by Sara V. Zook
I stuffed the envelope in my pocket. This diamond deal was going to really pay off, I could feel it. My cell phone started to ring. It was from a number I didn’t recognize.
“I’m going to take off.” Seton stood up and put his coffee cup on the counter.
I nodded at him and held the phone up to my ear. “Hello?”
“Is this Mr. Cain?” a woman’s voice asked from the other end.
“Who’s this?”
There was a slight pause before she spoke again. “Mr. Cain, I’m Lena Trawley, your mother’s caretaker.”
“Is everything alright?”
She sighed. “I’m really sorry I have to make this call.”
“What’s wrong with my mom?”
“I’m afraid she’s taken a turn for the worse. I think you should come home right away. I don’t think she has very long.”
I almost dropped the phone but somehow managed to hang onto it. I just stood there in silence for a few seconds, letting what the caretaker said sink in. This wasn’t supposed to happen. My mom was supposed to be getting better. I kept returning to the words turn for the worse.
“Mr. Cain, are you still there? Are you okay?”
I cleared my throat. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I put the phone back in my pocket, my heart breaking at the thought that the only person who had ever truly been there for me was dying. I was in shock.
Lilah came down the staircase in her bare feet, still wearing my T-shirt, a smile on her face as she ran a hand through her hair.
“Good morning,” she said, walking into the kitchen and sitting down on a stool at the island.
“Morning.” I pressed my lips together. I just couldn’t find the willpower to smile back.
She jumped off the stool and came over to me. She placed her hand on my back. “Nicky? What’s wrong?” She studied my face. “You feel okay?”
I placed one hand against the edge of the counter to brace myself, the other hand slid into hers. I took a deep breath. “I just got a call from my mom’s caretaker. My mom has cancer.”
“Oh my god…Is she okay?” Lilah asked.
I closed my eyes for a second. “She told me she’s not good. I need to go right away. She’s in Lazerne.”
“Lazerne,” she repeated, as if trying to decide if she’d heard of it before. She squeezed my hand. “That’s awful news. I’m so sorry, Nicky,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around my back and gently hugging me.
I just stood there leaning, feeling her warmth against me, my mind swirling with despair of how I was going to go on without my mother by my side, how she’d held our little family together for all these years. I turned around to Lilah and pressed her hand up to my lips. “Come with me, Lilah.”
“What?”
“Come with me to Lazerne. Please. I don’t think I can do this alone. I want you to be with me,” I pleaded, sounding desperate but I didn’t care. I felt a connection with this woman, like I could lean on her and she’d have no judgment.
“I can’t…”
My heart sank. The coffee I’d drank wasn’t sitting well in my stomach. I ran my hand through my hair and turned away from her.
“Nicky,” she whispered, her voice sad and full of sympathy, “it’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just…I have to go to work today. I’ve missed too many days lately. I can’t just spring a trip on them.”
I turned back around to look at her. “That’s it? Just work? That’s the only reason you have for not going?”
She lowered her eyebrows, not understanding the crazy thoughts that ran through my mind. “Well…yeah.”
“So just quit.”
“What?”
“Quit your job.”
“I heard you, I just—I can’t just quit. It’s all I have. I mean literally, Nicky, it’s all I have left in my life,” Lilah told me, her voice full of sadness, as if admitting that made her less of a person.
I grabbed both of her hands and stared into her dark blue eyes. “Did you go to college?”
She nodded.
“I figured.”
She laughed.
“What’d you go for?”
She pressed her lips together. “Business.”
“Okay, business. So, Lilah Cross, if you could have any job in the entire world, your dream job, what would it be?”
Lilah threw her head back and laughed. It was a wonderful noise. “Um…I have always wanted to have my own clothing shop. I mean, top of the line fashion clothes. Everything on the racks just came straight off the runways. I would want all of the famous people to come to my shop. It would be the place to be.” She grinned and looked up at me, still gripping tightly onto both of my hands. “Sounds stupid, huh?”
“Are you kidding?” I grinned. “That’s a hell of a dream. Let’s do it.”
“Nicky, what are you talking about?”
“Let’s do it, Lilah. Let’s get you your own clothing shop with all of those things that you said.”
“Nicky, you’re a whole lot of crazy.” She laughed again. Her smile made my breaking heart feel not so weighed down. I needed her to come with me. I needed her by my side through the worst thing I’d ever had to face before—my mother with that shitty cancer that had ruined everything good about her and now was taking her life, too.
“Yeah, I probably am a little crazy.” I stared at her for a few more seconds. She didn’t have any make up on, her hair wasn’t fixed, and she still was smoking hot. “I’ll help you figure out your shop. Do you want to do it?”
She sighed. “Well, yeah, I do…”
“Good. I promise you you’ll have your shop.”
Lilah shook her head. “I don’t know what to think of you.”
“I think that may be a compliment,” I whispered.
She giggled. “I’ll go with you to see your mom.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
I pressed my forehead against hers. I was so damn grateful she’d said yes to coming along. “Thank you.”
A throat cleared behind us. I turned to see Tina standing there. Her hair was a mess, too, but she didn’t look nearly as good as Lilah. She looked pissed off and hung over. She put her hands on her hips.
“You’re still here?” I asked.
“She’s still here?” Tina repeated, glaring at Lilah.
I felt Lilah pull her hands away from mine.
“I’m really pissed off, Nicky. You left me hanging last night. Do you know what I had to do to get the money to come the whole way out here? I thought you’d be happy to see me. I thought…”
I put up my hand to cut her off. “You didn’t think at all. You were only thinking about yourself, as usual. Typical Tina.”
She narrowed her eyes and switched her position to now slouching with her arms crossed in front of her. “What’s your problem? You seem different, Nicky, and not in a good way.”
“You’re just pissed off because I don’t let you walk all over me anymore.” I tapped the side of my head. “I’ve smartened up. Come on, Lilah.” I walked past Tina.
“Where are you going?” Tina asked, her voice now sounding desperate and hurt. “You’re leaving me again?”
I sighed. This chick was getting on my last nerve. I turned around. “I’m going to Lazerne.”
“You are?” Tina asked in surprise. “Why?”
“It’s my mom.”
Tina’s face fell. She knew exactly what I was talking about as she covered her mouth. “Let me go get dressed. I’ll drive you. We can go together.”
I frowned. “Nah, you go on ahead.”
Tina’s face again was full of hurt, but I didn’t give a shit. She had put me through the ringer in the past. It was hard to feel sorry for someone who never felt sorry for me all those years she had been sleeping with guys behind my back, some of them my friends. It didn’t bother me anymore, but I’d never forget what kind of person Tina Eskin really was. I didn’t believe people changed, not reall
y. Tina was and always would be nothing more to me than a Lazerne slut everyone had had a piece of.
“You shouldn’t be alone, Nicky,” Tina told me.
“I won’t be,” I replied, heading up the staircase. “I’m going with her.” I pointed to Lilah who was following close behind me. Tina’s mouth dropped open as I looked away, knowing I had to throw some things in a bag and get on the road quickly. Time was ticking.
34
CROSS
Nicky’s brand new sports car didn’t exactly fit in as we pulled into Lazerne. The house he grew up in was nothing compared to what he lived in now back in Haven. It was a small place with no yard built at the edge of a run down main street with houses touching on both sides. I couldn’t believe someone as well off and gorgeous as Nicky had been born and raised in this place. You could feel the stares from the few people that were on the street as he parked out front and hurried around the side to open my door.
“What’s your first impression of Lazerne?” he asked, offering me his hand to help me get out of the incredibly low-to-the-ground car.
I tried to look him straight in the eye as I mumbled, “It’s…nice.”
Light laughter came out of his throat. “Yeah, my thoughts exactly.”
“Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to sound snobby.”
“You don’t. You’re being honest, and so am I. Lazerne’s a piece of shit. I should’ve taken my mom out of here and taken care of her myself in Haven.”
I didn’t say anything as we walked up the wooden steps and into the house. It felt like a hundred degrees inside, the heat almost suffocating as I hurried to remove my heavy coat. I figured it was because his mom’s cancer had made her frail, lose weight, and that she was probably cold all the time.
A woman appeared as she hurried to greet us from the other room. “You must be Mr. Cain.”
He nodded, his forehead already creased in worry.
“I’m Lena.” Her eyes shifted to me, but Nicky didn’t introduce me. His mind was focused on his mother. I didn’t take offense.
“Is she upstairs?”
“No, I moved her bed into the living room. It was just easier for her not to go up and down those stairs,” Lena explained.
Nicky didn’t stick around to listen to anymore. He darted around the caretaker and into the next room. I followed, not knowing what to expect from this whole situation. Here I was, hardly even knowing this guy. I’d stayed in his house last night, let him talk me out of going to work today, sat beside him as he drove me to his hometown. It was a little insane when I truly thought about it, but it was a breath of fresh air at the same time. I had been an empty shell these last few months and even years, if I was really honest with myself. I felt alive, doing what I wanted to do, making rash decisions and just living for once. I was going with it. I wasn’t going to overthink this situation and let my conscience ruin this for me. I didn’t know what me and Nicky were, what we were doing or anything like that, but I didn’t have to put a title on any of this, not right now. He could take me back to Haven and never see me again, and I’d appreciate the time I’d spent with him just like this, with a true gentleman who was taking my mind off the reality of what had happened last night. He had taken care of everything, and now, I didn’t have to worry. For once, I wasn’t stressed out. I was touched that he’d wanted me to come with him.
The living room was set up like a makeshift hospital room. It was dark in there, the shades drawn, and had the faint smell of bleach. In the bed on her back was Nicky’s mom. She looked so tiny in the large bed. Her eyes were closed and her chest moved slowly up and down as if it were taking a great deal of effort for her to breathe. She had an oxygen mask covering her nose and mouth.
“She hasn’t been eating,” Lena said quietly from behind us. “She’s struggling every minute just to get some air.” The caretaker looked down at the woman sympathetically. “She’s on morphine now. She doesn’t have long. I think she’s been holding on for you, Mr. Cain.”
Nicky got down on his knees beside the bed. Her clutched onto his mother’s hand and started to sob as he cried into her arm. The sight broke my heart. “I’m here, Mom. I’m here,” he cried. He sniffled and looked up at her face. She hadn’t moved or acknowledged his presence. “Please open your eyes. I need you to see me, Mom. Try to open your eyes, Mom. Please.” He bent down and pressed her hand against his cheek.
“She hears you, son,” Lena told him. “She knows you’re here. She hears you.”
I should’ve felt more uneasy than I did in this situation seeing all of the emotion pouring out of Nicky, not even knowing his mother or the situation of her disease, but I just continued to observe the moment, knowing even if nothing happened between me and Nicky, I’d always remember, how he let me see him at his weakest, knowing how much he cared about the woman who’d raised him.
“Do you want me to stay here?” I asked.
Nicky didn’t look over to me. “Yes, stay,” he replied.
“I’ll give you all some time alone with her,” Lena stated. “Have a seat over there in the corner, miss.”
“I’m Lilah,” I told her.
Lena nodded and ducked out of the room.
I sat down on a hard padded brown chair that was stuffed awkwardly in the corner of the room to make space for the hospital bed. I crossed my legs and relaxed as Nicky spent silent time with his sick mom. I observed him, wanting to go hug him and comfort him but knowing it’s not what he needed right now. He needed to be with her, and I just needed to be in the room with him. I was his support right now. That knowledge made me feel slightly empowered knowing that Nicky Cain was an important man in Haven. I didn’t know what that meant, exactly—I’d figure that out later, but deep down, I knew that he was really somebody, and his leaning on me made me feel like I wasn’t just the estranged daughter of a senator, I was somebody again by my own decisions.
My mind fluttered back to what little memory I had of my own mother. She had died when I was a little girl, not even old enough to go to school yet. I didn’t remember much about her, just that she dressed me up a lot in pretty lace dresses and had me twirl around and around. I was told she was found in our swimming pool. She had drowned and he been home alone at the time. It was just me and my dad from then on out—until Verna showed up, but I was a senior in high school when she came into the picture. My dad never told me much about the situation surrounding my mother’s death. Then again, I hadn’t really asked, either. I didn’t understand back then what had happened to her. I just knew she was in heaven, and although I probably missed her, even though I didn’t remember that now, thinking she was an angel was enough for a little girl to go on. My dad, on the other hand, always seemed sad from that point on. He had changed. He was around physically but not so much mentally. Verna could think what she wanted. I knew that my mom was the only woman my father ever loved.
Nicky pushed a small stool over to his mother’s bedside and gripped her hand again. He stroked her hair and whispered things into her ear I couldn’t hear. I didn’t need to. I knew they were beautifully sad words probably full of hope and regret but more than that, full of love. My heart swelled within me. I had never felt so attracted to a man in all my life.
35
CAIN
I was startled awake with a firm hand on my shoulder. I looked up at my mother. She was still out of it and hadn’t moved since I’d gotten here. I hadn’t realized I’d drifted off. I was pissed at myself for sleeping. Lena was the one shaking me. I turned to her and she smiled softly.
“You’ve been sitting here a long time, Mr. Cain. Why don’t you go on and go to your old room and sleep? I’ll come and get you if there’s any change,” Lena assured me.
My eyes drifted back to my mom. I felt so alone seeing her like this. It was upsetting that she was so sleepy and hadn’t woken up. I hadn’t been expecting her to not be moving around at all. I should’ve come sooner. I was beating myself up and was so pissed for being such a ho
rrible son to her lately. I was all she had, and I hadn’t been there for her. I’d run off to the city and hadn’t come back—not even once. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.
“Your girlfriend’s been sleeping, too,” Lena whispered.
Girlfriend? I turned to see Lilah slouched down in the chair; the shirt she’d hurried to buy at a store on the way here was too big and she hadn’t complained at all. She had rushed to grab whatever she could so I could get here as quickly as possible. She had her head resting against her shoulder in almost a painful looking position.
I walked over and gently touched her arm. She jerked her head up in alarm and then winced from the sudden movement and the stiffness of her neck. “We should go to bed,” I suggested.
She nodded, obviously still very sleepy.
“You hungry? I can make you something,” I offered.
“No,” she whispered. “I’m good.”
“Okay.” I watched her stand up.
Walking into my bedroom, it felt like it had been a lifetime since I’d been in here. The entire size of my bedroom in Haven now could fit this entire house inside of it. Everything was exactly how I left it. The double bed took up most of the room, and there was a small desk pushed up against the wall with a square window in the back that I only had open on summer nights to let some cool air in. Someone had made my bed, probably Lena, I thought, as the old brown comforter was pulled up neatly against the headrest.
I glanced at Lilah to catch her reaction. “Well, this is where I grew up. What a shithole, huh?” I flashed her a smile.
She still looked half-asleep as she glanced around the room to entertain my comment. “Actually, I kind of like it.”
“You’re not too hard to please,” I joked.
She shrugged and pressed her lips together into a small smile. Then she climbed up on top of the bed and pulled down the covers. She smoothed her hand on the light blue sheets underneath. “So you do know that sheets belong on a mattress.”
