“Fuck!” he barked as he nearly came apart. He pulled out, strings of drool stretching the expanse between them. She was out of breath. “Jesus Christ! You’re bloody amazing. One more time before I fuck you senseless.” He slid in past her eager lips and he about died. “Shit. I could come right now,” he growled as he held her face to his body. He rocked a few times, then pulled out. Panting, Quinn fell into his legs. “You all right, love?” She nodded into his muscular thighs. “Good…very good,” he murmured as he stroked her cheek.
He bent down and wrapped his arm around her waist, helping her stand. Placing his hands over hers, he guided her to their bed.
“Face down, fanny high.” Without pause, she did as he commanded. He squatted behind her and rubbed her back and ass. “Do you have any idea how amazing you look right now? Goddamn.” She smirked, as did he. “You seem to be enjoying this. Are you?”
“Yes, very much so.”
He nestled up behind her, dipping into her core with his fingers and stroking his heavy erection with her wetness. Just as he positioned himself, he plowed right into Quinn. She cried out and he pulled out. He chuckled as she panted. She was enjoying the little power trip he was on.
Slamming back into her, he pumped into her over and over again. He had to slow down because he was kicking hard, looking to release. He sensed she was close from the quaking in her body, so he pulled out and unbuckled both belts.
“Roll over, love.” He grabbed her arms and rubbed them. “You all right?”
“Yes.”
“Come here.” He pulled her onto his lap. “Too much?” She shook her head. “I want to make love to my beautiful fox and come together. If I kept going like that, I would have ruined it for you.” He pulled off her blindfold and she smiled. He picked her up and carried her back to the desk, setting her down to face him.
“Am I too much for you to handle, Gun?”
“You are the only one who can make me this way,” he murmured as he kissed her neck and trailed down to her valley. “Mmm… You are so fucking gorgeous. Do you realize that?”
“You make me feel that way.”
“Good.”
Gunther pulled her ass to the edge of the desk and took her again. He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, so he massaged her to bring her over the edge as he pumped into her. She screamed his name and panted to the point of near hyperventilation.
Once he knew he couldn’t hold off anymore, he leaned down onto his palms, hovering over her, eye-to-eye with the love of his life. Speaking was difficult, but he managed. “I love you so much.” Then his eyes rolled back as his seed burst out of him.
Quinn pulled Gunther down on top of her so she could feel every inch of him inside her. He had nothing left and just lay limp on top of her, cradled between her legs.
“I love you more,” she whispered into his ear.
With a chuckle to her breast, he pushed himself up so he could see her face. Sweat glistening and so stunning, he was at her mercy. Knowing he would do anything for her, he blurted out, “Then be my wife.”
Panic was written all over her face.
“Quinn?”
She sat up, forcing him out of her. “I need to get dressed.” She stood and dressed, looking for a way to escape.
Gunther watched her work fast and furious, trying to get away from him. “Quinn?” he whispered with a sinking heart.
“I… Listen… Shit. I can’t do this right now,” she whimpered as she headed for the door.
He hurried and pulled on a pair of gym shorts. “Quinn, please don’t leave.” She stopped when she made it to the door, working to conceal the tremble in her hands. “Hey…” He grabbed her and she turned into his chest. “Love, what’s wrong? Please, talk to me.”
Looking up at him, her voice strained, “I’m sorry.”
“Talk to me. You’ve lost me. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.” He scooped her up, brought her back over to the desk, and set her down on it. Standing in front of her, he bent down just enough so he could look into her eyes. “Quinn, I love you. You are everything to me. You make me so happy. I don’t understand why you act the way you do when I say I want you to be my wife. Isn’t that what women want? Someone to fully commit to them? I know my timing sucks, but I want you to understand I want to be yours for the rest of my life.”
“Gunther, I love you so very much. But…” She wiped the tears off her cheeks.
“What, love? What?” His patience was running dry and fear was taking over. “Tell me,” he growled.
“It scares the hell out of me. If I tell you I want to be your wife, it seals the deal. Then, in my mind, it would be official that James isn’t coming back.”
Crushed, he hung his head in sorrow. He stood straight and turned around, looking for a shirt to put on. How could she say that to me? I was certain she believed he was true dead, he worried to himself.
After all the moments they shared together, all the confessions and the acceptance and forgiveness, he thought for sure there were no doubts left in her mind.
He dragged his hands through his hair and tugged on what little had grown in. Then he turned back around. “Do you still love him?”
“Gunther, you have to understand–”
“What I don’t understand is how you can love two people at one time!”
“I know you don’t. But… I shared a lot with James. I gave birth to his child. That’s not anything anyone can take lightly. I will always have some love for him. It weighs heavy on my heart.”
Gunther’s jaw trembled, terrified he was losing her. “So since you can’t have a child with me, you won’t love me as much as you love him?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then what the fuck are you saying, Quinn?!” He clenched his fists at his sides. “I don’t understand!” he shouted in frustration. He loved her with everything he had, and would give her everything he had, including his life.
“I don’t know… I’m so confused,” she confessed.
Looking away from her, he stood with his hands on his hips. Quinn slipped off the desk and moved in front of him. Hesitantly, she decided to wrap her arms around him. He didn’t accept her at first, but then relented. She had a hold over him as much as he did her.
“I just want you to be mine forever,” he whispered in her ear. He choked up. “I don’t want to risk a chance you don’t know that. I don’t want you to lose me and never know how much your love means to me.”
“I know, and I feel the same, Gun. I can’t even imagine. I’m not saying I don’t want a forever with you. It’s just going to take some extra time for me to sort everything out.”
Taking a deep breath, he responded, “Okay.”
She grabbed his face and forced him to look at her. “Gun, I love you so very much. I hope you believe me when I say that because it’s not something I just say. I have struggled with these feelings for James for a very long time. I need to make sure I can devote myself one hundred and ten percent to you.”
“I do believe you. So you want to stay with me?” he asked, looking for reassurance.
“Yes. Yes, of course. I just need time.” He felt a little relief and gently smiled. “I need to be at peace in my heart and mind with all of this. This has been an emotional day.”
“Okay, you’re right. I understand. It was piss poor timing on my part. I’ll give you time.” Gunther embraced Quinn, holding her tight. Then he pulled away. “Will you be my wife?”
“Gunther!” she yelled, smacking him on the chest.
He laughed. “What? I waited, like, five seconds. That wasn’t enough time?”
“You’re mental.”
“Yes, we know this already.” They both laughed. “I think I’m going to go check on Henry and make sure he hasn’t found a bottle that we missed somewhere. That would be a fucking disaster.”
“Go. He needs someone he can rely on right now.”
“Such irony.”
“I’m
proud of you. Each and every day, I find you more and more amazing. You’ve accomplished so much in such a short time.”
“Thank you.” Gunther kissed her on the forehead and walked out of the room.
She hung around the door for a minute, leaning against the wall in exhaustion. “How am I going to do this?” Quinn whispered to the empty room.
She didn’t want to hurt Gunther, but she was scared of her feelings.
Chapter 20
After opening the door to the gym, I pulled out my pocket-sized flashlight to scan the room. That was the first time I truly checked it out…sober anyway. There were fittings for a heavy bag. After another sweep of the light, I saw another door in the darkness.
I had vague memories of the gym. So vague it all seemed new again. One thing I did remember was Elaina finding me passed out, half in and half out of the door. I took a deep breath and opened it.
Against the wall was a heavy bag and a half-empty bottle of whisky. I swallowed hard and tried to ignore the demons in my head telling me to pick it up.
Liam…you’re thirsty. Take it. You know you want it, you good-for-nothing lass.
“Shut the fuck up,” I growled.
Oh, Liam, Liam, Liam…
“It’s Henry,” I snipped.
The demons’ cackled, as if to poke fun at my attempt to move on. Take the whisky and disappoint as you always have. You’re such a fuck up, a loser, and you will only end up alone. She will leave you and you will die alone.
“Quiet!” I screamed as I grabbed my hair. “Get a grip…,” I growled at myself.
I had to shake it off, so I hoisted the heavy bag over my shoulder, walking past the bottle, trying not to look at it. Once attaching the bag to the fitting in the ceiling, I looked around for tape, finding myself back in the closet and glancing sideways at the bottle. It was taunting me, like the demons in my head…laughing at me, calling me, poking at my brain.
Between all the miscellaneous sports equipment, there was a small box full of sports tape on the shelf. I grabbed a roll and stormed out of the closet. The wrapping procedure was something I did almost daily back in training. Using the same method, I taped my hands and wrists.
Pulling my shirt off, I glanced down at my swollen belly. The demons were right. I did look disgusting and had no idea why Elaina wanted to make love to me. Well, she probably won’t again. I was certain I had lost her forever.
I laid my gun on the floor against the wall a short distance from me. After rolling my neck, I did a couple sets of press-ups to warm up. At least I still had some strength and wasn’t a total weakling…physically. Mentally and emotionally, though? That was an entirely different situation.
Once hopping up from the mat-covered floor, the dance started, switching my feet: right, left, right…then left, right, left. I did this over and over again until my heart rate amped up. Letting out a harsh breath, I nailed the bag.
Right upper cut, left hook, then a right jab.
My body powered through it, snapping as I punished the bag at a feverish pace. Each hit was followed by a loud growl, telling the demons I meant business, beating them as badly as I was beating the bag.
I had to…for my Elaina.
Adding roundhouse kicks in between the quick drill sets, adrenaline coursed through my veins, feeding me. Sweat leaked from every pore. My body was beginning to ache from the massive exertion. Each blow was more punishing than the last…for both the bag and me. I was fighting more than the words and feelings. I was fighting the cravings and the impending doom in my relationship.
Not used to that kind of workout anymore, fatigue was setting in fairly quickly, but I wasn’t going to quit. I wasn’t a quitter, no matter what they said.
The demons’ voices raced through my head.
Freak.
Loser.
Useless.
Unwanted.
Undesirable.
Weak.
The punishment went on for dozens of rounds. Finally, my muscles were so exhausted, I collapsed on my knees to the floor.
While watching the bag sway, the bottle called my name. I jumped up and grabbed it out of the closet. While turning it over in my hands, looking at the label, I slid down the wall.
Don’t fight it, Liam.
I screamed, “Ahhh! Fuck me!” then threw the bottle against the opposite wall. It shattered and the amber liquid ran down the wall, forming a puddle on the floor.
The door flew open.
“What the fuck are you doing in here?!” I yelled when Gunther blasted through the door. “I don’t have the patience to deal with you right now. Just leave me the fuck alone.”
“Sorry, mate. I won’t until I know you’re all right.”
“I’m fine,” I growled. “Now leave.” Instead of listening, he sat beside me.
Asshole must be hard of hearing in his old age.
“Did you drink any of it?” he inquired, nodding at the puddle on the floor.
“No,” I muttered.
“That’s a huge step.”
“Don’t patronize me,” I grumbled.
“I’m not. I think it’s great you didn’t take a drink.”
“Whatever.” I stood and faced the bag, taking the fight stance, nailing it again, jab after jab.
The door slowly opened, and both Gunther and I went for our guns.
“Relax. It’s just me.”
“Elaina…” I went to her and she met me halfway. I reached out, but she stepped back.
“Why does it smell like booze in here? Have you been drinking?” Her furious look was mixed with that classic Elaina accusatory tone.
“No!” I panicked. “No, I wasn’t. I swear to you.”
“Bullshit! It stinks in here!”
Gunther pointed the flashlight at the wet spot on the wall. “That’s because he threw the bottle against the wall.”
She looked back and forth between us. It was obvious she wasn’t sure if we were plotting and scheming together. I didn’t blame her in the least.
“Please. You have to believe me,” I pleaded.
“We need to talk,” she whispered, looking down in the darkness.
“Uhh, yeah. I’m going to take off. Your jab is weak. Work on it.”
“Piss off, you prat,” I growled. He laughed as he exited the gym.
“Henry…” Elaina took my hand. “What’s on your hands?” She ran her thumb over the tape.
“Tape. I was heavy bag training.” I picked at the tape, then mumbled, “Was hoping it would make me forget my craving.”
“And?”
“Nope. Come sit with me.” I directed her hesitant body over to the wall where my shirt was, and began peeling the tape off of my hands and wrists.
After hissing and saying a few choice words from the tape pulling a few hairs out by the roots, I wadded it into a ball and rolled it in my hands, feeling nervous.
I blurted out, my voice cracking, “I’m losing you, aren’t I?” Before she could respond, I stammered, “I…I can’t lose you, Elaina. I can’t. We’ve been through so much together and I–”
“Henry, stop.” Thankfully, I was able to stop or she might have had to slap the shit out of me. I would have accepted it humbly because I deserved it. “I’m so upset over you letting them stay.”
“You have–”
“Shut up!” Elaina raged, fists taut at her thighs. “Let me talk, damn it!”
“Yes, sorry.”
“I haven’t been considering your feelings. I know you are trying to lead and direct us, but you are trying to deal with so many issues in your own head. Honestly, I can’t blame you for drinking. Between what happened to you and what you have seen… It would throw the strongest person over the edge. You are suffering on the inside, all while trying to lead this pack of riff raff, over the top, egotistical assholes.” She allowed herself to succumb to the tears. “You are the most fucked up person I have ever known, and I love you so much. It tears my heart out knowing what this has done…i
s doing to you. But…” There was always a but. I closed my eyes, waiting for the blow. “I feel like you have betrayed me and, more importantly, betrayed Nick. We will never see eye-to-eye on this issue, and I don’t know if I can be a participant.”
“Elaina…no,” I whimpered.
“I know you’re hurting and I know you’re trying to lead fairly, but I’m struggling with this. So–”
“Elaina…please. Please, don’t. I’m begging you.”
“I just need time to work through this.” She tried to get up, but I grabbed her arm. “UGH! What is with you two and being so damn grabby?! Let go of me!”
“I won’t. Not until you agree to still be with me.”
“Henry…don’t do this to me. I’m a wreck and I can’t handle this. You cannot demand from me what I may no longer be able to give.”
“I’m so fucking sorry about what happened to him. I’m so fucking sorry for how much you have lost, but we need each other. You’re just as broken as I am.”
“We can’t fix each other, Henry!”
My voice shook. “I’m only whole when I’m with you.”
“Henry, don’t…”
“Can’t you see we need each other?”
Several long silence-filled seconds later, she barked, “I do! I do. I love you so much. It’s far deeper than anyone could possibly comprehend. I don’t even understand it myself most days.”
“I love you beyond reason. I know I’ve been a chore and I have apologized for that several times. Please, let us work through this. Let’s try. I want to give it my best shot. I just have to say, though, that you can’t threaten to leave me every time we disagree. It will never work that way.”
“This is not a minor disagreement, Henry! My brother fucking died!”
“I know! I put the bullet in his head myself! It was my responsibility to do so! I owed that to you and him!” I shouted, but calmed myself when I heard her whimper. “Look, I understand that, but I will keep my promise to you. You know that.”
“This feels like such treachery,” Elaina muttered.
“I don’t know what to tell you. If I want to lead fairly and properly, I can’t subject them to punishment for something they didn’t do. I can’t do it. It’s not justified. It would be like prosecuting you for all my wrongdoings when you had no idea what I was up to. I know this hurts you, but I need you to understand it hurts me, too. Terribly. I want to throw them out, I want to kill them all, but it’s wrong. I can’t lead on emotion. I have to lead on facts and fairness.”
Fractured Hearts (Shattered Lives, Book Three) Page 20
