Too Far Gone (Adirondack Pack Book 1)

by K. C. Stewart

  “Hi,” she said.

  Lee stopped frowning. “I said get some air not disappeared for four hours. You left me there with all of them! And here I thought we were friends.”

  “Oh fudge. I’m sorry.” She was. Sadie hadn’t planned on staying that long.

  “Exactly. Fudge. I want some in payment for stalling.”

  “Deal.”

  “Sounds like your admirers need you,” Vince said from behind her. Very close behind her. So close that when she turned her head she almost rammed her head into his nose.

  “Unfortunately. Thanks for lunch.”

  “Anytime. Come back tomorrow and I’ll show you how I do mac and cheese.”

  Her eyes lit up. “Does it involve Sriracha?”

  “Maybe,” he smirked.

  “Tease.”

  Lee coughed. “Sadie.”

  Geez, what was her rush? Sadie was getting perturbed with the way she was hustling her out of the house. Not to mention the way she treated Vince. Lee had never been blatantly rude to someone who wasn’t initially rude to her first.

  “Bye Vince,” she said as Lee pulled her out the door.

  “Bye Sadie. Lee.” He looked confused too but waved as they headed back towards Lee’s house.

  When they were out of hearing distance Sadie stopped. “What the hell was that Lee?”

  “What was what?”

  So they were going to play a game. Brilliant.

  “You know what. What do you have against Vince?”

  Lee blushed. Her cheeks stained to a hue just a shade darker than her hair. “Nothing. He’s a nice guy.”

  “Do you like him or something?”

  “What! No,” she said surprised. “Seriously Sadie, I have no plans on any of the men in the pack.”

  “Then why did you so rudely pull me out of there? I’m supposed to be getting to know the men in the pack and when I finally find one who I don’t want to decapitate you get all weird on me. What I want to know is why.”

  She saw the words form before they even touched her lips. It was becoming a popular phrase and one she was tired of hearing. “I can’t tell you. Owen…”

  “Yes, Owen.” It always came back to the Alpha. “Whatever.” She was done with the secrecy bullshit. If they didn’t want to tell her then she would give them the same respect. Sadie started walking again not caring if Lee was following or not. She would go back and deal with the dribbling idiots back at the house then she would bake. Chuck would be getting an influx of desert specials this week. A dozen pies wouldn’t do anything to relieve the amount of stress she had right then.

  “Peanut butter or chocolate fudge?” she asked the space behind her where she assumed Lee was.

  “Peanut butter, please,” a quiet voice answered.

  A triple batch, she decided.

  One for Lee.

  One for Chuck.

  One for Vince.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  He followed the trail of what smelled like sugar cookies over the moss covered fallen tree and along the small stream where it crossed over the short leap of water and down the hill to the house of a packmate, Vince to be exact. Tyson didn’t know the wolf very well. He had transferred into their pack a few years ago. He was a quiet man who ranked high within the pack. He had extended family in the area and was generally well liked. Beyond that, Tyson never took the time to get to know him more.

  He had seen Sadie coming from the house a few days prior. Tyson had followed Lee when Sadie had not come home after her escape from the window. What they found had stunned both of them. Not that Lee had known he had trailed along with her and if she did, she didn’t say anything. But the fact that she was shocked, and if he wasn’t mistaken, worried had put him on edge.

  Lee knew something that she wasn’t telling Sadie. From the argument they had after they left Vince’s, it seemed Owen knew something too.

  Tyson decided to stick close to Sadie over the following days. He couldn’t seem to convince his wolf to go when her future was in the air. No matter what else she was, Sadie was his. He made her. She would always be part of him, and although she didn’t know it, he would be part of her. Tyson and his wolf felt responsible for her. It made all his promises of leaving hard to keep.

  He had learned a lot about her in those few days. She liked to talk to herself when she was alone. He enjoyed the sound of her voice and the endless mazes her thoughts wound through. Whatever problem she faced, she had spoken of it to Gaia. Tyson was sure she had no idea that’s who she was talking to but he knew. He’d done the same thing in the past. Gaia always listened, she may not respond but she would listen.

  Today though, he had missed her leaving the house. Only one other time had she gone to see Vince but that was under Lee’s supervision and the visit was short. Tyson sat back on his hind legs and looked at the house. Sadie sat at the kitchen table laughing at something Vince must have said. She held a cookie in her hand and waved it around animatedly as she spoke. Her blonde hair had been braided haphazardly and she looked to be dusted in flour.

  So she had baked and brought the cookies right over from the oven so they would be warm. That wasn’t something one would do for a just a friend. Owen, the alpha bastard, had given her a deadline to pick a mate. Had she picked? Was this the man she decided on?

  Tyson did not like that. He could do nothing about it but he could still not like it. She needed to choose after all and he was too broken to be a consideration.

  Whoa.

  Where the hell had that come from?

  He was in no way in the running to be her mate. None. A mate needed to be strong and stable. He may have strength but not that of the mind. All this, all that he had been doing over the past few weeks had only been pretending. Tyson knew he was still descending into the pit of feral mania. He could feel it brush against his subconscious like an old friend. He didn’t trust himself. Not in the long run. For an hour or two he could keep it together around her because she kept him in control with her presence. But alone? The darkness taunted him when he was alone. It mocked him from the depths inside. It ate at him. And it ate and it ate and it ate at him until the only way to make the pain subside was to give in. Like a junkie, he gave in every time.

  Hours would go by without his knowledge, before he had met Sadie it had could have been weeks. Yesterday he had woken from the haze to find himself covered in blood and gnawing on a bone. He remembered pieces of a fight but not enough to tell him what he had killed. Killing was too light a term for what he remembered. He had played with his prey. Hunted, chased and played with it. He would have thought it was a dream had it not been for the blood.

  Dreams that once haunted him only under the cover of darkness would now hit him mid-day as he was chasing a rabbit, or when he was stopping for a drink in the stream. He could feel it encroaching every minute of his day. Had it not been for Jack stalking Sadie, he would have given into the frenzy long ago and be lost to it now.

  As it was, he was only holding on for one reason.

  Sadie got up from the table and walked out of his line of sight. Almost automatically he saw the black haze settle into the outskirts of his vision. She fought off the mania by only being. As long as she was near he had some sense of balance and sanity.

  Some days, he wondered why he tried so hard to fight it. He hadn’t been before; two months ago he had been chasing it. Now though, he fought. He fought for that one last glimpse of her because it could be the very last thing he saw before he went feral.

  The front door was opened by Sadie and she stepped out with Vince. They stood near each other as they finished their conversation. It may have been petty of him and he knew it was only himself he was hurting in the long run. At that moment though, he just didn’t give a crap. Vince was standing too close to her and those fingers that brushed something off her cheek needed to be bitten off. If this was the last day he had with a sane mind, then he was going to milk it for all its worth.

  So like th
e monster he was, Tyson barked at her.

  Sadie’s head turned toward him and with flash of a smile she was saying her goodbyes. He couldn’t hear her but saw Vince mouth the word “Fred” and look over at him in bewilderment. And when she ran up the hill to Tyson, he looked on with shock.

  Sorry about that buddy but I saw her first.

  He knew that Vince would be calling Owen the moment he walked back inside. Tyson just didn’t give a damn. Not today. Not for the next few hours. His mind was clear again enough for him to know that this would be it for him. The last ho-rah as it was. After today…

  “Hey!” she said when she made it up the hill. He licked the fingers she extended to him. He had been right. It had been sugar cookies. Sadie scratched his head and waved at Vince before he went inside. Tyson glared at him but felt a stab of pity for the wolf. She had chosen a mentally deranged, severely unstable, almost feral wolf over him.

  Not that he was gloating.

  “Are you here to escort me home?” she asked brightly.

  He tilted his head.

  “No? Oh, well what did you have in mind?”

  He let his tongue hang out of the side of his mouth and he did a quick spin. When he faced her again, he let his tail wag excitedly behind him.

  She tilted her head just slightly, enough for him to see the wolf’s presence, and looked at him like he was crazy. “You want to play?”

  He barked. Sadie laughed.

  “This might sound weird but would you mind if I tried to change? Vince says I can do it anytime I want but I’ve only ever done it that once and Owen had been there guiding me through it. I want to know if I can. You know, on my own and all.”

  Play with Sadie and her wolf? His last day just got even better.

  They walked out of sight of the house and she began to strip. Tyson had lived with her for a while so it was nothing he hadn’t seen already but damn. She was beautiful. Her skin was soft and smooth; the lines of her body were highlighted by the sun drenching the spot where she stood. He sighed, utterly at peace.

  Sadie folded her clothes and left them at the base of a tree then kneeled before him. She bit her lip looking a little embarrassed. “Be quiet while I try this. If it takes too long then I’ll just throw you a stick or something.” He responded with a quick lick to her face. She tasted like flour and butter.

  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

  *****

  Sadie opened one eye and looked at Fred who was sitting patiently in front of her. His tail began to thump wildly on the ground when he caught her wandering eye. She closed it tight and grumbled. Why was this so hard?

  Deep breath. Try again.

  This time when she focused it wasn’t on changing but on relaxing. Deep, slow breaths. Her focus stayed on her breathing. In for four, out for four, in for four, out for four. Soon, the counts drifted away and her chest rose and fell with no conscious thought. Beyond the sound of her own breathing, Sadie didn’t hear anything. She had quite a lot of experience clearing her mind for meditation. After Peter, her therapist taught her how to breathe threw a panic attack and suggested she try yoga. The stretches and positions didn’t do much but frustrate her when she couldn’t get into them properly. However, the meditation at the end of the session was soothing. Sadie stopped going to yoga but continued to meditate whenever she needed the calm.

  Her body felt heavy, like it could sink into the dirt where she sat. Arms, shoulders, spine, even her cheeks felt weighted down. When there were no more thoughts, no more worries, no more emotions, only then did she see the wolf.

  Sadie wasn’t sure what she had been expecting but the light, almost honey colored wolf was not it. They looked at each other with curiosity. Really, this was their first introduction. Neither of them seemed to be terribly disappointed in the other. Sadie smiled. The wolf wagged her tail. And just like that they had accepted each other.

  The wolf took a few steps toward her and then stopped. She seemed anxious, excited even. Taking her lead, Sadie walked forward a few paces too until she was within reaching distance. She wanted to change. She wanted to play with Fred. She just wished she knew how. The wolf danced back and forth on her front paws, shifting her weight around. She knew how but of course couldn’t speak.

  Think dammit!

  What had Owen said the other night? Most of that first change was a blur. She just remembered screaming a lot but didn’t remember the pain. Owen had talked her through it all. Something about…

  “You need to make a connection. Find her. Touch her. Know her. You are the wolf Sadie. Remember that. You are two parts of the same soul.”

  Connection. She needed to connect her two parts. He had told her to touch. Palm up, Sadie offered her hand to the wolf. She had gone still at the movement. She now watched Sadie carefully, looking between the outstretched hand and the face it belonged to. There was only three inches separating them and the wolf closed them.

  They touched.

  A screaming white light blinded her. No longer did she feel weighted down where she sat or had a deep rhythmic breathing. Sadie could barely catch her breath let alone make it flow correctly. Everything hurt and tingled. It wasn’t a pain, per say, more of a numb ache. She blinked a few times until the world leveled out. First thing she saw was Fred standing over her staring her down. He nudged her face with his nose in a “you ok?” gesture.

  Sadie blinked again and whined? Oh…OH! It had worked. Her tail thumped happily on the ground. Fred took that as a sign she was ok and licked her muzzle and then he did something that surprised her, he bit her. It was nothing more than a nip but enough to sting. She quickly rolled to her feet. He was already darting off into the brush.

  Ah, so it was a game he was after.

  She shook out her coat still adapting to the new form and sensations. It was like getting her first pair of glasses; she never realized how much of the world she was missing out on until she put them on and everything became clear. The smells were stronger, colors were more vivid and sounds were amplified. Everything she had ever experienced before was only half the story. As a wolf, she received the full high definition, three dimensional effect.

  And it was breathtaking.

  A few yards ahead Fred poked his head out from behind a tree and barked at her. She barked back and leaped toward him. Happy the game was beginning; he turned and ran, bouncing in short jumps as he went.

  It was three hours later when she made the change back. Sadie and Fred spent the afternoon playing and learning. Fred taught her a more graceful and productive way at hunting rabbits. He pointed out scents and what they belonged to. Then he chased her around until she collapsed with exhaustion. Obviously happy with himself, he licked her face free of any rabbit blood and then laid down with her. The last hour they had spent napping. He lay curled up behind her with his head resting on her neck. It was the most content she had felt since moving from Buffalo.

  She tried not to wake him when she moved but it was inevitable. Fred growled out a sleepy response and settled his head more firmly on top of her. He left her with little other choice. Sadie changed right there. It was easier this time. The bright light that had formed when she had touched her wolf before had hung around in the back of her mind. She sought it now. Had she been standing, she would have been knocked down again. Her naked chest rose and fell with deep breaths. A sheen of sweat covered her body. The aching was worse this time around. Just a soreness from over worked muscles but enough to make her groan and wish she had waited to change when she got back to Lee’s.

  Fred licked the salty sweat from her neck.

  “Sorry if I woke you. I just need to be getting back.”

  He hesitated but began again without much of a pause.

  “I had fun. Can we do that again sometime?”

  He stopped this time and stood. The complete joy she had seen in his eyes earlier had hardened. She had broken the spell of the warm afternoon with reality. Sadie hated to see him like that but really did ne
ed to get going. She had to be at work for the dinner shift and needed to shower first.

  Her clothes were right where she left them. There was no one around so she didn’t rush in changing into them. “Tomorrow is the day. You know the one I had been telling you about earlier this week? Well, it’s here and I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

  She chanced a sidelong look to Fred. His ears were flattened and sticking out sideways a little. His muzzle was raised a little but not in a threatening way. She imagined that was what a scowl looked like on a wolf.

  “Any advice?”

  He snorted and shook his head violently.

  “Not sure what that meant but thanks anyway.” Finished changing she stood a little awkwardly in front of him. How would her mate feel about Fred? Vince had been shocked when he had seen Fred but he obviously recognized him. Did the others know him? She didn’t want to give up her best friend for some guy she didn’t want to be within the first place.

  “Don’t be a stranger, Fred,” she said while ruffling his ears. “I’ll see ya around.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Owen’s house was nothing like she had expected. Their little town of Andora was not known for having a rich community unlike some of the other towns in the Adirondacks. The Alpha’s house was the exception. Sadie wasn’t going to lie. She had seen the house from the road in passing a few times. More of a lodge or a small inn than a house, it sat nestled into the forest like it had grown there. One more tree in a forest with millions. Three stories, the first of which was stone covered and half underground. The main level and smaller upper level were wood covered pieces of art. The intricate roof line mimicked the mountain peaks behind it. And unlike some people she knew, the inside did match the outside.

  Owen’s house was massive on the inside. The top floor was Owen’s suite whereas the rest was for pack use. The great hall, as it was referred to by Lee, was the main room where everyone was gathered. It had a stone fireplace that spanned the two stories. It was lit with a roaring fire even though it had been pushing 75 degrees that day. But if Sadie had a fireplace like that, she’d have it lit all the time too.