The McCallans (Complete 5 Books Series)

by Hadley Quinn

  If it had to do with who her family was, he wasn’t sure how to work around that.

  “So tell me something,” Kellie said, apparently ready to change the subject. “Well, tell me a lot of things.”

  “Okay.”

  “We’ll play word association. I say a word, you say whatever you want about it.”

  He tried to refrain from smiling. “Okay,” he slowly nodded.

  “Okay. Umm, food.”

  He arched an eyebrow at her. “Do I answer with just one word or—”

  “Not necessarily. Just whatever you want. One word is fine if you don’t care to expound.”

  “Okay,” he shrugged. “Food… Not picky. At all. I’ll eat pretty much anything.”

  She eyed him for a few seconds, and as she did, her teeth lightly bit her lower lip. He had no idea if she was aware of it or not, but he couldn’t help staring at her mouth.

  “Alcohol,” she stated.

  She’d obviously caught on that he hadn’t taken a single drink of the beer she’d set on the table, hence handing him water instead.

  “I don’t drink it. Ever. Just one of those things, I guess. No particular reason except I’m not interested in it and it saves me a lot of money. I’ve seen too many people let it negatively affect their lives. I’d rather not venture down that path.”

  “So you’ve never had alcohol?”

  “Yeah, I have. Later in high school. But my best friend back then ended up killing an elderly couple one night after drinking and driving. I guess that experience in my life scared the shit out of me enough to change my thoughts. I’ve never been drunk and I’ve never wanted to be. I’ve seen too many people do ridiculous things while intoxicated. I don’t ever want to lose control like that. I barely have control over some aspects of my life as it is.”

  She barely nodded as she continued to watch him. “I’m sorry that happened,” she said. “With your friend, I mean.”

  “Thanks.”

  Kellie took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “Family?”

  “Well you already know Rayne. And my dad passed away a couple of years ago, but I’m pretty close to my grandma—his mom. I have a couple of aunts and uncles, cousins and other extended family up in the Sacramento area. My mom lives down in La Mesa but I don’t see her much. We’ve never really been that close. My parents divorced when I was a senior in high school. She hated the fact that I enlisted, too. She already hated army life because of my dad.”

  Again Kellie barely nodded. “And what about the military?” she asked, like she hadn’t planned on asking but did since he brought it up.

  He paused. He could only sum it up with two words. “Life altering.”

  Silence followed his answer. About ten seconds passed, although it felt longer than that. He waited for another word from her so they could continue the game because he couldn’t wait to ask her similar questions.

  But she looked totally disappointed right now.

  Chapter Nine

  Kellie wasn’t sure how to say what she wanted to say. For once, she cared about someone’s feelings and was trying to be tactful.

  “What’s with the look?” Tate finally asked.

  She was surprised by the inquiry. “What look?”

  He’d been answering way more than what she thought he would and she’d been enjoying it. Just hearing his voice, watching him talk, learning things about him as a person…

  “You just look let down for some reason. Disappointed. What’d I say wrong?”

  “Nothing,” she shook her head. “I like this. Getting to know you. I just… Well, you were expounding on everything more than I expected. Then when you got to the last subject… It’s okay, never mind—”

  “I can tell you more if you want.”

  She studied him for a few seconds, wondering if he really meant it or was just trying to pacify her. “Really? You don’t have to, but I’d truly like to know more if you’re willing to share.”

  He shrugged but paused a few seconds. “Well, I’m not really too big on sharing, but if you really want to know… I watched my closest friend get shot up and die right in front of me. That’s when I got my hip and pelvis blown to bits, but I was able to survive somehow. Don’t ask me how, because I honestly don’t remember but…here I am.”

  Kellie barely swallowed, and even though her heart was pounding and her stomach felt sour, she didn’t want him to know. She felt sad for him, and angry, and compassionate, and just… She just wanted to give him a big fucking hug.

  But she didn’t. She took in a silent breath of air and said, “I’m sorry for all that you’ve been through. I’m not trying to pry into your life but…”

  “But what?” he asked casually. “You think I’m trying to hide the fact that I’m fucked up from it all? Well I’m not hiding jack shit. It is who I am, and even though I don’t go around parading my war stories because… Well, there’s a measure of respect and reverence that I prefer to maintain. I don’t talk about it, but I’m not going to sit here and lie about being okay. I’ve generalized it for you, and there’s a lot more to it, but I’m still messed up from it.”

  Whether he meant it as a warning or not, she was taking it as one. “Well I can handle it.”

  She had no idea what she even meant exactly, but all she did know was that she wanted to handle whatever he needed her to. Despite all the flirting and physical stuff that had been going on between them, she was starting to want so much more than that.

  For once.

  “Be real with me for a minute,” he told her.

  She raised an eyebrow. “I’m always real.”

  “No, not when your feelings are involved.”

  Well, that was true. But she felt slightly defensive anyway. “What the hell does that mean?”

  “You ran the other night. I want you to tell me why. You want to be upfront and honest with each other? I am so down for that. But it goes both ways, Kellie. Tell me what you’re afraid of.”

  Her eyes went from surprised to narrowed. “I’m not afraid of anything—”

  “Bull. Shit. I know I scare you. You know how I know? I’m not gonna beat around the bush, okay? I scare you because you feel something for me. But I get it because I’m feeling the same way. Whatever this is going on here,” he motioned between them, “you feel it and I feel it. So you can drop the tough attitude with me, got it?”

  “Oh, you think it’s so easy, huh?” she chuckled sarcastically. “You haven’t been in my shoes, so don’t think you know anything about me, okay?”

  “I don’t want to make any assumptions, that’s my point. I want to get to know you, the real you, without wasting time on guessing games.”

  “And what if you don’t like what you find out?”

  He paused, seeming stunned. “And what if I do? Something tells me I should take my chances.”

  She sighed, thinking that answer over. It was a little surprising. “You really don’t understand the position you’re putting me in. I’m taking a chance on you right now.”

  He gave her a blank stare. She couldn’t tell if he was upset with her or just frustrated, but she could only imagine how fucking conceited that sounded coming out of her mouth. It was hard to make people understand, which was why she kept her circle of trust so tight.

  “Let me just say this,” he finally said with a sigh. “I don’t expect you to lay anything out there unless you want to. I get it, okay? I’m not asking you to tell me every damn secret about your life because we haven’t even know each other long. That’d be unreasonable and I know that stuff will come with time. But what I am asking is that you don’t hide you from me. Does that make sense? Anything that has to do with me, I want you to be completely honest about it.”

  “Then you have to do the same.”

  He paused but barely shrugged. “I have no problem doing that.”

  “Then tell me why you were such a dick the first time we met.”

  Again he paused, but there was a look of r
egret that washed over his face. “Because I’d just come from seeing my grandma that day,” he answered with a sigh. “She looked like she’d been losing weight, and upon further questioning, I found out they’d barely been feeding her. Then my client kept changing her mind and I just… I’m so sorry I carried that over to you and I hope you forgive me.”

  Jesus, why wouldn’t she forgive him for that? After witnessing the shit that went on in that nursing home herself, she couldn’t blame him.

  “But you totally turned my day around,” he continued. “I didn’t think anyone could knock me on my ass like you did and then when you kissed me… Well, I couldn’t stop thinking about you after that. Unfortunately you never came back, but I felt like it was just my luck and I probably deserved it. But then when your brother stopped by… I kinda took it as a sign.”

  Kellie had been listening intently up until that point when she scoffed and repeated, “A sign. Don’t tell me you believe in that kind of stuff.”

  She picked up a remote and switched the television on. After the movie resumed, she tossed the controller onto the coffee table. Tate hadn’t even looked at the screen, but then his head slowly craned that direction and he shook his head with what appeared to be either disgust or disbelief.

  “Oh my fucking hell,” he murmured, dropping his head into his hands.

  “Excuse me? Oh, I’m sorry, you don’t like chick flicks?” She was being facetious as she reached for the remote again and turned the TV off.

  “Serendipity?” he asked, pointing to the entertainment system. He glanced her way for an answer and she shrugged.

  “Yeah, I’ve never seen it. Someone from work gave it to me to watch. Why?”

  “Was that the elevator scene?”

  She raised her eyebrows and then laughed. “I take it you’ve seen it?”

  “Maybe,” he sighed.

  “Maybe? So you’re gonna deny watching chick flicks now?”

  “Not at all,” he shook his head. “I have a sister, you know.”

  “Noted,” Kellie nodded with a smile. This guy was getting more interesting by the second, but what in the hell was that reaction for?

  “So back to the conversation,” Tate said. “I’m sorry for that day. For being an asshole. I never let personal shit get in the way of work but apparently I did and I apologize.”

  “You’re forgiven.”

  “Good. Now tell me why you ran the other night. I wasn’t exactly expecting a hump-and-dump like that. Well I mean I wasn’t even expecting, uh, what we did but… I want to know why you were in such a hurry to get away from me.”

  She made eye contact with him, which was the hardest thing to do at that point. He appeared to sincerely want to know, and because his eyes told so much about him, she could tell he was honestly concerned.

  “I don’t get close to people,” she admitted to him.

  “I can tell,” he answered softly. “And why is that?”

  “Because I don’t trust anyone. I’ve been burned before. Badly.”

  “By whom?”

  Oh Jesus, were they really having this conversation? “You said you only wanted me to be open about you and I,” she countered. “Yes, I’m extremely attracted to you, and yes, I think there’s something pretty fucking powerful between us. So there, that’s you and me. My past has nothing to do with that.”

  “Fair enough,” he answered with a nod. “I’m sorry.”

  She released a silent breath of air. Hell, she really did just admit that to him out loud, didn’t she. What in the world was going on with her lately? It was like all of her tried-and-true practices of shutting people out had no effect whatsoever on him. And although she really didn’t mind too much because it was Tate she was feeling relaxed with, she truly hoped it didn’t backfire this time.

  Time to change the subject.

  “What made you get into tattooing?” she asked.

  He sat back on the couch a little more. “My dad. Also the artwork. I’ve always been into art and drawing and stuff, probably from my dad. One of my friends ended up using a drawing of mine as a tattoo on him, and then I kind of understood the joy my father got from it. I learned what I could from him before I shipped out, and then continued with it when I got back. I feel like it is the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes. It’s more soothing than I ever remembered of it before.”

  “Why’s that?” she asked.

  He thought for a moment. “We had this metal fan in our barracks that kinda had a buzzing sound to it. My best moments overseas consisted of the little time that was spent just laying there, allowing myself to go to sleep. It was the only solace we had. The buzzing of the tat gun reminds me of that and it’s calming, I guess. Most of the time I have sounds running through my head that I really don’t want to hear—voices, screams, gunfire, explosions. When I’m inking someone, it takes me back to those quiet moments of just lying on a cot. Safe. In friendly territory.”

  There was something about Tate’s choice of words that totally connected with Kellie. Safe, solace, calming… Those feelings also took up residence inside her whenever she was around him. She’d never felt so comfortable around a male that wasn’t one of her brothers or cousins and that was why she was willing to give more of herself than usual.

  Without saying a word, she moved across the couch until she was straddling his lap. He stretched his legs out and she leaned down to kiss him. After she’d left him at the tattoo parlor that night, she didn’t think she’d ever seen him again, and even though any other person that had tracked her down the way he had would have been sorry for doing so, Kellie was glad that this guy had. No way was she going to ask her brother about him, so things had actually worked in her favor for once.

  Speaking of Jay…

  Kellie pulled back from kissing Tate and had to ruin the moment one last time before she continued any further. If she was actually going to attempt a relationship with this guy, that needed to be addressed first and foremost. “About my brother—”

  “I’m not worried about your brother, and I don’t want you to worry either.”

  He pulled her back down to his mouth and Kellie had absolutely no resistance whatsoever. It felt so good to be against his body, and the way he kissed her only made her crave him more.

  Since he was sitting up somewhat, Kellie wrapped her arms around his neck and his hands gently smoothed over her breasts. Something about the way his thumbs brushed over her nipples sent jolts of ‘fuck me!’ messages all through her body. He could obviously feel it too, and it was like their body language was in sync with every touch and sensation.

  “Let’s go to my room,” she mumbled against his lips.

  “Hold on tight.”

  She automatically tightened her forearms against the back of his neck and he stood from the couch with her still wrapped around him.

  Hottest. Fucking. Thing. Ever.

  “End of the hall,” was all she said before he carried her to her darkened room and laid her on her bed.

  Chapter Ten

  She’d asked him to stay the night. He’d told her no. She actually asked him a second time, and a third time, and he still told her no. When she finally curled up against his side and fell asleep, Tate wanted to kick himself for being so fucking torn. He would give anything to be able to stay with her without worrying—just one night, that’s all he wanted.

  He’d explained it to her—the nightmares and the sweating and how it just wasn’t safe for her to be with him at night like that while it was all still so fresh—and even though she told him she could handle it, he just couldn’t risk it. He had every intention of trying, but then he talked himself out of it.

  When Tate snuck out of Kellie’s bed around two in the morning, he felt like he’d left a piece of himself behind. She was now curled up against the pillow he’d replaced himself with, her breathing steady and her lips slightly parted. There was no explanation as to why he felt like he belonged here with her, and it was just one of those momen
ts he didn’t think he’d ever forget.

  But the damn irony of it all…he felt that with her but didn’t know if he could have it.

  He silently made his way to the couch. There was no plan for sleep, but he didn’t want to just leave in the middle of the night like a classless douchebag. So he sat there for four hours, trying not to let his subconscious take over his thoughts and fill his head with demons. It was torturous. He was pretty close to losing his shit until he heard soft footsteps come down the hall. Kellie was wearing only his t-shirt when she joined him on the couch, and when she slid his boxer briefs down and spread herself against his cock, he knew she wasn’t wearing panties, either.

  She rubbed against him for a few rocks back and forth until she slid his thickness inside of her. There were no words, and whether Tate wanted to admit it or not, this was definitely calming on his nerves.

  She leaned down and kissed the side of his neck and across his chest. He let his mind get lost in the feel of her body and the way it pretty much forced his heart along with the ride without a choice. The heat from her breasts when she pressed against him… The way she rolled her body into his… The feel of her squeezing him tight as she sank into him perfectly…

  He was definitely a goner.

  She began pushing her hips deeper now, just enough to make him want to give in to the pleasure. He let his thoughts go empty, and the last thing he remembered was Kellie’s head laid softly against his chest.

  ***

  The pain in his back. Again. Then in his leg. The sharp burning of a bullet piercing into his flesh never got any easier to bear. Oh shit, his entire left side… What the fuck just happened?