I was right, and I could tell Elaina hated it.
“Elaina, it kills me to know he’s gone, but he’s where he wants to be. He’s with Claire and Willow now. I made you leave the cafeteria because I was certain Ben was going to shoot me and you didn’t need to witness that. I still think he would have if Nick didn’t make a move.”
Survivor’s guilt was something I dealt with quite often, especially when it was affecting the one I loved most.
Elaina leaned her head on my shoulder and I turned into her so she was on my chest. Stroking her hair, I ran my fingers down her back, but she was as stiff as a board…like she was resisting me. Or maybe I revolted her. She looked up at me and let me kiss her, a very gentle, old Henry kind of kiss.
I had to try.
Elaina twisted around and straddled my lap, which took me by surprise. “You promise me you will throw them out if they even look at any of us wrong?”
“Yes. I laid out the rules for them and they agreed.”
She chewed the inside of her cheek for a moment. “I’m not happy with it, but I will live with it.”
“Thank you,” I said roughly. My cock was already thickening with her shifting hips on top of me.
Taking my face in her hands, she kissed me. My hands slid down her sides and rested on her hips. Pulling back, she stared into my eyes with desire, but I could also see the distance between us. She was holding back, trying to cover up whatever it was with a need for sexual release. There was a fracture between us. I didn’t know if I could put us back together, but I desperately wanted to fix it.
“I need you, Henry. I need to be one with you. That comfort… I need to feel a connection with you right now.”
“God, love, I want that, too. I want all of that for you. I want to mend us, get us back. But…” I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back.
“What are you doing?”
“This is not what you need right now.”
She shifted again, making me hiss as the seam bit down on me. “But you’re ready.”
“Yeah, I am, but this is not what we need. We will just lose the moment.” She was still distant and felt a million miles away from me. It broke my fucking heart. I loved her so much, it could make me weep. Pulling her close, I whispered in her ear, “I love you, Elaina. I can’t even put it into words.”
She rested her forehead against mine with no expression on her face. It was blank, unforgiving.
I was losing her. The only way I could sway her into allowing me back into her mind, body, and soul was to show her I could take care of her.
Without warning, her stomach growled embarrassingly loud. I smirked. “Let’s go get you some food,” I murmured. She shook her head. “You’re hungry, though.”
“I can’t go in there,” Elaina whimpered.
“Yes, you can. Everything has been cleaned up. Gunther and Quinn did a great job getting everything tidied…just for you.” She took a deep breath because she knew I would drive her batty and wouldn’t relent unless she tried. “Come on. I’m going to take care of you for a change.”
I lifted Elaina off of my lap and tugged my shirt on over my sweaty body. I held her close, walking her toward the cafeteria. She stopped a few steps shy before we would round the corner for the door.
I took her by her arms. “You can do this. You are the strongest person I know.”
“I’m not, Henry. I’m not! Every time I close my eyes, I see Nick on his back, blood pooling around him, asking me to let him go.”
“Yes, you are, love. You are so strong. I understand the visions, sounds, and feelings of guilt, and can empathize with it. There is nothing I can do to change that for you, but I can help you through it.”
I gently grabbed her hand. “No…” Elaina tried to break away from my grip. I knew she wanted to run far away and pretend that Nick’s death never happened, as did I.
“You have to face this.”
“I’m not ready yet. It’s too soon.”
“Elaina, you need to eat.”
“Why can’t you understand I want to close it out of my mind?” And with all of her two-year-old angst, she crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not hungry anymore.”
“Don’t lie to me. Are you going to avoid going in there as long as we call this home? If you have to, tuck your head into my body and I will guide you to the windows, away from where everything happened.” She shook her head again, making me sigh in frustration. Think fast… Then I got an idea. “All right then. Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
Elaina leaned against the wall, covering her face with both hands, trying to block out everything. I ran into the cafeteria and grabbed a table. Putting it on its side, I collapsed the legs and pushed it out the door. She peeked through her fingers to see what I was up to.
After I set the table up in front of her, away from the door, I brought out two chairs and set them down, side-by-side. Grabbing Elaina’s hand, I lead her to one of them.
“I’ll be right back. I need to go get the key.”
She watched me race down the hall to our room. A couple minutes later, I came back and jogged by her, waving the key with a big smile on my face. She laughed. This was the old Henry we both missed.
Upon opening the pantry, it was a total mess, but I controlled myself and didn’t straighten a damn thing. I’ll do it later. Picking through, I found something full of protein, so it would be filling, plus two bottles of water. Also, I had a surprise for her and couldn’t wait to see that magnificent smile on her beautiful face.
Jogging back out, I sat beside her, handing her the snack. “Mmm… Soy nuts. My favorite.” Elaina rolled her eyes with great enthusiasm.
“Well, if you eat those, then you can have this.” I reached around to my back pocket and pulled out a chocolate bar. Eyes wide, Elaina grabbed for it. “Nope.” Yanking it back, I put the bar in my back pocket. “Not until you eat those.” I said, pointing with my chin at the package of soy nuts.
“Bleck.”
“You are acting like you’re two again.”
Elaina stuck out her tongue at me, and I raised an eyebrow. With a sigh, she ate the nuts one at a time. She made a face every time she chomped down, along with shuddering a few times.
“Come on. They aren’t that bad,” I laughed. “It’s better than the alternative.”
“You’re lucky I’m exhausted or I would wrestle you for that chocolate.”
“Pointless. You know I’d win.”
Elaina choked down the last one, then looked at me, impatiently twiddling her thumbs. I took the chocolate out again and she snatched it before I could say anything. She peeled the wrapper off and inhaled the sweet, delicious aroma. I had to laugh at her. Breaking off a piece, she shoved it in her mouth, chewing slowly, savoring it. It definitely wasn’t the good stuff, but there was no room to be picky.
“Aren’t you going to share with me?” I asked.
“Nope.” Elaina popped another piece into her mouth and moaned.
“Figures,” I smirked, watching her enjoy every bite.
Quinn knocked on Cora and Josie’s door. Cora opened it and greeted her with a smile. “Remember you offered that woman-to-woman talk?” Quinn asked.
“Yeah, of course,” Cora agreed.
“Is now a good time?”
“Uhh…” Cora looked back at Josie.
“I’ve got them,” Josie said.
“Thanks.” Cora smiled.
Quinn took Cora into her room. “Have a seat.” She motioned her toward the chair by the desk. With a blush in her cheeks, she sat on the desktop, knowing she and Gunther just had a round of really passionate sex in that spot. Cora patiently waited for Quinn to take the wheel, glancing down at the floor where the pile of clothes landed.
“Sorry about the mess. We usually keep things tidier,” Quinn said.
“That’s quite all right,” Cora murmured.
Quinn sighed. “I need some advice. I don’t know if you can even advise me on this, but…�
�� She fumbled around with her fingers and sucked in a hard breath. “A short time ago, Gunther and I had a little fight. Well… I guess it wasn’t a fight, but a misunderstanding. I was just trying to get him to understand I didn’t want our relationship to be solely based on sex. He’s an extremely sexual person—to put it mildly. If he had his choice, he would do nothing but…all day, every day.” Cora blushed. “Sorry. That’s probably a little oversharing.”
“No, that’s all right. If it’s part of what you need advice on, I’m all ears.”
“Okay… Then he said he wanted me to be his wife. I was absolutely stunned. I kind of skipped over him saying it and moved on. Fast forward to tonight. We…ahh… Well…”
“Yeah, I got it,” Cora laughed.
“Sorry.” Quinn’s cheeks were hot.
“Don’t be sorry. Frankly, I’m a little jealous. He’s pretty hot. I imagine he’s good at what he does?”
“Cora, words cannot describe it. Let’s just say he is more than skilled in that department. ‘Gifted’ would be a better term.” Quinn let out an uncomfortable giggle.
“Gifted,” Cora repeated with a laugh.
“Yes, so very gifted. Anyway, afterwards, he told me he loved me and I said I loved him more. Then he replied be my wife. I don’t know what to do.”
“Do you love him?”
“Oh god, more than anything.”
“Then I’m not seeing the issue.”
“I was married before. Essentially, James is MIA. I’m pretty much figuring he turned or passed. My daughter and grandson…” The words stuck in her throat, unable to say them. Cora reached out and grabbed her hand. “James used to dote on me before we were married. It was much like Gunther and my relationship now. I was his world and the only thing that mattered to him. He lived for me. We married and we were so happy. We wanted a child right away, but it took a few years to get pregnant with Carrie. James got this great job at a huge internet company. He quickly moved up the ranks, and within two years, he was CEO. I was so excited for him because he worked so hard for it. It was his dream job. The money was wonderful and we lived a very affluent lifestyle. But there was one problem.”
“What was that?”
“His job became his mistress, and Carrie and I were on our own. I raised her the best I could by myself. He was gone all the time. He worked over sixteen hours a day, traveled for business more often than not, and never went to any of Carrie’s important events. Essentially, it was just her and I.”
“How does this lead us to Gunther asking you to be his wife?”
Quinn’s eyes welled with tears. “I’m afraid that, once we make a big commitment to one another, it will be the same way. I don’t want a relationship like that ever again.”
“Oh, hon…” Cora stood and sat on the desk next to Quinn.
“When I met Gunther, I tried to hold him off, but he kept pushing and pushing. I finally gave in and I fell head over heels for him. He has some really messed up issues, but he’s an amazing man. He’s sweet and loving, and have I mentioned he rocks my world?” They both laughed.
“So, mostly, you don’t know how to answer him?”
“No, I don’t. I told him I needed more time. At first, he thought I was going to leave him. I’m afraid to say yes and have it end up being like my life with James. I don’t want to be alone again. Then with everything happening with Nick, Claire, and the baby…”
Cora wrapped her arm around Quinn’s shoulders. “Very tragic,” Cora whispered, then sighed. “Well, I don’t think Gunther will be going out and getting a CEO job anytime soon, unless it’s in a company that doles out ass kickings.”
Quinn laughed. “I think you’re right.”
“Are you still shouldering some feelings for James?”
“I always will, but Gunther doesn’t understand that. I devoted so much of my life to him and had his child. You understand that, right?”
“Absolutely. I will always have Peter in my heart, no matter if I move forward or not. He gave me my beautiful babies. Which leads me to another question. Aren’t you afraid of getting pregnant?”
“Well, like I said, it took a few years to get Carrie and she…” Quinn paused and took a breath. “She passed away when she was sixteen. I was only pregnant once. When James was home, he and I were together. So I’ve made the assumption it won’t happen again.”
“Are you regular?”
“For the most part, I was…until recently. Now I’m on again, off again. I figure it’s from the poor nutrition or maybe early menopause. Oh god, I feel old.”
Cora waved her finger at Quinn. “I’d be careful if I were you.”
“I’m a little older, Cora.”
“You cannot possibly be that naïve, Quinn. Women in their sixties have gotten pregnant.”
“Don’t give me false hope.” Cora looked at Quinn like she had two heads. “He wants to be a father, remember?”
“Right.”
“I would love to be able to give that to him. He’s making that sacrifice for me.”
The door swung open and Gunther walked in. “Oh, I’m sorry. I can leave,” he said.
“No…no, please. This is your room. Quinn and I were just chatting.” Cora stood and smiled as she headed toward the door. “If you would like to chat again, let me know.”
“Thanks.” Quinn was relieved.
Cora left, closing the door behind her.
Gunther stood halfway between Quinn and the doorway. He was nervous, but was able to bring himself to take one step closer to her. The tension was thick and heady, and he was unsure if he should run out the door or run to her.
Instead, Quinn leapt off the desk and ran to him. With relief rolling through his big body, he held her snug, stroking her hair and comforting her. “I’m so sorry. I should have explained myself better,” she apologized into his chest.
He led her back to the desk and they both hopped up. “Go ahead, love. I’m ready to listen to whatever it is you need to say. I’m all ears.”
While she sat on her hands, kicking her feet, she went into detail about her and James’ relationship. She told him all about her fears.
Patiently, Gunther listened to her every word, even when she stuttered and couldn’t find the correct phrasing for what she wanted to say.
When she finished, Quinn took a breath, waiting for him to respond.
“So, just for clarity in my mind, you’re afraid we will end up like you and James. You alone, and me gallivanting and working all the time.”
“Yes,” she said. Gunther laughed in relief. “I’m not seeing what’s so funny.”
“Love…” He jumped off the desk and stood in front of her. “I’m not him.”
“Trust me, I realize that.”
“Would it make you feel better if I made you a promise?”
“I don’t know. Promises can be broken.”
Gunther took Quinn’s hand, guiding her off the desk. He dropped to one knee. “Quinn…you are the most amazing woman I have ever met. You accept me for everything, even what’s wrong in my life. You make me feel wanted. You…” His voice cracked and, in turn, the tears poured from Quinn’s eyes. “You taught me how to love. You taught me I can be loved.” He hung his head for a moment, trying to hold back his emotions…unsuccessfully. Through his tears, he continued, “You taught me I am worthy. You taught me I’m allowed to think and feel, and I’m the keeper of my own destiny. I promise I will love you, honor you, and be there for you whenever you need me, through all of your sadness and your joys. I love you so much, and would be so honored to call you my wife.”
Gunther gazed up at her through watery, hazy gray eyes, waiting for her to respond. He had never been so scared in his life.
Quinn was breathless as she covered her mouth. Then she dropped to her knees to meet him eye-to-eye. “I would be honored and privileged to be your wife.”
He grabbed her face and looked deep into her eyes. “Please, tell me I’m not dreaming. Tell me this is r
eal. Tell me the doubts are gone.”
“You’re not dreaming. This is real and there are no doubts in my mind I want to be yours forever.”
He smiled, kissed Quinn, and pulled her in. “Thank you for believing in me,” he whispered.
“You’re welcome,” she replied.
Then it occurred to him… “Oh! I almost forgot. Wait a second.”
Quinn rocked back a little when he jumped up and began pawing through his pack. He had put the rings in the inside pocket for safekeeping. Gunther cupped the engagement ring in his cold, trembling hands. He sunk back to his knees.
“Gunther…,” she gasped when he opened his palm. “Where did you get that?”
“I found it and it made me think of you. It doesn’t match your beauty, but I think it will complement you well.”
“Do you think they will care?”
“Who?”
“The person you took it from.”
“I took it from a store…in an abandoned town…with only us in it. I thought it was a necessary survival item.” He shrugged. “Besides, if they come back, I will find a way to pay them for it.”
Quinn held out her hand, and he slipped the ring on her finger. A perfect fit. Destiny. She wrapped her arms around him, then she said something to him that meant more than her saying “I love you”. “For the first time in such a long time, my life is whole.”
Chapter 21
Night had settled in like an old friend…always reliable and there whether you needed it or not. Elaina spent what was left of the day trying to quiet the madness in her brain, trying not to think about her brother’s death. She tried many things to keep her mind off of it, but nothing was effective.
The candles flickered when I walked by them to sit beside her. She was reading a book, a tiny flashlight between her teeth. I chuckled at her and pulled it out. “What are you reading?”
Fractured Hearts (Shattered Lives, Book Three) Page 21
