Sinner's Steel

by Sarah Castille

  “Ah, God.” He let out a relieved breath and dropped his lips to her hair. “Just needed so bad to be alone with you, to hold you. Nothing feels as good as having you in my arms.”

  She gave him the time he needed, tried to slow the thoughts tumbling through her mind, focused on the man and not the biker, the heart beating beneath the cut.

  When his muscles relaxed and his heart slowed to a steady rhythm, she tilted her head back and looked up at him. “I told Viper you had a good heart.”

  “That probably didn’t go down too well.”

  She stroked her fingers along his jaw, remembering all the nights she lay in bed imagining how his skin would feel beneath her touch. “He said you two were the same.”

  “We’re not.” Zane brushed her hair back over her shoulder, then tangled his fingers through the long strands and gave her head a gentle tug. “We might have the same tools, but we make different choices.” Then his face tightened. “Don’t want to talk about Viper.”

  “What do you want to talk about?” She brushed her fingers over his sensual lips, his cheekbones, his strong brow, searching for the boy he used to be.

  His eyes glittered with masculine pride. “Wanna talk about how you didn’t like thinking of me with the other women in the club. You were jealous.”

  “I wasn’t jealous. I just … it’s your way of life, I guess. If that’s what makes you happy…”

  “Like you were happy when Jagger’s cousin came to visit and sat beside me on the couch?” he teased.

  Her face heated, but she couldn’t turn away with his hand in her hair. “It wasn’t like that. She was sitting in my place, and she was touching you.”

  He rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip, tugging it from between her teeth. “I watched you all afternoon while we were playing that video game.” His voice was low, deceptively soft. “You never stopped glaring at her. When she sat on the floor between my legs, I thought you were gonna attack her.”

  “Well, you shouldn’t have put your hand on her head,” she snapped, suddenly back in the moment when she wondered if she had it in her to actually physically attack the beautiful girl with the large breasts and curvy figure who had picked up on Evie’s secret crush on Zane right away and decided to rub it in her face.

  “You were jealous. Say it.”

  She gave an exasperated laugh. “Like you need an ego boost. But okay. Ten years ago I might have been jealous. Now, if you’re sleeping with me and sleeping with other women, then jealous isn’t the word I’d use. More like pissed off. The kind where weapons are involved.”

  A grin spread across his face. “You want me.”

  “I always wanted you. It’s just this life I’m not so sure about. You live in a world that scares me. What you’ve become scares me. I feel like I don’t know you anymore.”

  “You know me better than anyone else.” He cupped her head in his hand, pulling her forward to meet the heated press of his lips. His kiss was hard and fierce, bruising her mouth with passion.

  “I left you once,” he murmured. “But this time, I won’t let you go. I’m gonna do everything I can to make you see we are meant to be together. I’ll fight anyone and everyone for you, sweetheart, until you’re mine again.”

  * * *

  Acutely aware of the rise and fall of Evie’s breasts against his chest, and the heat of her body, Zane almost didn’t register her touch—gentle hands on his shoulders, arms twining around his neck. His groin tightened in response.

  “I missed you.” She tilted her head back until she met his gaze. “We saw each other almost every single day for nine years, and then suddenly you were gone. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest.”

  “Never again.”

  She stepped back and pulled off her T-shirt. Zane’s eyes dropped to her creamy breasts encased in … oh fuck … red satin, and rational thought flew out the window. But when he took a step forward, she held up her hand.

  “I gave up on relationships after Mark. I figured if I didn’t get involved with anyone, then I didn’t have to worry about having my heart broken yet again.” She reached around to unfasten her bra, letting the straps slide down her arms.

  My beautiful girl.

  No, not a girl. Not anymore. She’d filled out in a way that made his cock hard and his will soft. His Evie was all woman.

  Zane swallowed when she sat in the center of his bed, leaned back on the pillows, folding her arms behind her head and giving him a perfect, groin-tightening view of her tight rosy nipples and lush breasts. Every instinct screamed for him to take her. His woman. Half naked. On his bed. Wanting him. But still he held back, confused by the words that belied her state of undress.

  “Viper was different.” She undid the top button on her jeans and Zane drew in a ragged breath.

  Viper? He didn’t want to talk about Viper when his cock was so hard he was ready to explode. Viper had no place in his bedroom, and even less place on Evie’s lips.

  “Being with him reminded me of what it felt like to be with you and Jagger.” She slid her hands into the waistband of her jeans, drawing his attention to what lay beneath. “When I was with him, no one bothered me. In fact, no one dared to look at me. I never realized how much I missed feeling safe … craved it. But I thought I could be in control. I could go out with him but still walk away because I didn’t need anyone to make me feel safe anymore.” She shoved her jeans over her hips, baring red silk panties that matched her bra. But where the hell was she going with this? Did she want to be with Viper? Was this supposed to be a good-bye fuck?

  “And then I saw you again.”

  Ah. He was part of this story. His chest swelled with pride, as he guessed the ending. She thought him more worthy than Viper, and finally they got to have sex on the bed and lived happily ever after. Zane reached for his fly and she held up her hand to stop him again.

  “I didn’t feel the same way about you as I did when you left,” she said softly, wiggling out of her jeans, her hips undulating in such a suggestive manner, that it was all he could do not the launch himself across the room, pin her down and take her right then.

  “I still don’t,” she continued. “No one ever hurt me as much as you did, and now you scare me. I’m afraid I don’t know you anymore and I’ll find out things about you I can’t handle. I’m afraid of wanting you to make me feel safe. I’m afraid of loving you in case you walk away.”

  “What do you need, Evie? Tell me. I’ll do anything.”

  She kicked off her jeans and stretched out on his blue cotton duvet, her stomach making an inviting concave dip, just perfect for his lips. His hand dropped to his fly as she eased her panties down, just to the top of her mound. Mouth watering in anticipation, pulse pounding in his ears, he almost missed her answer.

  “The truth. What really happened the night you left?”

  Zane’s head jerked up. How the hell had they wound up back where they started? Except now his brain was fuzzed with lust, his cock throbbed, and he couldn’t remember why he had been so hesitant to tell her in the first place. But maybe it was a good thing. Didn’t they say, the truth will set you free?

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You just told me I was brave and strong. It was beautiful to hear. Now show me you mean it. Have faith in me.” She stretched out on his bed, all creamy skin and soft curves. So beautiful he ached.

  Anything. He would give her anything. Everything. She had only to ask. And if his words hurt her, he would be there for her, comfort her, and soothe away her pain.

  “Your dad…” He sucked in his lips and focused on a knot in the wooden floor. “He beat me pretty bad that night he found us together. He told me I wasn’t good enough for you.”

  “Zane, baby.” Her voice caught in her throat. “Come here and tell me. Let me hold you.”

  He shook his head and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “He was right but it hurt to hear it and I wanted to hurt him back. So I told him I knew about him.
I knew all the things he did.”

  Evie’s voice dropped to a whisper. “What things?”

  Zane clenched his hands in his pockets, forced himself to go on. “He was a dirty cop, Evie. He came to my dad’s trailer to buy drugs and he transported them over the state line. But he also dealt in arms, and stolen goods. He did dirty work for some of the dealers. Basically, he was on the take. For years.” He opened his mouth and closed it again. He couldn’t tell her about the hookers and how her dad spent his time and dirty money while she waited for him at home, looking after her mother, thinking he was out saving the world.

  “You knew all that time?”

  “I knew but I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t hurt you that way. You loved him so much. He made you happy. I couldn’t take that from you. And he loved you. I knew that when he said I wasn’t good enough for you, when he warned me away.”

  Her face paled, eyes growing wide, darkening in a way he’d never seen before. And before he was even aware he’d taken a step, he was sitting on the bed with Evie in his arms. “You want me to keep going?”

  “There’s more?”

  “Yeah, sweetheart. There’s more.”

  Evie shuddered against his chest. “Keep going.”

  He pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. “I got away and ran to the trailer. My old man was there. He saw my face and figured I’d got into a fight. Told me I was good for nothing. Twice in one night. I’d been sticking around because of you but I’d had enough. I figured I’d convince you to run away with me. I’d find us a place in Missoula while you were going to college, take odd jobs to support us … I packed my bag and told the old man I wouldn’t be back. But when I stepped outside, your dad was there.”

  She fisted his shirt like she needed to hold on, so he stroked his hand down her back, over and over again as he fell back into that night. “I knew why he was there when I saw the gun.”

  Silence. But he’d expected that, dredging up memories he was sure she had buried forever. So he held her like he should have held her that night, instead of running off and leaving her to deal with her dad’s death alone. “He said he couldn’t take the risk that I’d tell you what was going on. He was afraid you’d go to the cops because you were such a fucking good person. He loved you but he didn’t understand love. He needed you to think he was a hero because he knew he was a piece of shit.”

  “Oh, God,” she whispered. “I think my mother knew. Some of the things she said … I think that’s why she started drinking.”

  “He was acting crazy that night, Evie.” Zane held her tight, as much for him as for her. “I think he was so afraid of losing you he wasn’t thinking straight. He said he had to protect you from scum like me. My dad heard what was going on and came out of the trailer with a gun. Told your dad to leave me alone. I was so shocked my old man was standing up for me, I didn’t see your dad pull the trigger. But my dad did. He threw himself in front of me and took the bullet.” He drew in a shuddering breath. “Then everything was a blur. I ran at your dad, pounded on him ’till he was down. Then I ran back to check on my old man. Your dad came at us with the gun. His fucking eyes were wild. I reached for my dad’s weapon…”

  “No, Zane.” Tears streaked Evie’s cheeks. “No, don’t tell me. I changed my mind.”

  “I’m gonna tell you sweetheart ‘cause I don’t want to keep any more secrets from you. I should have told you before, but I didn’t want to hurt you. But now I know how strong you are. Stronger than me.”

  Evie leaned up, brushed a kiss over her lips. “We’re strong together.”

  Damn, what a woman. But she was wrong about being strong together. He’d never met anyone like Evie. She’d gone through hell and come out of it unscathed, made a life for herself and his son, and still saw joy in the world. “My old man grabbed his gun off me.” He spoke quickly now, desperate to get it done. “He told me once I killed someone there was no going back. He said he’d been no dad to me but he knew he wasn’t going to make it and he wanted to do one thing for me before he died. He wanted just one time to be a good dad. Then he pulled the trigger.”

  A shudder ran through his body, ripping him apart. That was the night he’d been consumed by darkness. The night he lost the light.

  They hugged each other. Held each other. Her hand on his back. His hand in her hair.

  “A coupla neighbors came out of their trailers and started shouting that I killed the sheriff,” he said, once he could breathe again. “My prints were on the gun. My tracks were everywhere. I had your dad’s words in my head that I was nothing. I panicked. I figured they’d want to put someone in jail and since my old man was dead it was gonna be me. I was an easy target and once they had a scapegoat they wouldn’t look for the truth. I had no faith in the system. I didn’t think anyone would believe a trailer kid. So I ran. And the further I got, the more it made sense to leave you alone, let you have a good life. Then the darkness took over, Evie, and I was lost until Jagger found me.” He tilted her head back and met her gaze. “That’s the truth of it.”

  “I believe you.”

  He felt those words deep in his chest, filling a void in his soul, assuaging a fear that he had carried since the day he left Stanton. “I’m sorry about your dad, sweetheart.”

  She straddled his lap, sliding her knees on either side of his hips, the curve of her sex pressed tight against his cock that was hardening again despite the bitter past he’d dragged into the light.

  “Make it go away, Zane. For both of us. I don’t want to think. I just want to feel. I want you inside me. I want to drown in you until I don’t know anything else.”

  Sweeter words he’d never heard, but it was what they meant that beat the last of the darkness away.

  Forgiveness.

  But could he forgive himself? Every mile he’d driven away that night had made it harder to contemplate going back. Each day had made him more certain it was best he stayed away until he was worthy and had something to offer other than just his love. Every time he looked at Ty, he was reminded of the mistake he’d made, everything he’d missed, and how he’d left his girl unprotected and she’d be taken by another man.

  Never again.

  He eased her down on the bed and stretched out beside her, propping his head up with his hand as he caressed her beautiful body. His hand dipped into her narrow waist and then out again over the curve of her hip, and then over the soft skin of her thigh.

  “Are you trying to drive me crazy?” She slid a hand over his shoulder, cupping the back of his neck to draw him down to her lips. And then all thoughts of being slow and gentle faded away beneath the primal need to take her.

  He rolled until he lay on top of her, one leg tucked between her thighs, pressed against the moist heat of her pussy. With his forearms on either side of her head, he devoured her mouth, drinking her down as if dying of thirst. Evie rocked her hips against his shaft, each small motion a sweet, painful pleasure.

  “Shirt,” she panted, reaching beneath the press of his body. “Off.”

  “Panties. Now. Or I’ll tear them from you.” He sat up and tore his shirt over his head, then helped her slide her panties over her hips. For a moment, he couldn’t move, drinking in her beauty, from her soft curves, to the red-gold curls at the juncture of her thighs, to her lush breasts tipped with dusky rose nipples, to the face that had haunted his dreams.

  Evie blushed and turned away, her hands coming up and over her breasts. “Zane…”

  Gently, he tugged her hands away. “You’re beautiful, sweetheart. Let me look.”

  Her blush spread down her neck, teasing the crescents of her breasts. On impulse, he leaned forward and drew a nipple into his mouth, licking and sucking the hard peak, his hand caressing her softness until her blush had gone and she writhed on the bed beside him. Her fingers tangled in his hair and she pulled him down, sliding under his body until he had to drop his weight to his arms for fear of crushing her.

  “I never really
got to look at you before.” He pressed a kiss to each of her breasts and then feathered his lips down her body, tasting the salt on her skin, inhaling the light floral fragrance of her perfume. Her hands clutched his hair as he followed the dip in her stomach, and when he circled her belly button with his tongue, she trembled.

  His cock protested its confinement when he reached her mound, but this was about Evie, her pleasure, her need. He slid down the bed and Evie widened her legs to accommodate his shoulders, her heels digging firmly into the mattress, her hips rocking up to the heat of his mouth. But he wanted to draw it out, savor her. So he pressed a kiss to the soft skin of her inner thigh and continued his descent, kissing his way down her long lean legs until he reached her feet.

  “Don’t you dare.” Evie pushed herself up on her elbows, her beautiful face flushed with desire. “You know how ticklish my feet are.”

  Yes, he knew. He remembered everything about her.

  “Zane!” She shrieked and twisted when he ran his nails along the sole of her foot, and then she laughed—really laughed. It was a sound he’d never thought he’d hear again, and he pushed himself up to kiss her.

  “You’re different.” Evie stroked her hands over the bunched muscles in his shoulders and down his back. “Aside from being bigger and stronger and likely able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, you seem more … self-assured.”

  “I know what I want.”

  “What do you want?” She licked her lips and all thoughts of taking her slowly flew out the window.

  “You.” He claimed her mouth in a kiss that served only to heighten his need. She tasted like peppermint, fresh and clean, a contrast to the thoughts he had about what he wanted to do to her while he had her in his bed.

  Her fingers stroked over his chest and around to his back. She was glorious beneath him, her lips pink and swollen from his kisses, her fiery hair spread over the pillow, her nipples rosy and peaked, rising toward him with her panting breaths. She dropped her hands to the fly of his jeans and he hissed in a breath when she ripped it open.