Upstairs in the bedroom, Jessi kicked off her shoes and shucked the black dress she’d worn to the party. As she pondered whether she favored a shower or a bath, her eyes came to rest on the door of Graham’s closet. She’d mentioned to Judd that she planned on taking care of that this weekend.
Judd. Who isn’t coming by tomorrow.
He’d texted her earlier to say that his sister and niece had arrived safely and that they were hanging out on the beach. She wondered what he was doing right now, and she sighed.
On the other hand, with Judd not coming tomorrow, she could plan to sleep as late as she wanted. Her gaze drifted back to the closet. If she tackled that tonight, her whole Saturday would be free to do as she pleased.
Temporarily shoving aside the bath vs. shower debate, she slipped on a ratty pair of jean shorts and an old Van Halen t-shirt.
But this job calls for a little fortification.
Ten minutes later, glass of sauvignon blanc in hand, with Norah Jones in the background asking someone to come on home and turn her on, Jessi eased open the door to Graham’s closet. His scent wafted into the room, and she gulped greedily from the glass as she swiped a lone tear from her cheek.
A couple of hours, and entire bottle of wine later, Jessi stood back and surveyed the three bags she’d filled with items from the closet. One bag was full of trash. A second she’d set aside for Cara and Adam to go through. The largest bag was destined for Faith Farm, a charity that provided free addiction treatment. The center’s funding came from the thrift shop they operated, which was one of Jessi’s favorites, and she felt good about supporting their work. She figured she’d drive out there tomorrow to drop off her donation.
It was after midnight when she deposited the huge bag into her car. The bag of trash had been placed in the can and was ready for Monday, and the one for the kids she’d placed in the garage, just to get it out of the way.
Jessi retreated to her bathroom, settling on a quick shower. As she undressed, shower heating up and sending soothing steam into the room, her gaze fell to the rings on her left hand. Her eyes widened. I’ve worn them so long, I forgot they were there.
In the mirror, she looked herself in the eye. I’m not married anymore. Judd’s face popped into her mind. I certainly haven’t been thinking like a married woman.
She sighed deeply. It’s time. Slowly, she twisted off her wedding and engagement rings and set them on the counter before stepping into the hot shower.
Steaming streams of water cleared her head from the evening’s activities. Wrapped in a towel, she padded into the bedroom and dropped the rings into her jewelry box. Now, resting on the bed, was the one remaining item from Graham’s closet. It was the ‘toy box,’ the one she’d put in her own closet. The thing was, aside from the rabbit and the wand, Jessi wouldn’t be using any it.
She lightly fingered the nipple clamps, the jeweled plugs, the flogger, and other items. She had loved them when Graham had used them on her, but she certainly wouldn’t use them on herself. Should she throw them away? She couldn’t exactly give them to charity.
Jessi was just buzzed enough to giggle at the idea of a box of dildos on the counter at Faith Farm.
But it was late and she was tired. The box of toys went back into her closet, and she slipped into bed, falling asleep the instant her head hit the pillow.
Chapter 22
“It makes you think, bro,” Alex said to Judd, slamming closed the driver’s side door of the boxy red truck. Having just handed off a car accident victim to the capable hands of the trauma staff at St. Mary’s, the pair had stopped off for a late lunch.
Judd frowned as they made their way into the fast-food outlet which was unusually crowded for a Monday afternoon. The previous day, he’d dropped Angie and Olivia at Palm Beach International before heading in for his 24-hour shift. With any luck, he’d be home by dinnertime. While he’d enjoyed his sister’s visit, he’d be happy to have the place to himself once again.
“Now tell me again what happened?” Judd asked as they settled into a booth by the window, their burgers and fries resting on brown plastic trays.
“Oklahoma City. Local FD was called out on a goer, and two first responders were shot—a cop and a probie smoke eater.”
Eyebrows knit in thought as he sipped his soda, Judd considered Alex’s words. A cop and a rookie firefighter were shot at a fire scene. “Are they okay?” Judd asked.
Alex shrugged. “I don’t know. They say the cop’s injuries were minor, but the probie is in the ICU.” He bit into his burger and shook his head. “I don’t know, man. The world is going to hell in a handbasket. Lunatics are out there taking potshots at the good guys. It’s bat-shit.”
“It’s crazy, all right. Still, Oklahoma. Who knows what goes on out there?” Judd shrugged and tucked into his lunch.
“It’s got me thinking, bro.” Alex’s deep brown eyes were soulful. “About me and Trish. I mean, what the hell am I waiting for?”
Smiling, Judd used a paper napkin to dab at the corner of his mouth and waited for Alex to continue.
“I love her. There’s no one else in the world for me. I think I’m going to ask her to marry me.”
“Ha-HA!” Judd laughed. “That’s great, man. Good for you.”
“So, you wanna help me pick out a ring?”
“Absolutely. We’ll pick out the biggest diamond in the place,” Judd grinned.
“Whoa, wait a minute, homie! Now you’re spending all my money!”
MUCH TO JUDD’S RELIEF, he and Alex didn’t have another call, so by 6:30 that evening, he was pulling into the tiny parking lot just north of his townhouse. Grey Jansport hefted over his left shoulder, he paused to check his mailbox before letting himself in the front door. Greeted by agreeable silence, he sighed in gratitude. The shift had been hectic, with a number of calls, all of which seemed to have ended in positive results.
There was that at least. The hard work was all worthwhile as long as he was making a difference. It was the heartbreaking endings that really got to him. But those were the minority of his calls.
While his steak cooked on the grill, he texted Jessi just to make sure that she was okay.
Hey there, Jessi! How’s it going?
She replied almost immediately. I’m good. How are you? How was your weekend? Are you home from work?
He smiled, thinking about the way Olivia had happily played on the beach until Angie made her come in. Or until she fell asleep. Whichever happened first.
Yep, I’m home now. The weekend was good. Had a nice visit with my sister. How about yours?
It was pleasant. I got Graham’s closet all cleaned out.
Judd read her text and thought for a moment. Checking his steak, he turned down the flame and dialed Jessi.
“Hi! You didn’t have to call,” she said immediately.
“I wanted to,” he responded. “So, you took care of Graham’s things? How was that?”
He listened to her sigh deeply. “Oh, you know. It wasn’t easy, but it was nothing Kim Crawford and I couldn’t handle together,” she chuckled lightly.
In that moment, Judd wished she was on video. He’d be willing to bet that her eyes were at odds with her light tone.
“Anyway, I put a bag out for the trash this morning. I dropped off a huge bag at Faith Farm on Saturday. And there’s a little for the kids to go through next time they’re home.”
Judd felt a glow of admiration for Jessi. She was stronger than she had any notion that she was. “Sounds like it’s all taken care of, then. How do you feel about it?”
Again, she sighed. “Good, actually. I didn’t realize how the whole thing was just hanging over my head.”
“Good for you. I’m proud of you, little one.”
Jessi hesitated for a moment. “Thanks,” she answered quietly. “And, well...there’s just this one thing...”
Judd’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“Well...” He pictured her chewing her lower
lip as she formulated her thoughts. “There’s this box of...toys.” She whispered the last word. “I don’t quite know what to do with them.”
His face broke into a broad grin. “Do you mean sex toys, little one?” he laughed.
“God, yes,” she hissed. “I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, for Pete’s sake.”
“What’s the problem?”
“Well, I won’t be using them. I can’t give them to charity, but I don’t want to throw them away, either. There’s, well...” Judd heard the emotion in her voice. “I mean, some of it is just dildos and butt plugs and stuff. But my collar and lead are in there, and I can’t just throw those away.”
“I understand, little one. Would you like me to look it over with you on Saturday?”
“Would you?” Her voiced sounded relieved.
“Of course. I’ll think about it this week and maybe together, we can come up with a solution.”
“That would be great, Judd. Thank you so much.”
“I’m happy to help, Jessi.”
After they disconnected, Judd returned to his steak on the grill, but his mind swirled with thoughts about Jessi.
After dinner, Judd tried to watch some sports, but his teams weren’t winning. Instead, he took his laptop out to the patio. Feet propped on the teak coffee table, he gazed past the screen to the waves that crashed in the moonlight.
His first stop was Graham’s old blog, Sparrow’s Master. He wondered about the name, wondered how Graham had ever settle on such a name for Jessi. Sparrows were plain brown birds, nondescript in all ways, except perhaps their busyness. Jessi was anything but plain.
After rereading a few of his favorite posts, Judd moved along to FetLife. The idea of getting laid soon was still in the back of his mind, and he discovered that Kit was currently online. The pair chatted for about half an hour, making vague plans to meet in person soon, before Judd decided to call it a night.
Chapter 23
Jessi chugged happily through the rest of her week. It wasn’t until Thursday that Sarah noticed the absence of her wedding rings. “It was time,” she quietly responded to Sarah’s question.
By Friday, Jessi had nailed down a venue for the Chief’s retirement party. The Doubletree was only too happy to deeply discount one of their ballrooms for the cause. The bargain venue left money in the budget to go over the top with decorations, including flowers. Jessi knew that Antonio could do wonders with the budget she had set aside.
Since the night she’d talked to Judd, she kept eyeing the ornate burlwood box, wondering what he would suggest she do with the items inside. So she was excited when she heard him pull into the driveway Saturday morning.
Not more excited than Buddy, however, who whined incessantly until Jessi opened the door and allowed him to tear across the lawn to greet Judd.
“Howdy, killer,” he grinned, kneeling to ruffle the dog’s ears.
“Hi, Judd! Can I get you some coffee?”
His smile dazzled Jessi. “Coffee sounds perfect. And I almost forgot.” He opened the passenger door and removed a flat rectangular box.
“Krispy Kreme? Seriously?” Jessi laughed.
“Hey, it hits two major food groups.” At Jessi’s puzzled look, he laughed. “Krispy. And Kreme.”
Seated beside Judd at the kitchen island, Jessi felt her eyes roll back in her head as she bit into a chocolate frosted glazed doughnut. “Oh. My. God.”
“Mm-hmm, now yell at me about Krispy Kreme.”
After breakfast, they put rinsed their dishes in the kitchen sink.
“Today’s job, by the way, is getting you a new dishwasher,” Judd said.
“Oh. Well, this one is getting pretty bad. But it’s only me, so I usually just wash my dishes by hand.”
“Okay,” his voice sounded muffled as he leaned in to check out the 10-year-old appliance. “Still, it wouldn’t hurt to hook you up with a new one. The new ones are more energy efficient.”
Jessi frowned a bit. “Before we do that, would you mind taking a look at that...box of things?” She felt her cheeks redden a little.
“Oh, that. Your toys.” Judd smiled reassuringly. “Definitely. Let’s get that out of the way.”
Jessi led him to the den where she’d placed the box on the leather chair. Sir’s chair, she’d come to think of it as, and as such, it had seemed the proper place to set the box. Judd picked up the box and sat, placing the box on his lap.
Jessi sat across from him on the ottoman, watching as he lifted the hinged lid and began to sort through the contents. After a moment, he looked up at her. “Are you sure you won’t want to use any of these things, little one?”
She shook her head. “No. I took out the wand and the rabbit. I won’t use the other things. Certainly not alone.” Pink crept into her cheeks.
Judd looked back to the dildos in various sizes, shapes, and colors, the jeweled plugs in different sizes, a vicious-looking pair of nipple clamps, and the other items. “And any Dom worth having would buy new toys, little one. It would be very poor form to use another Dom’s toys. Now...” He raised his eyes to meet hers. “About the collar and lead.”
“Yeah.” Jessi’s voice was a whisper. “Those are so special to me. But...” She swiped at an unwanted tear on her cheek. “He’s gone.”
As she clutched her hands together, Judd noticed the tan line where her wedding rings had once been, and he reached to take her left hand in his.
Jessi followed his gaze and nodded. “It was time,” she whispered.
Judd lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it lightly.
“Okay, then. I have an idea, but you have to be very honest with me. And if you don’t like it, we’ll keep thinking.”
Eyes wide, Jessi nodded.
“What if we bury the box out back? We’ll find a nice place, maybe even put a marker of some sort on top of it, and just let it go.”
Jessi drew in a deep breath as she considered Judd’s plan. It made sense, actually. Bury the past, so she could move forward into the future. Slowly, she nodded. “I think that sounds right. Let’s do it.”
Half an hour later, beneath a stand of philodendron at the far end of the pool deck, Judd had dug a hole deep enough to accommodate the large burlwood box. He held the box open and Jessi reached in to finger the black leather collar. She lifted it to her nose and closed her eyes, inhaling the deep leather scent, and another tear rolled down her cheek.
When she opened her eyes, Judd was watching her with a sympathetic expression. Taking a deep breath, she replaced the collar in the box and nodded to Judd, who closed the box and carefully set it in the ground.
“Do you want to say something?” he asked her gently.
Jessi cleared her throat. “Graham, you were my husband, my partner, my friend. And my Master. These things were signs of your ownership, and I was proud to be yours. I think about you every day.”
She paused, glancing up at Judd. “Thank you for looking out for me, too. I don’t know what I’d have done without Judd.”
Taking a deep breath, she finished. “Be at peace, my love.”
With that, Judd began to carefully layer soil over the lacquered box. When the hole was filled, he placed on the top a large piece of coral they’d unearthed while digging.
Jessi giggled, and Judd looked up, surprised. “I was just thinking, someone’s going to dig up a kinky time capsule one day.”
She giggled again, and Judd had to laugh. “You’re something, you know that?”
WHILE JUDD AND JESSI were burying her past, a lone man sipped coffee in a diner in Little Rock. The television in the greasy spoon was tuned to one of those self-important all-day news channels. The fact that they merely repeated themselves every ten minutes apparently bothered nobody except for Gary Wayne Gentry.
I imagine they think they’re pretty smart, too. He smirked into the chipped white ceramic coffee mug.
Didn’t matter. He was watching for an update they’d promised. Seems there was news
about the tragic shooting of first responders in Oklahoma that happened the other day.
Gary suppressed a snicker. It would be the first time he’d seen himself mentioned on national news.
Following video footage of some crazy terrorist driving over tourists on some sidewalk in Europe, the camera cut to a pretty blonde with a serious gleam in her eye.
“Just in to our newsroom, Jeremy Sutton, the rookie firefighter who was shot in Oklahoma over the weekend, has died from his injuries. A spokesman for the family says...”
Gary didn’t hear the rest. He didn’t need to. He leaned back in his seat and nodded to himself, smiling. It was his first confirmed kill.
Well, you notice me now, don’t you, bitches.
BACK INSIDE THE HOUSE, Judd washed up in the kitchen sink. Jessi handed him a dish towel to dry his hands. He eyed the old dishwasher, then looked to Jessi.
“I don’t really feel like messing with a dishwasher today, do you?”
Jessi’s eyes widened. “Oh, well, no, of course not. I’m sure you have plenty to do. Don’t worry about it at all,” she said quickly.
Judd shook his head. “It’s a beautiful day. Why spend it inside?” He stood straight, hands on his hips. “How do you feel about stand up paddle boarding?”
She worked her mouth for a moment, frowning. “I don’t guess I’m opposed to it, as an activity, you know. I’m sure people enjoy it. Live and let live,” she giggled nervously.
“I mean,” he cupped her elbow gently, “how do you feel about going? With me. Today.”
“Oh, I don’t know, Judd. I’m kind of the queen of klutz.” Jessi’s face turned bright pink. “I don’t know if I’d be any good at it.”
Judd’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Not sure I like my little one putting herself down. Besides, there’s nothing to be ‘good at,’ you just...stand and paddle.” He pantomimed for her.
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