into a knot on top of her head and her school shirt is hanging out. I try to ignore the stirring that this look causes in certain areas.

  She bites her lip. “So the situation with Julia. Remind me how that’s going? I pretty much hid in the girls’ toilet all through break so they wouldn’t find me.”

  I sigh. “I’m sorry, baby. Please stop obsessing about her. I told you I don’t want to be with Jules. Jules wants to be with me. That whole situation is messed up. I never wanted her.” I squeeze her hand reassuringly. “Don’t ever doubt that for a second, alright?”

  “I won’t.”

  “I mean it. Stop thinking about it.”

  I WAS ONLY planning on walking her home, but when we get there, she insists I come inside. Her stepdad, Jerome, looks up and frowns as I enter, but she doesn’t introduce us. I know what he’s seeing. Scruffy guy, unshaven, messy hair, smells like a drug dealer, probably is a drug dealer. I lower my hood and hurry after Kayla before he has a chance to ask me something.

  “Don’t worry about Jerome. He’s used to me bringing strays home.” She doesn’t smile as she says it, and I can’t help but wonder if she maybe wished he did mind just a little.

  Kayla’s room is similar to Jules’. Feminine and soft. There’s a pale-blue duvet cover and a floral quit on top. But instead of band pictures, Kayla’s walls are covered in Opera posters. I recognise Phantom of the Opera, but nothing else. I sit on the edge of the bed and Kayla straddles me and starts kissing me. I push her away carefully.

  “What if your mother or Jerome comes in? I’m pretty sure they have an idea of what we’re getting up to in here.”

  “They won’t,” she says, pushing me down and kissing me again. My eyes close and I go with it. I grab her head, pull her closer, kiss her harder. She pushes her hips against mine and I let out an involuntary groan.

  It’s like a cold shower. My lids burst open and I slide away.

  “What’s wrong?” she asks. Her hair has come undone and has unravelled across her shoulders. It frames her face in ribbons.

  “It’s way too soon.” I can barely get the words out. My heart is thundering inside me. And not just my heart. Any other day I would have thought screw it, but I need to prove to her that this is not the only reason I’m here.

  “Is it me?” she asks in a small voice.

  “Kayla.” I reach out for her and she crawls up to me and curls into my lap. “You’re sixteen years
old. You shouldn’t be sleeping with someone you’ve known for a week. Not even. You shouldn’t even be thinking about that yet.”

  “You don’t want to?”

  What a question. “I do. But not now, okay? I told you I want to prove myself to you. I’m trying to be a good guy for once.”

  She smiles. “It’s like I made you up.”

  I laugh. “Trust me. You could do better than me. I’m going to eat all your food, get on your nerves. I smoke too much weed. Party too hard.”

  “I’ve never actually been to a party,” she says, sitting up.

  I stroke her hair, fighting the urge to throw her down and tear her clothes off. I lift her up and bring her face to mine. I never want to stop kissing her. I bite her lip and she giggles. I want to eat her giggles.

  After half an hour Jerome raps on the door loudly, so we move to the front lawn. She sits with her legs crossed. Mine are stretched out. Her garden is a whole lot better than mine. There’s a birdbath and lots of little stone statues of fairies and frogs.

  “I have a story that might make you feel better.”

  She looks up in interest. “Oh.”

  “Yeah. The Vikings used to sit around telling each other stories about the gods.”

  “Is this about Thor?”

  “No – it’s about Thor’s brother, Loki. But Loki wasn’t Odin’s son – Loki’s father was a frost giant, which made Loki an outsider too. Like us.”

  She listens with her head in her hand.

  “So, Loki never fit in with the other gods, and they loved giving him grief about it. But he was cleverer than all of them put together, and he used his mind to get his revenge on them for all the spiteful tricks they played on him.”

  “Now you’re talking,” she says.

  “Freyja was the most beautiful of all the gods, and they were all in love with her. She also loved beautiful things, so it was easy to use that against her. One day Loki told her about a legendary necklace that the dwarves had made, describing it as the most beautiful object on earth. Loki knew that, naturally, she would have to have it. So she went down into the caves, and told the dwarves that she would do absolutely anything to have it. Absolutely anything.”