Ready to Were

by Robyn Peterman

  "After Essie completes the next mission, she has a free pass to get out," Granny hissed from the corner of the room where she sat with her hands fisted in her lap.

  "I wondered when you'd talk, Bobbie Sue," Angela said quietly making it very clear to me that the women knew each other. "That's not my call, but I will see what I can do. Are you in?"

  Granny stared Angela down until she squirmed and tugged on her quickly disappearing hair. Then my granny shrugged. "I've been out for forty years, but as much as I don't like you, I like the Dragons even less. I'm in."

  "Color me confused and clueless, but what in the hell is going on here?" I demanded.

  Granny ignored me and continued to pin Angela with a stare that made me want to pee in my pants. "Dwayne is my second. We also go off the radar and Essie is out when we're done. No negotiations."

  The silence in the room was deafening and the story was one I would pull out of my granny even if she tried to whoop my ass in the process. As much as I wanted answers, I knew when to keep my mouth shut.

  "Deal." Angela sighed and dropped her head to her hands in defeat. "Be in Chicago on Monday and I will..."

  "No can do," Dwayne said. The silly Vampyre was gone and in his place was a very powerful supernatural bald freak of nature. "We have a vacation planned and I am not going to postpone it. This mission, as you call it, has dead Werewolf and Vampyre written all over it. Before I turn to dust, I am going to drink blood-laced alcoholic beverages with pineapple and pink-jeweled umbrellas in them. Essie and Hank are newly mated and have some urgent business to attend to or else they will be useless walking hormones. Granny needs to experience a nude beach and I need to find a sexy Rastafarian wig for my Bob Marley impersonation. Plus, I bought eight new Speedos and I plan to get good use out of them."

  "You're doing men in the drag show now?" I asked, surprised. Not the most appropriate question at the moment, considering the tension in the room, but I just had to know.

  "Only Bob Marley and David Hasselhoff," Dwayne squealed and then morphed right back into scary Vampyre dude. "We'll report to Chicago in two weeks. Period."

  "Fine," Angela capitulated wearily. "Where are you going?"

  "Jamaica." Dwayne grinned from ear to ear. "We're going to Jamaica."

  ***

  “Oh my god almighty and Cher pre-surgery, I could live here the rest of my days and be happy,” Dwayne gushed as we watched the ocean waves crash against the rocks. “If I had hair I’d get it braided and skip along the beach while it whipped me in the eyes.”

  I rolled my eyes. Thankfully, he was bald.

  “Jamaica is nice,” Granny mused. “But I miss the rednecks.”

  She adjusted her thong bikini and I closed my eyes in agony. There was only so much I wanted to see of my granny and her naked butt wasn’t one of them. We'd all decided to postpone the necessary talks about Granny's past and Hank's nefarious skills until our vacation was over. I was more than okay with that. If we were all going to bite it soon, I wanted to have a week of fun in the sun.

  “Where’s Hank?” I asked with my eyes still squeezed shut.

  No one answered.

  “I said, where’s Ha…”

  I opened my eyes slowly, prepared to glue them shut if Granny had decided to go topless. My tummy dropped and my heart raced. Granny and Dwayne stood quietly by the shore with their backs to me. Hank was in front of me on one knee. In lieu of screaming or passing out, I dropped to my knees and held on to him for dear life.

  “I’m pretty sure only one of us is supposed to be on their knees.” His lopsided grin made me weak and I giggled like an idiot.

  “My legs quit working,” I stammered. “And I thought I might make you more comfortable…then a heavy metal band started a concert in my stomach and then my legs turned to jelly, and then I, um…”

  “You done?”

  “It would probably be a good thing if I was.”

  “Probably.” He laughed and I felt heat crawl up my neck and land on my face.

  He put his hand under my chin and raised my eyes to his. “Ester Elizabeth McGee, I have loved you since the moment I saw you many years ago. You are the other half to my whole. I promise to love you always and never let you go. You make me better and stronger and my life means nothing when you’re not in it.” He took a deep breath and his eyes glistened silver in the Jamaican sun. “Essie, I love you. Will you marry me?”

  The screaming took me by surprise. Who in the hell was making that racket? I glanced down to the water’s edge at Granny and Dwayne. They were not screaming. Hank was not screaming. There was no one else on the beach.

  It was me. I was screaming and crying and blubbering. Hank’s laugh made me want to slug him, but I wanted to kiss him more.

  “Does that mean yes?” he asked as he trapped me in a hug so tight I could barely breathe, but I didn’t care. It felt so very right—so very perfect.

  I nodded my head because I was terrified I would start screaming again.

  “She said yes,” he yelled as Granny and Dwayne tore over to us.

  “Where’s the ring?” Dwayne demanded, possibly more excited than me.

  Hank pulled a beautiful diamond ring with a cushion cut stone from a pocket in his shorts, slid it on my finger and I gasped. It was redonkulously large and real and I loved it, but I loved him even more. I slapped my hand over my mouth to stem the babbling dialogue that threatened to fly out. Tears clouded my vision and my breath came in short gasps.

  In my many imaginings of this moment, I had handled it with sexy grace. Real life had turned out vastly different than I expected, but it was no less wonderful. My joy matched my mate’s and my need to throw him to the ground and tackle him was overwhelming…so I did.

  Granny and Dwayne slipped away and disappeared as I rolled down the beach tangled up in the most beautiful man in the world. The only thing stopping me from doing something illegal was the sheer amount of sand that had gathered in my bikini bottoms.

  “I will marry you, Henry James Wilson. I will love you always. Next time I have a stupid idea, I promise I will run it past you first.”

  Hank held me close and pressed sweet kisses all over my face. “That works for me, Essie. You’re mine.”

  “And you’re mine.”

  He laughed and picked me up in his strong arms. “Yes, I’m yours. Now I’d really like to shower the sand out of my pants. You with me?”

  “I am with you till the end of time. I do have some sand in some unmentionable places,” I mumbled. “Maybe you could help me out with that?”

  “I think it could be arranged. I definitely think it could be arranged.”

  And it was. And it was amazing. Really, really amazing…really, really.

  ## THE END (for now) ##

  NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: If you enjoyed this ebook, please consider leaving a positive review or rating on the site where you purchased it. Reader reviews help my books continue to be valued by distributors/resellers and help new readers make decisions about reading them. You are the reason I write these stories and I sincerely appreciate you!

  Many thanks for your support,

  ~ Robyn Peterman

  Visit my website for more info.

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  KEEP READING in this ebook to read a three chapter excerpt from the next hilarious installment, Some Were In Time, Book 2 of the Shift Happens series.

  Also included in the very back of this ebook is an excerpt from Ariel: Nano Wolves 1, a new paranormal werewolf shifter series by Donna McDonald.

  Excerpt from Some Were In Time

  Chapter 1

  "God it's beautiful here," I shouted to no one as I sped solo down the country road that wound along the sparkling blue ocean. Hung Island, Georgia was as close to paradise as you could get. I'd tried to run away a year ago, but fate and some psycho Were Dragons brought me back and I couldn't have been happier.

  I pressed down on the accelerator and
held my breath. On one side the ocean whipped by me in a blur--on the other side tall grasses and rolling hills. The sound of the police siren that rode up my ass from out of nowhere made my stomach clench. I blew out a long sigh and pulled over.

  "Mam?"

  "Yes?" I asked as I rolled down my window and peeked out from behind my sunglasses.

  In the early morning glare of the sun, the sheriff looked huge--hotter than hell and ginormous.

  "You were driving forty five miles over the speed limit."

  I couldn't see his eyes as they were behind aviators, but the rest of his face matched his smokin' hot bod. "Are you sure, Sheriff?" I gave him my best sexy smile and a giggle.

  His full lips thinned and he rocked back on his heels. "Speed detectors don't lie. License and registration, mam."

  "You got it, Hot Stuff," I said as I handed the requested paperwork over.

  Ignoring my wildly inappropriate endearment, he looked the papers over carefully as I did the same to him. God, they sure built them nice around here.

  "I'm going to have to ask you to step out of your car."

  "Really?" I asked as I bit down on my lip to keep from squealing with excitement.

  "Yes. Step out of the car and place your hands on the hood."

  "Can I put on some lip gloss first?" I asked politely.

  "No mam, you cannot. Out of the car now. It would be a shame to have to cuff you and bring you down town."

  Today was the best day ever.

  I stepped out of the car and brushed his massive chest accidently with my breast as I made my way to the hood of my car. His quick intake of breath was music to my ears and I knew the pants of his uniform had just gotten tighter.

  "Like this?" I asked as I placed my hands on the hood and spread my legs so my mini skirt hiked up to the level of indecent.

  "Jesus Christ, Essie. You left the house wearing that?" Sherriff Hank Wilson griped as he yanked my skirt back over my bottom. "Where in the hell are you going dressed like that?" His normally green eyes had turned icy blue with desire.

  "To try on wedding dresses," I told him as I jumped him and wrapped my legs around his waist. "Don't you like it?"

  "In the privacy of our bedroom it would be great, but in public where any man can see the color of your panties--no."

  "Thong," I corrected him.

  "Worse," he replied.

  "Aren't you gonna feel me up and check for weapons?" I asked as I placed little kisses along his lips. "I am a deadly secret agent."

  "What I want to do, deadly secret agent, is put you over my knee and spank you for going out in public dressed like this."

  "Works for me," I said as I tangled my fingers in his thick dark hair and laid a big one on him.

  "God, you taste good," he muttered as out tongues tangled. He grabbed my ass and ground me into his happy camper. "Can't get enough of you."

  "Then don't," I whispered against his lips.

  "You wanna take the chance of someone from town driving by and seeing me take you on top of your car?" he inquired as his hand crept up my shirt and caressed my breast.

  "Um, no...we could get in the back seat," I suggested as I arched into his talented hand.

  "I don't fit in your car, Essie," Hank said.

  He was right. He was huge and my car was tiny.

  "Did you drive the cruiser?" I asked as I glanced around. My eyes landed on his motorcycle and I sighed dramatically. "You are woefully under prepared today, my fiancee."

  "You are correct, my fiancee," he answered with a huge grin on his face. "And PS you're driving the wrong way if you're going to the bridal shop."

  "I know that," I said. "I knew you were working this stretch this morning and I was hoping to get arrested and felt up by a sexy sheriff."

  "As appealing as that sounds. And trust me it's appealing," he said as he pressed his painfully hard lower half against me. "I actually am working at the moment and you have an appointment. Please tell me that you have a change of clothes in the car."

  "Nope. Can't tell you that," I said as I slid to the ground wiggling all the way. "As long as I'm not bent over a car, my ass will feel no wind."

  Hank ran his hand through his hair in frustration and backed me up against the passenger door. "Who will be at your fitting?"

  "Granny, Dwayne and the bridal shop gals," I said knowing he would be fine with that. Granny was my Granny and Dwayne was my three hundred year old, gay Vampyre best friend.

  "Species?"

  "Of the shop gals?" I asked.

  "Yep."

  "It's Lori and Layla. They're Were Weasels," I told him as I bent over far more than necessary to get back in my car.

  "You're killing me, Essie," he growled. His wolf was close to the surface and I was so turned on I needed to get the hell out of Dodge before I took him on the hood of my car...

  "I know, Hank," I shot back. "It's my job."

  "Be careful my little Were Wolf," he said as he gave me one last scorching kiss.

  "Careful is my middle name," I said as I gunned the engine of my small piece of crap and peeled out.

  Through my rear view mirror I spotted the love of my life and I giggled. His hands were in his hair and he was looking up to the Heavens like he was praying.

  ***

  "Oh my God, I look fabu," Dwayne squealed as he pranced around the bridal shop wearing a full on princess wedding gown with a sequined bodice.

  The Were Weasels, Lori and Layla, who owed Bring on the Bride were speechless. Actually I was speechless too. Almost. We'd been here for three hours and I was ready to pull my hair out.

  "Um, is he planning on buying that?" Lori whispered to me as we watched him defy gravity, do a leap across the room and land in the splits.

  "Hell if I know," I muttered. "Dwayne?"

  "Yes doll?" he asked as he gracefully rolled out of the splits and hopped to his feet.

  "You gonna buy that?"

  "Do you think I should? White's not really my color, but I love what this neckline does for my pecs." He examined himself critically in the trio of full-length mirrors.

  "First of all," I snapped. "We're here for me. You are not getting married. I am. You have tried on fourteen dresses and I have tried on two. There is something wrong with this picture."

  "Oh honey, let him be," my Granny said without looking up as she played Scrabble on her phone. "How often is Dwayne going to be allowed to go in a store and try on wedding dresses without getting arrested? Son of a bitch," she shouted and slapped her phone. "This Scrabble bastard cheats. What in the hell is a zyzzyva? Total bullshit word. I tell you what...I'm gonna find him and skin him alive.

  "I thought you played with the computer," I said, slightly confused.

  "I do."

  "Alrighty then," I said as I pressed the bridge of my nose and wondered how refocus the attention back onto myself...where it was supposed to be to start with. "Dwayne remove the dress. I'm not wearing white so neither are you."

  Granny's eyes narrowed dangerously and I scooted away. "What color you wearin', sugar plum?" she asked in a deadly quiet voice.

  I debated telling her. We were in public and I hoped that would mean I wouldn't get my butt handed to me when I sprung the color on her...

  "Granny," Dwayne interrupted my inner debate. "Just in case you didn't know, Essie is not a virgin. I would think the church would go up in flames if she wore white."

  "Actually I would think it would be more apt to explode with you wearing a dress," I told Dwayne--my gay Vampyre BFF.

  "But you promised," he whined as he stomped his blush pink four inch stilettos he had tried on.

  "Fine," I relented. "But you're not wearing white and it has to have sleeves. I don't want to catch a glimpse of your armpit hair on my wedding day."

  "Good point, well made," he said. "However, I could get my pits waxed..."

  "No," I yelled in unison with Lori and Layla.

  "It was just a suggestion," Dwayne said with a pout.

&
nbsp; "Um, we have four brides waiting," Layla said nervously. "Would you like to try anything else on today or should we make another appointment?"

  "I think I'm good," Dwayne said as he slipped out of his gown.

  "She was talking to me," I informed him with an eye roll and a laugh.

  "Whoops, my bad," he said as he walked buck ass naked except for the stilettos back to the fitting room to get his clothes.

  "Holy shit," Lori gasped as she turned several shades of red and began frantically gathering all the dresses Dwayne had tried on. "We'll have to have all of these dry cleaned now."

  "Sorry about that," I mumbled as I yanked Granny and a mostly clothed Dwayne out of the shop. "I'll call and make another appointment."

  "Don't hurry," Layla said sweetly. "Oh my God, I meant we'll see you soon," she stuttered as she hustled away in embarrassment.

  "Those Weasels are a bit odd," Dwayne said, buttoning his pants as we walked across the street to the diner for lunch.

  "Oh, they're nice girls," Granny said as she dropkicked her phone into the fountain in the middle of the town square. "They're just not used to peckers touching the inside of their dresses before they've been sold."

  "Oh my God," Dwayne gasped, completely mortified. "I'll wear panties next time."

  "There will be no next time," I muttered as I retrieved my Granny's phone from the water.

  "Well aren't you a party pooper," Dwayne huffed.

  "Yep," I told him. "And you," I snapped at Granny as I dangled her now useless cell phone in her face. "I am not getting you a new phone. This is the third one this week you've destroyed."

  "No problem," she said with an evil little grin on her face. "I'll play Scrabble on your laptop."

  "That's just awesome," I said in defeat.

  No getting felt up, no dress and soon no laptop. This day rocked.

  Chapter 2

  "I've got the pictures back from Jamaica," Dwayne squealed as he pulled a large envelope out of his man-purse and slapped it down on the table of our booth. "Granny you are gonna flip!"