Ryan took in a fresh breath as she smiled, happy for the subject change. “Okay, yes. So I saw Amy leaving the stables this morning — ”
“Which building? Our building?”
“No, the main office.” She waved her hands in that general direction. “I followed her to this Starbucks where she met Black Hat.”
“The guy you saw at Oaklawn?”
She nodded emphatically and opened her mouth to keep going.
“Black Hat? Really?” Jesse asked.
Ryan rolled her eyes. “Shut up, let me finish.” She ran a hand through her messy hair and searched her thoughts for where she had left off. “Oh, so at first I thought Amy and Black Hat had a thing, you know? Like a sleeping together thing.”
“Right.” Jesse nodded, fighting a smile again. She was ridiculous.
“But, no!” Ryan's eyebrows were nearly in her hairline. “She's schtuping my uncle Dennis, who showed up a minute later.”
Jesse's humor vanished. “Dennis is here?”
“Not here, Starbucks.”
Dennis was here.
This was the closest thing he had to confirmation that Dennis, AKA Martin, had something to do with what happened at Crater Farms. It wasn't definitive by any means, but it made Jesse feel less crazy.
And worried.
His eyes cut up to Ryan, who had fallen silent and was watching him carefully.
“Jesse?” she asked, her voice wary.
He could only guess what his expression looked like. If it was anything like what was happening on the inside, it was probably very disconcerting.
“You don't go anywhere alone anymore,” he said firmly.
Ryan gaped. “Oh, I don't think so.” She crossed her arms over her chest, preparing to argue about his demand.
“Ryan, while normally I appreciate your stubbornness — ”
She scoffed loudly.
“ — I don't trust that guy, or anything he might be into.”
“I'm quite capable of taking care of myself, thank you,” she said through narrowed eyes.
“Dammit, Ryan.” Jesse took a step toward her and lowered his voice. “This guy is a bad guy. Animals that I loved died because of what he was into! A person like that doesn't care who gets in his way to accomplish his goal. He could hurt you. He could hurt Red. And I care too fucking much to just stand back and let it happen. Don't you get it? I care.”
Her eyes slashed with worry and pain, and she relaxed her posture. “I get it.”
Jesse's heart thundered relentlessly in his chest as his mind conjured an infinite number of possibilities that would put Ryan and Red in a danger of that magnitude. In places where he couldn't help them. Where he couldn't save them.
Her dark eyes, the same shade as her father's but missing the characteristic ruthlessness Jesse was accustomed to seeing, skated over his face. She licked her lips and his flicked to the movement and bounced back to her eyes.
“You have someone with you, too, okay?” she said roughly.
Yeah, she got it.
“Okay,” he readily agreed.
“Okay.”
twenty
“I know you doubt yourself, rise above it.”
Caleb closed his eyes and focused on relaxing his fists. He didn't need to show that she could still get under his skin Not after all these years. She'd taken enough from him. She wasn't getting anymore.
Taking a deep breath, steadying his composure, he finally crossed the threshold into Faith's hospital room.
He was glad he took the extra moment outside to brace.
She was waiting for him. Her elegant neck, still young and soft, turned towards him. Her heart-shaped face pale, but still amazingly beautiful. Her dark hair was all gone now, or he assumed so based on the silk scarf wrapped around her head. It was green, her favorite color.
“Caleb,” she greeted softly, a smile almost touching her thin lips.
He nodded curtly. “As you so beckoned.”
She flinched at his harsh tone, her eyes dropping to the floor in front of him. He remembered a time when she would be the last one to look away, standing in rigid consternation as she demanded he see her point, fire flashing in her eyes.
That was a long time ago, though.
“Yes, of course. Thank you for coming.” She gestured to a chair nearby and he took a seat.
Her eyes skated over his face slowly, taking their time. Warmth and pain slashing through them at random moments.
It had been years since they'd been alone in the same room together. The last time they had spoken face to face, was the end of the divorce and child custody hearings.
“I like the blue pinstripe,” she said. “It was always my favorite.”
“This is a new one. Valerie picked it out.”
If he thought bringing up his current wife would inflict any more pain on Faith, he shouldn't have.
She smiled in understanding. “How is Valerie?”
“She's well.” He flattened his lips together. “Is this just a social call?”
Faith's eyes glossed over. “Would that be so bad?”
There it was.
The kick in his gut he never got used to. He clenched his jaw, wishing he'd just ignored her request.
Faith sat up a little straighter in the bed, adjusting the covers around her. The sun was coming in through the window at such an angle that it washed away the signs of sickness with a golden glow.
For a moment, she looked as she always had.
The most beautiful woman in the whole world.
She had it all. Beauty, brains, balls.
The perfect woman.
Unfortunately, he realized too late, that looks can be deceiving.
“The way you look at me,” she said with a soft snort. “You still don't trust me, do you?”
Caleb lifted his chin slightly. “Should I?”
Her ghost of a smile slid though his facade and took hold of his lungs. “Yes. I never gave you a reason not to.”
Caleb found it difficult to swallow. He also had no retort.
For the past decade, he had spent countless hours, money, and time trying to divulge the secrets that he knew she had kept from him. The trickery and the deception was so strong in her blood, it wasn't possible for her to overcome that sort of tainting.
He'd found a list as long as his leg to incriminate her brothers and her mother, even her sisters in law. But nothing ever stuck to Faith.
“Ten years, Caleb. Don't you think we could be friends at the end?”
“Is that what you want, Faith?” he asked, unable to disguise the thickness in his throat that accompanied her use of the word end. “Friends?”
She sighed, her discouragement stealing what little color she had from her face. “Indulge me.”
Caleb held her eyes, the weight of her gaze making his spine ache. He nodded once in surrender, knowing that this final thing he was giving her would be the last thing he had to give. And selfishly, he wanted to.
They spoke then, for the first time in a decade, as friends. Small talk, politics, philosophy. She was as brilliant as ever, probably more now. He found her smile as infectious as always and even caught himself laughing at her quick wit. No one kept him on his toes in a conversation like she did. She had always been his equal when it came to cleverness, and now it seemed she'd surpassed him. The respect that he'd had for her resurfaced. And it hurt. Like a fresh break in an old bone.
The conversation turned to the horses, like always. A shared passion that had brought them together in the beginning — before it eventually tore them apart.
“Did you get him?” she asked, curiosity and light shining from her eyes.
Caleb scratched the side of his neck. “Still working on it. Amos is being cagey as hell.”
She nodded in understanding. “He always was a curmudgeon.”
“I can't help but think he's holding a grudge against me for letting you go,” Caleb confessed with a soft laugh.
The room gre
w still and his eyes flicked up to Faith's, her lips parted in surprise. Caleb regretted his words. This was why he avoided her. She made him weak. Pulled the deepest fears and thoughts out of him without even trying.
“Well,” she said, clearing her throat. “I hope you get him. Then all of our dreams can come true.” She blinked in apology. “I mean your dreams.”
“Our dreams,” he said, not liking the wall she was slowly and gently building. He knew he should let her, they were both better off apart.
Faith's lips flexed into a smile that didn't hit her eyes. “You've been waiting on that colt before he was even conceived. You must be so excited.”
Caleb nodded. “I am. I have all the registrations taken care of.” He rubbed his chin and chuckled. “Maybe I'm a little too excited.”
“And the trainer?” she asked.
Caleb rolled his eyes. “That kid,” he muttered. “Did you know he almost went to jail?”
“I've been following along.”
Caleb sat up and leaned forward on his elbows. “He's out of that mess now, but it took a lot of greasing. The kid is brilliant, though, just like you said. All he needs is the right colt.”
“Which you'll get for him,” she said confidently.
It stirred his insides. A reminder of what they once had. What they could have been. Caleb glanced at his watch and out the window to the setting sun.
There was one point of discussion they hadn't touched on yet. Because it was the last.
And then they'd be done.
“Will she be here soon?” he asked, gravel in his voice.
“She usually stops by around nine.”
“That's late,” he replied, unable to look at her.
“She has classes...” Faith shifted in the bed. “Caleb.”
He stared out the window for a long time, fighting to regain the control that he desperately needed to get through his everyday life. Finally he faced her again.
“She's so smart, you'd be so proud,” Faith said softly, her eyes getting wet.
“She must hate me,” he said to no one in particular. It was just a statement of fact.
“No,” Faith corrected. “Girls...” She swallowed hard, trying to control her voice. “Love their fathers.”
“I can't — ”
“I know.”
“I'm not — ”
“I know.”
Caleb shook his head with frustration. “Then what do you want from me?” he asked, voice strained. This was the over-asked question. The one she never gave a straight answer to. The one that haunted his mind and tortured his soul.
Faith tilted her head, her face getting soft. “She's half of you. Sometimes when I look at her, she's so much like you it makes my heart hurt.”
“She's not — ”
“She is.” Her quiet declaration ended his useless protest. “If you get the chance to give her a chance... You won't regret it. She'll surprise you in the best way.”
“Is she your Trojan horse? The bomb you send inside my city?” It was cheap, but he couldn't stop it. A protective reflex where she was concerned.
She flinched at the bite in his words, her eyes dropping to her lap. Sighing, she closed her eyes. “I just don't have the strength to argue with you anymore. If you miss it, you miss it.”
Caleb noticed his left knee was bouncing and wondered how long it had been going on. He sat back in his chair, trying to school his features. Recognizing the close to their final conversation and suddenly feeling afraid of the end.
Her head came up, also feeling the curtains draw on their time together. “Thank you for giving me this today,” she said with such pain in her eyes, it shocked him. “I missed you.”
The tension that Caleb kept pulled tight broke free in a moment of clarity. “This is really it, isn't it?” he asked, frowning. “This is actually the last time you'll call me.”
“Yes,” she confirmed.
“How long?” he asked, surprised by the sudden feeling of helplessness that swept through him.
“Soon.”
Caleb stood, crossing over to the bed. He looked down into the eyes that had once held such power over him and saw they still did. The light was dimming, but it still shone. His hand came out and cradled the side of her face. She closed her eyes and turned her cheek into his touch, a single tear escaping the corner of her eye.
“I am sorry, Faith,” he said, wiping the tear away with his thumb.
Her eyes opened and took him in for the last time.
“I forgive you, Caleb.”
twenty-one
“Take heart, take the reins, take this life and make it yours.”
Oaklawn Park
Hot Springs, AR
Rebel Stakes
March
The spring races went by faster than Ryan had expected. Maybe it had something to do with all of the suspiciousness.
Eggshells. All of the time. They lived on them. They slept on them. They were obsessed with them.
And Red was more frustrated than Ryan had ever seen him.
It probably had something to do with all of the races they'd been making him tank. Not lose completely, but place no higher than third. The big colt was starting to get pissed.
It was a decision that Jesse and Caleb had deliberated on. Caleb, in his extreme paranoia, didn't want his prize colt drawing any more attention by winning too many times before the Derby.
In fact, Caleb had begun traveling with them on the road in order to make his point. Red was not to win. Ryan was getting an up close introduction to the paranoia of her father... and it was unsettling. He micromanaged everyone on the team: her, Jesse, the jockeys, the grooms, the drivers. He was meticulous in his demands, dictating even so much as by how many lengths Red lost by.
The colt's frustrations were making it harder for Ryan to do her job. He'd started to pace in his box the start of race day, he would fight Eddie for the bit during his morning workouts, and he was only affectionate with her now. He even gave attitude to Jesse.
He was in danger of becoming as hateful and difficult as his sire.
The connection between trainer and colt was more apparent than ever before. The nights that Red paced his box, so did Jesse. He didn't know that Ryan knew — or at least they never spoke of it. But she would lie awake and listen to Red's frustrated steps on one side and Jesse's on the other.
Jesse was also taking it personally. He tried to hide his distress, force his quiet smiles and gentle tone. But if she could pick up on it, no doubt Red could as well.
And Red showing his affection to Ryan alone was another factor shared with Jesse. He snapped at the grooms, he fought with Red's jockey, he growled when Caleb walked by — but he was soft with Ryan. He had begun to seek her out more often, just to be near her. His desperation was palpable in the long hours of silence they spent together. And yet, he was better when he was near her, versus when they were apart.
It was beginning to exhaust her, which led to her concern for both of them — colt and man. She was only one person, her talents were limited. Eventually something was going to break.
Which was why Ryan found herself standing outside Caleb's hotel room door, shifting back and forth on her feet as she prepared to knock.
She closed her eyes as his hateful words rang through her ears again. It had been months since their last confrontation, but it still burned fresh in her mind every time she saw him.
He, for his part, had acted like it had never happened. She wasn't entirely sure if that was a good thing or not. On one hand, it was kind of nice that he didn't feel the need to remind her all of the time what he really thought about her. On the other, an apology wouldn't be so bad.
Shit. This was hard.
Her hands spasmed into fists by her sides three or four times as she licked her lips and looked up and down the empty hallway. She half-expected Jesse to charge into the situation and forbid her from speaking on his behalf. Her eyes closed while she blew out a calming breath.
Jesse and Red.
They needed her to be their advocate.
Her timidly rapid knock went unanswered for an entire minute. The thundering of her heart was all she could hear. Maybe he wasn't there, or he was sleeping. It was late. Way past any decent time to be having a regular work related conversation. It was hard to remember that because she and Jesse were constantly working, no matter the daylight. Other people probably kept more regular schedules. She should have been here sooner, or maybe tomorrow. Yes, she could just come back in the —
The door jerked open and she took a half-step back in surprise.
Caleb's dark eyes burned on her face and she regretted everything that had brought her to this moment, beginning with her first visit to the Tampa Bay Downs and ending with her elevator ride up to her father's fifteenth floor suite.
She swallowed hard, not trusting her voice or her words — or her sanity, to be honest.
His shrewd gaze narrowed on the nervous twitch of her lips. They stood in a silent stare down and Ryan realized this was the first time she had been alone with her father in more than ten years.
He flung the door wide and walked back into the suite. She hesitated for a half a heartbeat, not knowing if that was an invitation to come inside or if it was a dismissal. But the reason for her visit was so prominent in her mind that she didn't care if he wanted her to leave. Her hand braced against the heavy door before it could swing shut and she slipped inside.
The door's latch clicked loudly behind her and she flinched at the sound. This was quite possibly the bravest and the stupidest thing she had ever done.
She couldn't see him from where her feet were attempting to stay rooted. The suite was enormous, easily ten times bigger than the little cheap motel room she had to herself. She forced her feet to move solidly in the direction of the sound of tinkling glass. She exited the short hallway and the suite opened into spacious living quarters, Caleb stood at a long counter pouring a dark brown liquid into two glass tumblers.
Her eyes skittered over him and nervously took in the details of the room. Swanky, clean, empty.
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