A Girl of White Winter

by Barb Hendee

“Those are private gifts from Raven,” she explained. “Everything else he brings back goes into the communal stores.”

  Apparently, while other members of the settlement kept chickens and had kitchen gardens, they often had little choice besides eating dinner in the common house. This reality turned my concerns in another direction within the week.

  Brida was viewed as leader among the women. She decided what we made for dinner each night in the common house, and she normally chose goat stew. Sometimes she chose rabbit stew or venison stew, depending on what the men had brought back after hunting. Most of the people didn’t mind eating stew nearly every night so long as there was plenty of bread to go with it.

  But once we began rationing flour and the bread was limited, I began to see looks of disappointment at the prospect of another stew for dinner. Wondering about other choices for our menu, I looked through the cookware in the cupboards of the common house and found a number of long baking pans. The next morning, I asked Caine if he could put off other work and take a few of the men fishing for trout.

  Mid-morning, Trace and Aiden arrived at the common house with four large buckets filled with trout, and I asked Brida if I might pose something different for dinner. As I purposefully asked her in front of the other women—who could see all the trout—she had little choice but to agree. Quickly, I went home and asked Tristan if I might use some of our own cornmeal stores.

  “Of course,” he said. “You never need ask. I don’t wish to hurt Raven by refusing his gifts, but you are always welcome to take anything in our storeroom for the people.”

  Grateful, I took a bag of cornmeal, along with a good-sized helping of parsley, back to the women at the common house.

  That afternoon, we worked to clean and bone all the trout, and we laid the pieces of fish in the long pans. I boiled the cornmeal into a thick mixture, adding goat cheese and parsley, and we spread this on top of the fish. Then we began baking the pans in the wood-fired oven, creating a kind of fish pie.

  We were baking the last of the pans when our men began arriving. At the prospect of something different for dinner, their pleasure was clear. A number of people declared the pies delicious, but I think they appreciated the variety more than anything else.

  The next night we had goat stew.

  The following morning, I went into the storage room of communal supplies and took stock. We still had onions, potatoes, lentils, oats, ham, bacon fat, goat cheese, and several large bags of rice.

  That afternoon, I had the women slice potatoes thinly. Again, we laid these in the long pans, adding cheese and pieces of ham. We baked the pans until the potatoes were soft and the cheese had melted.

  The children liked this dish, and I don’t think Logan knew that I had started planning meals, because when he took a bite, he looked up at Brida and said, “This is good.”

  She didn’t respond.

  The next day, I asked the women to gather any remaining tomatoes. Before the first frost, most of us had brought our still-green tomatoes inside to let them ripen. I gathered dried herbs from home, and I taught the women how to make the rice dish with onions, herbs, and diced tomatoes. Then we gathered eggs and parsley, and I mixed these with cornmeal to make up the batter for fried corncakes. Even though the meal contained no meat, no one seemed to notice, and every bite of food vanished.

  The next day, in the early afternoon, Treena asked me, “Kara, what are we making for dinner tonight? Do you need us to gather anything?”

  “Yes. See if anyone still has carrots in their gardens. I thought we’d do pots of lentils with ham and vegetables.”

  “That sounds good,” Charlotte said. “We still have oats. Perhaps we could fry up some oat cakes.”

  Only then did I notice that Brida had gone pale as she listened. Always before, the women had asked her what needed to be readied for dinner. Now they came to me. I neither apologized to her nor corrected the other women.

  Not long after this, the first snow fell.

  Though it was bitterly cold outside, we had plenty of firewood, and I was always warm at home or in the school or in the common house. I spent my nights under the blankets with Caine, and we continued learning more about how to please each other. He often whispered that he loved me, and I knew that he did.

  I was loved, and I was content.

  Supplies of rice and oats began to run low. The sugar was long gone, and the flour was nearly gone, but no one seemed concerned.

  Then one afternoon, when the women were gathered at the common house, working on quilts, Trace stuck his head in the front door.

  “Grandmother!” he called to Charlotte. “Raven and Jade are back. They’re coming up the chute now.”

  Smiles broke out all around me. Everyone left their sewing and hurried to grab their cloaks. I followed suit and was soon swept down the path with a group of chattering women.

  “I hope they brought some bolts of red wool,” Treena said. “My red dress is worn thin.”

  Up ahead, I could see a small crowd had gathered in the open area near the mouth of the chute. Caine and Tristan were already there. Just as I arrived, a white wagon emerged. Raven was driving, but a woman and a boy sat on the bench beside him. The next wagon emerged with Badger driving. Four more followed. The feeling all around me was one of celebration. Even in the frigid air, everyone was smiling as people began jumping off wagons.

  A pretty girl about my age ran to Doris and hugged her.

  “Oh, Mama,” she said. “We’ve brought so much food back, and some beautiful green wool for gowns and shirts. Wait until you see.”

  Raven climbed down from the bench of the wagon and embraced Caine. I stood back uncertainly. These two were close. Anyone could see that. But then the woman and boy who’d been sitting beside Raven climbed down.

  Caine looked around until spotting me. “Kara, there you are. Come here and meet Jade and Sean.”

  Cautiously, I approached. The boy hovered near Raven. I didn’t know Raven well, and the woman was a stranger. I’d never liked meeting new people. In her late twenties, she was tall, about the height of Raven. Her skin was flawless. Like Isabella, her hair was a rich shade of chocolate brown—and so were her eyes. Though her waist was small, her body showed more curves than mine.

  She was lovely, but she took in my hair and eyes with some surprise. Then she said, “Oh, Caine. This is your girl? The one you stole from those noblemen?”

  “Jade,” Caine answered, “she is my wife.”

  “Wife?” Raven repeated, and his expression shifted to concern as he glanced between us. “For how long?”

  “Since late autumn,” Caine answered, sounding less than pleased by his brother’s response.

  But Tristan limped up and grasped my hand. “Kara has chosen to live with us at the house, and we are blessed to have her there.”

  I gripped his hand.

  “Oh…” Raven said, and he smiled at Caine. “Well, then congratulations. I can’t believe you’re married.”

  “Me either,” Caine answered, and he smiled back. From him, a smile was a rare event.

  Logan came through the crowd, striding straight for Raven.

  “Did you make sure you weren’t followed?” he demanded.

  Raven blinked. “Followed? No, we weren’t followed.” He looked to Caine. “What is this?”

  Jade frowned, listening.

  “It’s nothing,” Caine answered, but his voice caught and I knew well how this topic distressed him. “We had some trouble not long after you left. Soldiers from the king’s army followed one of our raiding parties home, and they found the chute. We let them get them get halfway up, and killed them. The bodies are long buried. We’ve had no trouble since.”

  But I shivered inside my cloak, remembering that awful day. Men had died because of me.

  “It was not nothing!” Logan nearly spat, tu
rning on Caine. “We cannot risk outsiders finding this place.”

  Tristan held up his free hand. “Raven and his people have just returned. They are most likely tired, cold, and hungry. Logan, you can see they were not followed. Let them eat and rest, and we will speak of these things tomorrow.”

  Though Raven appeared somewhat put off by this welcome, he nodded and grasped Jade’s hand. “We’ll see you all at dinner.”

  * * * *

  In the late afternoon, the women of the settlement began putting together a feast to recognize the return of Raven’s group. We put the lard, flour, and sugar they’d brought to good use, making sweet rolls and apple tarts. Brida supervised the creation of an herbed chicken stew that was quite good.

  When people gathered in the common room that evening, the mood was one of celebration, and cheers sounded when Raven had a large cask of wine rolled in. With a broad smile, Tristan went to help him open it.

  As soon as they finished, Raven jumped up onto a bench.

  Jade stood about twenty paces away, watching him.

  “My friends!” he called, and his voice carried. “I have an announcement that will help us celebrate far into the night.” He smiled at Jade. “I’ve asked Jade to hand-fast with me, and she’s agreed. Grandfather has given his permission, and he’ll marry us before dinner.”

  Cheers exploded. Charlotte put her hands to her mouth and called, “Well, it’s about time, you rogue.”

  People laughed. I wasn’t sure what to think, but apparently, Raven and Jade’s announcement to hand-fast was long-awaited news. Like Caine and me, the two of them did not need a well-planned ceremony. They wished only to be wed. Treena pulled a ribbon from her hair and ran over to Tristan.

  Quietly, I made my way to Caine, and he drew me up against him as we watched his brother and Jade swear their vows to each other. Jade’s face glowed. The sight made me happy.

  “She loves him,” I whispered.

  “He loves her too,” Caine whispered back. “But he’s made her wait a long time.”

  When the ceremony was over, everyone ate and drank wine. Even Logan and Brida seemed to enjoy this night of Raven’s wedding.

  “Jade is a good woman,” Brida said, loudly enough for Caine and me to hear. “She has spirit and is not timid like a mouse.”

  Though I ignored this slight upon myself, I did notice that only an hour after the ceremony, Raven and Jade had squared off. She had her hands on her hips, and he looked angry.

  “What do you mean we’ll live in your house?” she demanded. “That’s ridiculous. The three of us will live in my house. It’s larger and has actual bedrooms.”

  “I never agreed to that,” he answered, biting off the words.

  Puzzled, I looked up at Caine. “Are they fighting?”

  Caine shrugged and smiled for the second time in one day. “They’ve been fighting since they were six years old. It’s what they do.”

  I did not understand.

  But later, near the mid of night, when people were still celebrating, I longed to go home and asked Caine if I might fetch my cloak.

  “Of course.”

  As I went to get it, Raven approached me, catching me alone. “You consented to marry Caine?” he asked. “It was your choice?”

  I liked his face. It reminded me of Tristan’s, but his questions threw me. “Yes.”

  “And you’re happy?” he pressed.

  No one had ever asked me that, and I thought on the question.

  “Yes,” I answered honestly. “I am happy.”

  * * * *

  Winter passed into spring. The air began to warm, the ground thawed, and the trees began budding with leaves. Yellow and purple flowers came up from the ground, and I rejoiced in being able to walk outside without my cloak.

  The people of the settlement began inspecting both their gardens and the cleared lands near the orchards in preparation to till and plant new crops. Caine was busy from dawn to dark every day.

  One afternoon, I sat with Treena in the common house, helping her to make a new dress from some of the wool Raven and Jade had brought back.

  Watching me sew, she sighed. “I wish my stitches were as invisible as yours. I don’t know how you do that.”

  Leaning close, I tried to show her, but instead of looking down, she said. “Kara, I’m so sorry that I wasn’t kind to you when you first arrived. When I think of how I treated you, I’m ashamed.”

  “It’s all right. You didn’t know me.”

  “No, it wasn’t that. My parents were pressing me to marry Caine. Every girl here had parents pressing her to marry Caine. None of us wanted to, but winning became so important. Then one day, he arrived with you and announced he was claiming you as his wife without a hand-fasting. My parents were angry with me, blaming me for having failed…and so I was angry with you.”

  Poor Treena. I’d had no idea. “I am sorry.”

  “But it all worked out so well. Once they could see that Caine loved you, my parents gave up and agreed to let me marry Aiden. I was so relieved. I couldn’t imagine an entire lifetime being tied to Caine.” She shuddered.

  My sympathy faded.

  Offended, I asked, “And what exactly do you find so distasteful about Caine?”

  “Oh, Kara.” Her eyes widened. “I didn’t mean anything by that. Everyone respects Caine. No one works harder than he does. We all see him as the finest and best of men.”

  Not wishing to continue this discussion, I nodded.

  Caine was the finest and best of men.

  * * * *

  With the coming of spring, a new worry began to plague me.

  Tristan was not well. He hid it from everyone else, but I closed down the school for the tilling season—as the children were needed—and began spending my mornings at home with him.

  His limp was worse, and several times, his face had begun to twitch in a manner he could not control, and once, this caused him to bite his tongue. I had no knowledge of this ailment or idea of how to help him. I begged him to let me tell Caine, as someone here might have more knowledge than me. But he swore me to secrecy. He said as tórnya, he had to appear strong. I hated keeping anything from Caine, but I was loyal to Tristan as well, and he expected me to obey his wishes.

  This silence was painful. I loved Tristan like a father, and my worry for him began taking a toll. I couldn’t imagine life without him, and I had no one with whom to share my fear.

  Raven and Jade had let it be known they would soon be back on the road, and this time, they would be gone until early autumn. I would be sorry to see them go. I liked Jade’s open manner, and Raven’s good humor was much needed in the family. He somehow helped temper the bond between Caine and Logan. It was hard for them to be angry at each other with Raven teasing them and making jokes. He was like a breath of warm air.

  One morning, I was home with Tristan. He was in his workroom, and I used the time to give the house a good cleaning. Upon hearing footsteps outside, I looked toward the front door. Raven walked in without knocking, carrying a heavy bag of cornmeal.

  “Hello, Kara,” he said. “We’ll be leaving in a week or two, and I wanted to make sure you were well stocked.”

  As Tristan had told me to accept anything Raven brought, I answered. “Thank you. Can you bring it to the store room?”

  As he moved to follow me, a loud thumping sounded from the workroom. I bolted, running through the doorway, with Raven right behind me. At the sight inside, I cried out. Tristan was on the floor, and his entire body was jerking and twitching. Running to him, I tried to hold his mouth, so he would not bite his tongue.

  “Get a piece of leather!” I called to Raven.

  He flew into action, grabbing a piece of leather off a table. Quickly, I got it between Tristan’s teeth until his body calmed. Then I removed the leather from his mouth. This
was by far the worst episode I’d seen. Still on the floor, he gripped my arms.

  “My girl,” he whispered, and I could see he was in pain.

  “Oh, Tristan. Let us get you to bed.”

  Raven hadn’t spoken, but he looked down at me. “You knew what to do.” Then his voice turned accusing. “You knew exactly what to do! Have you seen this before?”

  “Please, Raven. Help me get him to bed.”

  Relenting, Raven leaned down and gently helped Tristan to his feet. Together, we half carried Tristan to his room and got him settled.

  By then, he seemed more himself, and he grabbed Raven’s arm. “You won’t say a word of this, not to anyone. That is an order. Do you understand?”

  “Grandfather…”

  “It’s an order. Kara’s sworn to silence, and she won’t speak. I expect the same from you.”

  “Why?”

  “You know why.”

  Apparently, Raven did know why, because he slowly pulled his arm from Tristan’s grip and stopped arguing.

  “Both of you leave me now,” Tristan said.

  “Can I get you anything?” I asked. “A cup of water?”

  “No. Just let me rest.”

  Turning, I walked from the room, down the hall, and into the sitting room. There, I sank onto a couch. Raven came out and stood in front of me.

  “How long has this been going on?” he asked.

  “Weeks,” I whispered. “He won’t let me tell Caine. He won’t let me do anything. I’ve been all alone in this.”

  Tears began running down my face from all the pent up worry and the memory of the sight of Tristan on the floor. I hated to cry, and rarely did, but I couldn’t stop.

  “Oh, Kara.”

  Suddenly, Raven was on the couch beside me, reaching out to pull me close. I needed the comfort and allowed him to draw me up into his shoulder. But then…the strangest thing happened. The instant he touched me, the feel of his body was like coming home, as if physically blending with him was the most natural thing in the world. His arms were around me, and he gasped softly as if he felt the sensation too.

  Drawing his head back, he stared at me. Leaning down, he touched his mouth to mine. His kiss was light at first, just a brush of his lips. I seemed to melt into him, again as if this were natural, requiring no thought at all. When he opened his mouth, I opened mine in answer. My body responded to his.