Hopeless Romantic

by Francis Gideon

  “Hey, so,” Katie said, shifting in the seat to address him. “Sorry to bug you again.”

  “No—you’re not. Not at all.”

  “Good. So what are the odds you’re going to Toronto for a concert tonight?”

  Nick’s face fell. “Slim to none. I’m at a buddy’s for the afternoon.”

  “But tonight, you’ll be free? Do you want to go to a show? I’ll be there. My friend’s band is opening.” Katie dug through her purse without waiting for a response and pulled out a crumpled flier. She straightened it out against her thighs and then handed it over. “The venue is on Queen Street, just outside Chinatown. Small place, but there are still tickets. If there aren’t any by the time you show up, I can still get you in.”

  Nick took the flier without saying yes or no. The art looked like something out of the old riot girl days: a mix of collage and cut-up renderings, with a couple really tough-looking rocker chicks at the centre. The Hellcats and Over the Empire were written in scrawled font at the bottom.

  “What band is your friend in?”

  “The Hellcats.”

  “And you’re not in it?”

  “Nah, but I’m a favourite around there. Always going to shows, and sometimes I design the fliers, or bartend if they’re really desperate. Not this one, though. I’ve done logos in the past, but I was too busy this past month to draw much for them.”

  Nick nodded again. He moved his thumb over the door times: 7 p.m. His stomach sank. “I probably can’t go. This thing I have to do this afternoon is for a bunch of old university friends, and I just know I’m going to be dragged halfway across Toronto doing other stuff afterwards for old times’ sake.”

  “You can bring your friends,” Katie suggested. “Friends are always welcome.”

  Nick considered this for a moment, but pushed the idea away. Alex, Levi, and Nick had all met in the music scene, but that had been for indie bands with acoustic guitars. Nick had a feeling that if he showed Levi this flier, he would laugh instead of thinking it was cool. Nick liked Katie—even if that was a complicated statement to even acknowledge—and he sure didn’t want this person who also loved John Hughes and pop-punk to be made fun of by Levi’s less inclusive taste in music.

  “I appreciate the thought,” Nick said carefully, “but they probably won’t be interested.”

  “But you are?”

  “Oh, definitely. This sounds like it’s right up my alley.”

  “Well, that’s nice to hear. Any kind of encouragement for musicians nowadays is great. And hey, if your thing ends early, stop by. No pressure if you don’t.”

  “Okay, thanks.” Nick smiled again as he slipped the flier into his wallet, next to the bus ticket. “I’ll try.”

  “It’s all I ever ask of strangers. Just try.”

  Katie’s gaze lingered for a moment before she took out her purple iPhone. She hooked up her headphones and put on an album that Nick couldn’t see the title of. Nick finally selected the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack he’d had on his iPhone. Only for the retro songs. That was the only reason he wanted to listen to this.

  As the scenery passed them by, Nick noticed that they both kept one headphone out of their ears, as if waiting and listening for the other person—just in case.

  Nick’s neck itched. “Why do we need clip-on ties?”

  “They’re not really clip-ons,” Levi said. He sat on one of the small benches in the large dressing room for Tip Top Tailors. “They have elastic bands that go around the neck and adjust. So it’s not quite a clip-on, but a snap-on.”

  Nick rolled his eyes. “The ending effect is still the same—I feel like a boy getting ready for communion.”

  “Or bar mitzvah,” Levi added. “You can’t forget about me here.”

  “We’re not,” Alex said. He shook out his arms, his sleeves not quite making it to his wrists. The tailor walked around him, trying to write down the new adjustments for his tux. So far, it had only been Nick’s outfit that seemed to fit without making any alterations. He was average height and average weight, so really, this was one of the few things where he could finally be the normal guy in the room. Levi was well over six feet and still as utterly skinny as he’d been in university, so his tuxedo jacket and pants needed to be heavily adjusted. He also needed a longer pair of suspenders; his were so tight right now it looked like if he unhooked them at the wrong moment, they could fly off and crack the mirror. Alex was about Nick’s height, but his biceps and thighs were larger than humanly possible. He had been keeping up this ridiculous cardio and weight routine to look good for the wedding, but it had only made him nearly bust out of his shirt when buttoned up all the way.

  Once the tailor left with the new measurements, Nick stared at himself in the mirror with the tie still loosely hung around his neck. The strap was confusing and seemed really tacky, but once it was around his neck properly—with a little help from Levi’s lanky fingers—it didn’t look so bad.

  “Marvel.” Levi placed a heavy hand on Nick’s shoulder. “This is what the final product will be.”

  Alex nodded with his hand speculatively on his chin. “I think you look good. Very becoming.”

  “I still feel like I’m twelve and—” Nick was cut off by a bright flash in the corner of his eye. Levi stood with his iPhone in front of him, snapping another impromptu photo.

  “Hey,” Nick cried.

  “What?” Levi said. “I have to keep my Instagram followers happy. Lots of ladies will love this.”

  Nick huffed. He moved to undo the tie around his neck, only to feel the strap tangle. He grew even more frustrated.

  “Is Erin on your Instagram?” Alex asked. “Because she can’t see me before the wedding, right? Or is that just me with her and the dress?”

  “Are you really that concerned about tradition, Alex?” Levi asked, still not looking up from his phone. “If so, then she should not be wearing white.”

  Alex let out a low laugh. “Suppose so. What do you think, Nick?”

  “About what? Life in general or these tacky ties?”

  “Oh, stop it. They’re not that bad. You’re just renting the thing anyway, so it’s not like you’re stuck with the bad fashion choice all your life.”

  “Nah, that’s just you, buddy,” Levi said to Alex with another snicker.

  After Alex nudged Levi, he grabbed at the fabric on his arm like he’d found a tear.

  “Is everything okay?” Nick asked.

  “Yeah, yeah.” Alex stepped away. He started to unbutton the shirt and replace it with the T-shirt and jeans he’d worn in there. “I’m just being a fool and fretting about everything. These are only rentals, except for mine, so I should back away and let the tailors take care of it.”

  “So this is it?” Levi asked. “They have our measurements and we can pick up the new tuxes in a week or so?”

  Alex nodded. Levi, along with Nick, stripped out of the fancy attire and into their street clothing.

  “Good,” Levi said. “Because I really want to go out tonight. Party for the ending, you know?”

  “Yeah, totally. But not quite yet . . .” Alex caught Nick’s gaze in one of the changing mirrors. “So, Nick. I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a bit now, but I wasn’t sure how to bring it up.”

  Nick paused. He knew that tone in Alex’s voice. When they had lived together in university, it was his my rent cheque is late voice or your goldfish died when you were away serious-yet-practical tone. Now that Alex was an adult, with a job as a high school teacher and a marriage underway, the voice seemed to loom even heavier in Nick’s subconscious.

  “Yeah? What do you need?” Nick asked, focusing intently on buttoning his pants. Alex waited until Nick was mostly dressed before answering.

  “Your plus-one guest. Barry’s not actually coming, is he?”

  “Oh. Right. Barry.”

  Over two years ago, when Alex and Erin’s engagement had happened, Nick had been with Barry. And Barry Nelson had been the love of Nick
Fraser’s life. Barry had played acoustic shows at the local café Nick used to study in, and as soon as he’d graduated from school with an acceptance to University of Waterloo two hours away, he’d figured it would be his last shot—so he’d asked Barry out. Barry had said yes, and what started off as a summer fling quickly became serious. When Barry got kicked out of his place, it’d seemed like a no-brainer that Barry would come with Nick and they’d live together.

  The first three months had been bliss. Nick had been studying the Romantic poets he’d loved in university, and he’d been teaching an English class like he’d always wanted. After his degree was done, Nick had had big plans of moving back to Toronto with Barry, where they’d get married like Alex and Erin were going to do, get a nice house in Parkdale close to another university for Nick to teach at, eventually have kids through adoption or a surrogate, and everything would end like a movie.

  Instead, six months into living in Waterloo, Barry had remained a broke, underemployed musician with a part-time gig selling sunglasses in the mall. He’d never proposed, and when Nick had tried to bring up the idea of marriage, Barry had pushed it aside. “Later, later,” he’d always said. “After I’m famous, after I’ve made a record, after this tough year.” When it became very clear that the fame or real commitment were never going to happen, and Nick would always be cleaning up Barry’s messes, Nick had ended the relationship. They’d had a long, extended fight over the lawn, but eventually, Barry had left with his guitar. Tucker had moved in a month later and well, everything had been fine. Nick had seen another grad student for a couple of dates on the rebound, then Greg for some fun sex, and lived vicariously through Netflix while Alex and Erin planned their dream wedding.

  But of course, Nick had forgotten about the invitation. He’d RSVP’d with Barry in attendance ages ago when the engagement was announced, but never spoken to Alex about the change in plans. And like he had said, Alex had been too nervous to bring it up.

  “I . . . I don’t have anyone to bring.” Nick’s gaze fell to the floor as he gave a halfhearted shrug. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay if it’s not Barry, you know.”

  “I know. But if you can’t tell, I haven’t exactly been swimming in offers lately.”

  “That’s okay,” Alex repeated, his voice strained by his obvious attempt to be calm. “You can take a friend. Someone. Anyone.”

  “What’s the big deal?” Nick cast his glance back towards Levi and Alex. “I’ll go by myself. Whoever I would bring would have to just sit in the pews and watch the whole thing bored anyway.”

  “It’s not at a church,” Alex said matter-of-factly. His voice was becoming thinner with anger by the moment, but his face revealed none of his frustration. “We wanted an agnostic affair since so many people are different religions in Erin’s family. So it’s at a butterfly conservatory. Did you even pay attention to the invitation?”

  Again, Nick’s stare fell to the floor. “Sort of.”

  “Ugh.” Levi’s groan interrupted the stand-off between Alex and Nick. “The butterfly conservatory is going to be so hot. I can’t believe you still want to wear a tux. What if we forgo the jackets? The vests?”

  “I know it’s gonna be hot. That’s gonna suck. But Erin wants us to look good, so we wear it all. The ceremony is only going to be something like twenty minutes anyway. Amazing how much time there is when you cut out the extraneous stuff.”

  “Okay, cool. So no church,” Nick said. “But why can’t I go alone?”

  “Because Alex has paid for Barry’s place,” Levi said, jumping in. “But he’s too nice to say so. These things costs money, man. And at this late in the game, he can’t get a deposit back on a spot at the table. The wonderful tuxes are just the beginning of a ridiculous and expensive affair.”

  “Hey.” Alex narrowed his eyes. “It’s not that expensive, is it?”

  Levi shrugged and turned his attention back to Nick, his look imploring.

  “Right,” Nick said. Everything costs something now, even love. It makes the world go around. Nick shuffled on his feet, not even comprehending the expansive budget Alex and Erin had for the wedding. Just because he’d made things awkward by never bringing up the Barry issue didn’t mean Alex deserved to pay for an empty place. “So I can bring anyone? As long as there’s a filled seat?”

  “Yeah, really. Doesn’t matter if they’re not on the invitation. I couldn’t care less if Barry came or not. I never liked him.”

  “Yeah, well, a little warning in that department would have been nice.” After a moment of thought, Nick added, “I may bring Tucker, my roommate. Would that be okay?”

  “Roommate like . . .” Levi made a jerk-off motion.

  Nick shook his head. “Pretty sure that man is asexual.”

  “Ew.”

  “Not ew,” Nick said quickly. “Just different. He gets a lot of work done.”

  Levi laughed. He made a few other jokes to Alex, who seemed to chuckle along. Nick’s cheeks were warm, probably tinged pink from embarrassment. He had gone so long without thinking about Barry in such explicit terms, and now it left him feeling way too vulnerable.

  Levi stood and clapped his hands. “So we’re done now.”

  “Yeah, yeah. We’re done now.” Alex glanced back at Nick. “Let me know if your friend can come, okay? And if not, worst-case scenario, Erin has a cousin who can probably fly out last-minute. We didn’t invite her before because she’s young and just started a job, but now she’s unemployed. Her parents are coming, so it’s easy for her to tag along, if needed.” Alex shrugged. “This is what happens, I guess, when we take forever to plan stuff.”

  “Yeah, sure. Makes sense. I’ll ask Tucker soon and let you know. Thanks for the dinner and all that other stuff.”

  “Not at all.” Alex shrugged. “It’s what you do for a wedding. I hope you two—whoever—have fun.”

  “Thanks.”

  “And don’t forget to get him a nice gift,” Levi added, teasing. “Gifts are the better half of a wedding.”

  Nick froze, his heart sinking yet again. He had forgotten about that too. He added a gift—what could he even buy Alex and Erin that their own parents hadn’t gotten for them?—to his never-ending inventory of expenses as they all shuffled out of the tailor shop. They walked around the block to Alex’s car in a parking garage. Alex opened the driver’s-side door while Levi hung around the passenger side.

  “So, Nickie,” Levi said. “We have reservations at Biff’s Bistro near Yonge Street. A couple other wedding party members are showing up. From there, I think we’re finalizing the details of the bachelor party with the other attendees while Alex is distracted.”

  Alex laughed and pretended to plug his ears. Levi leaned close to Nick, whispering conspiratorially. “He says he doesn’t want a guy stripper, but I think we should still get one. Not just for you, you know. But I think it could be interesting. I also think Alex should fully rule out that he doesn’t like dick before he gets married.”

  Nick snorted, but the joke wasn’t as funny as he pretended it was. Guys were more than just their dicks, like women were more than just their tits.

  “All that sounds good,” Nick said, “but also expensive.”

  “Ah, yeah,” Levi said. “The Bistro is a bit upper scale. I guess I could cop you. I don’t mind.”

  Nick considered letting Levi pay for him. But he shook his head. Tucker already had bought his ticket, so he couldn’t let Levi get his food. Nick pulled out his wallet to count how much change he had left from the tickets, when he saw the neon pink of the flier again. Right. The concert tonight. Hellcats and . . . some other band. None of that really mattered, though, as long as Katie was there.

  “You know, thanks. I appreciate it, but I think I should go.”

  “You sure?” Alex’s brows furrowed. “I really don’t mind helping out either. I know things are tough because of school.”

  “It’s not just that,” Nick said. “There’s a show I got invited
to. I think I may stop there, and if it’s not good, get on an early bus back.”

  “So you’ll be out all night,” Levi said. “Because I don’t think you’ve ever found a bad show. Even that one we went to in Scarborough that had three people in the audience, two of them being homeless men who came in for warmth, that you still say was the best night of your life.”

  “Because it was.” Nick laughed lightly. He’d heard one of his favourite songs that night. He understood what Levi meant, though, and he hoped it was true. He really did want to stay out all night, doing what he loved. He was somewhat bummed that even without their plans, neither Levi nor Alex would probably want to go with him.

  Alex and Levi surrounded Nick, giving him a hug and casual high fives before slipping into Alex’s car. “Well, enjoy yourself,” Levi said. “Get into trouble.”

  “Yeah,” Nick said. “You guys too.”

  Nick found the club an hour later, next to a dive bar at the end of Queen Street. As soon as he stepped through the doors, he realized the black-and-pink flier hadn’t done the art justice. A banner over the ticket booth announced the Hellcats and Over the Empire with bold, neon letters. The Hellcat’s logo was a leopard spotted with Day-Glo marks and had someone resembling Rainbow Brite riding on its back. The merch booth was set up by the tickets and contained many different types of shirts with the same logo emblazed on the front, and many hoodies with sequins. Glitter seemed to be everywhere. A girl with bright-teal hair worked the merch table along with another girl with purple hair. They smiled easily at their customers and exchanged words Nick couldn’t hear. Beyond the table, and past the bouncers carding people and giving them Xs on their hands if they were able to drink, was a veritable light show coming from the stage. Bass guitar thumped, along with a bass drum, and the strum of guitars hung heavy in the air like an electric fire.