Fearless (Less Is More Book 2)

by J. M. Lamp

“Your dad’s will,” she says. “He made one before he died and he split a lot of things evenly between the two of you.”

  I don’t say anything when she looks over at me and I look over at Hadley who shrugs her shoulders.

  “No offence, mom,” I say, “but what did he have except for the house and money? He didn’t exactly have hobbies.”

  “We bought a little vacation home by the beach a few years ago down in North Carolina. I have no interest in going again and your dad knew this, so he gave you two shared ownership of the house.”

  My eyes grow wide as I look over at Hadley and she says, “What else?”

  “Your dad’s old Camaro,” she says. Hadley’s eyes light up and mom says, “He gave that to you, Hadley.”

  “You’ve always wanted it anyway,” I say to her.

  “Your dad has collected coins since he was a kid.”

  “Really?” I ask her.

  She nods and says, “It’s in the big safe. He wants you to have the whole collection, Ethan.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know,” she says. “It’s worth thousands, but I don’t think that’s why he gave it to you. He also wrote to have a fourth of his savings given to each of you.”

  She passes over a check to each of us and my jaw drops as I look at the number of zeros on the check.

  “Mom,” I say, “this is a lot of money.”

  “Your dad was good with it,” she says. “He had investments I didn’t even know about. He never wanted me to go without. He was a good man, Ethan; despite his flaws in judgment.”

  “Don’t you need this, though?” Hadley says.

  “I have the other half,” she says. “Along with whatever I get from this house and all of the random stuff in it.”

  “Have you sold the house yet?” I ask her.

  “Not yet,” she says. “Some people are interested, but nothing finalized. I’m going to have an auction this weekend to get rid of the furniture and a lot of the random stuff. I don’t need any of it anymore. It just reminds me of him and I already have the memories that are important.”

  She grabs both of our hands, smiles, and says, “I’m glad you guys are both here.”

  ***

  “I think we got everything we want,” Hadley says, shutting the tailgate of the truck.

  “Thank you guys for coming up,” mom says, hugging Hadley and then me.

  She slips a white envelope into my hands and I look up at her, confused.

  “Read it when you get home,” she says. “I love you, Ethan.”

  “I love you, too.”

  I get in the truck and buckle my seat belt. I rest my hands on the steering wheel and start to wonder what’s in the envelope.

  “Went in with nothing and left with a vacation home and a lot of fucking money,” Hadley says.

  “And this,” I say, holding the envelope up.

  “What is it?”

  “I don’t know,” I say. “She said to read it when I got home. I don’t know. You ready?”

  ***

  “Please tell me that you have a baby book,” Cody says when I walk in the door. I laugh and set the shoebox full of photos on the table. He grabs my face on both sides and gently kisses me on the lips.

  “No baby book,” I say, “but that shoebox is full of the young, closeted me.”

  He grabs the shoebox and makes his way over to the couch while I reach in the fridge and get a bottle of water.

  “Wow,” he says, as he shifts through the pictures, “your hair was—“

  “Awful,” I say, “I know.”

  “You were cute, though.”

  “I know,” I say.

  “But you’re cuter now.”

  “I know,” I say, smiling. I sit down beside him and lay my head on his shoulder.

  “Here’s a baby picture,” he says.

  “Oh,” I say. “I didn’t think I had any of those to be honest. Hadley has a lot of the baby pictures from where she was wanting to do scrapbooks for them.”

  “I’m going to have to get a hold of Hadley,” he says. “What’s that?”

  He points to the envelope in my hand and I realize that I forgot I was even holding it.

  “Mom gave it to me,” I say. I open it up and see that it’s a letter. “It’s a letter from my dad.” I look over at Cody and back at the letter. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Okay,” he says, nodding. “I’ll be here, in awe of your bad hair and cute dimples.”

  I shut the bedroom door and sit on the edge of the bed, unfolding the letter and holding it out in front of me with both hands.

  Ethan,

  Words can’t express how bad I feel about the way our relationship is at this moment. I shouldn’t have to be on my deathbed to realize that losing my son was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I was raised differently and my father always had a strong hate and disgust for gay men. The day you came out to us, I had a million different thoughts going through my head. Not one of those thoughts was that I should put my arm around you and congratulate you on realizing who you really are. I always knew you were different and, to be honest, the fact didn’t surprise me. I was confused and my thought process on it all was selfish, really. It should not have mattered how I felt about it because you are my son and your happiness should be the only thing that I needed to worry myself with. I know I won’t get to say it to you in person, but I just want you to know, I’m beyond proud of the person you have become. I’m glad that you were able to move on from what I did to you and the way I made you feel. I hope that one day, you can forgive me for it all and see that I was a stubborn man. You will always be the best part of my life and I’m sorry that I didn’t have the chance to tell you that in person. I love you more than you will ever be able to know.

  Love, Dad

  I let out a deep breath as tears start to fall from my eyes and onto the letter. I close my eyes and focus on my breathing as I stand up and make my way back out into the living room.

  “What’s wrong?” Cody says. He stands up and walks over to me.

  I look up into his eyes and say, “It’s hitting me: the regret of it all.”

  I sit down on the couch and put the letter in the shoebox.

  “Oh, shit,” I say. “I forgot to tell you. Along with this letter telling me how sorry he was and that he loved me, he also left me and Hadley their vacation house at the beach, and this.”

  I hand him the check and his eyes grow wide as he quickly hands it back to me and scratches his head.

  “That’s…a lot of money,” he says, laughing. “Like, holy shit, that’s a lot of money.”

  “Enough to take a very long vacation.”

  “You deserve one,” he says.

  “We deserve one.” I get off the couch and walk over to him. “After Elliot and Will’s wedding, we’ll go somewhere for a little bit. Get away from everything going on here and my psycho ex. Lots of alone time and lots of drinks and lots of sex.”

  “That sounds perfect,” he says, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. “We’re gonna be OK, Ethan.”

  “I know,” I say.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Cody

  “W E’LL BE BACK LATER TONIGHT,” Ethan says, grabbing his wallet and keys off the counter. “She wants new clothes and I want to get a new outfit for the wedding, but I’ll most likely come back with a lot more than that.”

  “I truly can’t wait to see it all,” I say, kissing him and leaning against the fridge.

  “Eight tonight,” he says. “Nine tops.”

  “Have fun,” I say.

  “Love you,” he says, as he shuts the front door.

  I put my wallet in my pocket, grab my keys off the counter, and make my way out the door as well. I offered to do half of Carrie’s shift so she could leave early and study for one of her online classes and I already regret it because I’m exhausted and just want to sleep the rest of the afternoon.

  Work is slow and I’m on my last hour wh
en I see a familiar name on the outside of the door. I look inside and see her: the woman who lost her husband weeks ago in the interstate pileup.

  “Hey,” I say, knocking on the side of the doorway.

  “If it isn’t the beautiful man who I babbled to about love,” she says, smiling.

  “What are you in for this time?”

  “I fell,” she says. “I haven’t been the same since that accident. My body or my soul.”

  “That’s understandable,” I say.

  “Did you do what I said that day? Did you tell that boy how much he means to you?”

  I make my way over to the chair next to her bed and say, “I did. It was the best advice I’ve ever gotten, to be honest.”

  “Good,” she says. She looks over at me and then down at her hands. “I think I’m ready, Cody.”

  “Ready for what?”

  “To see my husband again,” she says. “When I fell, I was hoping that that was it. I was hoping that I would get to move on from this world and venture into whatever is waiting for me on the other side.”

  She looks up from her hands to me and I see her eyes are filled with tears, but she’s smiling.

  “Love is the most important thing that a person can feel during their lifetime,” she says. “I can feel it. It will be here soon.” She looks over at me and laughs. “I’m doing it again. What is it about you that I feel like I can just unload all of this emotion?”

  “I just have that face,” I say, smiling. “I have to get back to work, but it was nice seeing you again.”

  I get up off the chair, get a little past her bed, and turn around towards her.

  “I hope when the day does come,” I say, “that you find your peace.”

  “Please don’t tell them I’m crazy,” she says, laughing. “Living a fulfilled life and wanting to die are two completely different things.”

  “Your secret it safe with me,” I say. “I promise.”

  I turn the corner and lean against the wall, putting my hands over my head. I know she isn’t suicidal and I know she isn’t going to go home and kill herself. She wants to move on - that’s it. The realization that love really is all we have in this world hits me, and my mind instantly wanders towards Nathan and the fact that I haven’t talked to him since he moved here. I need to talk to him.

  ***

  I get home from work around six and instantly hit the couch once I make my way into the living room. As soon as I do, I hear a knock on the door and I know it’s Nathan. I look around the room to see if it’s a disaster and make my way to the door.

  “Hey,” he says when I open the door.

  “Come on in,” I say.

  He leans against the counter by the sink and crosses his arms.

  “You settled in?”

  “Yeah,” he says. “The city is taking some getting used to, but I like it here so far.”

  “Good,” I say. “Look, I’ve been meaning to get ahold of you again since Thanksgiving, but a lot has been going on. I mean, a lot and I just haven’t thought about it.”

  “Is everything OK?”

  “Yeah,” I say. “Well, mostly. The guy that attacked me at the hospital, we found out that it is an ex boyfriend of Ethan’s. He’s crazy and dangerous and we have no idea where he is or what he’s going to do next.”

  “Jesus, Cody,” he says.

  “I’m more concerned for Ethan than me,” I say. “His dad just died, too, so he’s not doing the greatest. He’s better than he was, but I know he has this brick on his chest at all times between wondering when his ex is going to show up again and trying to process his dad passing.”

  “I’m sure you being here is helping him a lot,” he says.

  “I think so,” I say. “I didn’t call you to tell you all about my problems, though. I talked to Ian at Thanksgiving and he didn’t tell me anything, but I know there is more to what’s been going on with you through the years than I know about.”

  “I mean, yeah,” he says, uncrossing his arms and sitting on one of the kitchen chairs. “A lot has happened over the past decade.”

  “I’m wondering if it happened during the early part of that decade.”

  “When I left home,” he says, “all I was thinking about was becoming this big fighter and making it big. I knew that I was leaving you and mom behind and, at the time, I didn’t care. I was eighteen and selfish and all I was thinking about was myself.” He looks down at his hands and up to the wall and continues. “My first few years in Texas were great. I was getting better as far as fighting, but I was getting worse as far as cockiness and my ego was getting out of control. I wanted to bulk up so a guy hooked me up with some stuff. It worked, but it also led me to other things that were the opposite of what I needed. I started getting angry, I pissed off the wrong people and they broke some stuff of mine. I couldn’t fight after that and I got worse with the drugs and alcohol.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”

  “It all happened before you even graduated,” he says. “When you did graduate, I was long gone mentally and then when mom died, I was on the verge of giving up. That’s mostly the reason that I didn’t come when she died. I was back and forth about whether to end things or try to get better and her death just kind of sent me over the edge. A friend of mine that I had met when I first moved down there got me some help and it took a while, but I got back on my feet and starting training fighters. It was just after the past few years that I felt like I was worthy enough to try and get in your life again. I knew you hated me for leaving and I knew you despised me for not coming to see her before she died and after.”

  “If you would’ve told me all this, though, I—“

  “I was ashamed, Cody,” he says. “I was embarrassed that I failed at becoming a fighter and even more disgusted because of the drug problem.”

  “I never hated you,” I say. “When you left, I felt like you abandoned me. You were like the dad I didn’t have and then you just left.”

  “I did abandon you,” he says. “I’ll regret that every day of my life. But I hope that by moving here, we can fix things. I realized why I was so unhappy in Texas once I had everything going for me and that’s because I didn’t have you. I didn’t have my family around me.”

  The door opens and in walks Carrie. She sets her purse on the counter and looks up to us with a smile.

  “Heeeey,” she says.

  “Carrie,” I say, “this is my brother.”

  “Hi,” Nathan says, getting up out of his chair and extending his hand. “Nathan.”

  “Nice to meet you,” she says. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  “Nothing but bad things I’m sure,” he says, laughing.

  She makes a sour expression and says, “Noooo.”

  “It’s OK,” he says. “I deserve whatever he said.”

  “Did you get your studying in?” I ask her.

  “I did,” she says. “Just got done taking the test. Officially done with this fucking semester!” She throws her hands up and says, “Woooo!”

  She laughs and says, “Sorry. It’s just stressful as hell.”

  “Understandable,” Nathan says, smiling.

  “Now I’m going to go celebrate by going back to work. Thanks for covering for me.”

  “Of course,” I say.

  “I’m gonna go shower real quick and then I’ll be out of your guys’ hair.”

  Carrie makes her way back to the bathroom and Nathan sits back down.

  “I don’t know why I felt the need to get up,” he says.

  “Because you think she’s cute,” I say, smirking.

  “Where’s Ethan, by the way?”

  “He’s out shopping with his sister,” I say. “They got a shit load of money from their dad after he passed and Ethan needs a new outfit, he said, for a wedding of a friends of ours. He’ll be back within the next hour I’d say.”

  “Are you hungry?” he says. “I could go get us some food and then we can just relax he
re and catch up.”

  “That would be great,” I say, laughing. We both get off our chairs at the same time and I wrap my arms around him and say, “I’ve missed you, big brother.”

  “I’ve missed you too, Cod,” he says. “What sounds good?”

  “Pizza,” I say, immediately.

  “Okay,” he says, laughing. “I’ll be back in a little bit.

  I make my way over to the couch and Carrie scares the shit out of me when she says, “So that’s your older brother, huh? He’s nice to look at.”

  “Please,” I say, sitting down on the couch, “don’t dive into that area of the pond. At least not yet.”

  “It’s good that you guys talked,” she says, “right?”

  “I think we’re going to be OK. I didn’t know any of the things he told me. I wish he would’ve told me what was going on with him.”

  “He had his reasons, I’m sure,” she says. “Alright, I’m leaving.”

  “What about your shower?”

  “Fuck it,” she says. “If anything I’ll get one at the hospital.”

  She makes her way back over to the counter and lets out an obnoxious sigh. I laugh and look over towards her as she rests her purse over her shoulder and grabs the doorknob.

  “I’ll be expecting a full report on what happened tomorrow when I get back,” she says.

  “Of course, friend.”

  “Bye, Cod.”

  I turn the channel to a rerun of my favorite show and lay my arm along the back of the couch. I didn’t figure Nathan would come right out and tell me everything, but I’m glad he did. Not that it makes it OK, but the moment he started telling me things, the more relief I felt and the less resentment I had balled up inside.

  I hear a knock on the door and instantly get confused because Nathan surely isn’t back yet. I turn down the TV and make my way over to the door. I look through the hole in the door and see the back of someone’s head, but that’s it. I open the door and my eyes immediately dart down to the person’s pockets as they turn around and a Taser appears in their hand.

  I quickly look up and see him. My stomach drops and I slowly step an inch back as he shoves himself into the doorway and sticks the Taser into my side.