Into the Fire

by T A. McKay

  Noah

  I look down at her, feeling her body pinned against the wall by mine. This was meant to be payback for laughing at me. I bought her flowers, but with trying to carry my suitcase as well I managed to drop the vase and its contents all over the floor. I thought I might be able to clean it up before she noticed but I hadn't been that lucky, her laughter meeting my ears before I even had time to look up at her.

  I knew I had to get her back, there was no way she was getting to laugh at me so much without repercussions. But now, looking down at her, taking in her flushed cheeks, her lips that are parted letting little breaths escape, I know I have made a mistake. I meet her gaze, seeing the heat in her eyes, the same heat that I know must be in my eyes. My gaze keeps moving down to her mouth, seeing her lips wet and parted. She tests all my willpower when I see her tongue poke out between those lips and catch a drop of water. My dick is painfully hard, and I know she must feel it against her thigh, there’s no way she could miss it. I’m trying to keep my focus off where my thigh is pressed against her. It’s pushing against her pussy, and I’m trying to pretend that I don't feel her heat against my leg through both our jeans.

  I remember what it’s like to be inside that heat, to bury myself fully in her. There has never been anyone that feels like her and after I fucked it all up, I never forgave myself for losing her. It’s funny how you don't realise what you actually have until it's gone, I’ve spent every day since then dreaming about being back inside her. Both her body and her heart. I want to tell her how I feel, that I want her, that I need her. I want to kiss her now with everything I have, to claim and mark her, to ruin her for every other man. But I can't, she isn't mine and I'm not hers.

  I need to move away, I shouldn't be standing here under the cold water with her. I shouldn't be enjoying the feel of her hard nipples that are rubbing against my chest. My head knows I need to stop this, that I need to back away and let her move, but my body is having other ideas.

  Thankfully Madison still has some sense and as I lower my head, about to give in to the temptation to kiss the lips I crave, she pushes on my chest until I take a step back. The space between us is enough to make my head clear. What the fuck was I thinking? This was such a bad idea, I hadn't thought it through properly. The plan had been to put her in the shower and walk away, I didn't know that she would drag me in with her. And now I'm standing here desperately trying to keep my eyes off her body, but the way her wet vest top is clinging to her is making it near impossible. The painfully cold water isn't doing anything to calm my dick down, and I’m now praying for a miracle to happen, anything to sort out this awkward situation.

  Thankfully Karma is working in my favour today when I hear my mobile ringing from the other room. I left it with my keys and wallet, knowing that I wouldn't need it while I was giving Madison some well-deserved payback.

  “I should get that.” God. Even I can hear how deep my voice has gone, being turned on adding an extra growl underneath my words. There is no way that Madison can miss it, telling her exactly what she’s doing to me. She nods and looks down at her feet, I hate it that I made her feel awkward. I need to get my body under control or this is really going to put a strain on our friendship, and I don't think I could live with that.

  I resist the urge to reach out and stroke her cheek before leaving the shower. I kick off my boots, leaving them under the radiator so they can dry out, and grabbing a towel I make my way out into the hall. I hear the bathroom door close after I walk out and it feels so final that it makes my heart feel heavy in my chest. I rub the towel over me, trying to limit the mess I'm going to leave behind. I don't think there isn't a part of my body that isn't soaking wet. I groan out loud when I brush it over my dick, it hasn't softened at all and I know I'm going to have to do something about it before the night is out.

  I grab my mobile and see I have a missed call from Rocco. I press the call back button and put the phone to my ear. After a few rings he answers.

  “Hey bro, are you in town yet?” I promised to call him when I arrived but I’d been a bit distracted by the hot redhead that was against my body.

  “Yeah, I'm not long here. I’m just getting settled at Madison’s.” He covers the mouthpiece and I hear the muffled sound of him shouting at someone on the other end of the line.

  “I'm really sorry to do this, but is there any chance you could come over? I need a hand at the garage with a job that needs to go out first thing. We thought it was under control but MASON screwed it up.” He shouts Mason’s name, who is obviously close enough to hear when I hear a string of obscenities shouted at Rocco. I have no idea how these two manage to run such a successful business, okay that’s a lie, I'm not sure how my brother manages it with Mason.

  “Is it gonna take long? I just stepped in the door and I haven't really seen Madison yet.” It’s partly true. I haven’t seen her for long, but I have seen lots of her. Visions of her nipples pushing through her almost see-through top flash in my mind, making my finally softening dick harden once again. I can’t tell Rocco anything about what just happened. If he knew what had just happened he would kick my arse, the one thing he doesn't approve of is cheating, not that anything happened or would happen. Yeah, keep telling yourself that Noah.

  “I’m not gonna shit you here, there’s a good chance this is gonna be an all-nighter. I’m sorry, bro, but if it doesn't go out then the stag night doesn't happen.” I sigh down the line. Well it looks like I won’t be getting any sleep tonight. I hear a click behind me and I turn, seeing Madison walking out of the bathroom in just a towel. My dick twitches against the zip of my jeans. Maybe it’s a good thing if I get out of here for a while.

  “Okay, give me thirty and I’ll be there. I'm telling you now though, I’ll be leaving at lunch tomorrow to grab some sleep before the night out.” I will need to sleep or I will have one drink and pass out.

  “Deal. And, Noah? Thank you.” He hangs up. I better change my clothes and get over there, the later I get there the later I will have to stay. I head towards Madison’s room to tell her what's happening.

  It’s been a long fucking night. When I arrived at the garage the place was in chaos. Apparently Mason had painted a bike the wrong colour, which meant they had to re-prime the tank. This sounded simple enough to me so I didn't understand the problem. This wasn’t where the problem was though. Mason had taken a call from Niamh, and thinking she was in labour had left the spray gun sitting on the top of the tank. The vibrations from the gun had cracked the fibreglass casing on the tank and so here we are, still working eleven hours later.

  “Mason, you do know all the drinks are on you tonight, right?” I shout over the garage to him. I'm sitting on the hood of the car I’ve been helping fix. There was nothing else that I could do on the bike so I offered to help with another job, more hands make light work as they say. It’s really hot in here with all the guys and machinery going so I took my t-shirt off a few hours into the job, much to the amusement of the other guys. Now four hours later, most of them are topless and still sweating.

  “Fuck you, Noah. That’s all, just fuck you!” He shouts back and I laugh before taking another drink of coffee. I think this is the thirteenth… no fourteenth cup. I’ve honestly lost count, all I know is I’m now more awake than when I arrived and my heart is beating a little bit faster than it should. The night has been stressful and tiring but I haven't felt so relaxed and alive in a long time. Doing something that I love, getting my hands dirty and using some energy beats sitting at a desk all day. I forgot how much I enjoyed working with my hands, I used to work on cars all the time but now I don't have the time. I was excited when I arrived at the garage and saw the car, Rocco says that they don't normally work on anything other than bikes but it was for a regular customer so they made an allowance for him.

  I look around me, taking in all the guys here helping. There is a camaraderie here that I don't have in my job, everyone looks out for each other, ready to jump in to help. When I wa
s away for the week no one thought to take the slack, everything was just locked away in my office and left for my return, even if it missed deadlines. My colleagues look out for number one, no one else. What Rocco has here looks like a dream to me and not for the first time, I realise I'm jealous of my little brother. He seems to have everything that I crave. A woman he loves with every part of his being, a job that has been his dream since he was young, and friends who will always have his back.

  “Want another coffee? Ben is doing a coffee run, maybe get some decent stuff this time.” I look at Rocco and smile. The coffee from the machine in the garage isn't the best, but it had caffeine so I hadn’t complained.

  “Oh god, yes please. Large and very strong.” Rocco nods over in Ben’s direction, who gives a thumbs up in return, before heading out the main door.

  “Do you want to talk about it? We’re all taking a break for a bit and I would love to know what's going through your head. You aren't you, Noah.” I take a deep breath, filling my lungs before letting it out slowly. I didn’t realise that it was so obvious, I know I have been stuck in my head for the last few months but I thought I had covered it well. Not showing anyone that I was suffering. Maybe it’s time to talk to someone, time to let someone else into the chaos that is my head.

  “Are you sure you want to go there? My life is one big pile of shit at the moment, and I don't wish listening about it on anyone.” The look he has on his face doesn't change as he waits for me to go on. This is one of the things I love about my brother, he doesn't force anything. He gives people the time they need to sort shit out on their own, but listens when you’re ready.

  “Have you ever just wanted to run away? Leave everything behind and start again somewhere else?” I hear a dry laugh coming from Rocco before he replies.

  “You met Elle, right?” I laugh with him. Yeah I suppose he knows exactly where I'm coming from.

  “Ok, you win. Life is just… I don't even know where to start. My job is killing me, and yes I mean that literally. My relationship with Judi is toxic and I think she’s cheating. I don’t have proof, just a feeling. And lastly, the only thing that makes me smile these days is Madison. How fucked up is that?” Well there is no going back now, it’s all out there. The truth about how bad my life has got.

  “Wow. Ok let’s go back to the most important thing you just tried to gloss over. What the fuck do you mean your job is literally killing you?” Rocco has a seriously pissed off look on his face and I realise I need to change the way I tell people about that. I tell him about the incident in my office and his face gets redder the more I speak. He actually looks like he is going to kick my arse by the time I'm finished telling him and I'm a little scared.

  “What the fuck, Noah? Why am I only finding out about this now? You’re my brother, anything could’ve happened.” He stands and starts pacing in front of me, his hands working through his hair in frustration.

  “I'm fine, there was nothing major. It was just stress. If it had been anything worse, I would have told you first. You know that. I just need to take things easier, take more time out for me.” He doesn't seem convinced but he stops pacing and sits on the car next to me again.

  “Fine. Just know I'm pissed, Noah. Like big time pissed. So what’s happening with Judi?” Now here is when the difficult conversation begins. I don't know what's going on with Judi, so explaining it to someone else isn't going to be easy.

  “I don't know. I just feel distant from her, like we don't connect anymore. But maybe we never did, I don't know, my head is so screwed up. I just feel that she is in love with our life together, not me. I find myself not telling her things, things that I tell other people, but there is no point telling her because she won't care.” It’s the most I’ve openly said about my relationship with Judi, and I feel some of the tension fade from my body. Maybe I need to open up to Rocco more often, he’s my brother and someone I can trust with anything.

  “Why are you living like this, Noah? Where is the brother I know that would fight for anything that made him happy? I remember a few fights in high school, all to win a girl’s heart.” I laugh remembering them as well. He’s wrong with his memories though, it wasn’t fighting for girls, I was fighting for one girl and one girl only. Madison. After I broke her heart and she left me, I spent the rest of high school fighting to get her back. I just don't think anyone knows it.

  “I grew up. I realised that sometimes my own happiness isn't as important as other people.”

  “Bullshit, Noah. You can't make anyone happy if you aren't happy first. Do you think that I didn't fight against Makenzie, didn't try to push her away? Every time I pushed I swear my heart broke, but I was trying to keep her safe, keep her happiness protected. Well look how well that worked out. I was only torturing myself and her by not being with her, look at all the time I missed being with her, loving her.” Why does he have to make so much sense? I know what he’s trying to tell me but I don't know what to do about it. My parents are expecting a wedding, mum has been so excited since I announced it. It would break her heart if I were to break up with Judi.

  “I don't know what to do, I really don't. Can I really just leave everything in London, move back here and not hurt people? There are too many people invested in my life, people I can't let down.”

  “Sorry, I forgot that everyone’s happiness is linked to you, Noah. When did you become so big headed and self-involved?” He shoves me on the shoulder and I know he’s trying to lighten the mood while still giving me the advice I need. He has always been good at that, helping people without getting in too deep.

  “Screw you, Rocco. I can't help it if I'm awesome.” I hear the guys cheer and I see Ben walk back through the front door, arms filled with coffee carriers.

  “Joking aside, Noah, you need to decide what you want. No one can make these decisions except you. Find what makes you happy and hold on tight with both hands, don't let it go or loosen your grip for a second. So tell me wise big brother, what is it that makes you happy?” Do I tell him the truth? Tell him the thing that makes me happy is a certain little redhead that I can't stop thinking about. That I can't stop remembering how she feels against my body, leading me to having a hard on at the most inappropriate times. Will he be angry with me, especially after everything Elle put him through by cheating? Fuck it, I need to say this out loud, see what it feels like telling someone else.

  “Truthfully? The thing that makes me the happiest is Madison. I know it’s wrong but god damn, Rocco, I think I might still be in love with my best friend.” I don't know what reaction to expect from Rocco but laughter wasn't it. He is laughing so hard he’s holding his side and wiping his eyes. I just sit and look at him, totally at a loss at his reaction. Finally he manages to calm himself down and stands up, getting ready to walk away. Before he does he places a hand on my shoulder and smiles at you.

  “I wish you luck with that one, bro. Let me know if you need help and trust me, you will need help with this one. You’re so fucking screwed, but take my advice, make the decision before too many people get hurt.”

  Madison

  I feel a little stupid standing here outside the garage. I'm going to make myself late for work but I just couldn't go and spend the morning there without doing this first. Noah didn't come home last night, I know he said he wouldn't but I still lay awake for a long time hoping to see him. Even as I lay there I knew how crazy that was, but I needed to know that things between us is all right after what had happened in the shower. My body starts to heat again as I think about it. Damn hormones.

  I walk to the door and push it open as quietly as I can. It’s not the first time I’ve been here, Noah has brought me a few times before, but it’s the first time I’ve arrived myself. The activity inside the garage is at crazy level and I realise being quiet wasn’t necessary. There are bodies everywhere doing things that I don't even understand. I look around trying to see a face I recognise. There are a lot of guys working on different things, I feel relief whe
n I look over to the work bay area and see Rocco heading towards the back of the garage. I'm about to walk over to him when I see him. Noah. He’s leaning against the side of a car, and he’s shirtless. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. How can one man look like that? It’s like God made a list of everything that would make a man perfect and then created him. He’s every woman’s dream man, and everything about him just calls to me on a primal level. I want to take this man and claim him, make him mine and no one else’s.

  Looking across the garage at Noah, I realise he looks nothing like the mould he’s trying to fit into. He isn't the clean-cut banker they all think. With his tattoos and perfect body he is more cover model than role model. One thing I know for sure… he is perfect. I’ve watched him mature over the years, watched his body fill out with muscle. The boy I fell in love with has become the man I see in front of me and I can’t keep my eyes off him. I just stand for a minute and take him in. His dark hair falling over his forehead, it must be annoying him because he keeps pushing it back, running his fingers through it. His chest ids gleaming with sweat and it makes the black of his tattoos stand out against his bronzed skin. I remember when he got his first tattoo, he hid it from his parents for close to a month before they caught him. I thought it would put him off getting another one but it didn’t. Now he has a half sleeve on his arm that leads over his shoulder to his back. I love his tattoos, the designs are intricate and make me want to trace them with my tongue. His body is toned, his ab muscles flexing as I watch him move. He’s like a dirty dream come true.