by Jayne Blue
She slid her sunglasses down to the end of her nose. “Well, I suppose you’ve got a point. But he’s not the only one who called. I talked to your father a couple of hours ago too.”
Oh Lord. Between Craig’s spin on the events of the last twenty-four hours and whatever the hell my dad told her, it dawned on me there was another reason why she didn’t pick me up at the airport herself.
“I’ll tell ya what,” I said. “Why don’t we just order some pizza and enjoy the sunset tonight, okay? I’m tired. It’s been a long day. It was an even longer one yesterday. We can get into all of this tomorrow. Right now, I’m just kind of looking forward to taking a long, hot shower and curling up in my old bed. Do you mind?”
She made a hissing noise, sucking air in through her teeth. “Mmm, not so much. I mean, your old bed. It’s not here anymore. Randy’s going to set an air mattress up for you in the den.”
Smiling, I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. “Sounds like a slice of heaven. You want your usual sausage and black olives?”
Mom gave me a thumbs up and I headed back in the house. I called Papa Luigi’s and we had Chicago-style deep dish within the hour. Although Mom kept taking great sighing breaths all through dinner, she left the subject of Craig and Dad’s phone call alone. Randy didn’t join us. He had a weekly card game with a few of the guys who worked for him at the store.
Right after dinner, Mom turned in and I found myself beat as well. I blew up the air mattress and cranked the air conditioning. The house was dark and quiet except for the hum of Randy’s tropical fish tank in the corner. As soon as I settled in, I pulled out my phone.
It disturbed me that my dad hadn’t tried to call. I’d heard nothing from him except for those two, one-word texts this morning. I checked the link for the Lincolnshire Gazette. The crime report didn’t list anything spectacular. There’d been another home invasion last night and your usual domestic violence reports plus a robbery at the gas station on Conan Street. I clicked out of it and let my finger hover over Ben’s contact. Finally, I pressed his number.
Ben answered on the first ring. “Hey, pretty girl,” he answered. His deep voice vibrated, sending tingling heat through me. “How’s the sunshine state?”
“Sunny all right. But there’s a chill in the air. Craig called my mother and Dad did too. I didn’t want to deal with any of it until tomorrow. So now I’m lying on an air mattress in the den staring at clown fish. How’re you?”
Ben’s soft chuckle made me smile. “Well, I’ll tell ya, it’s a little lonely tonight. But quiet is good. It’s good to hear your voice. I’m glad you called. I was just about to pick up the phone myself but didn’t want to pry.”
I curled to my side and lay with the phone against my cheek. The last time I’d slept under this roof, it was the night before I left for Ohio. That had been just four months ago. Lincolnshire had felt like a way out, but I was running away from something. It felt different now. When I planned this trip, I thought it would feel like coming home. It didn’t. Now Lincolnshire was the only place I wanted to be.
“I miss you,” I said. I squeezed my eyes shut as the words hit Ben’s ear. I meant them. But saying it exposed me. I could almost feel his hot breath against my cheek as he heard them.
“I know,” he finally answered and my eyes snapped open.
“You’re supposed to say you miss me too.”
He laughed again. “I know that too. And I do. It’s just kind of unique, you know?”
“Yeah. Actually, I do.”
“You sure you’re okay?”
I rolled to my back and looked up at the popcorn drop ceiling. “I am. I really am. Now I just have to convince my mother of that before I leave again. I’m pretty sure she’s banking on the fact that I’m miserable and want to move back.”
“Do you? Are you?” Ben’s voice went up and it made me smile.
“I’ll see you on Monday,” I said, laughing.
“That’s if I survive the firing squad.”
“Ugh. I told you. I’ll talk to him.”
“I know. But this is really between me and him. I can’t fault the man for being pissed at me.”
“I can. Just do me a favor and don’t lose your temper.”
“Ah. Now you tell me.”
“I’ll see you on Monday, Ben,” I said.
“What time does your flight get in?”
“Noon,” I answered.
“Damn. I’m working.”
“I know. Don’t worry about it. I can catch a cab. Why don’t we plan on dinner after you get off though?”
“Done. I’ll pick you up at seven.”
A silence fell between us. I wanted to say so much more, but the need to guard my heart still burned within me. There was a catch in Ben’s voice that made me think he felt the same way. God, everything Janet told me came roaring back to the front of my mind. Benny, the lost boy. I never wanted to be the one that hurt him.
“See you soon,” I said.
“Yeah.”
With a smile on my face, I clicked off.
If I thought I could ease into a conversation about Craig and my dad, my mom had other plans. She was waiting for me, practically poised like a spider when I came out to the pool after grabbing a coffee and a Danish from the kitchen. Randy had left early so it was just the two of us. I had a sneaking feeling that my mother wanted it that way.
Bracing myself for whatever onslaught I was about to face, I sat in the lounge chair beside her and took a sip of coffee.
“Mom,” I started. She held up a hand then turned; throwing her legs over the side of the lounge she sat up and faced me. She took her glasses off. She was beautiful, my mother. At fifty-five, her hair was still a warm-chocolate brown except for a streak of white at each of her temples. Marie Marek-Mattheson had cheekbones to the sky and a strong, square jaw. She shared my gray eyes and leveled them at me.
“Do you know how hurt that man is?” she said.
I opened my mouth to answer but realized I didn’t know which man she was talking about, Craig or Dad. She must have seen the confusion in my eyes because she let out a long sigh and slapped her hands against her thighs.
“Craig,” she said. “We were both hoping your little Midwest sojourn would be over by now. I get it. You guys hit a rough patch. It happens to all of us. But I raised you to be sensible. You’re very much not acting like it.”
I threaded my fingers through the plastic slats in the lounge chair and did a mental ten-count. She was right about one thing: she had always wanted me to be the sensible one. But as I sat there looking at her, a rage bubbled inside of me.
“You’ve had your fun,” she went on. “I can only assume that’s what you needed, getting involved with that other man. But Charlotte, to cheat. It’s a betrayal, it’s the worst thing you could have done.”
I reared back like she’d slapped me. Hell, she looked like she was thinking about it. I shook my head, hoping I could clear the ringing that seemed to linger from her words.
“Let me get this straight. You think I cheated on Craig? That’s what he told you? And you just bought it? You didn’t bother to give me the benefit of the doubt? You know that’s what I asked you for when I left. What happened between Craig and me was painful and should have been private. So now, you’re sitting there angry with me? Mom, I love you, but I am telling you, right now our relationship is on pretty thin ice.”
“You’re just like your father.” She flapped a dismissive hand and her voice took a hard edge. “God, until this minute I didn’t realize how much. You’re making rash decisions that could destroy your whole future.”
I lost it. I couldn’t remember whatever reasons I had for trying to protect my mother from the complete truth. “I’m not the one who cheated,” I said, struggling to keep from raising my voice.
“Your father found you in bed with another man yesterday morning. He’s devastated. Charlotte, you’re engaged!”
“No, I’m not. Mom, if you think C
raig is such a great guy, maybe you should marry him.”
“Don’t get smart.”
“Coming back out here was a mistake. Let me set the record straight for you. The reason I broke things off with Craig had nothing to do with me needing a … what did you call it … walk-a-bout? Sojourn? I left because he humiliated me. Did he tell you that? It was Craig who cheated, Mom. He was screwing some waitress who went psycho on him. She had a video of the two of them. Do you need me to describe it or can you let your imagination run wild?”
The color drained from her face and her lips thinned. “You’re lying.”
“Are you serious? You’re out of your mind. I have it, you know. Everyone has it. The girl sent it to me and copied every single person from my work. My boss got it. She used a subject line about how could I be relied on to keep clients happy if I couldn’t keep my man happy. It was sick. And he didn’t even try to deny it. He just made an excuse that since it happened before he officially asked me to marry him, it wasn’t technically cheating.”
I launched myself off the lounge chair. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. My vision clouded red and I stormed around the patio. “If that’s not bad enough, I’ve had to deal with my own mother making excuses for him for months. How many times have I asked you to just trust me that I knew what I was doing? But you couldn’t. Why is that? Just because you haven’t been able to function without a man taking care of you your whole life you assume I’m the same way?”
I hated myself as the words spewed out of my mouth. She sat there mute, with her mouth hanging open. I’d never lost my temper in front of her before. Some rational corner of my brain told me I wasn’t being fair to her. She didn’t know the truth until now because I chose not to tell her. Still, she should have given me the benefit of the doubt. I was on a roll and couldn’t seem to stop. Very quickly, it became about so much more than her misinformed opinion of Craig. As I screamed at her, I threw out every grievance I had since I was ten years old. All the things I felt when I was a hurt ten-year-old who missed her dad came flying out of my mouth and landed on her like painful darts.
“You broke him, did you know that?” I said. “What Dad does matters. It always did. And you used it as a reason not to be with him. He turned to booze because of you. I got to watch him hollow out year after year after you left him. He needed us. Why couldn’t you be braver? He almost died last year, Mom. The heart attack was worse than I told you. He waited too long to get help and that’s on us too. If he’d had a family at home like he was supposed to, we could have made him go. He shouldn’t have been alone. So do me a favor and don’t you dare sit there and lecture me about men or relationships. I’m doing just fine on my own.”
Tears streamed down my mother’s face and still I couldn’t stop. I hated myself. I hated her a little bit too. She put her hand up as if she could physically deflect the sting of my words. Finally, I had no more of them to throw. Shaking, I sank back to the lounge chair beside her and hung my head. I wanted to apologize for some of it, but I couldn’t even do that. My own tears fell as I looked up at her.
My mother was many things. Weak wasn’t one of them. She straightened her back and slid her sunglasses back up her nose. “I didn’t know,” she finally said.
“You should have,” I whispered.
She pursed her lips and nodded. “Perhaps. If Craig did the things you say, that changes things. Obviously.”
“If?”
She folded her hands in her lap. “All right. Yes. I’m sorry. He’s apparently a very good liar. To the both of us.”
“Yes, he is.”
“But this other man, Charlotte. Craig said he’s not stable.”
“Well, Craig isn’t really the best judge of character now, is he?”
Her shoulders sank and she tried again. “He’s a police officer though? Craig said he was wearing a badge.”
“Yes. SWAT team.”
My mother took her glasses off again and leveled a hard glare at me. “Charlotte, say all the things you want about me. I suppose I deserve at least some of them. But tell me the truth: is this man someone you’re serious about?”
My mouth dropped open but I swallowed my words. How could I answer that for her when I was still trying to figure it out myself? I settled on, “I don’t know yet. But he matters to me a great deal.”
My mother pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose. “You more than anyone should understand what kind of life that is. I can’t live it for you, but I won’t sit here and pretend it’s okay with me. But you’ve made it abundantly clear my opinion doesn’t matter to you.”
Ugh. A thousand knives went into my heart. “I’m sorry. Shit. I am, okay? But these are my decisions to make. I just would like to know that I can rely on my mother of all people for support in making them. Is that too much to ask?”
Her eyes glistened with fresh tears when she looked back up at me. “It’s hard, okay? When I see you about to rush in and make the same mistakes I did, I can’t just sit by and say nothing. But you’re right, you’re a grown woman now. They’re your mistakes to make. But you have to know something. It killed me too to leave that man. Killed me.”
I went to her. Her shoulders shook as I wrapped my arms around her. I kissed the top of my mother’s head. “I know. And I know you thought you were doing what was best for the both of us.”
“If you ask me to respect your decisions, then I need you to respect mine too, Charlotte. You think I don’t know what you and your girlfriends said? Blandy Randy. You were never fair to him.”
I reared back. We were on Randy now?
“Mom.” I sighed. “I was twelve years old. You can’t hold my preteen attitude against me.”
She finally laughed a little and it warmed my heart. Later, I walked down the boardwalk and brought back some chicken salad sandwiches I knew she liked. We ate them by the pool and took a swim. I went to the paint store with her and gave her my opinion on colors for the new workout room she wanted to build. She promptly ignored it and went her own way. That made me smile.
The rest of the weekend went smooth, but quiet. My mother and I dropped our anger at one another, but things remained a little strained. Part of that, I think, was her finally accepting that my move to Lincolnshire was permanent. I was her only child, I suppose she’d earned that disappointment.
When Monday morning came, it was Randy who drove me to the airport. My mother claimed she was tired, but I knew she was still hurt. I also knew things would get better with a little distance for the both of us.
For now, I had a different battle waiting for me at home. I hadn’t heard from Ben in two days and his meeting with my father would be over by the time my plane landed. Randy drove maddeningly slow and it took everything in me not to pull my hair out with impatience.
We hit a traffic jam a quarter of a mile away from the airport drop-off lane. I had half a mind to just get out and walk. Randy heaved a great sigh then turned to me.
“I know it’s probably none of my business, but there’s a thing or two I need to say to you.”
My heart dropped. I turned to Randy, ready to take him on too if that’s where this was going.
“Randy,” I said. “I appreciate how much you care about my mom. I always have. But I need you to respect that some things need to stay between her and me.”
He tapped the steering wheel and stared straight ahead. “Normally, I’d agree with that one hundred percent. Have I ever gotten in the middle of one of your arguments? Ever?”
I thought for a moment. “No. No, you haven’t.”
“Right. I’m loathe to do it now. You were angry with her for assuming things that weren’t true about Craig. You were right. That was wrong of her and it’s eating her up. But, Charlotte, she told me what you said to her about your father. I haven’t slept for two days now mulling over how to handle that.”
“What?”
He turned to me. “Charlotte, it was important to you that your mother finally knew the truth
about what went on between you and Craig. Well, it’s important that you know the truth about her and your dad. I mean, if you’ve been walking around for fifteen years thinking she left him because of his job. That’s not fair to her.”
We moved a few feet more in traffic. I shifted my body to face him. “Randy, don’t. I mean it. Worse than getting between my mother and me is getting between my father and me. I’ve always respected that you never tried to replace him.”
“Charlotte, when you were a kid, I never would have dreamed of having this conversation with you. But you’re not a kid anymore. You’re almost twenty-six years old and it’s time you stopped beating your mother up for something you don’t have all the facts on. Marie didn’t leave Frank because she couldn’t handle his job. Marie left Frank because she couldn’t handle his cheating.”
The universe picked that exact moment to loosen the traffic. Randy had no choice but to drive forward and we were at the curb. I stared at him, blinking hard. When the cars behind us lay on their horns, I grabbed my carry-on and stagger-stepped out of the car, leaving Randy open-mouthed as I slammed the door.
Chapter Eighteen
Ben
I should have known things would end badly when I didn’t hear a word from Charlotte or the chief all weekend. I’d been confident that the two of us could figure this out. But as nine o’clock on Monday approached, a pit formed in my stomach that wouldn’t go awayI paced outside the chief’s office. It felt like everyone in the building already knew what he’d called me in for. They couldn’t though. There was no way Frank Marek would have wanted it out there that he caught one of his officers in bed with his daughter.
God. He caught me naked wrapped around Charlotte!
“Officer Killian, you’re going to wear a hole in my carpet if you don’t sit down.” Joan, Chief Marek’s civilian secretary, peered from behind the half wall that separated her desk from the reception area.
“Sorry,” I said, trying not to look guilty.
“He’s just running a little behind,” she apologized. “He had a last-minute appointment scheduled just before yours. He should only be a minute or two. In fact, if you want to head back down to your unit, I can call you up when he’s through.”
