“I was doing what I had to do!” Nina’s voice rose. “Do you really think I’m some slut who fell into bed with Brian out of boredom?”
Kaitlyn was stunned, and her gaze flickered in her sister’s direction to catch Nina’s angry glare.
“Kind of,” Kaitlyn said. “You were engaged to the sweetest cowboy around, and you couldn’t wait until he got back. So yeah, that pretty much covers what all of us thought.”
And could Nina really blame them? Nina had everything—natural beauty, sultry allure, magnetism that drew people to her—and she couldn’t wait a few months for the man she’d promised to marry. What kind of woman did that?
“Nice.” Nina’s tone dripped disdain. “Did you know that Brody didn’t want to marry me?”
That seemed awfully convenient for Nina, but Kaitlyn knew better. “That isn’t true. He came home expecting to marry you. I know that for a fact.”
“Expecting to do something and wanting it are two different things,” Nina said. “He said it over and over again—he’d promised and he’d follow through, but he made it sound more like a duty than a pleasure.”
“He proposed because he loved you,” Kaitlyn said. “I was there. I saw the whole thing. No one forced him into that.”
“And after he got to Afghanistan, things changed.” Nina heaved a sigh. “He changed. But you’re right—he’s a good guy, and he believes in doing the right thing. He’d have married me, but it would have been biting the bullet to do it. Do you really think I wanted to be a man’s duty and obligation?”
Was this true? Nina seemed to believe it.
“I saved some of the emails. I’ll show them to you when we get back. But Brian was different,” Nina said, and her voice thickened with emotion. “I wasn’t a duty, I was... I was the best thing to ever happen to him. So forgive me if I fell in love.”
“I thought you were in love with Brody.” Hadn’t her sister claimed to be in love over and over again when she showed off the ring? Love—the real thing—wasn’t as fickle as that.
“I thought I was, until I experienced the real thing. I loved Brody, but I wasn’t in love with him...”
And that was what had bothered her all along with her sister’s treatment of Brody. She hadn’t loved him—not like Kaitlyn had. She’d cared more about makeup, friends, shopping, appearances...anything seemed to rank higher than Brody did, and that had been wrong. She’d chalked it up to Nina’s general shallowness, but had it been simpler still—had Nina simply not been in love?
“He would have married you, though,” Kaitlyn said.
“And I’d have driven him crazy,” Nina said quietly. “I wasn’t enough. And a pretty face ages eventually, you know. I couldn’t go through with it, even if he’d been willing to be miserable to keep his promise. I couldn’t do it to him, and I bloody well couldn’t do it to myself.”
“But Brian makes you happy?”
“Brian makes me more than happy, he makes me...confident. He loves me, Kaitlyn—not the clothes or the makeup, or any of that. He loves me. I could be dressed in a paper bag and he’d get that goofy look on his face.”
“That’s the way it’s supposed to be,” Kaitlyn admitted. That was the very feeling she longed for with Brody—confidence in his love.
“If it had been Brian over there in Afghanistan,” Nina said, her voice low. “I’d have waited. I’d have waited for a decade for him to come home to me.”
If Brody had changed like Nina said—if he’d planned to go through with the wedding out of duty instead of devotion—that might change things for Kaitlyn. But the heartbreaking part was that even if she wanted to be with him, Brody was going back to the army, and he’d said that he wouldn’t ask any woman to be a military wife.
Kaitlyn slowed as they approached the edge of the woods, then put her headlights on high beam. The wind picked up as they rumbled up to the tree line, shrieking through the bare limbs. Nina unbuckled her seat belt and pushed open the door before the truck was even stopped.
“Hold on!” Kaitlyn said. “Don’t forget that you’re pregnant, Nina.”
“My husband is out there—” Nina’s voice shook. “And every minute counts. So quit mollycoddling me, and let’s get them home.”
Kaitlyn understood her sister all too well. She had a man out there whom she loved, too. She could only pray that they’d be able to find them before the temperature dropped. If two women standing outside in the snow could make a difference, then they would. They’d stand out there shouting the names that filled their hearts, while the rest of the search team delved into the woods.
If only for once love could be enough.
And then she saw it—the brown coat of Brian’s horse standing in the shelter of the trees...riderless and alone.
Chapter Fifteen
The air grew steadily colder as Brody rode. He couldn’t hear the crash of Brian’s horse ahead of him anymore, and the path he’d taken was less obvious now. He reined in his horse and listened.
“Brian!” he shouted, but the wind whipped the word away from his mouth. Movement in the corner of his eye drew his attention, and he paused, waiting for the swirling snow to abate for a moment. The wind whistled harder, and then there was a break just long enough for him to make out a voice in reply, but he couldn’t catch the words. Brian was here...somewhere.
He kept a tight hold on the reins, listening and watching, and then he saw it again—a bush shaking. Brody pulled left and heeled Champ forward.
The wind rose once more and Brody ducked his head against the stinging pellets of snow. His hip and thigh were on fire, but his mind was clear and focused on the mission at hand. The Brian he was searching for wasn’t the man who’d betrayed him...he was the buddy who’d come for sleepovers and ridden with him in the back of the rusted pickup truck, the friend he’d laughed with and talked with, the conspirator from his youth. Suddenly, out here in the driving snow and plummeting cold, things seemed clearer and simpler.
Choices—did he really have as many as he’d thought? His mind kept going back to the villagers—the ones he couldn’t save because he’d been one man with one gun, and sometimes a spray of bullets only hurt more people. He wasn’t God. He was one man. He couldn’t see it all. He couldn’t fix it all.
Champ balked and the blowing snow slowed again to reveal an arm... The sight of the hand just visible outside the brush brought bile up in his throat—mingled with heart-wrenching memories. He dreamed of that hand every night... But then the hand moved, and Brian raised his head.
A flood of relief shot new strength through Brody’s tired limbs, and he swung from the saddle, landing with a grunt and an oath as the pain stabbed deep into his groin.
“Are you okay?” Brody asked, sinking to his knees next to the man.
“I’m pretty sure I broke my ankle.” Brian winced as he tried to sit up, then sank back down. “I can’t move.”
“You’ll have to,” Brody retorted. “Let me see...”
He ran his hands down Brian’s leg, and one foot was at an odd angle. That would be a bad break... If he were on a combat mission, he’d be stabbing a syringe of morphine into the man’s thigh and giving him a wave of pain relief, but he didn’t come prepared for the battlefield.
“It’s bad, right?” Brian’s voice was weakening.
“A scratch,” Brody said. “You’ll be fine. Quit your whining.”
Brian smiled wanly. “I’m warming up, actually.”
“No, you aren’t,” Brody said. That was the cold settling into him, and if he was starting to feel warm then they were on borrowed time. The shock wouldn’t help matters, either. “Now, we’re going to get you onto my horse.”
“No—” Brian swallowed hard. “I can’t make it.”
“You bloody well can!” Brody retorted. “If your wife can give
birth a few months from now, then you can take it like a man. Because if you stay out here, you’re going to freeze to death before anyone finds us. And while we have some history, man, I don’t feel like dying with you. Got it?”
Brody felt his pockets. He had a couple of pain pills left. They wouldn’t be enough to dull this level of agony, but they’d help. He pulled them out and shook them into his palm.
“Chew these,” Brody ordered. “They’ll take the edge off faster that way.”
Brian didn’t argue, and crunched the pills that Brody pushed into his mouth. After a couple of minutes, the smaller man’s eyes turned slightly glassy.
“Better?” Brody asked.
“I still feel it,” Brian moaned. “But I care less.”
“That’ll do...” Brody grabbed Brian’s arms and wound them around his neck. “Now, on three we’re getting up. I’m getting you home.”
He didn’t wait for an agreement—Brian wasn’t going to get a vote on this one. He was bringing Brian back to his wife, and that was that. Brian could curse him for a cruel SOB for the rest of his life if he felt so inclined, and he very well might with the level of pain Brian was about to endure, but he was getting on that horse.
Brian let out a cry as Brody hauled him up, and then the smaller man mercifully passed out. That was the point Brody had been waiting for—unconsciousness. Brody heaved him across the saddle like a sack of grain. If there was mercy above, Brian would stay unconscious until they got back, because every jolt of that horse was going to bring fresh agony.
If he could have done this for Jeff, he would have. Jeff would have cursed him with creative eloquence, but his wife would have gotten her husband back alive, and those kids would have had their dad. If he could have done this for every single Afghani villager, he would have, too. But he was just one man...and that spray of bullets wasn’t the salvation he’d hoped for.
One man simply could not save the world. Damn it. Tears welled in his eyes. For the first time, the knowledge settled into him—he wasn’t ever going to be enough for a job that big. Some jobs required a whole army for a reason, whole platoons of men and women doing their jobs together, and even then, there would be a few cracks in the armor.
“I’m not enough,” he said aloud, his voice choked with tears, but it was a relief to finally let them out. Maybe it was all right to be just one man. Maybe he could forgive himself for being less than an army.
Far away, carried by the wind and possibly conjured up in his mind, he heard Kaitlyn’s voice calling his name, calling him home.
I’ve got your back, man. Whether Brian wanted it or not.
He’d never make up for lives lost, but maybe he could atone for some of that guilt. And for all the people he’d not been hero enough for, he hoped they could forgive him—wherever they had ended up. Kaitlyn had called him brave on that tattered Valentine card, and perhaps the truest bravery was living with all these memories locked in his head, the bloody reminders that he was just one guy. And maybe, if he could accept his own limitations, he could learn to forgive himself.
For the first time since Jeff’s death, Brody felt the burden lift, and it was like that shadowy ghost of his friend finally slipped away to a better place.
Rest in peace, man. You did your best.
Maybe Brody could find some peace, too...
* * *
KAITLYN HEARD THE shout go up when the men found Brody and Brian. They came out of the forest, Brody limping badly ahead of the horse, and Brian flopped across the saddle. Kaitlyn burst into a run, sprinting toward them as Brody’s bad leg gave out and he collapsed to the ground.
The uncles grabbed him under the arms and helped him back to his feet while other friendly hands eased Brian down from the saddle.
“Brian’s ankle is broken. He’s in shock, and his core temperature is down,” Brody said. Kaitlyn’s eyes whipped from Brody to Brian, and before she had to decide on which man to give her attention to first, Aunt Bernice—the more experienced nurse—dropped to her knees next to Brian and began inspecting him.
“Brody!” Kaitlyn gasped, and he opened his arms as she flung herself into them. He closed her in his iron grasp, pulling her hard against him.
“Kate... I could have sworn I heard you calling...”
Tears welled up in her eyes, and she pulled back, putting her attention down to his leg. He’d pushed too hard, and she could only imagine what damage he’d done to himself.
“How badly does it hurt?” she whispered.
“Shut up.” He laughed hoarsely. “I’ll let you nurse me to your heart’s content later. But first—” And his lips came down onto hers, pinning her to the spot, claiming her as his. He pressed her closer against his broad chest, the steady beat of his heart lulling her into his embrace.
When he finally released her, Kaitlyn found herself a little weak-kneed. She glanced toward Brian, who had come to, moaning in pain as Nina and Aunt Bernice leaned over him.
“Is he going to be okay?” Kaitlyn asked.
“Yeah. His ankle is broken pretty badly, but he’ll be fine.” Brody gave a wry smile. “I got him home. Mission accomplished.”
Nina looked up from her crouched position next to her husband, and she smiled mistily toward them. She mouthed the words Thank you and then turned back to Brian, clutching his hand in hers. Brian was looking up at her, his face ashen with pain. They’d found the real deal, Nina and Brian, and Kaitlyn knew just how lucky that was. Kaitlyn had found a true love, too, but life wasn’t always nurturing of a heart’s desire.
“She loves him...” Brody said quietly.
“Yeah.” Kaitlyn swallowed hard. “More than life.”
“Kate...” Brody reached into his front pocket and pulled out that faded old Valentine. “You’re the one who got me through. Do you know that?”
“And you’re going back...” His words the day before were seared into her heart. He’d go back to the army, and she’d go back to trying to stop loving him. It was almost too painful to bear.
“I’m staying,” he said. “My dad has been asking me to stick around and run the ranch with him. It means a lot to him... I hoped you might be okay with it, too.”
She frowned, his words slowly sinking in. “What? So you won’t go back to the army?”
“No. I made my peace with a few things out there in the woods. I’m going to have to forgive myself for not being enough...for anyone. I did my best—”
Enough...he worried about not being enough? Maybe he hadn’t been enough for Nina, and maybe he couldn’t pull off being a one-man army, but when it came to being everything a woman desired, he measured up and then some...he just hadn’t seen it.
“You were always enough for me.” Her voice choked with tears. No man had ever measured up to him, and no man ever would.
“Any way you’d reconsider and give us a chance?” he asked quietly. His voice was low, and his dark eyes were pinned to hers pleadingly. “I don’t know what I’d have to do to convince you that you have me, heart and soul...”
She longed to say yes, but uncertainty swelled inside her. There was something she had to know.
“Nina had the distinct impression that you’d have been marrying her out of duty,” Kaitlyn said slowly. “Is that true?”
He paused, then nodded. “Yeah, once I was over there... That’s the thing—that war changed me. I wasn’t the same guy who left—not in the ways that worked with Nina and me. The army stripped off the cocky veneer and left me raw. I might have done my duty, Kate, but I’d still have fallen for you. I wasn’t going to be able to help that. Besides—” He nodded in the direction of Nina and Brian. “Those two belong together.”
They did—Kaitlyn had to agree. Her sister had found the right man for her, and she’d blossomed because of it.
“Kate...” Brody ran
the back of his finger down her cheek. “I love you. And if the only good thing to come out of being nearly blown up was to see that you were the one for me, then my pain was worth it. I’m staying, and if you’ll have me, I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that you’re the only one I need. And if you won’t have me, I’m still spending the rest of my life proving it.”
Kaitlyn felt her eyes mist with tears. “You are a stubborn lout, Brody Mason.”
“Guilty.” He smiled tenderly down at her and cupped her face in his hand. “Knowing just how stubborn I am, how about you save us both the frustration and just marry me already?”
She blinked, her breath caught in her throat.
“If you could put up with some ex-army cowboy,” he murmured. “I’ll still be stubborn and I’ll probably never lose this limp, but I’d be the luckiest guy on the planet, and I’d never forget it.”
“Yes.” She nodded, a smile bursting through her tears, and his lips came down onto hers once more. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let herself go in those strong arms. Loving him hadn’t been a choice, and stopping her feelings wasn’t even an option. But marrying him...that was her choice for better or for worse for the rest of her life.
Epilogue
Standing at the front of the church on Valentine’s Day, Brody’s heart was in his throat.
Kaitlyn had given him a new Valentine after they got engaged, and this one showed a little bride and groom roasting sausages over a fire. It said, “The wurst part is waiting for you.” He’d laughed, and he had a sneaking suspicion they’d just started a tradition of cheesy Valentines that would last a lifetime. But nothing could take the place of the simple gesture of love that got him through the war: You’re brave, Valentine.
Kaitlyn hadn’t told him a thing about the dress, claiming that there weren’t enough surprises in the world. They’d thrown this wedding together in less than two weeks, and he had no idea what to expect. The doors opened once more, and as the music swelled, he caught a glimpse of the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Kaitlyn’s dark auburn waves hung down her shoulders, and her eyes were alight. She sucked in a wavering breath, then looked over at Ron Harpe.
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