Gone

by Rebecca Muddiman

  ‘Sorry about that,’ Ben said, interrupting her thoughts.

  Freeman nodded, almost smiled at him. ‘So, we were talking about Jenny and her arrest.’

  Ben’s face reddened and he stared down at the table. ‘It wasn’t something I made a habit of. I never did it before or after Jenny. I can’t say most of the people who came through the clinic would even think of me to come and get them. I’m not sure why she asked for me. Or why I went.’

  ‘But?’ Freeman said, wishing he’d get to the point.

  ‘But Jenny seemed to think I was, I don’t know,’ he said and threw up his hands. ‘I think she thought I was a soft touch. And maybe I was. Am. But I think she thought that I could somehow get her out of things. That that was what I was there for. If she had trouble with the police I could sort it. If she needed money I could get her it.’

  ‘You gave her money?’

  ‘No, of course not.’ Ben stood and tipped his drink down the sink. He picked up her mug and did the same, switching the kettle back on. ‘Maybe that’s why she went to the clinic in the first place. Maybe she was under the impression that it was a place that handed out drugs or gave addicts money so they wouldn’t have to rob pensioners.’ He shrugged and turned back to Freeman. ‘When they called me to go and get her I didn’t know what to do. All they said was she’d asked them to call me. Like I say, maybe I am a soft touch. I got the impression she didn’t have anyone else. She hadn’t mentioned her family much but I figured they weren’t in the picture any more.’ He sighed. ‘I suppose I thought, what if it was Kerry?’

  ‘Your sister?’ Freeman guessed.

  ‘Yes. I suppose it always came down to that. What if Kerry was in that situation? What would I do? What would I want other people to do? I couldn’t just ignore Jenny.’

  ‘So what happened?’

  Ben stirred the milk into the tea and came back to the table. ‘I went to the station. Picked her up. I tried to talk to her but she wouldn’t say much. I dropped her off at a friend’s and left.’

  ‘That was it?’ Freeman asked.

  ‘That was it.’

  ‘And that was June 1999?’

  Ben shrugged. ‘I couldn’t say for sure.’

  ‘So did she come back to the clinic after that?’

  ‘Yes, she came a few times over the next couple of weeks. She was quite aggressive to start with.’

  ‘In what way?’

  Ben seemed to consider his answer. ‘I think she was embarrassed about that night, about calling me for help. That was hard for her, asking for help. So she put up a front, was abusive.’ He caught Freeman’s eye. ‘Not physically. She just shouted and screamed for a while, called us names.’

  ‘Us?’

  ‘Me and the other people at the clinic, the police, anyone who was in the vicinity.’

  ‘And then what?’

  ‘I let her get it out of her system and then asked her what she wanted. She told me she wanted to get off the drugs for good.’

  ‘Did you believe her? You said you thought she was wired to be that way, a user.’

  Ben sighed and rested his hands on the table in front of him. ‘It was the first time I’d seen real emotion from her. I thought maybe she was ready but again maybe I just wanted her to be ready. I made her appointments, pencilled her in regularly. I thought if I showed confidence in her she might stick with it.’

  ‘But she didn’t?’ Freeman asked.

  ‘She did. For a while.’

  ‘And she was clean?’

  Ben smiled. ‘Not totally,’ he said. ‘But that’s how it works. We didn’t do cold turkey. We couldn’t be with clients twenty-four-seven, we weren’t a rehab centre. It was a longer process for us. But she seemed to be trying.’

  ‘And then?’

  ‘And then she stopped coming.’

  ‘So when was the last time you saw her?’

  Ben looked up at the ceiling. ‘I can’t say for sure. Late June, maybe.’

  Freeman nodded. She’d checked Jenny’s file. The last appointment Jenny had attended was 28 June.

  Ben looked at Freeman. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said again. ‘I’m afraid I can’t be more helpful.’

  Freeman shook her head. ‘No, that’s fine. So the last time you saw her was June. Can you remember the last time you saw Emma?’

  Ben’s face darkened. ‘I told you, I don’t really remember.’

  ‘Okay,’ Freeman said, making a note. ‘And then you left in what, July?’

  ‘What’s that got to do with it?’ Ben snapped.

  ‘Just trying to establish a time frame. Find out who saw Emma last.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘But I have no idea what happened to her.’

  Chapter 45

  10 June 1999

  Lucas closed his eyes again. He couldn’t look at her as she went down on him. Couldn’t think about how low he’d sunk. He could’ve done much better. But she was there. And she was desperate. She’d do whatever he wanted her to. Do anything she was told. But he still couldn’t look at her. She disgusted him. He could focus on the hair, pretend she was Emma. But it didn’t work. Emma was gone.

  It was taking forever. He wanted to stop. Shove her away. Tell her to get the fuck out of his flat. But he’d started. Might as well finish. Might as well get something out of having her filthy mouth on him.

  He barely made a sound as he finished. She sat back and wiped her mouth, smiling. So fucking pleased with herself. Lucas zipped up his jeans. She tried to grab him, probably wanted him to return the favour. Not in a fucking million years. He pushed her away and went to the settee, turning on the telly.

  She was standing in the doorway, half-naked, trying to get his attention. He kept his eyes on the screen. Something about antiques.

  ‘That it, then?’ Jenny said. He ignored her, flicked through the channels. ‘You can fuck me if you like,’ she said, coming up behind him. Wrapping her arms around his neck. He shrugged her off.

  ‘No thanks,’ he said and got up, heading to the kitchen. ‘You can get your clothes on and piss off.’

  Jenny slid onto the settee instead. ‘What? You scared you’ll get me up the duff as well?’

  Lucas got a lager from the fridge. ‘With all the diseases you’ve got? You’d be lucky.’ He walked back in to find her sprawled on the settee. He stood over her.

  ‘Come on, Lucas,’ she said, spreading her legs. ‘I wouldn’t kill your baby.’

  ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’

  Jenny sat up straight, a grin spreading across her face. ‘Didn’t she even tell you? What a little cow.’

  Lucas strode towards her and she backed off, into the corner of the settee. ‘What are you talking about?’ he repeated.

  ‘That little slapper, Emma. She had an abortion.’

  Lucas felt his stomach drop. She was lying. Emma wasn’t even pregnant.

  ‘Liar,’ he said.

  ‘I aren’t. Stacey saw her at the hospital weeks ago. Same place I went to before. Said she saw her coming out. Crying like she was the first person to ever kill her fucking baby.’

  Lucas could feel his lungs pressing against his ribs. She had to be lying. Emma wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t fucking dare. Would she? He knew she’d gone off again. Had been gone a while. So long he’d got sick of hanging about, waiting for her to show up. Thought maybe she’d gone for good. He’d been keeping his eyes open but wasn’t holding his breath.

  Lucas’s fists tightened and he leaned over Jenny, his face an inch from hers. ‘If you’re lying to me, I’m going to hurt you.’

  ‘I’m not lying,’ Jenny said, her voice shrill. ‘Ask Stacey. She told me she saw her. She was with that freak from the drugs clinic.’

  Lucas threw his can of lager at the wall and grabbed his coat. He was going to find that faggot and break his fucking legs.

  Lucas waited around the corner for Ben. Wanted to show him what a mistake he’d made by fucking with him, getting involved in other people�
��s business.

  He’d found Jenny’s mate, Stacey, in the pub where she always was – draped over some loser who couldn’t see past the tits to the money-grabbing little bitch she was. She was slurping a cocktail through a straw when he pulled her off the old bloke’s lap.

  ‘Oi,’ she said. ‘What’re you doing?’

  ‘Tell me what you told Jenny,’ Lucas said.

  ‘What?’ she said, staring at him like he was the piece of shit in this situation.

  ‘Tell me what you told Jenny. About Emma.’

  Stacey screwed her face up. ‘I never said nothing about Emma.’

  Lucas snorted a laugh and let go of her. ‘Lying little cunt,’ he said and started to walk away. He’d find Jenny and teach her a lesson she wouldn’t soon forget.

  ‘What’d she say, like?’ Stacey shouted after him.

  Lucas walked back to her and she swayed on her heels. ‘You wanna be careful who you knock about with, love,’ Lucas said. ‘She’s been telling lies. Said you told her Emma had an abortion. That you saw her.’

  ‘Oh, that,’ Stacey said, her face like a shrug. ‘No, that’s true. I thought you were on about something else.’

  Lucas felt his anger surge again.

  ‘She was with that fella from the drug clinic. Proper weirdo, he is.’

  Lucas turned, slamming the door into the wall as he left. And now he was waiting. Someone was locking the door to the clinic. Not Ben, some fat woman. So where was he? Lucas looked up and down the street and saw him walking out of the alley that ran behind the clinic. He must’ve been locking up the back. The fat woman disappeared down the street and Ben dug about in his pockets for keys. Lucas moved quickly, hood covering his face. It wasn’t quite dark yet, the streets not quite empty.

  Ben looked up as Lucas came up behind him but he wasn’t fast enough to respond to the punch in the gut. He buckled and Lucas grabbed him, dragging him into the alley.

  ‘Where’s Emma?’ Lucas said and threw Ben to the ground. Ben tried to tell him he didn’t know her and Lucas slammed his fist into his face. ‘Where is she?’ he said again, his fists tight around the collars of Ben’s jacket.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Ben said, shaking.

  Lucas pressed Ben into the pavement, hands now around his neck. ‘I know what you did,’ he said.

  The sound of the glass bottle smashing at the other end of the alley made them both look up and Lucas loosened his grip. A group of kids threw another, laughing as it shattered into pieces. Ben wriggled away from Lucas and started running. Lucas was almost on him when he saw the cop car parked across the road. He slowed down and watched as Ben crossed the street. Lucas turned the other way, glancing over his shoulder before he walked around the corner. Ben walked straight past the police car, didn’t even pause.

  Lucas considered going back, finishing what he started. But he knew he’d get another chance. He’d find Ben again.

  Chapter 46

  16 December 2010

  Louise sat on the settee, her arms hugging her knees. The TV was playing to itself in the corner but she couldn’t recall anything that had been on in the last few hours. She’d barely slept. Adam had looked worried when he left that morning but she’d just said she didn’t feel too good again. That was true. He’d offered to stay but it was half-hearted. He had to go on a trip with the students. An overnight stay in Leeds. He denied it but he’d been looking forward to it.

  Part of her hadn’t wanted him to go but the other part felt relief. What if the police showed up again? What if he’d seen them? Maybe she should just go, leave. He’d be better off without her anyway.

  She looked at the Christmas card she’d received. It was from Karen, who worked in the local shop. That was about as far as her social circle went. She didn’t let people in. Didn’t make friends. There was only Adam she was close to and in reality he was a million miles away. He knew nothing about her. She wondered how much longer it could last.

  She knew she should just go. Leave before the police came knocking again and she’d have to tell Adam everything. How could she look at him and tell him she’d lied? Tell him what she’d done? She wished it would all go away but she knew it would catch up with her eventually. She’d always known that.

  The phone rang, making her jump. She checked the caller ID before answering, taking a breath, ready to get into character.

  ‘Hello,’ she said. ‘Aren’t you supposed to be herding teenagers around Leeds?’

  ‘Yes. But this is more important. I was thinking maybe we could go out tomorrow night. Maybe to Al Forno’s or somewhere like that.’

  ‘Won’t it be full of work Christmas parties?’ The thought of going out, being surrounded by people, made her sick.

  ‘I suppose,’ he said. ‘Well, maybe I could pick something up on the way home, something fancy.’

  ‘Fancy?’ She forced a laugh. ‘Like what? Caviar? Oysters? The fanciest we ever get is burgers made with actual beef.’

  ‘All right,’ he said. ‘I’ll surprise you. I can do fancy, you know. I’ll swing by the shops on the way home. I should be back by lunchtime.’

  ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘See you tomorrow.’

  She hung up and squeezed her eyes tightly shut, trying not to cry. That was why she hadn’t left. Why she hadn’t kept running. He was always so sweet, always trying to make things better for her. And what did he get in return? A liar. A fake. A criminal.

  Chapter 47

  16 December 2010

  Lucas stared out of the window as the streets whizzed by in a blur. Hearing McIlroy saying Jenny’s name had been like a punch in the gut. He didn’t know why Freeman was suddenly looking at Jenny, but it made him nervous. He needed to stay ahead of the game.

  He stepped off the bus and looked up and down the street. He remembered the area fairly well. Things hadn’t changed much. He just hoped Jenny’s parents still lived in the same shitty house.

  He started walking, checking the numbers on the houses. He remembered coming here all those years ago, helping Jenny nick her parents’ stuff. Driving her back to Blyth where she became a permanent pain in his arse. Thankfully he’d had the sense to stay in the car, out of the way. Didn’t want Mr and Mrs Taylor identifying him to the cops.

  Lucas walked up to the door and rang the bell. He wanted to know what Freeman had told them, if anything. Find out what they knew about their daughter.

  Angie Taylor answered the door and stopped short. She looked at Lucas. Lucas looked at her chest. ‘Mrs Taylor?’ he said.

  ‘Yeah?’ She crossed her arms.

  ‘Hello. I was just wondering if I could talk to you about Jenny.’

  ‘Who’re you?’ Angie asked.

  ‘DC McIlroy,’ he said, sliding the ID back into his pocket before she could look too closely. ‘Can I come in?’ he asked and Angie stood up straight but didn’t move to let him in. ‘DS Freeman asked me to come.’

  Lucas sat down in the unwelcoming home of the Taylors. They didn’t offer him anything, no tea or coffee, not a sausage, the stingy bastards. He sat forward in the cheap fabric armchair and looked between Angie and Malcolm.

  ‘Who did you say you were?’ Malcolm said, more to Angie than to Lucas.

  ‘Another copper. Here about Jenny,’ Angie told him.

  ‘Bob McIlroy.’ Lucas leaned closer to Malcolm, extending his hand. Malcolm looked down and hesitated before shaking.

  ‘We already told the other one we don’t know where she is,’ Angie said and lit up a cigarette, causing Malcolm to cough and give her a dirty look. Angie rolled her eyes and stood up, walking to the window which she opened barely a crack. She stood in front of it, still facing into the room, blowing smoke towards the two men. ‘You lot have as much idea as we do.’

  ‘Sure,’ Lucas said, trying not to smile. Obviously Freeman didn’t know a thing but he couldn’t just up and leave now. Besides, maybe they could fill in some blanks. ‘She ran away from home, correct, in ninety . . .’

  ‘Seven,
’ Malcolm said.

  ‘Right. And then she was in Blyth for a few years. But then she dropped off the radar. She never contacted you again, after she left?’

  ‘Nope. Not a thing,’ Angie said. ‘For all we know, she’s dead. Overdosed on whatever shit she was taking.’

  Malcolm gave his wife a look that could kill and Lucas wondered if he should just leave. ‘You don’t know that,’ Malcolm said, sadly. ‘She could’ve changed. Stopped all that.’

  Angie finished her cigarette and opened the window further in order to throw the butt out. As she walked back to the settee she looked to her husband. ‘So why hasn’t she shown her face, then?’

  ‘Why would she come back here?’ Malcolm said, raising his voice. ‘Why would she come back to you?’

  ‘You think she would’ve come back? If she was okay, that is?’ Lucas asked.

  Angie and Malcolm looked at each other, a moment of sadness before Angie caught herself. ‘I don’t think she’ll ever be okay.’ Angie crossed her arms and her fingers dug into her flesh, leaving a mark on already goose-pimpled skin.

  Lucas waited a few moments before continuing. ‘Well, maybe the fact she’s disappeared from our radar is a good thing. Maybe she’s moved on. Found something better,’ he said, playing the good cop better than McIlroy ever could. He was about to stand, ready to go, when Angie spoke again.

  ‘We did look for her. Eventually,’ she said. ‘Told your mate that.’

  It took a few seconds before Lucas noticed it was his line, and after a brief pause he leaned forward. ‘When was that again?’