The Beast

by Shantea Gauthier

  "I feel fine.” I yawned.

  He reached out to me with his fingertips and started to massage my face. I giggled at first, but after a few seconds of his fingertips stroking my brow and rubbing my temples, I felt relaxed and drowsy. No one had ever done anything like it before and I felt the stress and pain washing away. I made a sound that could have been a purr or a moan and felt him stir beside me. It only encouraged me to keep making sounds of appreciation and pleasure. He moved from my face to the sides of my throat, which I exposed to him. He let his fingers sweep across my collar bones and make little circles across the hard plate of my breastbone. I sighed and shuddered when he cupped a breast in his hand and kissed my throat.

  "Are we in vampire territory?" It didn’t come out in the friendly, gentle way I’d intended. It sounded more like an accusation.

  Simon wrapped his hand around mine. His gloves were back. I wondered if they were the same ones as before, and when he retrieved them from my room. How far apart did the vampire and werewolf visit my sleeping body?

  “What makes you ask?”

  “A little vampire told me you were in their territory.”

  "He’s partially right. We are forbidden from forming a pack and hunting here. I'm a lone wolf, so to speak, and I do all my hunting in the grocery store, so I’m not actually breaking any rules." Simon gave me a smile that I did not return.

  "Do you have a pack somewhere else?" I tried to imagine him with a group of other people who could turn into wolves.

  "No," he said sadly. "It's pretty much always been only me. When I was fourteen, going through puberty and all that, my parents told me that I was special. I thought they were joking, or they were about to tell me that I had some kind of developmental disorder or that I was adopted or something."

  "What did they tell you?"

  "Nothing then. They just told me I was special and that our family was special. They took me on a pack hunt that month, on the full moon."

  "They didn't prepare you for it at all?"

  "They only said that we were all special and that we were designed to help people, and that's what we were going to do."

  I tried to imagine what it would be like, surrounded by family that were all turning into beasts. When I thought harder about it, it didn't seem much worse than seeing a vampire and a beast fight over you without any prompting at all.

  "What did you do?"

  "That was the first time I changed. My mom and dad took me out to the woods and told me to strip down." He laughed. "That was the weirdest part for me. I'd never seen them naked before. But everyone who was there, maybe twenty of us, and I was the youngest, were all naked. I tried to tell them they weren't being funny, but they just told me they weren't kidding. I mean, they weren't being creepy about it, but it was so different from everyone's normal behavior."

  "What was it like? Your first time?" I worked my fingers between his and he kissed my hand.

  "It hurt. A lot. I was one of the first to start changing. It was like everyone else was just waiting for me. The next youngest was maybe sixteen, and she started the change right after I did. I think she held it off as long as she could. Once I was fully changed and we started moving, I felt so free. Like I was finally released from a cage I didn’t even know was there."

  "What did you do?"

  He gave an awkward half- shrug. "Ran, mostly. Some of us hunted a deer. I didn't find out until later that some of the older ones hunted a man. He was a known killer. It was their way of helping the human race and keeping their humanity at the same time, I guess. It's in our blood to help people. I don't know how they managed to kill one. He must have been really bad."

  "In your blood to help people?"

  "Yeah. We can't just walk by someone who is in trouble. It's against our nature. A fact that some vampires who moved in nearby used against us. They started picking our den off, one by one."

  "Your parents?"

  “My mom was so freaked out that she sent me away to live with my aunt Sarah. In Elkhorn, Wisconsin.” He smiled fondly. "But, not too long after that, my parents were both killed."

  He put my hand to his face again and breathed deep. I turned my face to him and kissed his forehead, the only part of his face I could reach. He looked up at me and kissed me on the mouth. It was so long and so sweet that I almost forgot what we were talking about. I sighed, feeling the numb throb that would have been pain if not for the magic of chemical science.

  “How'd you end up a lone wolf out here?” I asked. “You’re a long way from Wisconsin.”

  “I wanted to be an actress,” he said in what I assumed was supposed to be his “girl” voice. “I was just a naïve little Midwest girl with big dreams and a bus ticket.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You don’t have to tell me.”

  He sighed. “They wanted me to marry some distant cousin who I’d never met before. I refused so they gave me a few chances and then they kicked me out.”

  “Why did they want you to marry your cousin?” I tried to face him, but my body was very, very heavy.

  “To propagate the species,” he said coolly. “I can’t stay long tonight. I have to do something.”

  I sighed. “Sorry this wasn’t a booty call.”

  “It’s not that,” he said. Then he took my other hand in his. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay? You’re acting a little strange.”

  I gave a short, cruel bark of a laugh. “You don’t even know me. You don’t know what normal is.”

  “Acting like this isn’t going to help that. If something is going on you can tell me.”

  “It’s nothing,” I said. Everyone wanted me to tell them everything, if only I knew what the hell was going on. “Goodnight Simon.”

  He hesitated like he would say more, but the sound of Sandra’s car into the driveway echoed too loudly. He leaned in and kissed me.

  "I should go," he whispered against my neck.

  I squeezed his hand, still entwined with mine. "Just try to get away."

  "I don't think she'd like to see me here.”

  "Fine," I pouted. "Go. I'll miss you."

  He kissed me on the mouth and on the throat. "I'll miss you too. I- I have to go somewhere, Jade."

  “I know,” I said. “You already said bye.”

  “No, I mean-.”

  The front door closed and Sandra called, “Jade? You here? You okay? It’s suspiciously clean in here.”

  Simon left through the window. I wanted to follow him. It seemed so unique, so right. It seemed like what I should be doing. Why would I keep using doors, walking across the entire house, to leave? The window was right there, and there was no glass in it. All I’d have to do was go through it. Everyone else did.

  Sandra cracked the door open. "Hey, babe, how are you feeling?"

  "I had a little accident and broke a glass. Or a few glasses. I don’t know. I'm really sorry. I think I just reached too high and had a muscle spasm. It’s all cleaned up though." I pulled the blanket up to my waist, careful to keep my bandaged feet out of sight.

  She came into the room and put a hand to my forehead. "Don't worry about it, it's just a glass. You're burning up. I think you have a fever again. I'll get you some a thermometer and some aspirin."

  "It's not aspirin." I smiled.

  "Yeah, well I can't say it right so it's aspirin. You know it's not really aspirin, I know it's not really aspirin, just deal with it."

  She brought back two pills, a thermometer and a full glass of water.

  “I checked with the pharmacist in case you think I’m trying to kill you,” she said. “It’s fine to mix these if we need to.”

  My temperature was 105, but I didn't feel feverish at all. I felt fine. I refused the pills, but I drank the water anyway.

  "Where's Jessica?"

  Sandra snorted. "Oh sure, you have a personal slave for two days and suddenly she's your best friend."

  "No way," I said. "I'm just curious. I thought she would have been here."


  "Yeah she said she had to go home and feed her dogs or something. She'll be here later."

  "Oh."

  “You weren’t hungry? You got pizza, but there was only one slice missing. Usually you eat two. We told you that you weren’t ready. Will you please listen to reason next time?”

  “Fine,” I grumbled. After a few more slices and a dose of acetaminophen, which Sandra insisted on, I fell asleep.

  In the morning I got up for a cup of water, taking the plastic cup Simon left with me to avoid breaking any more of Sandra’s already sparse glassware collection.

  "Morning!" Jessica blinked up at me with big green eyes and smiled from the couch.

  "Morning."

  She yawned and stretched, a pale leg tipped by a bandaged foot slipped out from under the covers.

  "What happened to you?" I asked. I gave a stretch and yawn of my own. I felt great.

  "Just a blister from running around in heels all day." She sprang off of the couch and bounced into the kitchen. "Eggs?"

  My stomach growled, fully at attention. "Yes, please."

  She started heating a skillet and started some water for the French press. Sandra came into the kitchen, gave a sleepy wave of greeting, and threw a handful of coffee beans into the grinder. I smiled. It was all so blissfully domestic. So perfectly normal. All that was missing was a newspaper to read.

  Jessica set the pepper grinder down just as Sandra reached for the coffee cups and the grinder hit the floor in the scuffle. I bent down and scooped it up when it rolled under the table.

  I stared at the grinder. Jessica stared at me. Sandra stared at all three of us.

  I bent down again.

  "It doesn't hurt at all," I said. "Not even a little bit."

  "Well don’t push it!" Sandra scolded when I started to bend down again. She rushed forward and put a hand to my head. "Your fever seems to be down too. Please tell me you're going to do the responsible thing and stay home and rest."

  "I guess so," I consented. "I thought I was fine yesterday too until I tried to get a glass of water."

  My feet should have hurt, but even when I wiggled them around, there was no pain. The slashes from that long ago night when I'd met Simon were still there, scabbed over and not particularly attractive, but not bothersome. Nothing hurt at all. I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and unwrap my leg and feet.

  There was nothing there. Where it had been cut by flying glass and bled just the night before, there was only smooth skin, completely intact and unhurt. I could take a deep breath without pain. Somehow, I was healed.

  I stayed home anyway. After the initial surprise that I was healed, the day went kind of stale. After breakfast I was bored, and remained bored, all day. I tried to read the book Sandra gave me but I couldn't concentrate. I tried to watch TV but it was all doom and gloom news or cartoons for preschoolers. There was a new murder attributed to The Beast, where they may have found some blood belonging to the killer and the poor coyote still couldn’t manage to catch that road runner.

  Sandra sent me a text asking me to take the trash cans out and then quickly sent another telling me that I should absolutely not take the trash out and that I better be resting in bed. I tried to start a conversation by asking how her day was going but she ignored me. Presumably she had gone back to work. Simon didn’t answer me either, and that pretty much exhausted my list of friends. I filled the tub for myself and lit a candle, but even soaking in the bath got boring quickly. My good mood was fading. I went into my room, hoping that I would think of something interesting to do.

  On my dresser, twin bottles with twin stoppers stared at me like misshapen eyes. I approached them. I opened the first. It felt lighter than it should have, and I tipped it over, spilling grey ash like fine sand. I opened the other and felt that the liquid was still inside of it. I didn’t know which one was from Harold and which was from his brother. There was a lot that I didn't know about anything. Everyone but Sandra was practically a stranger to me. Even I was becoming stranger than ever. And I was hungry. Not the normal kind of hungry that comes from skipping a meal; I was famished like I skipped them all for a week.

  Even after Sandra should have been home, I was alone in the house. She sent me a text to let me know she’d gone out and Jessica wouldn’t be around until morning.

  I browsed around the kitchen for something to eat. There was a casserole dish with uncooked lasagna in the fridge. I decided to go out.

  It was like the world outside changed while I was bored inside. Things were so much more real than they'd ever been. Smells were stronger, and I could identify fresh meat and not so fresh meat from the smells alone. I went to a grocery store, planning to pick up a rotisserie chicken, but the scent of rotting meat under the smells of fresh meat and citrus scented cleaning products made me feel sick and drove me out of the store. Lights looked brighter, even when it started to get dark and I drove, dizzy in the car until I felt sick passing the rotting things in a dumpster. I smelled it long after I rolled my windows up, then down, then up again, trying hopelessly to replace it with fresh air. I stopped at Great White Buffalo and spent all the cash in my wallet on a side of ribs and an order of hot wings to go, which I ate alone in the car.

  Then I went to a convenience store and bought a pregnancy test.

  chapter 12

  The pregnancy test was negative.

  The one I took a week later was also negative.

  I wasn't sure whether it was too soon to take the test or if I really wasn't pregnant. Knowing that I wasn’t pregnant should have put me at ease, at least a little, but it didn't improve my mood.

  "Jade?" Sandra closed the fridge, opened it, closed it again, and turned to face me with hands on hips.

  "Hm?"

  "Where the hell is my lasagna?"

  I felt tears build up behind my eyes. "I'm sorry, Sandra. I think I ate it last night."

  "You think you ate it last night? That was supposed to last a week! What is wrong with you?" She grabbed my shoulder and pressed a hand to my forehead.

  The tears pushed their way forward and I fought to keep them back. "I'm sorry, Sandra, I'll replace it, I promise."

  "I could care less about the stupid lasagna, Jade. What is wrong with you lately? You look sick all the time, you literally eat everything, and you've been in a shitty mood ever since what's-his-face took off."

  "Simon," I mumbled. The tears won. They started streaming down my cheeks, making a river that flowed down my neck, across my collarbone, and into my cleavage.

  "Is that what this is about? Seriously? I've never seen you get worked up over a man in your life, and suddenly this guy comes along, and-."

  "It's not him!" I shrieked. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm PMSing or something. Like, really bad."

  "You don't PMS," she said. "And on the rare occasion you do, you just say something bitchy and then you eat a square of chocolate. Are you pregnant?"

  "No.”

  "Really?"

  "Sandra, have I ever lied to you? I took a test yesterday. And I'm not. I've only had sex one time in like the last six months."

  She eyed me.

  "I'm not lying! And I'm not going to have this conversation with you anymore. You're supposed to be my friend."

  I started to storm off, but she caught me by my arm. "Jade, I am your friend. And I know you're not lying. I pulled the test out of the trash can last night."

  "Why would you do that? It’s an invasion of privacy."

  "Only if you're planning on keeping it a secret from me." She released my arm. "So what's with you? I know that it's not Simon. Maybe you'd be sad or a little extra moody, but not like this."

  "I don't know," I admitted, wiping my eyes. "I can't figure it out. I feel great one minute and then I feel like killing something the next. I'm hungry all the time, but some smells just make me sick. I feel like I should be doing more than I am, but I'm afraid to hurt myself all over again."

  She wrapped her arms around me. "You'v
e been sitting inside for too long. Come for a run with me and Jack tonight. We'll walk. Start off slow. If you can't handle it, we'll call a cab back or I'll make Jack carry you."

  I smiled. "Jack couldn't carry me."

  "I bet he could, and I bet it would be hilarious. We can invite Cole, too. Did Jessica tell you they broke up?"

  "No. Why?"

  "I don't know. They're basically the same around each other. It’s kind of weird. Maybe that was the problem. They were meant to be friends. You and Cole on the other hand-." She laughed and I laughed with her.

  "You know that would be breaking Girl Code," I said. “Jessica and I are friends now.”

  "Yeah, yeah. Besides, you're too busy pining over Simon. Come on, you need to move your butt and spend some quality time with friends. I'll make some calls. You go find some shoes."

  She was right. I couldn't be afraid of everything all the time.

  I found a pair of cross trainers in one of the trash bags of my clothes I hadn’t gotten around to unpacking. When Jack, Cole and Jessica arrived, I realized that I was the only one not in real running clothes.

  Jack and Cole were dressed like twins in black and blue running shorts, with stretchy black and blue shirts. Jessica wore a tiny pair of black running shorts and a sweat wicking, super-technical forest green tank top. Sandra, who went for frequent jogs, was dressed in her pale orange ultra-supportive running top and running capris. All of them wore very expensive shoes. I tried not to think about my own baggy T-shirt and oversized shorts.

  “You are all dressed like you run,” I said slowly.

  “Jack runs with me all the time,” Sandra said. “Sometimes Cole comes along too.”

  “I take my dog running,” Jessica chirped. “He needs a lot of exercise. He’s a big dog in a little apartment.”

  Cole nodded. “A big dog.”

  “You didn’t bring him?”

  “He’s taking it easy. He had to get stitches so he has to wait until they heal.”

  For the whole walk, Jessica and Cole treated each other the way they always had. They were like old friends, nothing more. It was weird, knowing they’d just broken up.