The Dancer

by Jordan Silver

  We followed the bus downtown, stopping each time to see who was getting off. Never again, that shit’s annoying as hell.

  She finally got off near fourteenth street in Chelsea and walked towards a building that had seen better days, but wasn’t the worst. The way she pulled the door and walked in it looked like this wasn’t her first time here.

  All three of us got out and looked up at the building after Tony fed the meter.

  “What the hell is this place?” It looked like an apartment building with businesses on the bottom floors, but there was no awning outside to give us a clue.

  “We won’t know until we go in and before you ask, yes I’m going in there with you.”

  “I don’t need a babysitter.” What the fuck is she doing here? Who the fuck is she here to see?

  “No, but she might. Your eyes have that look that I don’t trust. Knowing you, you’ll walk in there guns blazing. I’m not sure what’s going on in there, but I’m not bailing you out the day before aunt Sophie is due back in the states, hell no.”

  Travis didn’t say a word but he was the first one through the door. We climbed the stairs as the door opened behind us, and a man, and a little girl came in. Ahead of us I could hear children’s voices.

  We found her on one of the floors with about six little girls in tutus. I came up short at the sight. She was dressed in a leotard and nothing else as she moved around the room speaking to the kids.

  She hadn’t noticed us standing outside looking through the glass door after the man passed us. There were parents leaving and calling out goodbyes, while others sat in seats against the

  wall.

  For the next hour I watched the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. She was a different person when she danced, I could see it in her face. Almost like she was in another world.

  She was also very good. As far as I’m concerned watching ballet is the equivalent to getting every tooth in my head pulled with a buzz saw. But I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

  It was either the music or her fluid movements, but something was making my ass emotional. The little girls watched her in awe and I’m sure I had pretty much the same look on my face.

  She was also patient as fuck. The kids were no more than four or five, barely able to walk, furthermore, do all those intricate things she was teaching them.

  It was obvious that they were beginners, so she must not have been teaching them that long. But they all seemed to like her.

  The three of us didn’t say a word, just watched in silent admiration. Well, Tony and I did, but Travis just took it all in stride since he was use to it.

  “She’s amazing!” I didn’t take my eyes off her.

  “Yeah!” I gave Tony a sharp look at his reply, which he ignored.

  “That’s not even the half of what she can do. This is just beginners stuff.” Travis said with obvious pride.

  She finally noticed us when it was over and the parents started gathering up their kids to leave. I hadn’t even realized that an hour had gone by.

  The look on her face was not in the least bit welcoming, and she ignored us as she moved around the room cleaning up and saying her goodbyes.

  I heard talk of the following week and what to do if anything came up. There were some appreciative comments made as some of the mothers thanked her.

  I walked into the room as soon as it was clear. It was obvious what she was up to, but I wanted details. “Why didn’t you mention this place to me?”

  “I didn’t know I was supposed to. Can we go? I already cut the heat off and this place gets rather cold very quickly.” She snapped off the lights and moved to the door.

  We followed her out and waited for her to lock up before heading back outside to the car. I decided to leave off questioning her for now, since we had an audience.

  Travis filled the airspace with his usual chatter, telling her about all the things he’d seen that morning and about the kickass sneakers I’d bought him when I caught him drooling over them in the store window.

  She had her head resting against the seat and her arms lying at her sides. She looked beat and that place in my heart that seems to have known her forever, squeezed.

  She had her reasons for pushing herself and I was beginning to understand, but she was wrong. I have to find a way to make her let me in before she hurts herself.

  I’m trying not to go too fast and yet that’s just what she needs. It’s like we’re on two different levels of the same game. I’m already looking ahead, have already made up my mind because I know what I want. While she’s still struggling to accept.

  She has serious trust issues as is to be expected after what she’d been through. But that shit conflicts with my need for my woman to have complete faith in me.

  But how do I get her to believe in me when the two people she trusted most had betrayed her? Knowing what I do now, I’m even more afraid of making the wrong move.

  I was back to feeling like a fish that fell out the damn bowl. I haven’t the foggiest idea how to woo someone, especially someone who’d been so grievously hurt.

  My mind was working overtime as we drove back to the apartment. One thing was certain, it was obvious that she loved dancing, her whole personality changes.

  From what Travis had said she’d dropped it to take up engineering because it was more stable. That is my first clue. She needs security. That’s also the reason she’s been pushing herself so hard. If I can get around that it’ll be smooth sailing.

  All the way up in the elevator, as the three of them talked, I was thinking. I had what I thought might be the perfect solution, but knew before I said anything that she wouldn’t go for it that easy. I’m gonna have to trick her ass somehow.

  I let go of her hand to open the door only then realizing that I’d been holding it the whole time since we left the car. What was more surprising is the fact that she let me.

  She walked down the hallway to her room while the others headed for the media room arguing about some shit. I was going to corner her in her room and question her, but I heard the shower running in her private bathroom when I reached the door.

  I didn’t even think twice when I walked in and picked up the ugly jacket off the bed where she’d dropped it. I walked back down the hallway and dropped it onto Tony’s lap.

  “Get rid of that!” He looked from it to me and shook his head. “You never do shit the easy way do you?” He checked the pockets and found them empty before heading for the door.

  “Wait a minute.” I don’t trust his ass one bit. I wasn’t too sure whose side he was on in this fucking circus. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and ripped that shit to shreds before passing it back to him.

  “Damn, you’re paranoid.”

  “Yeah, but you knew exactly what I was thinking didn’t you?” Like I don’t know him. He already admitted that he likes her, which means like he does with mom, he’ll take her side in everything even if she’s wrong.

  I headed back to her room to wait for her to finish up in the shower. She screamed bloody murder when she came out wrapped in a towel and saw me sitting on her bed.

  “You… what are you doing in here?” She held the towel for dear life and her whole body went red. I turned away to make her feel comfortable, but not before getting an eyeful of leg.

  “Go ahead, I’m not looking.” I heard her rummage through the drawers and was pleased that she’d at least unpacked. Then again that might not mean anything. There’re people who unpack in hotels.

  She went back into the bathroom and came out minutes later dressed in sweats and a tank, looking cute as hell. The edges of her hair were wet and soft around her face and the ponytail only made her look more adorable.

  I couldn’t resist running my finger down her cheek when she got closer. “How was your day, baby?” She frowned at the endearment, but didn’t move away.

  “My day was fine; how did you guys find me?” Like I was going to tell her that shit. Who knows when I might need that tric
k again. I just tapped the side of my head and smiled at her.

  She moved towards the door and I pulled her back, standing her between my spread thighs with her hands held firmly in mine as I sat on the bed. She tried pulling away.

  “Stop struggling, I’m not gonna pounce on you with your brother and my best friend in the next room.” What does she take me for?

  “Tell me about that place. I’m guessing it’s a school of some sort?”

  “Why do you want to know? Why are you so

  interested in my life?” Aggravating twit. Hadn’t she heard anything I said last night?

  “Because I wanna fuck you that’s why.” I was in no mood to play around with her stubborn ass, not on this. I’m not about to let her hurt herself. If her mouth fell any lower she’d lick the damn floor.

  “Isn’t that what you wanted to hear, what you expect, what you believe? Why so shocked then?”

  Why is she able to piss me off so easily? Just a few words from her and I’m ready to chew nails. “You want to start this conversation over again? And this time just answer the damn question. Damn!”

  She pouted and looked like I’d expect our daughter to look after a scolding if we had one. That thought almost derailed me for a second, but I reminded myself that her young brother was in the other room, and besides, I’d made a promise.

  If I tried taking her down now she’d freak and accuse me of all manner of things no doubt. I tugged on her hand until she toppled into my lap, and wrapped my arms around her to keep her there.

  “Tell me!” I rocked her until she opened her lips with a huff. “I rent the space okay. I had planned on opening a school when I moved here but…” She didn’t say any more and I left it alone because she still didn’t know that her brother had told me everything.

  “If you have the school, why do you need to work in my place?” And when the hell does she have time? I was a bit lost as it wasn’t adding up.

  “I said I had planned to open a school, but things got side tracked. I can only afford to rent that space one day a week. That’s why I need the money, that and taking care of my brother.”

  Okay that made sense, sort of. She’d planned to open a school while going to Juilliard, but things beyond her control had killed that dream as well. Just like my mother, it seems she’d had to give up a lot because of one of life’s curve balls.

  Her body gradually relaxed, but not enough for her to actually lean into me. I pulled until she leaned into my chest and rested my chin on her shoulder. The sooner she gets used to me touching her the better.

  Once she realized that I wasn’t going to do anything more than hold her, she released the air she was holding and I got another clue as to how to deal with her. She was more a show than tell type.

  Words weren’t going to work with her, so I’ll just have to use actions. I imagine she’d lost all trust in men when her dad pulled his asshole stunt, and I don’t even want to know what her mother’s suicide had done to her already fragile ego.

  It dawned on me that she’s basically an orphan. That I now had two people under my roof that I had already taken responsibility for in my mind and heart even if they didn’t know it yet.

  When she started to droop in my lap I remembered that she must be bone tired and changed up our position. I pulled her head into my chest and wrapped my arms tighter around her.

  She felt tiny, fragile, and I recalled what she looked like in her leotard. How slim and petite. Too little to have to carry so much weight around. I could only think that it was providence that had brought her to me.

  I pride myself on taking care of those in need.

  I’ve focused most of my charitable works on unwed mothers and kids in need. I’ve never met anyone more in need than her. She might have come from better beginnings than most, but life had dealt her a hell of a hand.

  She was alone in the world with a teenage brother to look after. Her dreams had been broken and the pain caused by her parents had no doubt slashed her heart. I’d like to find her father and put my foot in his ass.

  She squirmed and complained and I realized I was squeezing her. “Sorry baby, I got lost in my head there for a second.” I played around with the idea of telling her that I already knew about her past, but in the end I didn’t.

  It felt too much like betraying Travis’ trust. Plus I want her to be the one to tell me. I’d know then that she really trusts me if she were to open up to me about that.

  I was still stuck thinking of ways to help her out without losing my nuts for even suggesting it, when I realized we’d jut been sitting there for the last fifteen minutes or so without saying anything to each other.

  I’d been playing around with an idea in my head. Something that would take care of everything and allow her to do what she loved. If I could just talk her out of going to school for something she wasn’t interested in and focus on what she did love that would be great.

  But we were working at cross purposes here. In my mind us, her and I, were a done deal. Who knows what the hell was going on in that head of hers? Well, I wouldn’t know unless I try so here goes.

  “I have the perfect solution, but you have to promise to hear me out before you go off the deep end. Remember, it’s just a suggestion and we can hash it out however you like.”

  She didn’t answer right away, so I had to squeeze her around her middle to get a response. She grunted and glared at me, and I guess that was as good as I was going to get.

  “You can use the dance floor at the club, free of charge, or we’ll work something out. It’s only open Thursday through Sunday nights from nine at night, so it would be perfect for you to use during the daytime.”

  She actually looked like she was thinking about it, but then that stubborn look came over her face again and I knew it wasn’t going to be that easy.

  “What’s your problem with my suggestion?” Like I don’t know; hardheaded pain in the ass is going to make me fight her to do what I know is right for her. I need this shit like a toothache but it comes with the territory.

  Instead of leading with anger and annoyance like I want to each time I tangle with her hardheaded ass, I took a deep breath and kept it civil. I didn’t even grit my teeth as I waited for whatever boneheaded reason she was gonna come up with.

  “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

  “And why not? You can have all the classes you want every day of the week if you’d like.”

  “Yeah and what happens when your next flavor of the month shows up and you decide that it no longer works for you? Then I’d have to pick up stakes again and disappoint all those kids and parents. No thanks.”

  I gritted my teeth now and counted to ten, reminding myself that she’d been hurt by her dad and that’s the reason she was lashing out. The reason she had such a chip on her shoulder.

  Her brother had said she wasn’t always like that. Maybe I should learn what she was like before all this happened and find a way to get her back there before we were both too old. I’ll ask him later.

  Right now I knew there was no point in arguing with her. She had to know deep down that not all men were the same. How ironic that I was thinking this way. Me, who had spent my whole adult life trying hard not to repeat the mistakes of my father.

  Maybe that’s why I knew that I could never do what she was implying to her. Between what her father had done to her and her family, and what mine had done to my mother, I had more than enough reason not to fuck up when it comes to her.

  “I see your point. You have no reason to trust me and I have to accept what you think of me, I guess. Very well, I’ll let you be.” She looked confused at my sudden change when I got to my feet and stood her up next to the bed.

  I left the room without so much as touching her

  hand and went in search of the others. I carried the look of her confused expression with me. Gotcha!

  No doubt she was expecting an argument. Heaven knows I wanted to scream at her until she got some damn sen
se, but I was learning fast and that was the wrong damn thing to do.

  Anything she can view or twist into a negative light must be avoided, check. It was time to play cat and mouse and hope that the mouse takes the damn cheese.

  I might not have been sure even up until a few days ago about what it was that I really wanted from her. But any woman who could make me act so out of character had to be the real deal.

  I was struck by another thought as I joined the others in the media room. I trust her! She’d already invaded my private place. That place deep inside where I never allow anyone.

  My mind had already accepted that she was it. That no matter how hard she made things, in the end, she is the one I am going to be with for the rest of my life.

  The realization had me sitting up in my chair in shock. “What the fuck!” Both Travis and Tony turned away from the TV to look at me quizzically.

  Chapter 22

  Tony read the look of panic on my face and shook his head while Travis raised a brow at me. Neither of them had the decency to ask what was wrong before turning back to the TV. I silently freaked the fuck out.

  I draw the line at trust, that’s a fucking hard no for me. But no matter how I tested myself, I came back to the same thing; I trust her. The panic reached my guts and twisted it in knots.

  But she doesn’t trust me, in fact, as far as I can tell, she has no other feelings for me besides disdain and distrust. How the fuck does that work?

  I actually growled in frustration, making the other two jump in their seats. “Damn bro, you’re pitiful.” Tony, the know it all, piped up before going back to the stupid show they were watching.

  I looked in the direction of her room mad as hell. This shit is all kinds of fucked. I find myself in the unenviable position of loving a woman who

  on the surface wanted nothing to do with me. Ain’t this all about a fucking bitch! Life sure likes to fuck with my ass.

  That night the four of us went to dinner. Yes four, because Tony wanted ringside seats to the show. At least I think that’s what he whispered to me when we were heading out the door.