Best Friend Billionaire

by Lexi Banks

  Tina linked her arm through mine, and she took me from the hospital. It did feel a little better to get out of that building, there was definitely a lot of stress that came within that place, but I couldn’t let it go either. When I wasn’t at the hospital, I missed being useful, and when I was, I felt reminded of my own situation. I couldn’t win.

  I STARED UP AT THE ceiling, ignoring the arguing on the reality show playing on the television next to me. I just had it there for background noise; I didn’t really care as long as I wasn’t in silence. Too much quiet was dangerous; it allowed me to fall further into that pit of sadness. While I lay there, thoughts circled my brain. The future that I’d been sort of slyly planning with Parker dissolved into nothingness, and I was left with a big black hole instead. The thought of making any sort of difference in the cancer world wasn’t anything any longer, any idea that I might make something of my life became a pipe dream, damn near impossible to achieve. I wasn’t usually a pessimist, but with this, I couldn’t see any other way to be. I couldn’t be positive about this. it was too much.

  Even seeing Tina attempt to flirt with the cute guy working in the coffee shop didn’t really cheer me up. The happiness was very short-lived. Still, I did hope that he asked her out. I wanted Tina to have everything.

  The lump also made me think of other things too, things I hadn’t ever really thought about before. Like my father. I honestly hadn’t ever cared about him before; he was just a sperm donor who didn’t care to stick around to ever get to know me, but now I wondered who he was, why he left, why he hadn’t ever come back.

  Mom didn’t ever talk about him either. Maybe she would have done so if I’d asked, but I just didn’t care. All of this had me curious. I guess I yearned for that family connection I lost when my mom got this same illness.

  I wouldn’t bother to look for him though, because what was the point? If everyone wanted to treat me like I wouldn’t last much longer, making me feel that way myself, then why bother bringing anyone else into this? Why create all the damn drama? It was unnecessary. He hadn’t ever cared before now, so what would be the point of dragging him in for nothing? Just like everything else, it was worthless.

  I sighed loudly and turned onto my side to stare at the TV screen once more. Very wealthy women who didn’t seem to have any issues in the world screamed at each other about nothing. But I preferred to listen to them than the nastiness going on inside my own brain. What the hell was I thinking about my dad for? He was nothing. I should have been thinking about my mom instead... if only it wasn’t so difficult to recall her face without sinking right back into my own issues again. A vicious circle that I couldn’t seem to climb out of however hard I tried.

  Chapter 29 – Parker

  Saturday

  I felt like shit as I dragged the clothes over my aching body, I really felt damn awful. I hadn’t slept much for the past few days, which didn’t help, but that wasn’t my main problem. I felt bad for Maddie. The longer it took for her to get the results from her lump, the worse her mood became. She shuffled around under a dreadful black cloud that she couldn’t shift however hard she tried. I understood, it made a whole lot of sense, but it made me feel bad. Every time she snapped at me, every time I heard that nasty bitterness in her voice, I took it knowing that she needed to just let it out. I was happy to be her punching bag, I would have taken anything, but she wasn’t getting any happier.

  I also didn’t like the fact that she didn’t want to do anything, she was content to hide away in her apartment, locking the rest of the world out. Including me and Tina who only wanted to help her. That wasn’t helping her depression. I needed to get her out, to persuade her that hiding away wasn’t the right way to deal with things. She didn’t like me for it, I could hear it her voice, but that didn’t change anything. It was what I needed to do.

  “Right,” I said to my strained looking face in the mirror. “Time to give Maddie the best day of her life.”

  I hoped that by showing her the best way to have fun, she would be able to forget just a little bit. That was all I wanted for her: a break from this never-ending nightmare that she was undoubtedly living in. I wanted her to be free.

  I grabbed my car keys off the table and stomped determinedly out of my house, my brain spinning the entire time. I slipped into the car and drove towards Maddie’s home, hoping that I would be able to find the right words today. I hated feeling like everything I said only made her worse. I wished that I had Tina’s number so I could speak to her about all of this, but unfortunately our contact had been limited. I hadn’t seen her as much as I would have liked.

  But there was no point in worrying about that now. Or anything for that matter. It was time to give Maddie the day of her life. I had lots of ideas prepared this time, and I wouldn’t let her get out of it. Keeping her brain active was key, so we were going to go to the local aquarium because I knew that she loved sea life, then on to a small bistro for lunch, after which I wanted to take her to a nearby craft fair, and in the evening a movie. Plenty for us to talk about, lots to keep her mind reeling, anything to take her away from thinking about the sickness.

  I just hoped that it worked. I needed it to go well so damn badly; the pressure had already built on my shoulders. By the time I actually got to Maddie’s apartment, I felt like a crazed, jittery mess, no use to Maddie at all.

  Still, I didn’t let that put me off; I knocked on the door quickly before I could talk myself out of it.

  Maddie didn’t say anything to me as the door opened today. There wasn’t any false happiness, just more gloom and doom. She had baggy sweatpants on, an oversized tank top, and her hair had been scraped back into a messy bun. There wasn’t any makeup on her face, which only highlighted the deep bags of exhaustion under her eyes.

  “Did you... want to go?” I asked her pointlessly because we both knew that she didn’t want to.

  She shrugged and shut the door behind her delicately, without making much of a noise at all. Almost as if she was trying her hardest to become invisible. “Sure. I don’t mind. Whatever you want.”

  I watched in horror as she folded her arms across her chest. I’d been firmly shut out again. Every single time she opened the door to me just a tiny crack, she slammed it closed again just as rapidly. It was almost as if she wanted to push me away. She was trying to drive me so hard that I just upped and walked. Unfortunately, she wasn’t considering the deep love that I felt for her in that plan. It would take a lot more to send me off. I was here for her, as a rock. I would be there for as long as she kept me around. She’d see that soon enough, surely?

  “Okay, well I have us tickets to the aquarium, so let’s go. We want to get there before all the screaming kids...”

  I snorted out a little laugh, but she didn’t join in with me. If anything, Maddie looked horrified by the idea, as if being somewhere surrounded by fish was a nightmare. If I wasn’t so determined to take her there, that look alone would have been enough to change my mind. But I had the tickets now, and we were going no matter what.

  I took Maddie by the hand and led her away from the apartment that she’d made her safe space. She couldn’t lock herself away from the world forever; she had to keep getting out there. It was utterly essential. I could not see that gutted look on her face again; I couldn’t lose my best friend and the love of my life to depression.

  Oh God, what will she be like if she gets the worst news? My brain desperately asked me. She’s only going to get sadder and angrier; she’ll push me further away. It’ll be a nightmare... But I would still be there. I had to be.

  Anyway, I couldn’t get lost in the idea that she might actually be sick. I had to concentrate on keeping her happy in the here and now. It was the right thing to do. This wasn’t about me anyway, not at all.

  OKAY, SO THE AQUARIUM was a definite bust. She hated that. Maddie walked through the whole place with a glazed look in her eye as if she didn’t even know what was going on. The turtles didn’t inspire her;
the tropical fish got no reaction; even the penguins got nothing but an obligatory noise. It was a mistake. That was a shame because I knew that under normal circumstances, she would have loved it. I’d have to try again at another time. Sometime when she wasn’t so bleak and lost in her sadness.

  She hadn’t said much through lunch either, and she didn’t eat a lot. The food tasted lovely, so it certainly wasn’t that. She didn’t have an appetite because she was so worried. All I wanted was to take a little piece of that strain from her, to share the burden, but she honestly didn’t care one bit. She shouldered it all. Even when I tried to talk to her, to drag her mind off in another direction, I simply got a cold glare or a snappy answer back. She didn’t want to even attempt a connection with me, which was really difficult because I was so desperate to be let in.

  I had hoped the craft fair would be a little better, but I had made another mistake. She didn’t even look at anything as she walked around, and to every single person at that place, it was obvious she wanted to be anywhere else in the world. Probably with anyone else in the world as well. I didn’t get the impression that she was too fond of me.

  It’s okay, just keep being the punching bag, I reminded myself. This is what Maddie needs right now.

  But then, I wasn’t too sure if I was an expert in what Maddie needed. I kept thinking I knew, I used our years of friendship prior to help me through this, but it seemed none of that applied here. I guessed it was just too different. This wasn’t the girl who just needed a shoulder to cry on because her mom was sick and she didn’t know how to deal with it; this was a woman who thought her whole life was in danger because she’d found a lump.

  What do I do? I thought desperately as I glanced at her out the corner of my eye. How can I make things right?

  There was so much pressure to make her happy, a pressure that I put on myself, and I hated to watch myself fail so miserably over and over again. I needed to try something new, to make it okay again. The last time we went out, I managed to have a nice day with her, she even ended up staying over at mine. I could recreate that.

  “Are you bored?” I asked Maddie quietly. I didn’t even get an answer, just another shrug. “We can leave if you want to? I have a movie booked; I’m sure we can change the time on the tickets. Especially to an earlier show.”

  “Will you just stop it?” Maddie exploded, raging tumbling out of her mouth like a volcano erupting. “Stop doing all of this stuff. I don’t want to see the God damn fish or crappy crafts.” I winced as one of the stall owners overheard and zipped in a shocked breath. “I don’t want to eat or see a movie. None of this is going to make me forget, okay? That’s impossible. You might as well get that idea out of your brain immediately. I can’t forget, I won’t forget. Nothing you can do will change that.” She threw her hands in the air in frustration. “Just stop it.”

  Her anger hit me like a bullet in the chest. I almost felt it pierce through my heart. I kept trying and trying, and she insisted on pushing me away all the time. I didn’t want to make this about me, but it was exhausting.

  “I’m trying, Maddie,” I reminded her. “I’m trying to help you as much as I can. It isn’t easy.”

  “You aren’t helping. You’re treating me like I’m dying, which isn’t fair.” Her eyes filled with a very frustrated set of tears. “You don’t have any respect for how I feel at all. I don’t want any of this, and you don’t care.”

  “I’m just trying to help you not get too depressed. I don’t want you to lock yourself away from the world. I want you to know that you aren’t alone and I’m here for you. Why can’t you see that, Maddie?”

  Her expression turned to one of sheer rage. I almost stepped back under the sheer weight of it. “I just want to be alone and the quicker you get that through your thick skull, the better.”

  “I... I...” There were no words; I was in shock. Everything that I wanted to say simply fell apart as I watched her face contort like even being in my presence left her in actual pain. I felt like she hated me. “I’m sorry, I...”

  Maddie shook her head disappointedly. “Just leave me alone, Parker, okay?”

  And with that, she walked away, leaving me alone with only the stall owners who now hated my guts and my own misery for company. I couldn’t keep telling myself that it was okay, that I was her punching bag, because she didn’t even want me for that. I wasn’t anything to her; she didn’t want me through her hour of need. I had annoyed her a lot. So much that she would rather walk or get a bus home than sit in a car with me.

  Well, I’d done the one thing I didn’t want to, and I’d royally fucked things up.

  Chapter 30 – Madison

  Saturday

  My heart raced painfully as I walked away from Parker. I couldn’t believe it had gotten to this point. I loved him, I really did, with everything in my heart, but this just wasn’t going to work. Not with him acting like he was, trying to push me to change the way I felt, and me sinking further and further into negativity. This would only get worse, so I had to get away now while I still could. Maybe once this was over, we could still share a friendship. That would be all I needed from him if the news was the worst it could be. I couldn’t drag him through it romantically. No way.

  My mind drifted back as I stomped off; I recalled the last day that my mom ever spoke to me before she passed away. It tore my chest wide apart to even consider it, but I couldn’t stop it from flooding me.

  “Are you in pain?” I asked her as she lay sprawled across the couch, her whole face contorted in it. “Do you need any more morphine? Or will any of the other painkillers help you? Tell me what you need?”

  I could hardly stand to look at her then. The hairless, sunken-faced shell of a woman just wasn’t my mother. It really hurt to keep my eyes fixed upon her. In all honesty, my mind wandered while I stared most of the time. I was with her in body but not mind or spirit. I guess seeing her like that just confirmed that she wasn’t getting better this time. Up until her last few days, I’d convinced myself that we would pull through it again, but that was becoming an increasingly distant dream. She even started to have the faint smell of death, which destroyed me.

  “Water, please,” Mom replied in her typical strong way. She clearly needed meds, but she would rather me not think that she did. It was that strength which allowed me to bury my head in the sand for far too long.

  I poured her a glass of water, noticing the violent shake in my hand as I did. There were nerves inside of me, coursing through me, making me want to run for the hills. In all honesty, if there had been anyone else in Mom’s life at that moment, I would’ve been gone. Probably at some stupid party trying to drink my worries away. That would have been something that I went on to regret later on, but at the time it would’ve been much easier.

  But I was all Mom had, so it was all down to me. I could feel the pressure building on me then; I knew I was coming close to popping, but I did what I could to push all of that down. The pressure cooker would have plenty of time to blow its top afterward; for now, I just needed to be there for my mom like she had been me.

  “So, tell me about school,” Mom croaked while she pushed herself into a sitting position. “All okay?”

  I knotted my eyebrows together, hating the way that her medication made her forget everything. She described it as a brain fog, like she knew the thoughts and memories were there but she couldn’t quite see them properly through the mist. To me, it was just another part of my mother the disease had taken from her. It stole our memories.

  “I left already, Mom; don’t you remember? I finished my exams two weeks ago now. I’ve been working my summer job. Do you not recall me telling you how badly I think I failed the drama written exam?”

  I could see the strain in her gaze as she tried her hardest to think. A bubble of anger boiled inside of me and my fists balled up by my sides. It wasn’t Mom I felt angry at, it was the cancer, but I couldn’t take it out on that. I tried to keep my ragged breaths steady so s
he didn’t see how hurt I felt, but I think the message escaped anyway.

  “Oh, sorry, darling. My brain at the moment.” She let out a little titter. “I remember now.” She didn’t, we both knew that. “So, your job then. Why don’t you tell me about that? How is that going?”

  I wanted to growl out something along the lines of her not remembering anyway so why bother telling her, but then I spotted that sad little twinkle in her eyes, and I knew that I couldn’t be that much of a bitch.

  “It’s fine.” I shrugged instead. “Just work, pretty boring, but then it’s only a stop gap before college...”

  My words trailed off there. We hadn’t yet discussed it, but it seemed pretty clear that Mom wouldn’t be around to see me off to college. I wouldn’t be able to stand there with the rest of the kids and wave goodbye to my mom because she would already be gone... to a much more permanent place as well. A few days prior, Mom had tried to tell me where she had hidden her will and all the deed to the house, but I’d shut the conversation down because I didn’t want to hear it. I sure as hell didn’t want to bring up the subject of death again.

  “Oh, you’re going to have so much fun at college.” Mom became misty-eyed as she tried to focus on the positive instead. “You’ll meet lots of new friends, many boys, you might even fall in love. Won’t that be wonderful?”

  A hard lump formed in my throat as I nodded. I felt so dreadful that anything along those lines would happen without her around to share it with me. It wasn’t fair, she didn’t deserve to die, and I didn’t deserve to lose her. I felt incredibly sorry for myself while this concept rolled round and round in my brain.