Swell Foop

by Piers Anthony

  "No!"

  "You have not heard what I offer in return."

  "What?" Jaylin demanded rebelliously.

  "The life of your zombie horse."

  Jaylin froze. "You can save Putre?"

  "I can arrange it, with the cooperation of other Demons."

  "Why the bleep should they cooperate with you?"

  "They will if I face them with a worse alternative, as they did with me before."

  Jaylin suffered a complete and surely foolish reversal. "You do that, and I'll make your deal. You can visit my body, provided you don't misuse it. I'll want another Demon to forge the agreement-the rules of the game. So I don't get scr-cheated."

  "Agreed." Fornax sent out a mental signal, and Sim Bird joined them.

  "Squawk?"

  "Jupiter, as an experienced game player, and to facilitate a conclusion to the present situation, forge a fair objective agreement between me and this mortal girl."

  A monstrous mind-bending mass of information flowed between them. "Squawk."

  It was done. Jaylin didn't have to ask; she had felt the exchange, and knew beyond any doubt that a tight Demonly agreement had been forged and would be honored. They had used at least another one percent of their joint attention; there were surely clauses that were well beyond her potential comprehension, protecting her. Demons did not bend the rules of any game in any trifling respect; they were absolute. She was quite safe.

  After that, things went rapidly. All of the Demons remained at Castle Zombie to watch Breanna marry Justin. Jaylin now understood that this was not because they truly cared, but because they were waiting for their emotions to fade so that they could safely desert the mortal filters. "She is a good girl," Fornax remarked. "She deserves him."

  "But you were trying to take him from her!"

  "Only for the game. He is, after all, a mortal."

  "But he managed to resist your blandishments."

  "I was barred from using my Demonly powers. I was confined to yours. I could have made him love me."

  Jaylin realized that the Demoness was neither bragging nor bluffing. She was speaking literally. That made Jaylin curious. "Why didn't you cheat?"

  "Cheat?"

  Jaylin explained the concept.

  "Fascinating! We must have a game with cheating!"

  What mischief had Jaylin sown? "No need."

  "It wouldn't work against another Demon, of course, but a mortal would be easy."

  But it was time to pay attention, for the wedding was in progress. Justin was handsome in a formal black suit, and Breanna was lovely in a full black gown. Even the zombie attendants were formally garbed. King Xeth seemed to be best man, and Zyzzyva Zombie was matron of honor.

  "But brides are supposed to wear white," Jaylin said.

  "Why?" Fornax asked.

  "To show they're virginal, or something."

  "She is virginal, but prefers black."

  "How do you know that?"

  "We are beyond the game. I can be omniscient as usual."

  Jaylin decided not to ask why she had had to ask about white, if she was omniscient. She might get more of an answer than she liked.

  "We do miss trifling details on occasion," Fornax agreed. "It can be easier to seek mortal interpretation."

  The Demon Grossclout had appeared to conduct the service. Even he seemed slightly awed by some of the members of the audience. "If there is anyone here who has reason for this union not to be made, let him speak now." He paused ever so briefly. "There being no objection-"

  Fornax jumped up. "I have an objection," she said with Jaylin's voice.

  Oh, no! What mischief was this?

  Grossclout frowned. Naturally he wasn't fooled by appearances. "What is your objection, Demoness Fornax?"

  "One of the zombies the bride values is to be destroyed after the ceremony. The bride objects."

  Breanna had opened her mouth, surely to protest interference by this particular Demoness. But she paused. "Which zombie?"

  "Palus Putredinus, the zombie dream horse. Mare Imbrium's foal."

  There was an intake of breath across the gathering. Everyone knew Mare Imbri.

  "He's to be destroyed?" A small black cloud formed over Breanna's head.

  "The Night Stallion will no longer tolerate his existence," Fornax said.

  "Bleep!" The whole assemblage winced at such a crude imprecation from such a lovely bride. "For sure, I don't want my wedding spoiled by that. Putre really helped us find the Foop. We owe him. Besides, he's a nice horse, and Mare Imbri has had more than enough grief without losing him."

  "He can be saved, if the attending Demons agree," Fornax said.

  "How?" Breanna demanded.

  "He can be converted to a mortal horse and banished to Mundania."

  "But that's cruel! No immortal wants to be mortal, and no Xanthian wants to be sent there."

  "He will be glad to go, if-"

  "If what, C-T canine?"

  "If the Demon Earth accepts him, and he can find a home in Mundania."

  Then at last Jaylin caught on. "I'll take him!" she cried.

  Breanna turned to Justin. That was when Jaylin realized that the Demoness Venus and Demon Earth were not only attending the wedding, they remained with their former hosts. Their emotions had not yet faded, either.

  Justin nodded. Evidently the Demon Earth wanted to get this wedding done with so he could return home. Accepting one horse was a small price for avoiding the mischief Breanna would otherwise make. It was perhaps not remarkable that even a Demon was wary of her ire.

  Breanna smiled, and the cloud over her head dissipated. "For sure. Let's get on with the nuptials."

  That was all. But Putre disappeared from beside Jaylin. "He is there, invisible until you claim him," Fornax said.

  "Thank you," Jaylin breathed. For the first time, she really appreciated Fornax's presence. The Demoness had delivered.

  Now the wedding continued. It was beautiful. Breanna of the Black Wave, having finally grounded her man, was all chocolate sweetness and black light. The couple kissed, and all the women in the audience cried. That included Jaylin.

  "Pointless sentimentality," Fornax sniffed.

  "You're crying too!" Jaylin retorted.

  "Not by choice." But after a pause, she added, "I wish I could marry."

  So her emotion of desire had not yet faded enough. "Do Demons marry?"

  "Not hitherto. But we never had emotions before. At last I understand why Demon Xanth acted as he did. He caught a case of emotion."

  "I guess he did. He and Chlorine have a baby now."

  "A baby. Fascinating."

  "Do Demons have babies?"

  "Not hitherto."

  Jaylin shook her head as the ceremony concluded and folk mixed and chatted and went for refreshments. "I want more of these," Fornax said as she used Jaylin's mouth to eat a wincing misfortune cookie.

  "That emotion of desire is really tearing you up, isn't it!"

  "Yes. Perhaps Demon Earth's emotion of hope will linger long enough for me to share my desire and make a game of marriage and family."

  A genuine lightbulb flashed over Jaylin's head. "That's why you want to borrow my body again! To approach Demon Earth in his own domain. Because you like him."

  "Desire him. There is a distinction."

  "Because of that lingering emotion. The Foop really got to you. So you want to follow up."

  "Without being caught loose outside my own domain, and trapped," she agreed. "Your terrene body will protect me against that, and I will be able to have a safe dialogue with him. This is not a physical thing, but a site for an intellectual encounter, to negotiate terms of a special game whose actual arena of play will be elsewhere. It will not interfere with your routine at all; you need not even be conscious of my presence."

  Jaylin considered. "I think I'd rather be aware, if it's all the same to you."

  "It is all the same. Demons are normally indifferent to the concerns of mortals.
"

  "But I don't think the Demon Earth has any romantic interest in you. He just wants to go home."

  Fornax paused, considering. That was unusual, because the Demon minds could process worlds of information in microseconds. "He has an interest in a female, but she does not return it. This allows me a prospect."

  "Well, I guess it's your business. It should be interesting."

  "Interesting," the Demoness agreed with an obscure slant of mood.

  Che and Cynthia Centaur approached. "Isn't this a joyful occasion!" Demoness Saturn exclaimed with Cynthia's voice. Jaylin could recognize them all, because of the effect of radiating Demon omniscience.

  "A tedious pain," Demon Mars said angrily with Che's voice.

  "Who would have thought it would be such an adventure?" Cynthia asked. "How little did I imagine that my simple query to the Good Magician would take me out of this galaxy."

  "It was still a pain," Mars said.

  "A bit of anger management," Cynthia murmured. Then she turned into Che and pressed close, giving him a double-breasted kiss. Saturn's lingering joy overwhelmed Mars's lingering anger, silencing him.

  "I wonder whether we could do that, Saturn," Mars said musingly.

  "Not in these bodies!" Cynthia said, jerking her bare front away from Che's.

  Che and Saturn both laughed. They were rapidly catching on to the remaining mortal emotions.

  "I desire that!" Fornax breathed longingly.

  "I fear you can't have it," Jupiter squawked.

  Fornax whirled and kissed him on the beak, silencing him too. She was making Jaylin's body do things, but at this point Jaylin didn't mind; she was too busy giggling.

  The wedding celebration was winding down. The Bride and Groom disappeared, surely eager to celebrate love and hope in their fashion. In fact, they were in Castle Zombie, perhaps doing things zombies did not imagine. Jaylin bid farewell to the friends she had made, and turned inwardly to Fornax. "I'm ready to go home, before your emotion fades the rest of the way, and you depart and leave me stranded here."

  "Curses! She caught on." The Demoness was still picking trace odds and ends from Jaylin's mind.

  It seemed but another moment when Jaylin appeared in the Baldwins' house. Fornax was proving useful for traveling purposes, as she had the ability simply to appear at the destination.

  There was David. "He's cute," Fornax remarked silently.

  "Jaylin!" David cried. "You're back!"

  "You noticed," Fornax said, inhaling. Jaylin was back in whole conventional clothing, but the Demoness had been quite quick to catch on how to use it to best advantage. "But this is not my back; it's my front." She angled it for best advantage, reaching a hand back to draw the shirt tight from behind.

  This was becoming embarrassing. "Will you let go of me?" Jaylin demanded silently.

  "Not yet. I have to deliver you all the way home." She turned slightly, shifting her knees to accentuate the profile of a hip.

  "You've changed!" David said, his eyes attempting to lock onto her chest and hip simultaneously.

  "Be quiet and kiss me, wonder boy."

  "Please, Fornax-I'd rather kiss him myself!" But the Demoness was still busy exploring the nuances of desire.

  David took her in his arms. Fornax nudged closer and gave him a deep kiss as she squeezed his thigh.

  "Really changed," he said, amazed.

  "That's only the beginning," Fornax said. "Now I must go home. Call me."

  And they were standing at Jaylin's door in Hawaii. "Now I will leave you," Fornax said. "I have used up the last of the desire. It was fun. When David calls, tell him that he and his sister have been granted passes to Xanth, and their parents too."

  "They have? How do you know?"

  "My omniscience, of course. I will come to you at my convenience and inclination. Should you ever wish to host me again on your own initiative, stroke the ring and think of me. I may oblige."

  "Don't hold your breath," Jaylin said. But she wasn't entirely sincere. The Demoness had shown her things that might be worth remembering. "Ring?"

  She was suddenly alone, except for the ring, on the same finger the Ring of Void had been. It looked entirely ordinary, even dull, but she knew it wasn't. Not by a lo-oo-ong shot!

  Nikko was barking. The door opened, and there was her mother. "Jaylin!" she cried gladly.

  "Mother!" Jaylin cried, hugging her.

  "I'm so glad you're back early! I was concerned."

  "Early?"

  "Florida is a long way away. You can't have had more than a few hours there. Did something go wrong?"

  Jaylin did some quick mental addition and realized that the trip to Florida, and thence to Xanth and Fornax, had taken less than a day. The trip back to Xanth had been instant, and from Xanth to Hawaii almost instant. Add in the time spent in the castle, and at the wedding-it was about two days.

  "No, nothing; it was just a bit faster than it might have been."

  "How was it? Did you have a nice visit?"

  How could she tell her mother all of what had happened? That she had gone to another galaxy, and tried to seduce her friend's fiancé, and agreed to host an impossibly powerful foreign Demoness. Mother would never understand. "It was great, mother. I had all kinds of adventures. And-" She hesitated. Was Putre really here? "Excuse me. I have to-" She hurried on through the house.

  "Of course, dear."

  But it wasn't the bathroom she was going to. She went on out the back. There was nothing there. Had she been deceived? "Oh, Putre," she murmured sadly.

  Something nuzzled her elbow. There was the black horse. She had invoked him by speaking his name. "Oh, Putre!" she cried, clasping his neck tearfully.

  Then she stood back a bit. "Can you still talk?"

  Putre shook his head. No speech balloon appeared. He had become Mundane.

  "I love you anyway!" she said, hugging him again. For an instant she thought she saw a little heart float over his head, but that was surely imagination.

  Then she turned back toward the house. How was she going to explain this to her folks? The truth would never do.

  She heard the phone ringing. That would be David, calling from Florida; she just knew it. She had things to tell him, especially now that Demoness Fornax was gone. She hurried inside.

  EPILOGUE

  Jaylin's mother shook her head. How the girl had come by a horse and brought him here she could not imagine. But that was only part of it. How had she gotten home from the airport? All the girl would say was that a friend had brought her, and that she had found the horse. It was obvious that the horse was nice enough, remarkably well trained, and devoted to her, adding to the mystery. She must have found him in Florida. Yet how could he have been shipped here so rapidly?

  And that weird phone call from her pen pal, David. Jaylin's mother did not believe in snooping, but she had been unable to avoid overhearing bits about some kind of demon and desire. That was probably one of those violent computer games, with fantastic creatures galore. They must have played it in Florida. The story line seemed to involve something about the distant galaxy Fornax, and rescuing a demon called, of all things, Earth, and how some demoness was interested in him but he wasn't interested in her. Neither David nor Jaylin could figure out why he wasn't, for she was an incredibly sexy creature, with powers akin to his own. Could he be interested in someone else? But the only other person he had really gotten to know was Jaylin herself, who had helped rescue him, though not in any ordinary way. Why would he care about her? Both of them had laughed uproariously at that notion. Then at the end, Jaylin had made a kissing gesture at the phone, and hung up. It was probably just as well that her romantic pen pal was several thousand miles away. She was, after all, only fifteen. What did she know of the pitfalls of young romance?

  Jaylin's mother had a bad dream in the night. Something about an impossibly powerful earth spirit taking an interest in her daughter, because she had inadvertently helped him and stirred his emotion. So he
was watching her, and watching over her, experiencing the odd feeling of hope. Hope for what? That wasn't clear, but Jaylin's mother woke in horror.

  The day was all right. Jaylin seemed to be normal, as she tackled the problem of getting feed and shelter for the new horse. That was going to be expensive, and the girl's allowance couldn't possibly cover it. But he was a nice horse, and Jaylin's mother couldn't help liking him, despite Jaylin's insistence on calling him an ugly name. She had checked on him at night, after Jaylin was asleep, and found him staring up at the moon. What could he possibly see there? She had patted him, and he had nuzzled her, and for a moment the stars over his head had seemed to form a heart-shaped pattern. A trick of night mist, surely. They would make do somehow, though caring for a horse had not been in their plans.

  Now it was day, and Jaylin was out riding the horse, bareback. That seemed unsteady, but they were having no trouble at all; the horse was perfectly docile, and seemed to answer to voice commands. He didn't stray, either, when alone, despite the lack of a suitable fence; he remained right where Jaylin asked him to. He seemed to understand every word she spoke. It was uncanny.

  It was a cloudy day, and rain was starting. But Jaylin wasn't coming in. What was the matter with that girl? Her mother was about to call to her, but paused in midbreath. Something really weird was happening.

  It was raining everywhere, except on the girl and horse. There was a patch of sunlight on them-and it followed them like a spotlight as they moved. It illuminated Jaylin especially, making her hair shine, flattering her features, making her as pretty as an angel. It was as though the land and sky loved her. She seemed quite unaware of it.

  Jaylin's mother stared, and suffered a memory of her bad dream. Could it be true? An earth spirit, watching over her, and hoping for something?

  Hoping for what?