Sacred Surrender

by Ava Riley

  Chapter 17

  Rowan pulled Madison closer, caressing her back as he devoured her mouth. Their tongues dueled for control and he gladly gave into her. His head fell back as she placed kisses on his pecks, her tongue circling one nipple then the next. Her hands descended to the waistband of his sweats as she kissed and licked her way down the path they took. Rowan was thankful for the loose sweatpants he wore; his erection now painfully hard. Her tongue lingered at the wisp of blonde hair, sending an electrifying sensation shooting through his body. Rowan tensed then quickly relaxed when he felt her fingers tease the waistband. Kneeling before him, she took his breath away with the beauty of the moment. Her eyes sparkled, even in the dim light of the flashlights that lay on the ground. When she began to pull at his sweatpants, he quickly kicked off his old white tennis shoes and helped her pull them off along with his briefs.

  Madison kept her gaze locked to his as she licked the tip of his cock, the flavor of his pre-cum sent a tingling sensation shooting through her body. She loved the way he tasted on her tongue, loved the way the ridges of his cock felt in her mouth. She teased the tip of his cock, alternating between licking and sucking. His moans were sweet music to her ears; a song she wanted to hear many more times in her lifetime. Madison felt his hand firmly on the back of her head.

  “Damn, baby, you’re driving me crazy. Please, Madison. Take me in your mouth.”

  “Gladly,” she said as she closed her lips around his cock.

  Slowly and methodically, Madison slid her lips down his length. She reveled in the feel of her lips wrapped around his girth. She couldn’t stop the smile from forming when she felt his cock twitch in her mouth and his fingers grip her hair tighter. His hips rocked back and forth as she sucked harder. She held onto his well defined thighs as she brought him closer to an orgasm with nothing more than her mouth. She wasn’t sure why, but she wanted to taste him, to taste his cum in her mouth. The thought of it caused her pussy to become wetter than it already was. As she continued to suck his cock, Madison reached between her thighs with her middle finger. She played with her clit trying to release the ache she felt in her pussy.

  When Rowan felt the absence of Madison’s hand on his thigh, he opened his eyes and saw she was trying to bring herself pleasure as his cock moved back and forth in her mouth. The sight of her was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen; this woman who stole his heart, kneeling before him with his cock in her mouth and her finger stoking her clit. He didn’t want her to bring herself to climax, though. He wanted to be the one that did that. He pulled slightly on her hair to pull his cock from her mouth and laughed when he heard her protests around his shaft as she pulled him deeper. She needed this and he’d gladly give it to her.

  “Okay, baby, whatever you want,” he whispered into the darkness, closing his eyes as he pumped his cock harder into her mouth.

  Rowan felt the pressure building in his toes, slowly rising to his cock, his balls growing tight. When he felt his orgasm make its approach he opened his eyes, tilted Madison’s head slightly until her own eyes opened as he spilled his seed into her mouth. Her eyes widened while he filled her mouth, as her own orgasm from her finger consumed her. When he’d spilled the last drop, he pulled himself away from her mouth. Desire shot through his body all over again when he saw she had swallowed every drop of his essence. No other woman had taken that from him the way she did. He bent his head to hers, covering her mouth with his. His taste on her tongue sent heat through his body once more.

  This woman kneeling before Rowan was beyond amazing. His heart swelled to know she had taken not just his cock into her mouth, but his seed into her body. They’d used condoms, many condoms, the last time they were together sexually, so he’d not cum inside her. Something about a part of him being within her made him feel emotions he’d never felt before. It literally brought him to his knees. Kneeling with her now on the rocky floor, he cupped her cheek not able to take his eyes off her beautiful face, her hazel eyes darkened by her own desires. “Baby, you do things to me that turn me inside out.”

  “So, I did it right?” She asked with uncertainty. Madison wasn’t sure if she pleasured him the way a woman should. Never having brought a man to orgasm that way, she was nervous that she’d been doing it wrong the whole time.

  “Oh hell, yeah, baby, you did that right, but that’s not what I’m talking about,” he continued to explain when confusion showed on her face, “I’m talking about my heart, Madison. Because of how you fill my heart, the physical pleasure you give me is only intensified.”

  Madison didn’t know what to say. Every phrase that ran through her mind sounded insufficient. No words truly conveyed what she already felt for Rowan.

  “I wish I could take out my heart and show you what I feel for you, Rowan, because I can’t find any words to express it adequately.”

  He placed a gentle kiss on her lips, whispering into her mouth, “You just did.”

  A pain shot through Rowan’s knees as he kneeled on the rock and knew Madison had to be feeling the same pain. She’d been on her knees a lot longer ,so he was certain her pain was more intense. If she was feeling any discomfort, she didn’t show any indication of it.

  Clearing his throat, “Um, I believe you requested that I hear your screams of pleasure echo off these walls,” he proceeded to do just that and she gladly filled his ears.

  Two hours later, after too many orgasms to count, Madison felt wrung out. When she’d begged Rowan to stop after her fifth orgasm, he assured her he’d not stop until she couldn’t walk any longer. He more than completed the mission he set out on, because her muscles felt squishy like the squid she had for dinner the night before and she was certain she’d have a hard time walking back to the house. Thankfully, a portion of the journey back would be crawling on her belly. She laughed out loud at the thought of just rolling the whole way home.

  “What was that for?” Rowan asked as he packed away the blanket that was of little use to them.

  “Nothing, just thinking to myself,” she glanced at him and winked.

  Rowan grabbed her around the waist, their clothes even more soaked from their time spent sprawled on the cave floor, kissing her deeply and passionately. He’d never get enough of her. And after tonight he realized he didn’t want to.

  Chapter 18

  Another week passed with only phone calls and texts. Rowan didn’t want to live this way any longer. Another day away from Madison was another day filled with emptiness. In deep thought, he realized there were only three positive things his father ever did for him in the entirety of his life. He married his mother, gave him a baby sister he adored, and he gave him a piece of advice he’d never forget. On the day they buried his mother, his father pulled him away from the multitude of people who crammed into their small home, wiped his wet reddened eyes and told him something he held onto to this day. He was only now realizing the importance of his words.

  Son, there are few things in this life you can be certain of. Jobs come and go, friends will be in and out of your life, but when you find the one woman that makes you want to be a better man; that makes you proud to be a man, if you find you can’t breathe whenever she’s not with you, you make sure to hold on tight to her because life is cruel and you’ll never have enough time with her.

  His mother’s funeral had been the last time Rowan really spoke to his father about anything of substance and the last time he ever saw him cry. He’d thought he was a cruel man, but looking back now he realized, a very real part of his father was buried the day they laid his mother to rest; his father’s best part. That’s who Madison was to Rowan. She was the best part of who he was. As his father’s words rang loud and clear through his mind, he punched Cade’s number into his phone. He needed a sounding board and his best friend had always been his most faithful one.

  Madison rolled to her side, glaring at the hands on the clock that mocked her. Midnight and she couldn’t seem to calm her mind enough to sleep. The last time she’d
seen Rowan had been in the cave. The cave where she had had so many amazingly wonderful orgasms, where a piece of who she was left her soul, finding its home with Rowan. It seemed too soon for her to be feeling this way. Maybe she felt this way because he was her first real boyfriend, or because she gave her virginity to him. Madison began to question whether her feelings for him were real or just a product of what they shared together physically. She couldn’t deny what he did to her body was amazing, but it could be that the physical caused the emotional attachment she felt to him. She’d seen too many of her girlfriends in high school sleep with a guy they’d never give a second glance at then suddenly were completely head over heels for. They’d get more and more attached emotionally and when the guy grew tired of their physical relationship they’d dump them in a New York minute.

  Madison felt her heart clench as pain shot from her chest throughout her body. Tears welled in her eyes, realizing she didn’t want to be like all those girls. Damn it, she realized for the first time, someone like Rowan couldn’t really want more from her than just a fuck from time to time. Being honest with herself, she wasn’t even completely positive that she wanted more. Physically, Rowan gave her everything and completely. He never held back. But emotionally he kept the depths of his heart to himself. She’d told him all about her father, what his death did to her, and how it affected her life even to this day. He had shared about his mother, but there was a deeper hurt concerning his father and Rowan wouldn’t go there, wouldn’t give up that part of him. He wouldn’t share the most hurtful part of his life with her.

  For the first time since meeting Rowan, she regretted she so carelessly gave something so sacred to him. Was she that desperate to fill a void in her life, to have her heart mended from the tear of her father’s death that she clung onto the first hot pants to come across her path? Madison convinced herself that what she was feeling for Rowan was nothing more than a crush because she’d given her virginity to him. She needed to get him out of her mind. Suddenly, she was thankful for the differences in their lifestyle. She needed to focus her attentions elsewhere and chalk this up as an experience, a damn pleasurable experience, but an experience to learn from and move on. The girls at the office invited her on a girl’s weekend trip up the coast, and she decided it would be the best way to get Rowan out of her mind. She’d accept and she’d have a damn good time. She needed to get away from Rowan and her cozy little home to get her mind clear; start fresh. She’d do it, knowing it was the right thing to do. But if it was the right thing, why did her chest hurt as if a fifty pound weight had just been slammed into the center of it?

  Rowan stopped by the local flower shop as soon as he finished his shift and picked up a dozen purple lilies. Knowing they were Madison’s favorite, he wanted to surprise her with them before he headed to bed. She’d be getting ready for her Saturday morning run, so he’d get to see her for a few moments. Once he parked his car, he grabbed the flowers from the front seat, set the alarm, and headed toward Madison’s home. His steps slowed when he saw her loading a suitcase into the trunk of her car.

  “Hey beautiful,” he said when he reached the back of the car, placing a kiss on her lips.

  His heart dropped to his toes when she stiffened. An overwhelming fear shot through him like he’d never felt before. Then, the realization that she was putting a suitcase in her trunk hit him. She’d not returned any of his calls or texts within the last twenty four hours, but he thought she’d just been too busy or sleeping.

  “What’s going on, Madison?”

  “I’m going out of town for the weekend,” she said trying to keep her voice from shaking.

  “With whom?”

  “What difference does it make with whom? I’m a big girl, Rowan, I can pick up and go whenever I want and with whomever I want. We aren’t exclusive, you know. What we had was fun, but we both know that’s all it’s been; a fun way to pass the time.”

  Madison needed to walk away from him. Being an ass was the only way she could do it without breaking down and crying right in front of him.

  “Had? A fun way to pass the time? Madison, you aren’t making sense.”

  “I’m making perfect sense, Rowan. Look, it’s been fun. You’ve been kind and have shown me a great time, believe me, but now it’s time to move on. I’m sorry, I’m already late and I need to go.”

  Rowan blocked her from moving any further, “I don’t understand what’s going on, but you can’t just say that what we had was fun and expect that to be the end of it. I don’t know why you’re acting this way, but this hasn’t just been a fun way for me to pass the time. I don’t give myself to just anyone, you know.”

  “Really? From the whispers I’ve heard around town, that’s not so true. I’ve heard you’ve passed the time often this way. I’m sure a few nurses at the hospital might have something different to say.”

  Madison hadn’t intended on hurting him when she decided to break things off. When the girls at the office had heard she was seeing an E.R. doctor and convinced her to tell them, they had filled her in on his reputation. She figured she could pull out the big guns if she needed to and right now she definitely needed to. She needed to get away from him before her heart burned anymore than it did now.

  Rowan softly placed the flowers atop her car feeling defeated, “Yep, that’s me. I’m all about a great time. Enjoy your trip.”

  As Madison watched him walk away, her heart shattered into a million pieces. Pushing back the tears that threatened to spill, she reminded herself she was doing the right thing. Damn it to hell though, if it was the right thing then why did it hurt so fucking much. She’d not felt this much hurt since she got the call about her father passing away.

  Chapter 19

  “Damn it, Rowan, open this fucking door!”

  Cade didn’t lose his temper often, but he’d been pounding on the door for at least fifteen minutes without any response. He knew Rowan was home; he could hear that damn Ray Charles & Bonnie Raitt song, Do I Ever Cross Your Mind, blaring in the background. He wanted to rip the fucking speakers out of the wall.

  Cade was taken aback when Rowan finally opened the door. He hadn’t seen him look this bad since his break up with Erin. Actually, he was certain he hadn’t even looked this bad. His short blonde hair stuck out from every direction, he had on a pair of old black sweatpants and black torn t-shirt. And the darks circles under his eyes were not something an E.R. doctor needed to be sporting. When that wretched song started over, he realized that Rowan had the song on repeat. He walked over to the stereo and shut it off just as Ray’s smoky voice spilled out from the speakers.

  “What’d you do that for?” Rowan asked surprised.

  “Oh, now you speak? What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “Not now, Cade, I’m not in the mood.”

  “Well, get in the mood. Go get dressed. You’re going out with Tess and me. You need a nice healthy trip to The Launchpad”

  “I don’t really want to go-”

  “I’m pretty sure I didn’t ask you a question. Get your ass in the shower, get cleaned up and presentable and let’s go. Otherwise, your sister will be walking through this door in an hour at which point you can explain to her why you stood her up.”

  Rowan huffed and made his way to the master bathroom. He really had no desire to do anything. He’d rather sit home and sulk about being dumped by Madison. He wanted nothing more than to sit in his darkened home, questioning over and over what he did to push her away. He’d played every conversation he’d had with her over in his mind, thought back to every action he made toward her and he couldn’t think of one thing he’d done wrong.

  It had been three weeks already since Madison had taken her weekend trip and since Rowan had walked away from her. He should have moved on by now, hell, he’d gotten back to life much quicker than this when he broke it off with Erin; she had given him a good reason, though. Madison hadn’t once said she didn’t want to see him; just that it’d been fun. She’d said
the time had come to move on, but never said it was time for her to move on. Maybe he was reaching for something that wasn’t there, or maybe he just needed to hear the words from her mouth that she didn’t want to see him again. He wouldn’t be getting them, so maybe he should just move on. He’d seen her out on her porch a couple times and she’d not even glanced once in his direction. That had hurt him more than anything. How could someone give themselves so freely heart and soul, then just turn it off? A knock on the bathroom door pulled him from his thoughts.

  “Rowan, get your ass in gear. We are already going to be late and Tess is already pissed for it.”

  “Alright already. Damn, Cade, Tess really is rubbing off on you and it’s not very becoming.”