In the Flesh

by K D Grace

  “Michael! Michael, there’s a reason why you don’t feed her from your heart’s blood.” It was Magda who spoke.

  In that moment, Alonso wrestled me away from my efforts only long enough for Magda to slice a clean sharp incision with a knife, low on Michael’s left pectoral. Before the first flow had fallen to his nipple, I lunged and Alonso released me. I threw my arms around Michael and pulled in the first delicious taste of his blood, so different from Alonso’s, but no less heavenly, with the tang of summer fruit and woodland herbs, and he sighed with relief and cradled me to his chest.

  “You romantic bastard,” Magda said to Michael, settling back on her knees and catching her breath while she watched my efforts. “It has nothing to do with your emotions, idiot. The heart’s blood must be opened by the giver, and that’s why it’s considered more intimate. It’s a gift. It can’t easily be taken by force.”

  Michael only nodded and moaned as I pulled him still closer. It was when he laid his head back against the bed and his eyes fluttered shut that I realized he could barely hear Magda. In fact, I doubted that he’d understood a single word she’d said. With one hand he gently kneaded and caressed my flank while the other stroked and fisted my hair.

  In a moment of clarity, I felt the slow, deep shifting of his hips beneath me and became keenly aware that he was fully erect. My body responded in kind, nipples peaking, heat rising heavy and humid between my thighs and my own hips shifting. But instinct won out in the end. I would revisit the lust once the hunger eased. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remembered Alonso saying that feeding and sex were both intimate acts best done together, and in private, whenever possible. Perhaps when I was finished feeding, I would fuck Michael. Perhaps when I was done drinking from the blood of his heart, I would reward him, reward both of us for his efforts.

  I wanted him with every cell in my body. I had no idea I could hunger for him so deeply. So deeply that all I could think about, all I could imagine, was taking him into myself, taking all of him into myself, taking in his luscious dark ruby blood in large, thirsty gulps as though I would never get enough, and then mounting him and taking the essence of his life force in the same way, until we were both spent and exhausted from our efforts.

  In truth, as we writhed on the floor, I felt as though the act of feeding would not be complete until we had coupled, but I needed strength before that could happen and Michael’s strength, Michael’s life’s blood was exhilarating in a very different way from Alonso’s.

  From somewhere a long way off, I heard Magda and Alonso speaking in distressed tones, and I wished they’d leave us alone. I anticipated fucking Michael with each deep pull of his blood, and while I would have preferred not to have an audience, the need I felt was even beyond what the Guardian had roused in me. I was sure one act would not be, in and of itself completed without the other—certainly not when it was with Michael. Therefore, if they wouldn’t leave, I would just ignore them and have him anyway.

  But to my irritation, they had no intention of leaving, or even being quiet. They just kept getting louder, and Magda kept saying something over and over again. “Gederofim, gederofim, gederofim,” it sounded like over the euphoric buzz in my ears. “Gederofim, geteroffim. Get! Her! Off! Him!”

  With me fighting like a tiger, Alonso pulled me free. “Susan… Susan! You can’t take any more from Michael. It’s too much.”

  “Susan! You’ll kill him,” Magda shouted at me, just as she shoved her wrist in front of my open mouth. Only once I’d punctured flesh—damn near breaking bone in the process—and tasted the sharp, clean citrus of her blood, did I realize that Michael’s eyes were closed and he was pale, so pale.

  Alonso held the bed sheet tightly to the wound in Michael’s chest and gently slapped his face until he roused with a gasp.

  In that instant I felt shame, fear, horror. Yet I could no more stop feeding than I could have stopped the flow of time.

  “He’ll be all right,” Alonso was saying. “He’ll be fine. He’ll be a little weak when he wakes up, but he’ll be fine. He’s an angel. He’s stronger than an ordinary mortal.”

  And still I gorged. Even as I wept and sobbed at Magda’s wrist, somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized that my tears were still salt and not blood. They were as bitter as they had been when I realized that Michael planned to sacrifice himself for me. I had done all that I had done and still, he nearly died because of me—most surely would have if Alonso and Magda hadn’t intervened. I wept bitterly between great gulps of Magda’s blood. She held me in strong arms, stroking my hair and speaking to me in some ancient language I didn’t understand, but being very careful not to withdraw her wrist.

  When I could manage a sane word, when I was sated enough I was once again on the edge of sleep, I sealed the wound and pulled Magda’s face close to mine, careful not to jostle her glasses. “Keep Michael away from me. Please. I don’t want to hurt him and… I don’t want him to see me like this.”

  She tried to argue, but I grabbed her by the throat, and she stilled as though she were one of her own creations made of stone. “Promise me! I need you to promise me.”

  “All right,” she said softly, and then I allowed myself to tumble back into the sleep of the dead.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  I don’t remember much of the next few days. Occasionally I would realize that Alonso or Magda were in the room with me, but mostly my focus was on whoever served as my meal.

  The rest of the time I slept somewhere beyond the dream world, truly the sleep of the dead, I suppose. But I always woke ravenous, always beyond the grasp of my own rationality, always beyond the grasp of my own control.

  Most of the time I wasn’t familiar with whoever fed me, and as long as there was a source of blood, I didn’t really care who they were. When my conscience did rear its seriously brow-beaten head, whoever was with me at the time would assure me that Michael was all right and that I had not killed or permanently maimed anyone.

  On the third day, I came back to myself, my whole body tingling, especially my tongue and lips, which were pressed against the open vein at Talia’s wrist. I gave a little shudder that could have possibly been an orgasm. After all, Talia was a succubus. As I eased myself away from her wrist with a quick lap of my tongue to seal the wound, the world righted itself and I was able to exert some control.

  “Welcome back,” she said, with a wicked smile. “We were beginning to think you would drain us all and all of Magda’s household too before you were finally sated.” She glanced down at the inside of her wrist. “If you can resist my blood, sweet little scribe, then I reckon you’re well on your way to learning some control.”

  My stomach growled and she nodded down to it. “You’ll have to learn to manage the hunger. It’ll get easier with time and practice, but it never goes away, or so Alonso tells me. You were lucky to have his strength as well as Magda’s and Michael’s.” She shrugged. “And yours truly of course, to keep you and everyone around you safe. You’ve been pretty much out of control for the last three days.”

  There was a soft knock on the door and Alonso pushed his way into the room, offering a huge smile when he saw me sitting up in the bed. “How do you feel, darling girl?”

  “Different,” was the only reply I could think of, and that was an answer no one would have understood better than Alonso Darlington.

  “Of course you do. I would expect nothing else under the circumstances, but you also seem a little more yourself this evening.”

  “Well, she didn’t try to rip my throat out when I pulled away from her,” Talia said. When Alonso glared at her she only shrugged. “That’s what she’d been doing, isn’t it?”

  “Your comments are not helpful, Talia.”

  She heaved a hard-put-upon sigh. “Sadly honesty is seldom seen as helpful, even when it’s exactly what’s needed.” She kissed me lightly on the mouth, leaving a tingle in places far removed from my lips, then stood and left the room.

  Be
fore I could ask, Alonso answered my question. “Michael is fine, only frustrated and hurt that you won’t see him.”

  The flood of relief was overshadowed by the gut wrench of knowing that I’d hurt him, that he didn’t understand why I had to keep him away. I blinked back tears at the sudden tug of loss. “You know why I won’t see him. I won’t put him at risk again.”

  “He put himself at risk, darling girl, a thing which he would happily tell you if you would but allow it. Have you forgotten that he is an angel?”

  “Of course I’ve not forgotten what he is. Nor have I forgotten that I nearly killed him.”

  “He could have pulled away from you at any time, Susan, but for his possessiveness. The foolish man wanted you to take only from him, a desire I can easily understand, being a rather possessive creature myself.” I could tell by the inward turn of his smile that he was thinking of Reese. “I fear your angel is not pleased with the bond you now, of necessity, have with me.”

  “You mean he nearly let himself be killed because of a stupid testosterone pissing contest?”

  Alonso laughed quietly. “We men are strange creatures, no matter if we are angels or demons. It is in our nature to view the world in terms of our territory and our possessions. It is in our nature to protect and provide for those we see as our own.”

  “Even if it kills you?”

  “My darling girl, in our eyes, death is well-deserved if we are not man enough to take care of our own. If you are to understand your angel, you must learn this fact. And in all fairness, he should have been able to provide the nourishment you needed alone. He is strong enough, and as an angel he is quickly replenished of his life force and ready to meet your demands again. In truth, I would not have believed you could deplete him after I had fed you so well so recently. I have never known one so ravenous as you have been.”

  “I’m sorry. I... I couldn’t control myself.” I was suddenly unable to meet his gaze, the heat of shame scorching my face. “It’s just that I’m always so hungry.”

  “Do not be sorry, darling one. Creatures such as ourselves are not known for their control. And let us be candid, your circumstances are extenuating to say the least. We do not know the effects of what you have taken upon yourself yet.”

  For the first time since Alonso made me, I had the presence of mind to remember why I had asked him to do such a thing, but I had no time to search inside myself to discover if the Guardian was there before Alonso continued. “I have brought you here in this safe place so that you may learn control, so that you may learn what is needed, so that you may learn to hunt properly when you must feed outside those who willingly serve as your source of nutrition, and so that you may give something back when you must do so. Sadly, I had no one to teach me in the beginning, and if it had not been for Magda Gardener, I do not know what might have become of me.”

  “So that’s how she knows about feeding from the heart’s blood.”

  He nodded. “I was little more than a revenant when she took me. When I came back to myself in my lucid moments, the horror of what I had done, the guilt, sent me scurrying back into my darkness. She took me into her home, isolated me in a cave she had prepared for my needs and fed me of her own blood alone until I was calm enough and rational enough to learn control, and to learn to live with what I had become. In that time with her, I discovered that there are many creatures such as I—and not all of them vampires by any means. We must all learn to live with our own darkness and find a way forward—not to make amends, for we can never right the wrongs we have done, no matter how many lifetimes our existence might be. But, instead, we must learn to live lives that are… of value in the present.”

  He held my gaze. “I have not killed for a very, very long time, my darling girl. But the memories of what I have done do not fade, just as I am sure Magda’s do not. Nor will yours. My life lived well is my penance, and my joy, as yours will be, in time.”

  “Why?” I asked. “Why would Magda do that? Why didn’t she just… you know, turn you to stone?”

  This time his smile was edged with a bitter chuckle. “I believe I was very much hoping for a stake through the heart. I fear I would have single-handedly decimated a small village in the Yorkshire Dales if she hadn’t hunted me down, brought me back to my beloved Lakeland and taken me under her wing. You see, the village elders sought her out for that purpose. Mortals are nothing if not a cunning lot, and surprisingly good at overcoming insurmountable odds. Indeed, Magda could have ended my miserable existence, and easily. In fact, I begged her to at least a thousand times during those dark days when she held me captive. I owe her much.”

  As though he anticipated my next question, he waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, it is always difficult to tell with Magda Gardener if her acts are done out of compassion or out of her own desires to add to the Consortium.” Another chuckle. “That’s what she calls those she has brought together when she’s putting, how is it you say, the proper spin on it. But we all just call ourselves Magda’s collection, of which both myself and the angel, and now you, my darling girl, are a part.”

  For a moment, we both sat in silence. Then he moved onto the bed next to me, unbuttoned his shirt, and with a quick flick of a fingernail, opened the vein above his heart, still holding my gaze. “In the days ahead of us, my little one, I will give you of myself but a sip here and there, to strengthen our bond and to make you stronger. While others will be the source of your nourishment, what I can offer of myself will help you in what you must learn, and it will comfort and calm you as well.”

  For the first time since my new life began, I didn’t lunge; for the first time, I let him gently guide me to the flow, which I savored with light flicks of my tongue and pulls of my pursed lips.

  He grunted softly. “You must be careful, my darling girl. The pleasure you receive from the taking is returned in kind, and while I am sure Reese would understand if I took you that way, living with a vampire and a succubus as he does, I am not sure I could forgive myself, and I am most certain your angel would not forgive me. In fact, I do believe he would seek out a stake for my heart.”

  I pulled away and sat up next to him. “I’m sorry. I—”

  “Do not apologize, my darling. You must learn. I shall teach you. When you feed from your angel, you may take of his manhood, which will happily respond to your feeding, as you already know. In fact,” he offered me a wicked smile, “you may feed him from your heart’s blood,” he made a negating sign with his hand. “Only but a little, for he will not be able to take more without becoming intoxicated. A little, however, will pleasure both of you in ways you will find startlingly delightful.”

  He re-buttoned his shirt and wiped a smudge of his blood from my lips with the pad of his thumb, licking it off with a quick flick of his tongue, which made my heart race. “And now, my dear girl, there is someone here who very much wants to see you.”

  There was a knock at the door. Magda stepped in with Annie at her side, looking startlingly well, if still quite thin.

  “I have given her but a little of my own blood to help her heal,” Alonso whispered next to my ear. Or at least I thought he had, but then I realized I had heard his voice inside my head. “Yes, my darling Susan, there are other connections besides blood that we now share.” He nodded to Annie. “Go to her. You will not hurt her, of that I’m certain.”

  The thought was barely complete before Annie broke from Magda’s solicitous hold on her arm and ran to the bed, throwing herself into my embrace. “You’re all right! Oh, thank God you’re all right,” she sobbed against my shoulder.

  I could see the hammering of her pulse in the vein of her throat. I could smell the sweet flowery scent of her blood within. But, inside my head, almost inside the centre of my chest, I could feel Alonso’s reassuring nod. So, gently, carefully, I pulled her closer and found myself sobbing in empathy.

  “You’re a vampire now?” She pulled back, wiping her eyes and looking me over as though she expected me to flash
my fangs. Fangs which I wasn’t even sure I had, but surely I must, I had no problem getting to the source of blood offered from a wrist or a neck. And while Alonso had assured me that the vampire’s lack of reflection is only an old wives’ tale, I had not had the presence of mind to truly inspect myself for changes.

  “I am, yes.” I found myself blushing.

  “And you did that for me?” A huge tear rolled down her thin but healthy-looking cheek. “Oh, Susan, I never meant for this to happen.”

  “I know.” I pulled her back against my shoulder and let her cry. “It wasn’t your fault, Annie. It wasn’t your fault. If anyone is to blame it’s me, and I’m so, so sorry.”

  “What has happened is no one’s fault,” Alonso said. “Blame will do no one any good in moving forward into a future that, while quite different from the one I’m sure we all anticipated, will be bright.”

  “Come, darling. We’d best leave our little scribe to get her rest.” Magda shot first me, and then Alonso a glance from beneath her glasses as she motioned to Annie.

  “Can’t I stay just a little longer?” Annie protested. “Susan isn’t going to hurt me. Susan would never hurt me.”

  “Best you don’t just now,” Alonso said, reaching to push her hair, which once again was a shiny golden blonde, away from her face. “Susan is just now coming back to herself, and she has much to learn about being what she now is if she is to remain safe and keep those around her safe.”

  On an impulse, Annie leaned in and landed a kiss on my cheek.

  I was suddenly overwhelmed by the scent of her, the powerful efforts of her blood to heal her, to restore her health, the fact that she lived and breathed and that her body held what I needed. I curled my fingers in her hair and pulled her close with more force than I intended. She gave a little yelp of surprise, but threw her arms around me in a bear hug. There was no fear in her in spite of what I had become, in spite of the fact that I wanted to taste her blood with a need that was so close to physical my chest ached and my stomach clenched.