Free Fall

by Karen Foley

  “What are you doing here?” She looked around, hoping for an escape, but there was none.

  “I had to come, Maggie.” He took a step closer. “I’ll never forgive myself for what happened between us. I’ve spent ten years wanting to explain to you what happened, why I married Pam.” He stopped, as if searching for his next words. “Why I had to marry Pam.”

  Maggie blew out a hard breath, wishing the ground would open up and swallow her. Wishing the ground would open up and swallow him. “It doesn’t matter, Phillip. It happened a long time ago, and I’ve moved on.” She forced herself to smile at him. “Whatever happened, I forgive you.”

  Carly chose that moment to reenter the tent, looking curiously at Phillip as she did so. He was wearing khaki cargo shorts and a golf shirt, and except for his extraordinary eyes, he looked like a hundred other men at the fair. Carly obviously had no idea who he was, and there was no way Maggie was going to introduce them. To her horror, Phillip stepped back and made a gesture toward the street, where throngs of tourists were strolling from tent to tent.

  “Do you want to take a walk?” he asked, smiling. “I could buy us an ice cream. It would be like old times.”

  Maggie tried not scowl. “No, thanks. I promised I would help with the festival, and I really shouldn’t leave.”

  “Nonsense,” said Carly, beaming at Phillip. “She could use a break, and she hasn’t seen any of her old friends since she’s been home. Go and get an ice cream, and I’ll watch the tent.”

  When Maggie gave her a warning look, Carly either didn’t notice or chose to ignore it, shooing her out of the tent as if she was still a child.

  “Fine,” she said ungraciously. “Phillip and I will be over at the Jolly Roger, getting a cone.”

  She had only a second to register the name recognition on Carly’s face, followed immediately by an expression of horror, before Phillip ushered her out of the tent. Reluctantly, Maggie fell into step beside him. As the crowds jostled her, he put a hand at the small of her back to guide her. Maggie stiffened at the contact, but he didn’t seem to notice.

  “You can’t imagine how many times I’ve thought of you over the years,” he was saying. “I never had an opportunity to tell you how sorry I was, so when Nathan told me you were here, I had to come see you.”

  Now that she had recovered from the shock of seeing him, Maggie found herself feeling oddly detached, as if she was outside her body watching the awkward interaction of two strangers. She found she could talk to him—even ask him questions—without really caring what he said in return. They had reached the ice-cream shop, and they stood in line at the window, waiting to order.

  “Where are you living now?” she asked.

  “After I got out of the military, Pam and I bought a house in Port Townsend.” He actually blushed, as if admitting that he and his wife had bought a house was somehow taboo. Maggie could not have cared less.

  “You got out of the military?”

  Phillip nodded. “Yes. They wanted to send me to Iraq, and, well, obviously I couldn’t go. Not with a baby on the way.”

  He had a child. But of course he would. He’d been married for almost ten years. Naturally he and his wife would have had children.

  “No,” murmured Maggie, “obviously not.”

  They had reached the window, and Phillip ordered a butter-pecan cone for himself and a watermelon sherbet for Maggie, and then immediately looked alarmed. “That is still your favorite flavor, isn’t it?”

  Maggie nodded, wishing she could tell him no, that she no longer had a favorite anything from that summer she’d spent with him. But she did love watermelon sherbet, and the Jolly Roger made the best ice cream on the island, so she accepted the cone. They continued to walk along the sidewalk until they reached a set of wooden stairs that wound down between two shops to the beach behind the buildings. It had always been a favorite destination, and Maggie found her footsteps following the familiar steps as if ten years hadn’t passed. They walked to the edge of the water where it lapped gently against the sand, and stood eating their ice cream but not saying anything.

  Finally, having devoured the last bit of cone, Maggie wiped her lips and turned to Phillip. “Why are you here, Phillip? What did you possibly hope to gain by coming to see me today?”

  Phillip looked at her, and Maggie was shocked to see real pain in his eyes. “I really did love you, Maggie. I just wanted you to know that, and it killed me to lie to you about the deployment.”

  “Then why did you?”

  He made a helpless gesture. “Because I was a coward. Because I had no choice about getting married.”

  Maggie narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean? Everyone has a choice about getting married, Phillip.”

  He shifted uncomfortably and stared out over the water. “Not me.”

  Maggie waited, curious in spite of herself. When he finally looked back at her, his eyes were filled with regret and apology.

  “I met Pam Kinney while I was stationed at Pearl Harbor, before I ever came to Whidbey Island. Before I ever met you.”

  Maggie’s mouth opened in surprise.

  “We didn’t really know each other,” Phillip continued, “but she was beautiful and fun, and made it clear that she liked to have a good time. I spent one crazy night with her in Hawaii during a navy ball, and then I flew out two days later. I never expected to see her again. I didn’t even remember her name until her father showed up at Whidbey Island wanting to cut off my balls.” He gave a bitter laugh. “Do you know what it’s like to have a navy admiral gunning for your family jewels?”

  Maggie’s mouth fell open in sudden understanding. “She was pregnant.”

  “Yep. I had no idea, Maggie, I swear.”

  Covering her mouth with one hand, Maggie turned away. Before he’d ever met her, Phillip had gotten another woman pregnant. The knowledge shocked her. Whatever she’d expected him to say, it hadn’t been that. She tried to imagine what it would have been like to have an irate admiral show up at your office and demand that you marry his daughter. She could almost feel pity for Phillip and what he must have gone through.

  Turning back to him, Maggie forced herself to remain aloof. “That still doesn’t explain why you lied to me.”

  “I was hoping to fix things, to make Pam understand that I couldn’t marry her, that maybe she shouldn’t go through with the pregnancy. I wanted to marry you.”

  His voice was so earnest that Maggie was taken aback. “You should have told me, Phillip. I would have been heartbroken, but I would have understood.”

  He made a groaning sound of sheer frustration. “You don’t think I’ve beaten myself up for that a million times over the past ten years? After you left, I tried to get in touch with you, but nobody would tell me how to reach you. Not your mother or your brother. Not your friends. Nobody. It was like they circled the wagons and nobody was getting through. Especially not me.”

  Maggie smiled a little at the picture he’d created for her. She could just envision her family in all their outrage, determined to protect her from Phillip.

  “So all you want is my forgiveness?” she asked.

  He swallowed hard. “Yes. That’s all I want. That, and to hear you say that I didn’t completely fuck up your life. I knew how much you loved this place, and I always felt guilty for running you off.”

  Maggie frowned, his words disturbing to her. She had loved Whidbey Island, and if it hadn’t been for Phillip, she might never have left. But she’d come back, and she’d found Jack. And she realized the rest of it didn’t matter. Now, knowing the truth, she could feel only pity for Phillip, and for the woman he’d married. She’d spent the past ten years believing she was the victim. Now she wondered if she hadn’t been the lucky one.

  “I forgive you,” she said, and realized she meant it. “And no, you didn�
��t completely screw up my life. I mean, I was in therapy for a few years, but I got over it.”

  Phillip looked stricken. “Seriously?”

  “Completely.”

  “I’m sorry, Maggie. Really sorry.”

  Maggie shrugged. “Like I said, it was a long time ago. We’re different people now.” She risked a glance at him. “So what did you have...a boy or a girl?”

  Maggie was astonished by the change in Phillip at the mention of his child. His face softened and his smile was one of pure pride. “We had a little girl. And then a boy. And then another girl. My youngest is two years old.”

  Reaching into his pocket, he withdrew a wallet and flipped it open. An accordion of plastic photo-holders fell open, and there was his whole life for Maggie to see. She had thought the evidence of his marriage would hurt her, but instead, she felt a sense of relief. He was happy. He loved his family. She admired the photos of the three children, all of them blond and blue-eyed, and then fingered a photo of Phillip with a pretty, fair-haired woman.

  “Is that her? Pam? She’s beautiful.”

  “Yes. That’s my wife.”

  Maggie glanced at his face, but he was absorbed in the picture. His face was so tender that Maggie’s mouth fell open. “You really love her, don’t you?”

  When he looked at Maggie, she saw his eyes were suspiciously moist, but he gave a self-conscious laugh and closed the wallet. “Yeah, I really do. I love her so much. She’s given me three beautiful kids, and we have a great life together. I didn’t think we were going to make it at first, but she was determined. She was going to make it work or die trying.”

  Maggie reached out and laid a hand on his arm. “I’m really happy for you, Phillip.”

  He gave her a grateful smile. “You know what the kicker is? All these years, I’ve always wondered if you were the one I was really supposed to be with. I think I always questioned whether I really loved Pam, because in the back of my head there was always you. The girl who got away.”

  Maggie stared at him. “And now? Now that you’ve seen me and have had your chance to explain?”

  Phillip looked chagrined. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think things worked out for the best. I’m with the person I’m supposed to be with.”

  “Does she know you’re here?”

  He shook his head. “No. It would kill her if she knew I came to see you. I think she’s always wondered if I really love her, or if given the choice, I’d rather be with you.”

  “You need to go home and be with your family, Phillip. You need to make sure that Pam has no doubts about how you feel about her. Tell her. Make sure she understands that if you could go back and do it all again, you’d still choose her.”

  “I will. I promise.”

  Turning toward her, he put his hands on her shoulders and searched her eyes. Maggie smiled, feeling generous and inexplicably warm toward this man whom she once believed had ruined her life. He’d done the right thing—the honorable thing. He’d committed himself to Pam, and he was obviously a doting dad and a good husband.

  “Thank you, Maggie,” he said softly. “It was really great seeing you.”

  Maggie nodded, feeling a lump form in her throat. “Yes. You, too.”

  She knew she wouldn’t see him again, and she was so grateful that he had sought her out, and so grateful that she no longer loved him, that she stepped into his arms and hugged him tight. When he wrapped his arms around her and turned his face to kiss her, she didn’t object. The kiss was one of farewell, and there was no passion in it, only the sweet finality of two people who had once shared so much.

  When Maggie stepped back, she put a hand to his jaw and smiled at him. “Thank you, Phillip.”

  Before he could respond, a movement at the top of the wooden stairs that led to the sidewalk caught her attention. She turned to look, shading her eyes against the glare of the sun. There, standing on the top step in his flight suit, was Jack, with Carly on the sidewalk behind him wearing an expression of horror on her face. For one instant, her gaze collided with Jack’s, and Maggie realized how incriminating the scene must look.

  “Jack, wait,” she called, but he had already reached the sidewalk, and as Maggie sprinted across the sand and up the steep staircase, he was gone, swallowed up in the throngs of people.

  “What did he say?” she asked Carly, clutching the other woman’s arm as her eyes frantically searched the crowds.

  “He showed up at the shop pretty anxious to see you. He asked where you were, and I told him you’d gone to get an ice cream. So we followed you here, and at first we didn’t see you. He wanted to know who the other guy was, so I told him. He looked like he wanted to be sick when he saw the two of you on the beach.” Carly’s face twisted in sympathy. “I’m sorry, hon, but what were you thinking?”

  Maggie reached for her cell phone, only to realize she’d left it back at the tent. She gave Carly a helpless smile, even as tears threatened to blur her vision. “I was thinking that the best thing that ever happened to me was getting ditched by Phillip Woodman.”

  15

  WILL WAS RIGHT; Jack needed to get his head in the game, but all he could see was Maggie, in another man’s arms.

  Kissing the bastard. Looking like she belonged there.

  He was such an idiot.

  When he’d learned that his departure had been pushed back by a couple of hours, he realized he had just enough time to drive out to Coupeville to see Maggie and say good-bye. He needed to see her. The phone call that morning had left him feeling unsatisfied.

  He’d stopped at the cottage just long enough to ditch the Land Rover and grab his motorcycle. If there was traffic around the festival, he’d have a better chance of getting around it on the bike. He’d parked as close to the shop as he could and had drawn more than a few curious stares as he’d jogged through the crowds in his flight suit, impatient to reach Maggie. But when he’d arrived at the shop, she hadn’t been there. The teenager at the register told him he would find Maggie in the tent, located on the corner. But when he’d reached the tent, only Carly had been inside. He’d known immediately that something was wrong by the distressed expression on her face as she’d told him that Maggie had gone for an ice-cream cone with a friend.

  He’d known exactly who Phillip was the second Carly had told him the other man’s name. It had taken every ounce of restraint he possessed not to go down to the beach and haul Maggie away from the guy, and then beat the living shit out of him. He’d been too aware that he was already pushing the limits for when he needed to be back at the air base, and the last thing he needed was to engage in a very public altercation that could get him grounded. It hadn’t been easy, but some last vestige of sanity had allowed him to turn and walk away.

  He’d been vaguely aware of Maggie calling his name, but he hadn’t stopped. He hadn’t trusted his own reaction if she’d told him that she was still in love with that bastard. His heart had been racing and his emotions had been churning.

  He’d climbed onto his motorcycle and made the return trip to Oak Harbor too fast, hardly aware of what he was doing. All he could see was the expression on her face when she’d turned to see him standing there.

  Shock.

  Horror.

  She clearly hadn’t been expecting to see him, and he wondered when she’d contacted Phillip. Had she called him that morning, after she’d learned he would be gone for several days? She hadn’t even had the decency to wait for him to leave before she’d put the moves on another guy. He understood that Maggie had a history with the bastard, but he’d have staked his life on the fact that she was falling for him. He thought he could forgive her just about anything, but he didn’t think he could forgive her for cheating. Even knowing how he felt about commitment and infidelity, she’d chosen to renew her relationship with Woodman—a man who
might still be married. Jack still felt sick every time he thought about the kiss that he’d witnessed, which was practically every second of every day.

  That had been three days ago, and now he was cooling his heels in the ready room of the USS Ronald Reagan as it slowly churned toward the west coast. After they’d left Whidbey Island, Jack’s squadron had flown south, following the coastline to Los Angeles, until they’d turned sharply inland toward Naval Air Station Lemoore in California. They’d refueled and had hunkered down in the officer’s quarters for the night. But Jack hadn’t slept. He’d spent most of the night thinking about Maggie and trying to decide what to do. She’d tried to call his cell phone, and had left a half-dozen messages on his voice mail, but Jack hadn’t listened to any of them. He didn’t have the courage or strength to listen to her tell him that it was over between them—that they were through.

  In the morning they performed one last check of the aircraft, and then departed to intercept the USS Ronald Reagan in the waters of the north Pacific. One by one, he and the rest of his squadron had landed their jets on the deck of the enormous aircraft carrier, and had spent the following day practicing their catapult takeoffs and tail-hook landings. Now, after a long day of exercises and postflight ops, he and the other pilots were kicking back in the ready room, watching the news and playing cards. It was nearly ten o’clock, but Jack wasn’t ready to call it a night.

  He pulled his cell phone out, but there was no signal in the middle of the Pacific. He wished now that he’d listened to Maggie’s messages while he’d had the chance. Ship-to-shore phone calls were possible, but even as he considered the option, he quickly discarded it. He was a complete coward, because he didn’t know if he could handle her telling him that she’d reconciled with her ex-fiancé. Besides, with ship-to-shore calls, the only guarantee was a complete lack of privacy, and he didn’t need an audience for what he had to say to Maggie.

  He looked over at the table next to him, where Commander Craig was leaning forward, playing with an electronic tablet and nursing a soda. Pushing his chair back, Jack stood up and walked over to the other table. The commander leaned back and nodded to him, indicating one of the empty chairs.