Surrender to More

by Rachel De Lune

“Hey,” I greet him.

  “Hi.” He sits down next to me and I’m engulfed by his fresh, clean smell which stirs every lustful feeling I have for him. “Have you woken up now, or do you still need more tea?” He’s smiling at me, and it relaxes the nerves that had started to encroach after he went for the shower.

  “I’m definitely awake.”

  “Good. We’ll swing by your house so you can change and drop off your car, and then we can head out for some brunch.”

  “Okay, but I need to be home early afternoon.” I right myself on the sofa, pulling away from him a little.

  “I thought you didn’t have plans? We have a fair bit to talk over, and I thought you’d prefer to do it in a neutral setting. Somewhere public.” His hand comes out to play with a strand of my hair as if he’s trying to soften the news.

  “It’s more like a permanent arrangement. I’ll go and get dressed then.” I wiggle off the sofa; the damn thing was so deep you almost had to hop off of it.

  “Are you going to elaborate on that?”

  “What? On the getting dressed? I thought that was clear.” I throw a cheeky smile over my shoulder as I head to the dining area where my clothes have been arranged in a neat pile on one of the chairs. I scoop them up and head upstairs.

  “So, is tea an all-day drink for you?” Luc asks as he sips his coffee.

  “Yes. Until maybe five, when it becomes acceptable to drink wine. Or gin.” I pick up my cup and watch Luc opposite me.

  We sit at a window table of a little bistro on the river front. It was fairly quiet, and the dull winter weather didn’t encourage people to attempt the fresh air.

  “I want to talk about us. I want you to be honest with both yourself and me. Understand?”

  Crap. No warm up or small talk to cushion this. Straight in with the hard stuff. “Alright.” I cross my arms and wait for him to continue.

  “I like the connection we have. I like that you’re not afraid to go after something you want. You’re sexy as sin and despite not being a natural submissive, you’ve followed my commands beautifully. I want you as my sub.”

  My heart gives me one of those kicks that remind me it’s still alive and apparently is happy with Luc’s words.

  “I like what’s between us as well. What does being your sub mean? For both of us.” I was pretty sure I wasn’t happy with all the stuff Izzy and Seb got up to, and I know I only heard about a fraction. My eyes were firmly opened when I visited Solace.

  “Well, I’d expect us to be monogamous. I will also expect trust and honesty. We’ve already worked on the trust, and I will earn more of it. But you need to try and give it as well. There are rules. One, don’t lie to me. If I ask you a question, you answer it honestly. The red, yellow and green system applies outside of the bedroom as well. I know you won’t simply follow my instruction like some submissives do, that’s not what I’m asking from you. Inside the bedroom, I’m in charge. I’m in control.”

  I can’t contain my body’s reaction to his direct authority. He practically growled the last words, and if we weren’t in a public place, I’m sure he would have me pinned against a wall with his tongue in my mouth or his finger buried inside me. I needed to focus. What did he say before the bedroom stuff?

  “Can’t we just stick to the bedroom? I’m not sure about the stuff when we’re… you know, being friends.”

  “No. There is no ‘just being friends’ here Jess. This isn’t something you switch on when we get to the bedroom door. At least, not for me. I’ve told you I won’t change who I am. We can negotiate, but I like control. I won’t expect your obedience all the time, but I’ll expect you to follow my commands—sometimes outside the bedroom. You know this is what I’m about. It was your choice to come and find me at Solace. If you want to back out now, that’s your choice.”

  “I didn’t say that. I was just trying to figure out what all the rules are.”

  “I’ll take you through them. As well as the overall ones I explained, we’ll talk about what you like, what you don’t like, and what you want to experience regarding BDSM. I also want us to spend some time together and get to know each other. That will make the trust and honesty easier.”

  What Luc was saying was all logical and completely reasonable. I got it, but he was also asking me to go against everything I’d lived by when it came to relationships over the last ten years. It was pretty terrifying.

  The waiter brings our food over, and I’m given a pass on answering right away. Luc has a loaded plate of full English breakfast, and I have a selection of pastries—something else my hips won’t thank me for later.

  Luc tucks in with gusto, and I enjoy the easy nature he has. He’s not pretending or hiding. It was almost possible to forget he's had me lusting after him from first sight. Almost.

  I pick at my goodies and top up my tea from the pot. Time to be a big girl and act on what I want. If I didn’t move forward with this, I’d regret it. “Okay. I’ll be your sub. But, I have some rules of my own.”

  Luc stills his eating and raises that sexy eyebrow of his at me.

  “I don’t want to be punished for something I’m not aware I’m doing wrong, and I don’t want you telling me what I can and can’t do outside of the bedroom. I have a busy time coming up at work, and I don’t want to feel like I have to choose between you and work. You’ll lose. I might love having sex with you, but we have only just met. I also don’t want this to interfere with my friendship with Izzy. She’s like my sister and again, you’ll lose. I am a lot of things that make me question if I’m submissive at all. Saying I’m your sub isn’t going to change who I am or how I behave. You said you wouldn't change for me. I’m trying to work on my feelings around trust and commitment. Please don’t push me too hard.”

  I drop my eyes and stuff another pastry in my mouth before I start spouting any more drivel. I’d said far more than I’d intended.

  “Look at me, Princess.” I swallow my mouthful and look up at Luc. He’s wearing his sexy grin, and I take a breath after my outburst. “That mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble. I’m fucking hard for you again, and now I want to take you back home and show you how much fun we can have.” I can’t stifle the smile that pulls at the corner of my lips or hide the rush of heat to my cheeks. My eyes dip and I busy my hands with the morsels left on my plate. Apparently, Luc isn’t going to act on his current desire, and I hear the scrape of his cutlery against his plate.

  “I want to spend time with you this week. When are you free?” he asks after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

  “What did you have in mind?” His comment about sex hasn’t left my mind, and I’m excited to get to that part of being his sub.

  “Not just sex. I mean to take you out, something you enjoy—the theatre, a gig, a meal.”

  “Oh, um… This week is going to be busy at work, and I’m going to be away at least one night with meetings in Birmingham.”

  “Thursday or Friday? I’ve been playing a fair bit at Solace on the weekends, but I’ll understand if you don’t want me going without you.”

  “Thank you.” The thought of him there turns my blood to boiling.

  “We can go there together when you’re ready. So, Thursday or Friday night? How about dinner? If you’re stressed at work, we can go to the spa on Sunday.” Luc finishes up his food and his coffee and sits back.

  “Yes to the dinner. Can I get back to you about Sunday?”

  “Why? Before you answer, remember the rules.”

  “Honestly, doing too much too fast with you scares me.” I glance at my watch trying to avoid Luc’s gaze. It’s nearly midday. “I need to get going. I’ll see you Thursday.” I stand up to go, and I see Luc’s body shift. He’s not impressed with my disappearing act, and I wouldn’t be either, but right now, I need some space. I put my hand on his chest and kiss his cheek. “Please, baby steps. I’m being honest, but I also need time.” I sweep past him and out of the bistro, glad I insisted on driving myself.
<
br />   I walk briskly to the car and head to my folks. I can calm my ragged nerves in the comfort of what I know, and work out how I’m going to survive Luc Clark.

  “Everything okay, love? You’ve been quiet through dinner.”

  “I’m fine, Mum. I have a busy week coming up and was thinking about it. Dinner was lovely. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Have you heard from James about Christmas at all?”

  “No, I thought he’d have let you know his plans.”

  “Oh, I’m sure he will. I was merely asking. I know he’s ever so busy.” Mum went back into the kitchen and left me on the sofa. It was early evening, and my phone had been burning a hole in my hand all afternoon. I wanted to call Luc. I wanted to call Izzy. Yet at the same time, I wanted to retreat and forget what I’d opened myself up to. Izzy would be ecstatic that I was stepping fully into her world. Yet, as I think the words, I wonder if that was true. I’d agreed to be Luc’s submissive, but I still didn’t understand the full meaning.

  Frustration clouds my mind as I consider the conversation I ran out on earlier. I’d been honest, and I trusted Luc with that. But I still didn’t stay. I retreated. Retreat was my default position when things got too close to my heart.

  I look at the empty wine glass on the table and wish I could fill it back up. I couldn’t risk another glass until I was home, but then tomorrow was Monday. The final financial reports were due in next week. I had the regional managers meeting to review all the department's suggestions. There was a meeting with the MD and senior managers next week to start drafting the re-structure.

  I wander back to the kitchen and check on Mum. “I’ll be off in a minute.”

  “Okay, dear. Let me know if you hear from James. I’ve ordered the turkey assuming I’ll be feeding him, but it would be nice to know.” Only Mum could make it sound like my fault James didn’t let her know his plans.

  “Okay, I will do. There’s still a couple of weeks left. See you next week.” I give her a quick hug. “Bye, Dad,” I shout from the door before heading out.

  What are your plans for Christmas?

  Mum and Dad want to know. Jess

  I fire a quick message to James, knowing he won’t reply, and head home.

  I sit down at the kitchen table with my laptop and a glass of wine and pull up my email, preparing myself for tomorrow. Hannah has scheduled a few meetings I wasn’t aware of with some of the finance team. Checking through my emails, there was a last minute change to talk over the finance reports being presented on Tuesday.

  Everything would have to be ready to go in front of the MD the following Monday. This wasn’t just finance. The sales teams and consultants had also been working on their reports. My gut rolls at the thought of spending a relaxing afternoon with Luc, knowing all of the work that needed to be ready for next week. I pull up my calendar again and frown at how closely I’ll be working alongside Martin and Ian, the finance director, next week—and right before Christmas. There were supposed to be some social events at work over the next two weeks. Despite the bad news, Almeno was still going ahead with the staff Christmas party next Friday, and Hannah had arranged some drinks for the rest of the HR team I worked with.

  Luc’s words from earlier make me consider if this is the right time to be focused on building my trust and working at commitment. Would he understand not all of my hesitance came from the emotional side of me?

  I finish the rest of the bottle of wine and head for an early night. It was going to be a long week.

  “Hannah, please tell me these aren’t all to be read before tomorrow?”

  “Everyone is up against it, and things are close to the deadlines.”

  “Which means I have to do three times the work in half the time.” Hannah shrinks back a few steps and hovers at my door. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap, but this is insane.” I wiggle my mouse, stirring my computer to life. “Are they all on the system as well? I’m going to have to take some of these to Birmingham.”

  “Yes, they’re all under the divisional headings in the folder system.”

  “Thank you, Hannah.”

  “Would you like a cup or a mug this morning?” She asks and I smile and thank the heavens for a good assistant.

  “A mug please.”

  “Sure, Jess.”

  I open my email and sigh at the number in the inbox. Instead of tackling them, I turn and open the first report on the pile that had swamped my desk. If I can get through the majority of these today, the meeting tomorrow will be more straightforward.

  “Jess, do you need anything else before I head home?”

  I look up at Hannah from the figures I’ve been pouring over. “What time is it?” I furrow my brow at her. I’d only left my desk to go and speak to Ian about some figures that apparently ‘couldn’t wait.'

  “Just gone six. I can stay if you need me to.”

  “No, go home. I’ll be out tomorrow, and I’ll need you to field my inbox with anything I’ve not responded to tonight.”

  “Okay. I hope it goes alright.”

  “Thanks.”

  I contemplate dealing with my unruly inbox now but think better of it. I can manage from home. I pack up the reports I hadn’t gotten to and leave a few minutes after Hannah.

  I dump everything on the kitchen table after I’ve walked in the house and then grab a new bottle of wine from the fridge. I open it and set about ensuring I eat. Rummaging in the freezer, I put a pasta bake in the oven. At least tomorrow the food will be better at the hotel.

  “I don’t care what you want to do. The finance reports don’t support that. Neither do the sales, so you will need to table the redundancy options pretty damn quick,” I all but shout across the table. We’d been in this room for most of the day, and my nerves were beyond repair. I understood the reluctance to look at cutting employees, but there was no other way we could bring the costs in line without letting people go. The sooner people understood that was a reality, the better.

  “We’re not there yet.”

  “Toby, don’t be so naïve. We are. There will be redundancies within the restructure. Administration will be hit the hardest, and sales will have to deal with the proposed changes for next year. We can’t do it any other way, so pull your finger out and do your job. I meet with Ian and Martin on Monday to put forward the final option, so I want a report on my desk by Thursday.” I manage to hold my cool and not swear. It seems the HR and finance department were the only ones who understood the significance of this situation. “I’ll see you all next week when I’ll de-brief you.”

  I head up to my room in the hotel and collapse on the bed. The room is chilled and too sterile—no personality or touches that would help relieve my bad mood. It does have a mini bar. I open the miniature wine and let the refreshing tang settle me. There’s a swimming pool and sauna in the fitness centre which would do me more good than staying locked away with only myself for company, but I can’t muster the energy.

  I drink the tiny glass and pour the second, draining that one as well. I settle for a scorching shower to revitalise me before browsing the room service menu.

  “Room service, how may I help you?”

  “Yes, I’d like to order the deluxe burger with fries, please. And a bottle of pinot grigio.”

  “Certainly, ma’am. We’ll be up in about twenty minutes.”

  “Thank you.”

  I lie back, letting the stress from the day seep from my body and into the mattress. My eyes close, giving into the wave of sleepiness that suddenly hits me, but I’m pulled back by the buzzing of my phone across the bedside table. Luc’s name is on the screen, and a smile spreads across my face at seeing it.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey. I thought I’d check in. How’s your day going?”

  “Long. It’s been a long day, and I have to deal with some people that really need to learn to do their job.”

  “Are you finished for the day?”

  I sigh, looking over at the l
aptop open on my desk. “No. I need to catch up on some emails and check what Hannah has sorted for me.”

  “Hannah?”

  “My assistant.”

  “I see. Don’t work too hard. I’m looking forward to Thursday. And Sunday.”

  “I haven’t agreed to Sunday. There’s a lot I need to get done before next Monday, and I don’t know if I can spare the time.”

  “Is that what you honestly think?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well then, we’ll see what we can do that doesn’t take too much time. Don’t work too hard. I’ll see you Thursday.”

  “Okay then.”

  “Bye.”

  My arm drops to my side, and I can feel the smile on my face. I shouldn’t feel so giddy from a simple call from Luc. But he did call and check on me. He cares. My heart skips in my chest at that thought. I’m past the point of not caring. I wouldn’t be so mixed up if my feelings weren’t already firmly in the terrifying stage for me.

  “So where are we going?” Thursday had arrived quickly, yet we hadn’t discussed the finer plans yet.

  “To a restaurant.”

  “Clever. I meant which one? What type?”

  “It’s a steak place. You’ll love it. It’s not overly fussy but does great food. It’s relaxed. Dress code is casual, but I’d like you to wear a dress.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Indulge me. I’ve not seen you all week. I want you to wear a dress, Princess.” His voice drops to the dark baritone that sends shivers up my spine. It’s his bedroom voice—that tone that promised sex and fulfilment and never disappointed.

  “You’ll stay at my place tonight so it might be worth packing a change of clothes for the morning unless you’d prefer I drop you home rather than work.”

  I was glad we were having this conversation over the phone because I’m sure I look like I’m catching flies.

  “Um, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that, Luc. It’s been a hellish week and next week is going to be the same.”