Gone

by Rebecca Muddiman

  Lucas made his way to the bar and stood a few feet away from Andrea, waiting for her to stop draping herself across some pensioner in a trilby and notice him. She was hardly Marilyn Monroe but she was making an effort with her low-cut jeans and high-rise thong. She could do better than the old bloke, and tonight she might just get lucky.

  ‘Pint of lager, please,’ Lucas said and the barman roused himself and found an almost clean glass from beneath the bar. Lucas wasn’t going to put it anywhere near his mouth but a few quid wasted was a small price to pay for getting what he wanted.

  ‘Don’t I know you?’

  Lucas looked across at Andrea. She was squinting at him the way only drunks do. He smiled at her. ‘I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure.’

  She giggled. ‘No. I definitely know you from somewhere.’ She slid off her stool and staggered towards him, tits first. ‘Do you work in the offy on the high street?’

  Lucas waited. She’d get there in the end. Maybe he should’ve left his suit on.

  ‘No, I know,’ she said, slapping him on the chest. ‘You came to work earlier. You were looking for Ben.’

  Lucas raised his eyebrows. ‘Oh, yeah. That was you.’ He clicked his fingers as if trying to remember her name.

  ‘Andrea,’ she said, her hand still on his chest. ‘But you can call me Anders.’

  ‘Well, Anders,’ he replied and slid the filthy pint glass towards her. ‘Can I get you a drink?’

  Lucas untangled himself from the dead weight of Andrea’s arms. She’d been snoring for twenty minutes and he was starting to think it hadn’t been worth it. Especially as she hadn’t told him any-fucking-thing. To be fair, she wasn’t bad in bed, but he didn’t have time for this bullshit. He needed to get what he came for and get out. He’d already given her his sob story about how sick he’d been and how much he’d turned his life around thanks to Ben. Ben, Ben, fucking Ben. He’d been talking about him all night and still she hadn’t told him anything.

  Lucas looked at his watch. He was losing the will to live. And he needed to piss. He tried shoving her a little but she was in a booze coma. ‘Fuck’s sake,’ he muttered and looked around the room. Beside the bed was a small chest of drawers. He reached over and opened a drawer before slamming it shut. Andrea jumped and rolled away from him. She brushed the matted hair back from her face and wiped the drool from the corner of her mouth.

  ‘What time is it?’ she asked.

  ‘Half six.’

  ‘In the morning?’ Andrea rolled onto her side of the bed and grabbed her cigarettes from a pocket in the pile of clothes on the floor. She lit one and held the pack out for Lucas.

  After he’d lit his he lay back, staring at the ceiling. ‘I should quit these next,’ he said.

  ‘I’ll never quit smoking,’ Andrea said. ‘My nana smoked every day from age fourteen to eighty-four. Never did her any harm.’ She took a long, deep drag. ‘Died of lung cancer. But she was eighty-four.’

  Lucas took a drag and then stamped the fag out on the bedside table. Why wouldn’t she just shut up? Why did she keep bringing everything back to herself?

  He rolled onto his side and faced her. ‘I wish I could’ve thanked Ben. I liked him.’

  ‘Yeah, he was nice.’

  ‘How come I never saw you about when I went to the clinic?’

  She shrugged. ‘Dunno. I just do admin stuff.’

  ‘Were you friends with him?’

  ‘Yeah. Sort of. He was a bit weird, though. Never wanted to do anything with us. Never came on work nights out or anything. But canny enough.’ She put out her cigarette. ‘We’ve got our Christmas do coming up soon. You could come with me if you like.’

  Lucas stared at her. He wanted to punch her in the face. Instead he sat up, swung his legs out of bed and started getting dressed. ‘Don’t know about that.’

  Andrea sat up in bed. ‘How come you’re just coming to see Ben now? How long have you been clean?’

  Lucas turned around. Maybe she wasn’t as stupid as she looked. ‘Long time,’ he said, eventually. She sat looking at him, waiting for him to say more. ‘I moved away, got a job down south. Just came back a few months ago. Felt like I should come and say thanks.’

  Andrea shrugged. ‘Well, Ben’s long gone. Got a call about his mum one day and he just dropped everything and went back to Alnwick.’

  Lucas stopped, belt in hand. Finally. Alnwick. Would he still be there? He started looping his belt through his jeans. ‘How long ago was that?’

  ‘I don’t know. Ages,’ she said. ‘Ten, eleven years maybe.’

  ‘Eleven years,’ Lucas murmured, thinking of the last time he’d seen Emma. He could feel Andrea staring at him. ‘Eleven years,’ he said again. ‘Have I been clean that long? I should get some sort of badge.’ He smiled, sat down on the edge of the bed and tied up his laces. ‘You didn’t keep in touch, then?’

  ‘Nah,’ she said. ‘He reckoned he was going to come back when his mum was better but he never did.’ She lit another cigarette. ‘Be a darling and get us a glass of water, would you?’

  Lucas grinned at her and walked out of the room. He picked up his coat from the floor in the hallway and let himself out. She could get her own fucking water.

  Chapter 31

  17 April 1999

  Emma slumped down to the bathroom floor. She’d prepared herself for it, knew it was a possibility. A big possibility. She wasn’t stupid. The odds were that it’d be positive considering how careless they’d been. How careless she’d been. But seeing it, confirming it was true, some things you’re never ready for.

  She pressed her face into her hands, knowing her dad was downstairs, that he could hear her as soon as there was a quiet moment in whatever TV show he was pretending to watch. She didn’t want him to know anything was wrong, especially this, but she couldn’t stop it. The tears came hard. She gulped for air, hiccupping between sobs. Her chest ached and she could barely breathe. She wanted her mam. She might’ve been angry but she’d have known what to do. Would have told her everything was going to be okay.

  But thinking about her just made it worse, made her chest tighten even more. If her mam were still here none of it would’ve happened. She never would’ve met Lucas. Never would’ve let him do what he’d done.

  Maybe she should tell her dad. There was a chance he’d understand, know what to do. But she just couldn’t do it to him. He knew she’d been with Lucas, knew she’d taken drugs, but he never mentioned it. Never asked her what’d happened, what she was going through. He couldn’t comprehend that his little girl had done those things. Or didn’t want to. She’d told him she was seeing someone to help her get off the drugs, help her get her life back on track. He’d even given her a lift so she wouldn’t run into Lucas but he never asked for details, never tried to understand. If he didn’t acknowledge it, it’d go away.

  She wondered if she could tell Diane. But she’d pushed her friend away. Things weren’t the same between them any more. Besides, Diane was even more naive than she was. How would she know what to do?

  ‘Em?’

  Emma jumped at the tap on the door. She wiped her eyes as if her dad could see through the wood.

  ‘Are you okay?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes, I’ll just be a second,’ she said and tried to find somewhere to hide the plastic pregnancy test. She slid it into the waist of her jeans, tore the packet into pieces and shoved them into her pocket, pulling her jumper down to cover it all. She looked in the mirror at her red, swollen face. There was no way she could disguise the fact she’d been crying. Lucky she had so many reasons to cry.

  She opened the door and her dad looked at her with concern. ‘Em?’

  ‘I was just thinking about Mam,’ she said and her dad’s eyes welled up before he put his arms around her, smothering her. She could feel the plastic digging into her skin but he didn’t seem to notice.

  ‘I’m okay,’ she said and pulled back.

  ‘You want to come and watch TV for a whi
le?’

  Emma shook her head. ‘No, I’m just going to go to bed.’ Her dad nodded and she gave the best smile she could summon before closing her bedroom door. She wasn’t going to tell him. He didn’t need more problems. But she needed someone to help her. She couldn’t do this alone. She wondered if someone at the clinic could help. Ben had been so kind to her. Never judged her for what she’d done. Maybe he could help her again. Tell her what to do.

  She went to the window, wondering if she could go there now, if he’d still be working. She pulled back the curtain and yelped. Lucas was out there, watching. She let go of the curtain and moved away from the window. She didn’t want him to see her.

  She shouldn’t have been surprised to see him there. Since she’d left him he’d been everywhere she went; every step she took, he was there, haunting her. He’d even been in her room. She came home one day and found the window broken and his cum in the bed. She had to tell her dad about the window, convinced him that maybe kids had done it, that it must’ve been, because nothing had been taken. But she’d stripped off the sheets, put them in a rubbish bag and dumped them in a bin behind the pizza shop. It made her sick every time she thought about it. Or perhaps that was the baby.

  She touched her stomach. There was a baby growing in there. His baby. She wondered what he’d do if he found out. If he’d be pleased or if he’d be angry that she was so careless. Didn’t matter. He was never going to find out. Not over her dead body.

  Chapter 32

  15 December 2010

  Freeman was waiting for Diane Royle to arrive. They’d agreed to meet in a cafe down the street from where Diane worked. Freeman had got there early, keen to have a seat and a hot drink.

  She recognised Diane as soon as she walked in. She hadn’t seen a picture of her but she could tell from the slightly worried, sad look on the woman’s face. This was a woman who didn’t make a habit of talking to the police.

  Freeman stood. ‘Diane?’ she asked and the woman turned and smiled at her, coming over to shake her hand. ‘Can I get you a drink?’

  Diane shook her head. ‘No thanks. I’ve had too much coffee this morning already.’

  They took a seat and Diane removed her gloves but left her coat on. Freeman wrapped her hands around the mug of hot chocolate. After the first sip she’d decided it was too sickly but the warmth on her hands was worth the disagreeable taste.

  ‘Thanks for meeting me,’ Freeman said, and watched the woman twist her gloves on her lap. ‘I won’t keep you too long.’

  Diane’s eyes shifted around the small cafe as if she shouldn’t be there. ‘You wanted to talk about Emma?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘So it is her, then?’

  ‘We haven’t positively identified her yet, but we have reason to believe it’s her, yes.’

  Diane nodded, tears in her eyes.

  ‘Emma’s dad said you’d been friends since you were little. When did you stop hanging around with her?’

  ‘I suppose it was after her mum died,’ Diane said. ‘Emma didn’t come to school for a while afterwards. I went round to see her but she didn’t want to talk. She came back after a few weeks but then she started skipping lessons and she’d ask me to cover for her. She stopped talking to her dad and then stopped talking to me, and she’d just go and hang about in the town during the day.’ Diane shrugged. ‘I think her dad thought she just needed a bit of time and then she’d be okay.’

  ‘Did you know Lucas Yates? How did she get involved with him?’ Freeman asked and saw Diane stiffen.

  ‘I didn’t know him. Not really,’ she said and glanced over her shoulder as the door opened and a gust of cold air followed a couple of pensioners in. ‘I hadn’t seen Emma for a while. She was barely coming to school. And then one day I saw her in the town with this gang. They all looked older than Emma. I started to go over but then this lad put his arm around her and she turned away.’

  ‘Lucas?’

  Diane nodded. ‘Yeah. That was the first time I’d seen them together. I’d seen him waiting outside school before then. I guess he was waiting for her. She seemed kind of happy but he made my skin crawl.’

  ‘In what way?’

  ‘I don’t know. He was quite good-looking but there was something about him that just wasn’t right. I told her that Lucas was trouble. She said I didn’t know what I was talking about. A few days later her dad reported her missing.’

  ‘And this was the first time?’ Freeman asked, the mug cooling in her hands. ‘In February?’

  ‘Yes,’ Diane agreed. ‘She was gone a few weeks, maybe a month. I knew he had something to do with it.’

  ‘Did you tell the police?’

  Diane nodded again. ‘I told them she’d been seeing Lucas. They said they’d speak to him but I don’t know if they ever did. Nothing happened and then Emma just came back.’

  ‘Did you speak to her when she came home?’

  ‘Yeah, but she was weird when she came back. Distant. She’d always been quiet but this was different. She told me she’d stopped taking drugs and hanging around with those people. She was seeing someone, getting help. She wanted to change. But he wouldn’t let it go.

  ‘She came to my house in tears one day. She was too scared to go home because Lucas was waiting outside for her. She didn’t tell me everything. I could tell she was keeping stuff back but she said he’d been violent with her. That he was following her. He’d broken into her house. He told her he’d hurt her dad if she told him anything or if she went to the police. She said when she’d left with Lucas she’d wanted to go, but after a few days she’d seen a different side to him and wanted to come home. He wouldn’t let her. She was terrified of him. And then a week or so later she disappeared again.’

  ‘And you thought she was back with Lucas?’

  ‘I did at first. I thought she was being stupid. That he’d sucked her back in. But I saw Lucas around while Emma was gone. He was with someone else. And then Emma came back again because she couldn’t stay away from her dad any more.’

  Freeman sat back. The chill in her bones had been replaced by anger. What kind of animal takes advantage of a teenage girl, a girl who’s just lost her mother? Drives her away from her own home?

  ‘I kept telling her to go to the police but she was too scared. She hadn’t spoken to Lucas since she came back, somehow managed to avoid him. But one day he showed up at my house, looking for her. We were watching him out of the window, trying to see what he was up to, and then my brother went out to chase him off.’ Diane looked at the floor. ‘He battered him, black and blue, right in our front garden. I rang the police but by the time they got there Lucas had run off and my brother wouldn’t tell them anything. He was frightened of him. Emma stopped coming after that.’

  ‘You never saw her again?’ Freeman asked. ‘Do you remember when that was?’

  Diane frowned. ‘I’m not really sure. I guess it was the end of June. School hadn’t finished, but I couldn’t tell you the date.’

  ‘Okay,’ Freeman said. ‘What about what Emma was wearing that day? Do you remember that?’

  Diane shook her head. ‘I’m sorry.’

  Freeman slid a picture of the necklace they’d found on the body towards Diane. ‘Do you recognise that?’

  Diane picked it up. ‘It was her mum’s. She gave her it when she got ill. Emma loved that necklace. Always had it on.’

  ‘What about this?’ Freeman asked and handed her a picture of the tracksuit top found in the grave.

  Diane stared at it for a long time, then shook her head. ‘I don’t think so,’ she said. ‘I can’t really remember her wearing anything like this. She didn’t really dress like the rest of them.’ She shrugged. ‘But I’m not sure. Sorry.’

  ‘That’s okay,’ Freeman said. ‘But you’re sure that was the last time you saw her. When Lucas attacked your brother?’

  ‘I think so. I remember calling her a couple of days in a row but she wouldn’t talk to me. And to be honest, I wa
s scared of getting involved,’ Diane said, unable to look at Freeman.

  ‘That’s understandable.’

  ‘I know it wasn’t long before her dad reported her missing because I felt guilty for not going to see if she was okay. And I know the police looked for her but I think everyone thought she’d just gone off, like before. They didn’t seem too worried.’

  ‘What about you? What did you think had happened? The police spoke to you again, didn’t they?’

  ‘Someone came to my house once but they didn’t seem too concerned. I thought Lucas had done something to her. They said they’d look into it but I don’t know if they did. I think maybe Lucas left after that. I didn’t see him around any more. Part of me wondered if she’d gone with him.’ Diane looked directly at Freeman, her eyes welling. ‘Do you think he killed her?’ She wiped the tears that slid down her cheeks and Freeman handed her a napkin.

  ‘That’s what I’m trying to find out.’ Freeman looked at her notes and wondered what else she could get from Diane Royle. ‘So you didn’t hang around with that group at all? Didn’t know any of them?’

  Diane shook her head. ‘Not really. I knew some of their faces but that’s it. Most of them were older than us.’

  Freeman took some photos out of her bag and put them on the table. ‘Does this man look familiar?’ Diane looked at the picture. ‘That’s Christian Morton,’ Freeman said. ‘He was friends with Lucas.’

  Diane bit her lip. ‘I don’t recognise him. Sorry.’

  ‘What about Jenny Taylor?’ she said.

  ‘The name rings a bell. I think Emma mentioned her. Didn’t like her.’ Freeman passed her a picture and Diane almost did a double take. ‘This is the girl,’ she said, holding up the photo.

  ‘Which girl?’

  ‘The one I saw with Lucas when Emma was gone.’

  ‘You’re sure?’ Freeman said.

  ‘Positive. I saw him with her a few times. I think maybe they were going out after Emma broke up with him. And I’d seen her with them before, too. The day I saw them all hanging around in the town, drinking, making a load of noise, shouting at people. That one,’ she said, pointing at Jenny, ‘was showing off for Lucas but then Lucas started grabbing Emma.’ Diane leaned closer to Freeman and lowered her voice. ‘He was trying to put his hand down her jeans but she was pulling away. So he grabbed hold of her arm and shoved her against the wall. I wanted to go over and do something but there was a big group of them.’ Diane sighed. ‘I went round to her house the next day and tried to talk to her but she wouldn’t listen. She could barely move her arm, she had—’