But as stellar as his tongue was, it wasn’t what I wanted from him. I tugged on his hair, urging his body upward. He followed slowly, licking and suckling his way to my lips, where he captured them in a searing kiss. I wrapped my leg around his hip, pulling his cock closer to my pussy, urging him forward. Without breaking our kiss, he lifted me up, jerked his hips forward, and impaled me in one quick motion. A gasp tore from my throat and my nails must have left claw marks on his back.
“Fuck.” He grunted as he gritted his teeth. Exhaling slowly, he leaned his body over mine, burying his face into my hair. “Don’t move.”
I tightened my inner muscles around his cock, enjoying the bite of pain from stretching around him. “I said don’t fucking move.” He growled into my hair.
I clenched my muscles again.
His hands snaked under my ass, clamping his fingers around it so tightly, I knew tomorrow I would have bruises. I didn’t care because then he lifted me, still connected, and carried me toward the bedroom. We made it as far as the hallway before my back got slammed against something hard and his month was crushing mine again. His hips pivoted leisurely with each thrust. My body pounded against the wall and my heels dug deeper into his back.
He broke the kiss, dipping his mouth to my collar bone, where he bit down hard enough for me to yelp, before declaring, “I can’t give you what you need. I’m no good at relationships.”
Another thrust, harder than before. “I’m not asking for a relationship.”
He kissed me again and then pulled away, panting. “I can’t give you love, Lotus, I have nothing left to give.”
“It’s a good thing I’m not asking for love …” I swallowed hard, trying to keep my voice steady, “isn’t it?”
He dropped his head to my chest, nodding his agreement before he hitched my legs higher and began to move us again. I clung to his shoulders, peppering kisses anywhere I could reach while running my fingers through his hair, pulling on the strands. Using his foot, he nudged the door open, carrying me to my bed.
He sat me down gently, never losing contact as he climbed over my body, caging me in with his arms. He leaned down to kiss my forehead, a rather endearing gesture if I gave myself enough time to think about it, before he began pumping into me. He started out slow, gradually picking up speed until each thrust of his hips tore a groan from my throat and I had to hold on to the headboard just to keep steady.
When his arm snaked under my hip, angling my body just right, I lost all control of my coherency. I felt my body explode in waves of tingling sensations, shooting me into some sort of galactic state, unable to comprehend anything but the pleasure ripping through me. I might have screamed. I have some remembrance of biting his shoulder, trying to anchor myself to him, but my mind was in such a complete fog, I couldn’t decipher facts from fiction.
But what I do know, is when my orgasm ebbed and reality seeped back in, I watched Beckett’s body hover above me on shaking strained arms. His head thrown back as ecstasy consumed him. Maybe I did want more from this... from him, than just sex, because as much as I hated to admit it, I’d fallen for him, my brother’s best friend.
I wanted to fight this, beg my mind and body to reject it, but I couldn't. I was completely trapped, because I had gone and done the one thing I absolutely didn’t want to do. I’d fallen in love with Beckett Fucking Cole, and he would never love me back.
Chapter 16
LOTUS
I didn’t know what to expect from Beckett. Him rolling over and pulling my body so close to his, that if you didn’t know any better, you would have thought we were one? Definitely not on my list of things I expected. Waking up with a thick-corded thigh slung over the lower half of my body and a granite-like bicep covering my breasts … didn’t expect that either.
If I was honest with myself, I never anticipated he would stay. I knew that the moment we were done, he would be pulling up his pants in a rush to get away from me, regret covering his face. I wasn’t the beautiful Alexa I had heard so much about, the love of his life, his other half. I was just me, his friend’s little sister, and how could he not regret making a mistake that big?
But he stayed, and he held me so close that he was hurting me without even knowing it. I would have preferred him leave and get it over with, rather than prolong the regret that was sure to surface when he woke and realized I wasn't Alexa. It would have been easier if he left, because there was no way I could have extracted myself from that situation. Even knowing that in the end this … whatever the hell this actually was ... was going to cause so much irreversible heartache.
Beckett was damaged, and if there was one thing I knew, it was that you couldn't take something broken and make it completely whole again. Something would always be missing; it would never be as strong, as smooth, as unmarred as it was before it shattered. I wondered if he knew that because of him I’d never be the same again, either.
I never realized that having Beckett Fucking Cole stroll into my life with his arrogant ways and his cute as hell dog would ruin me. But then again, I never thought I would fall … fall so fucking hard for a man who had nothing to give me and no will to try. I never anticipated his arrival would make me feel less lonely, and his hazel eyes would warm me up with promises of stubborn resistance to every word I muttered. Hell ... I just never expected … him.
“Stop.” His voice was muffled into the crook of my neck and I tried to fight the shiver his breath fanning over my sensitive skin caused.
“Stop what?” I asked as his hand began to move from the side of my breast down to my upper thigh, before leisurely traveling back up again.
“You’re thinking too hard.” He replied. His lips began to caress the skin of my collar bone and move down until he was placing tiny kisses around the curves of my breast.
“I’m not.” I lied. His mouth continued downward, stopping at my belly button long enough to circle it with his tongue before continuing his descent. He stopped at my hip and bit down, causing my back to arch off the bed, seeking his contact, but he kept moving.
His lips stopped at my inner thigh, where he let his teeth scrape my sensitive skin. “You. Are.” He punctuated his words with nips before soothing them with his tongue. “Lying.” His mouth began laying small kisses upward again, kissing a trail up to my breasts where he stopped, pulled his body away from mine, bracing himself on straining arms.
I found it hard to look into the intense gaze of hazel he directed at me, but the moment I tried to look away, his fingers were there, directing my chin in his direction. “Your heart was beating a million beats per minute … you want to tell me you weren’t overthinking anything again?” he asked me in a whisper.
I shook my head, too lost in his eyes to verbally answer him anyway. The right corner of his mouth quirked up a little, just before he leaned down and captured my lips in a searing kiss.
I was lost, consumed, owned by his lips and there was no stopping it. His fingers were buried in my messy hair and I could feel the bite of pain from his grip. This ... whatever this was ... I wanted it. Whatever it was, for as long as I could have it.
All too soon, he broke away from the kiss and had the nerve to wink down at me like he hadn't just completely destroyed me. “You have work this morning. You’re going to be late.”
I glanced over at the clock and did some serious debating on whether or not I cared. “One time won’t hurt.”
“Baby ...” His voice held a warning tone as he fought to untangle his fingers from the wild ringlets of my hair. “You’re doing a wedding delivery.”
Damn him for knowing my life. He was right, I needed to deliver the arrangements I was working on last night before going out with my friends. But I would have rather stayed there, crushed under the weight of his muscled body, feeling his breath fan against my face each time he exhaled.
His hands, now free from my hair, traveled down my body as he stood on his knees over me. “Come on, lazy bones.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me
into a sitting position, before grabbing my thighs and picking me up. Carrying me like I weighed absolutely nothing, which I knew wasn’t true, because I liked my donuts as much as the next girl.
He carried me down the hall, to the bathroom and sat me on the counter. He walked to the shower and turned it on, before coming back to me, placing his body between my thighs and then resting his palms on my hips. His forehead fell to mine and I watched him close his eyes, taking a deep breath. In that moment, probably the first I’d seen from him, he seemed content. His restlessness was temporarily gone and his muscles were loose.
I felt good about this, just for a second before he reminded me, “I can’t do a relationship Lotus. I can’t do love and sweet gestures like buying you flowers and surprising you on your birthday. “
His eyes never opened and I suspected he was intentionally avoiding looking at me. “I’m not asking you to love me.”
I vaguely remembered muttering those words last night and they remained true. I would never ask for someone’s love, I wanted it to come to me willingly. His head dropped to my shoulder and I felt him draw a deep breath, before he croaked, “I know.”
He planted a gentle kiss on my shoulder, before bringing his head back enough to look at me. His eyes dropped to my lips. I didn’t move, sensing that whatever battle he was fighting right then was his, and I didn’t want to be involved in swaying him in a direction he didn’t opt to go in. But then he bit his lip a little, brought his eyes to mine, and leaned in and kissed me.
Did he know that with each kiss he was destroying me?
With each tender moment, my heart hurt a little more.
I should have been wise enough by now to stop him, but I didn't.
When he broke the kiss and his hands scooped me up, under my knees, I didn't stop him. When he stepped into the shower, blocking the stream of water with his broad shoulders, I watched him. When he leaned in for another kiss, before lathering way too much of my insanely priced shampoo into my hair, I let him. And when he chose that moment, in the shower, to be the type of man I hadn’t even known lived under the surface...
I loved him.
Chapter 17
BECKETT
A week.
It had been a week since I first had Lotus, and fuck me ... I couldn't seem to get enough.
I’d fallen into “like” with her. Is that even a thing? To be so completely consumed with infatuation over one single person that all you could do was stare and think ... man, I like her, I like her a lot. Not love of course, my heart lost the capability for that, long ago, but good ol’ fashioned liking.
It wasn't hard. The moment we stopped fighting each other, we worked together like magic. I'm a clichéd idiot, but I’d gladly take the title if it meant being woken up by that sassy mouth on my body, kissing my neck, sucking my cock. So far, she hadn't disappointed and I'll be honest and say I had never expected her to.
I was worried. After the first time we had sex, I was terrified that I had screwed up whatever fragile friendship we had built, but I was also unwilling to let it go without extending some sort of olive branch. What shocked me the most was that she took it! She took the branch I offered her, friends with benefits, no strings attached sex ... and she didn't even try to turn me away.
My ego was convinced it was because I was a fucking rock star in bed. By the way she withered and moaned beneath me, I could only conclude that my assessment wasn't too far off.
The only real problem I had was that I was a fucking pussy. I didn’t tell her my place was done and I was afraid that it might have ruined whatever this was we had going for us. I couldn't be an asshole and be like, ‘hey, so I’m moving out tonight, sorry. But we can still fuck whenever you feel like it. You’re a good lay.’ I thought she deserved more respect than that.
So, I spent my whole day at my new place, setting my shit up, and getting it sleep and live ready, causing my own distraction. It wasn’t too hard, once the construction crew was finally out and everything was cleaned up, it was only a matter of transferring my shit from the garage to the house. I had a new kitchen, new bathroom, and other random upgrades here and there. Most importantly, my house was my favorite shade of blue. Sort of matching Lotus’ eyes, and I swear, the white picket fence wasn’t a selling point, it had just happened to be an iconic bonus.
But I had to tell her, I knew I did. I had spent the whole last week sleeping in her bed, surely she would notice if I just stopped. She’d better fucking notice if I stopped! I liked to think sex with me was more memorable than a fleeting thought. Fuck, this morning alone I had had her screaming God’s name, while clawing the sheets so tightly, I’m surprised they didn’t rip.
I left Ruins at the house when I returned to Lotus’ apartment to pack the suitcase of stuff I had been living off of for the last month or so. When I opened the front door, all I was greeted with was silence; a sure sign that she hadn’t quite made it home from work. It was fine, it gave me plenty of time to pack and get my shit in order without a distraction, because a distraction is what she was. Every time she was in the same room as me, my cock instantly turned to steel and all I could think about was pounding her against the fucking wall while pulling those unruly curls of hers. Was that wrong? I was some sort of screwed up, but I figured it was too late to change now.
I had just taken the final suit coat out of the closet when I heard the door shut. My stomach instantly knotted, knowing a confrontation of some sort was coming, and failing to foresee the outcome of said confrontation made me nervous. I counted backwards from ten, knowing by the time I got to one, she would be standing in the doorway, piercing me with those blue eyes of hers. I wasn’t wrong, she appeared in the doorway just in time.
I met her gaze head on, knowing that just like with animals, you couldn't show a woman your weakness. She leaned her shoulder against the door jamb, her eyes wandering over the bed before settling back on me. “Where is Ruins? He didn’t meet me when I opened the door.”
Her question came across as casual, even though I sensed the undercurrent in the room was anything but. “He’s at my house.”
She glanced to the bed again, then back to me. I fought not to shift on my feet, like a damn grade school kid who got sent to the office for stealing food from someone’s lunchbox. “Your house?” her eyebrow quirked up and I knew that this was the moment where I most likely would step from the dirt onto the scorching hot coals.
“Yeah. My house. It’s done.”
Don’t fidget. Don’t blink. Women could sense when you were weak. I tried reminding myself, playing my own advice like a mantra in my head.
“Oh.” She was silent a few moments after that and my pulse quickened. I began folding my pile of t-shirts on the bed before she spoke again. “So, exactly how long have you known about your place being close to completion?”
Her arms were folded over her chest and although she looked strong, bold, solid, I still caught the hint of vulnerability that her eyes couldn’t hide. “Not too long.” I told her, skirting around the actual answer.
“How long, Beckett?” she didn’t raise her voice, which probably meant she was angrier than I suspected she would be.
“Two weeks.” I slowly drew out.
I heard her body shift, but I refused to take my eyes off my folding to look at her. “So, in this two weeks, one of which you spent every night fucking me . . . you never thought to say ‘hey Lotus, by the way, I’m moving out’?”
“Don’t be crass. It’s not like that. I just didn’t think it was important.” Lie. I knew it would be important but I didn’t want to face this look sooner than I had to. I didn’t kick a damn puppy, for crying out loud, I was just moving to a different location. Not really such a big deal, until you added women and their emotions into the situation, then it became a gigantic deal.
“Okay.” It was all she said and suddenly, I felt like the world’s biggest jerk.
If this was Alexa, I would be suiting up for WWIII and trying to make it
out alive, but somehow with Lotus’ calm demeanor and nonchalant reaction, this was almost worse than any word she could have said. She walked over and quietly started folding my clothes, helping me pack my things, and I felt terrible. I was a fucking asshole for hurting her, even if it wasn’t intentional, she was going about acting like she was perfectly fine.
When my bags were all packed, she helped me carry them to my truck. She even went as far as making me a sandwich for dinner because she knew I hadn’t eaten, and the damn ham and cheese felt like stones settling in my stomach. I wasn’t comfortable with this awkward silence that permeated the air around us, or the fact that she seemed to not have any desire to actually communicate with me.
When it was time to go, I grabbed her hand and pulled her toward me. She didn’t resist and I got a bit of satisfaction from that. I wrapped my arm around her lower back, anchoring her body against mine. I didn’t miss the little sound her breathing made when her breath caught in her throat. Smoothing her hair away from her forehead, I planted a kiss there, before resting my head-on top of hers.
This was what I had been missing all day but I refused to let myself dwell on the fact. I had long since given up on the craving of this closeness, and after a week, I already sensed I was falling back on past resolutions. Instead, I said the only thing I knew for sure to be true, “I’ll see you sometime this week, and you can call me if you need anything.”
I dropped my hands from her body and made my way to her front door. She didn’t follow as I hoped she would, and maybe I felt that lack of care on her part a little too much, but I did my best to shrug it off. It wasn't like we were anything but friends and it was absurd for me to place expectations on her which she was under no obligation to oblige.
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