A Reason To Live_An Inspirational Romance

by T. K. Chapin

  Chapter 3

  EARLY THE NEXT MORNING, JONATHAN forced himself out of bed and down the hallway to his exercise room. With nothing but a pair of jogging pants on and a pair of worn running shoes, he climbed onto the treadmill and started in on his routine. He jogged for an hour every morning and thirty minutes every night. In the mornings, if he was feeling in the mood, he’d hit the weights for an hour after his jog. Exercise and fitness were the way Jonathan kept his mind sharp and his body in shape while still maintaining a sedentary job. Without work and exercise, he probably wouldn’t be here today, or at least not the man he had become.

  Ten minutes into his jog, he grabbed the stereo remote from the cup holder of the treadmill and flipped on the classic rock station. With each step in stride with the beat, he worked up to a high speed. Sweat began to pour from his chest, sides, and face.

  Jonathan was forty-five minutes into the jog when suddenly, he heard a crash come from downstairs. Pausing the treadmill and the radio, he listened for it again as he panted from being out of breath. Another clash, and this time he could hear pots and pans clanking against one another. Grabbing for the towel hanging on the arm of the treadmill, he patted his face and stepped off the equipment. Leaving the room, he continued to hear the sounds coming from downstairs. He grabbed a white shirt from his room and put it on as he descended the stairs.

  Entering the kitchen, he spotted Rose on the floor with pots in hand. She turned to him and looked up.

  “Hi.”

  “Good morning, Rose. You must be in charge of today’s wakeup call?”

  “Oh, sorry. Did she wake you?” Shawna walked into the kitchen and over to the table. Sitting down, she pulled out her phone.

  “No. I was already up when I heard the clanking.” Jonathan approached her at the table and sat down. She looked to be in far better condition than last night. Shawna was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a white t-shirt, and her hair was up in a messy bun. “You sleep well?”

  Her mouth tipped into a grin. “Yes, better than I have in a while. I feel great. Such a comfortable bed.”

  “Good.” Jonathan peered over at Rose and smiled. “Would’ve been nice to meet Rose before today. It’s been years, Shawna.”

  “I know. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to meet her though, you know? I don’t even know if I’m really your sister-in-law anymore.”

  Jonathan raised a hand. “It’s okay. I understand.” He got up and walked over to the coffee pot and pushed an empty Chinese takeout box out of the way. He started to make a pot of coffee. As he poured the grounds and water into the pot, he suddenly became aware of his living conditions all around. Takeout boxes littered the counters, pizza boxes stacked on the far side of the kitchen table. He lived like a slob. Embarrassed, he turned to Shawna.

  “Sorry about the mess.”

  Tipping her chin, she let out a laugh. “It’s okay. I’d live like this too if I were alone. I plan to clean it all up today . . . that is, if you don’t mind.”

  Jonathan shook his head. “I can clean up after myself. You don’t need to do that.”

  He came over and sat at the table with her. She shook her head. “No, I want to earn my keep here. Cleaning is the least I can do. Plus, there are some things that need to be put away so Rose doesn’t hurt herself.”

  Recalling the fact that he hadn’t helped bring in a crib or bed or highchair, he glanced at Rose, then back at Shawna with a raised eyebrow. “Do you have anything else for her hidden away somewhere in that car? Or somewhere we can go pick it up from?”

  Her eyes welled with tears as fear flickered in her eyes. Covering her mouth, she looked at Jonathan. “I didn’t have time to grab anything more than a few essentials. She doesn’t have her bed or anything here, and I can’t go back to that house.”

  Moved with compassion, he leaned forward and shook his head as he made eye contact with Shawna. “It’s okay. We’ll get it all from the store today, and it’s on my card. Everything is going to be okay for the two of you.”

  She pushed out a sad smile. “I can’t ask you to do that, Jonathan. I don’t want you to have to take care of us.”

  “I insist you let me. I’m more than willing. You know as much as I do that Marie would want it this way.”

  Her tears dried in her eyes suddenly at the mention of her sister’s name. Hope glinted as a genuine smile peeked through her pained expression. “Marie would, wouldn’t she?”

  “Yes. I believe so. Why don’t you make me a list, and I’ll go to the store and get all the stuff we need for Rose? I’ll take care of that and you take care of the cleaning. Deal?”

  “Deal!” Shawna reached out a hand and the two of them shook.

  #

  Waking the next day, Jonathan ventured downstairs after his workout and shower. He looked forward to speaking with Shawna to see how Rose had done with the toddler bed he’d picked out from the department store and spent a greater portion of an hour assembling last night. When he didn’t find the two of them in the kitchen, he ventured down the hallway to the guest room.

  Leaning an ear against the door, he could hear Rose chattering away and the TV was turned on. Rapping his knuckles, he gave the door a few light knocks.

  “Hey, Shawna. How’d the bed work out last night for Rose? Did she love it?”

  Only silence returned. He figured maybe she was in the en-suite bathroom. Turning around, he was about to walk away when the door opened. He turned.

  It was Rose.

  “Hi.”

  Getting down to her eye level, he smiled at her. “Good morning, Rose. Is your mom in the bathroom?”

  She started saying ‘mama’ and tried to squeeze past Jonathan in the doorway. Scooping her up into his arms, he pushed open the door. The bathroom door was wide open, nobody inside. Looking around, he saw a note on the made bed. Walking over with Rose perched on his hip, he lifted the handwritten note.

  A woman from CPS with black hair pulled back in a tight ponytail showed up at about a quarter after noon that day. Inviting the woman inside, Jonathan had her sit at the kitchen table while he made Rose lunch. With Rose in her highchair and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on her tray, Jonathan ventured over and sat with the woman at the table.

  “Where is Rose’s father?”

  Jonathan felt embarrassed. “I have no idea. I didn’t know Rose existed until they showed up on my front porch two nights ago.”

  “And you mentioned on the phone that this is your sister-in-law’s child. Where is your wife so I can speak with her?”

  Jonathan’s heart ached at the request. “I’d love to talk to her too. Unfortunately, she passed away four years ago. It’s just me.”

  The woman’s expression softened. “I’m sorry to hear that. I only assumed because you said ‘sister-in-law.’ Now, Mr. Dunken, I know you’re probably wondering what is going to happen to Rose. Since you’re family, you can keep her here. Is that something you’re interested in doing?”

  A sardonic laugh escaped his lips. “What’s the alternative?”

  “Well, she could be taken and placed in foster care. You do have options, Mr. Dunken.”

  “Call me Jonathan, please. That’s not an option, in my mind.” Peering over at Rose as she gobbled up a piece of her sandwich, he smiled. “I might not have kids of my own, but that doesn’t mean I can’t learn and figure it out. After all, that’s kind of what parents do anyway, right?” Jonathan put on a brave face in the moment, but he was trembling inside at the thought of being responsible for a tiny human being. He once dreamed of having a child of his own, but that dream had always included a helpmate. Doing it alone terrified him.

  “All right . . . if you’re sure, I will get started on the temporary guardianship to prevent her from being able to just show up and take Rose. It’s obvious that she isn’t stable right now. You understand that things can get ugly, Mr. Dunken? I mean, Jonathan?”

  “Ugly?” He shook his head. “I’m not following.”

 
“I’ve seen it a thousand times. The biological parent vanishes for a long time and then re-enters the picture. The guardian has bonded with the child and refuses to give them up. I just had a case where the mom was out of the picture for three years. She didn’t care until her sister tried adopting the kids, and now it’s a mess. It’s in court, and family members are hating one another over the whole situation.”

  Jonathan raised a hand. “I’m not worried about any of that. None of that family has been in contact with me for years. I hardly think it’ll be an issue. All I’ve done here is take care of a kid who was dropped off on my doorstep.”

  Rising to her feet, the CPS worker smiled warmly and shook his hand. “You’re doing the right thing by taking Rose in.”

  “Thanks.”

  Seeing her to the door, Jonathan shut the door and returned to the kitchen where Rose was still sitting in her highchair.

  “Guess it’s just us two now, kid.”

  Chapter 4

  Jonathan - Age 27

  GRASPING A FIRM HOLD OF his wife Marie’s hand as they sat on their couch waiting for the pregnancy test, Jonathan knew in his heart what he wanted. For as long as he could remember, Jonathan had an affinity for children. The idea of having one who had Marie’s features mixed with his own filled his heart with a joy he didn’t know possible. He joked with Marie constantly about not wanting a child if it was a girl, but they both knew he’d be happy with either. They had been trying for over a year to have a baby, ever since they’d first bought their house. It was a natural next step in life, and they were financially ready to take it on.

  This particular day was the third time she was late on her monthly, and probably the hundredth time taking a pregnancy test. It was the same every time she would take a test. A lot of excitement, followed by a quiet sadness after a negative result.

  “Babe.” Marie’s tone said it all. It was negative, yet again. They’d agreed that this time, they’d go see a fertility doctor if it was negative. The following week, they did just that. With scheduling conflicts between the lab at the hospital for Jonathan and Marie’s OB/GYN appointment, they ended up getting their results at different times but on the same day. Jonathan found out that he was the issue. He was born without his vas deferens, the tubes needed to carry the sperm. He didn’t know what that meant going forward for them, but he wanted Marie happy, so he bought flowers and was on the way home to tell her they’d figure something out when Marie called him, crying hysterically. She had uterine cancer, and suddenly, his lack of tubes didn’t matter, so much so that he didn’t even bother to share his own news with her.

  Jonathan spent the next few weeks fighting with doctors, or at least it felt that way. Marie had a hysterectomy. She started taking a plethora of cancer medications and immediately started in on chemo. Her chances of living out their dreams of growing old together grew slimmer by the day until they were so thin, they disappeared. Her cancer was growing more aggressive. The news shocked Jonathan and challenged his faith in a way he had never experienced before in his life. How could God do this to us? was a continuous thought in and outside the countless appointments he went to with her.

  “I read an article today. Vitamin C infusion treatments. I read online that it has cured cancer, diabetes, and more.” Jonathan’s suggestion came over dinner one evening.

  “Jonathan . . .” The way in which she said his name stung. They both knew reality. There was no way they could afford such a treatment. He had looked at the costs and it was in the thousands. Their insurance wouldn’t cover it and their savings account had barely $0.23 in it after all the cancer medications and chemo and hysterectomy. It pained the deepest parts of Jonathan not to be able to provide what could possibly keep his wife alive a little bit longer, or even better, possibly even cure it completely. Prayer will have to suffice, Marie kept saying.

  This time, Jonathan couldn’t contain his silence any longer. He let his pent-up anger and frustration about the situation fire away. “It’s just not fair, Marie. We’ve done almost everything right in our life and marriage, and people who continually scorn God have it better. We just wanted a baby and now your uterus has been surgically removed after it tried to kill you. Now you might soon be dead! All the while, your sister is a drug addict and a loser, and people like your cousin can pop kids out like they’re Pez from a Pez dispenser, but good people like us can’t even have one?” He paused, hot tears escaping the corners of his eyes. “You’re dying, Marie, and I don’t know what to do. Marie . . . don’t leave me.”

  Her silence spoke louder than a word could ever accomplish. Her eyes held disappointment in him that stung on the deepest of levels.

  Jonathan apologized. “I’m sorry. This world just doesn’t make sense. It’s so broken.”

  “That’s why everyone needs Jesus, Jonathan. It’s only He who can bring us joy. I’m happy with our lives the way that they are. I’m at peace with dying. I’m heartbroken for you and what I will leave behind, but I know where I am going.” She shrugged, a smile curling her lips. “God has given me a beautiful life, and Jonathan? I know God has a plan in the midst of all this. Do you?”

  Jonathan stood up, angry, not at Marie but at the situation. He walked over to the mantle in their living room and looked at a photograph of the two of them from their wedding day nine years ago. Glancing over at Marie, he was overwhelmed with love for her and it softened his heart in the moment. Even though she was weak from chemo and radiation and knew she was dying, she remained happy, content, and joyful. She always did. That was just how Marie was. Even when her father stopped speaking to her for months after she’d married him, she still held onto joy. Jonathan knew she was better than him in every way. He touched the framed picture, then glanced over at his wife still at the table.

  “I’m sorry, Marie. I shouldn’t get so worked up about things we have no control over.”

  She rose to her feet and walked over to Jonathan at the mantle. Leaning up to his face, she planted a kiss on his lips and rested a hand on his chest. “God is in control, and He is always good. We can’t ever forget that for a moment. It’s He who sustains our joy, our happiness, not the outside world or circumstances.”

  Holding his wife close to him, Jonathan didn’t understand the depths of her faith but held on to the hope of one day having a faith like hers. He also hoped that God would heal her, hoped that God wouldn’t take the one good thing in his life away.

  Chapter 5

  JONATHAN PLACED ROSE ON THE floor of his study as she had become frightened by the thunderstorm outside. The study sat on the upper floor of the house, across from his studio and beside his bedroom. He conducted all business affairs in the study and his creative endeavors in his studio. The ceilings in the study were vaulted, the walls an olive green, and the beams a dark wood. The wood ran across the ceiling and down each of the walls. Smoky black-colored built-in shelves lined the northern and western walls of his study. Each square inch of the built-ins was filled with books and trinkets he had collected over the years.

  After he set Rose down on the hardwood floor, he noticed she didn’t pay any attention to the Elmo’s A, B, C book flopped open and facedown beside her. She also didn’t seem to care about the blocks or dolls or any of the other small toys he’d given her to preoccupy her while he tried to work. She had been doing fine with their arrangement over the last week since her mother had left, but she didn’t seem fine now. Maybe she had just been too upset about the storm or maybe it was something else. He wasn’t sure. Her little eyes lifted and connected with Jonathan’s eyes, piercing his heart. Her eyes glistened, then little tears started to tumble down her cheeks.

  “Mama.” The word was soft and sad. Then, she began to cry.

  Jonathan pushed himself away from his desk and came over to her on the floor. Bending a knee, he did what he had been doing every time she cried for her mom. He rubbed her back in a circular motion and spoke sweet affectionate statements softly to her, attempting to ease the pain. H
e wasn’t sure precisely what she understood about her own circumstances at the moment, but he had a feeling she understood enough for it to hurt. Mom wasn’t there anymore, a devastating thought to any child.

  The woman from CPS had finalized the temporary guardianship just days ago and had him come into her office to sign. Now there was a court date approaching in the coming months that would suspend Shawna’s rights as a parent and place all rights and responsibilities on his shoulders. Jonathan knew it was a heavy burden to take on a child, possibly for the next sixteen years, and one he didn’t take lightly. He did something he hadn’t done in a while over the last few days. He prayed, even though his heart wasn’t fully in it.

  After Rose calmed down in his study, he glanced at his watch. It was already going on eight o’clock and he had barely done an hour’s worth of work on the proposal he was working on. He had a meeting in three days to deliver the final proposal to Tyler. His brother was the one who dealt with the clients. He had a prettier face, in Jonathan’s mind.

  Raking his hair with his fingers as the stress of his deadline weighed heavily on his thoughts, Jonathan knew this arrangement needed a change. He just wasn’t sure what it was yet. His productivity and quality had suffered greatly since Rose moved in, but he didn’t blame her. It wasn’t her fault Shawna had skipped out on her. She was just a child who needed love.

  #

  Kylie Hawthorne was already running late for her shift at Ethan’s, a fine dining restaurant in the heart of Spokane, when Grandma Faith called for her to come into the living room for a moment. Scrapping the remainder of her dinner, a half-eaten slice of lasagna, she set her plate in the sink and grabbed her freshly printed resume off the counter. She went into the living room. Grandma Faith was sitting quietly in her rocking chair, knitting. She glanced up as she entered. “Don’t you need to leave?”