by Lauren Runow
I don’t want this to stop, and just when I think I can’t take it any longer, he flips me over. After he pulls my legs up over his shoulders, he pauses before sinking back in.
My body involuntarily shuffles toward him, trying to find his cock that he’s pulled away from me. I need it back inside me now before I explode from its absence.
His slight chuckle takes me out of the cloud I was floating high on, and when I open my eyes, I see the sexiest grin I’ve ever seen.
“Please, Alex, why’d you stop?”
“Because it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. Your body needs me so bad I could see it searching instinctively. Remember that. Remember it’s my cock that makes your body react like this.”
With that statement, he claims me once again. After three thrusts, he slams hard inside, holding himself there. He moves only slightly until my body starts to quiver, and an orgasm rolls through me with a mind of its own.
Screams of disbelief and amazement release from my lips. I completely lose my breath and am left with only a panting need for air, water and more of him.
His release follows right after and we lie in each other’s arms, totally sated.
Kisses cover my shoulder, moving up my neck until reaching my lips. Instantly, we’re lost in each other, thanking one another for the relief and pleasure we were just rewarded.
When he pulls away, he whispers, “Now that was a good idea. I’m going to go get a drink, can I get you something?”
I laugh, responding, “It’s okay, I’ll be right out.”
He leaves his bedroom, still naked, and I take my time, curling up and enjoying my high for just a few more minutes.
Once I gather my clothes from his hallway and slip them back on, I walk out to the kitchen to see him sitting in his boxers drinking a beer.
“Let me have a sip,” I say, reaching for it.
“You sure are demanding tonight. First sex, now beer. Woman, what’s next?”
I laugh while stealing it, anyway. After I finish it off, I set it down and look around the room, not quite sure what to do now.
His laughter makes me look his direction.
“What?” I ask.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to stay and act like you want to hang out.”
“Well, I mean…” I pause not sure what to say. I don’t really want to stay but it feels weird coming here, having sex with him, and leaving right after.
“I told you. It's all good. Thanks for a good fuck.”
See, this, right here. He gets me and, more importantly, makes me feel like what I’m feeling is okay.
My lips tilt up in a smile before I lean in to kiss him on the cheek. “Thanks. I needed that. I’ll see you around?”
“Yup. See ya,” he says nonchalantly but then surprises me by grabbing the back of my neck, pulling me in for a goodnight kiss before letting me go to walk to the door alone.
6
Weeks start to blur together and our weekend flings turn into more weekday fun though only at his house or at far away clubs so we don’t get caught.
There’s no talk of us or what’s going on, just sex, dancing in other towns, sex, and more sex. It’s the best non-relationship I’ve ever had, and, of course, I go fuck it up without even realizing it.
He lies on his stomach and I trace my fingers over his naked back covered in tattoos that are more like a collage of stories than random designs. I can’t help myself when I ask, “What’s the meaning of your tattoo?”
Immediately, he flips over, hopping out of bed, and grabs a shirt to cover his ink before trying to walk out of the room without saying a word.
“Whoa, what the hell?” I ask, sitting straight while pulling the sheet up. Suddenly very aware that I’m naked in his bed and he just stormed off with no explanation.
He grabs the doorframe and with his back to me he grits out, “We said from the get-go, nothing personal.”
“Well, excuse me. Sorry to ask a simple question to the man I’m fucking.”
I throw my legs off the bed, hastily grabbing my clothes, pulling them on in a hurry to leave.
A deep sigh rumbles through the room, and when I look up, he’s standing in the doorway, blocking my exit but not saying a word.
“Jenelle, I told you. I didn’t want this to go there because believe me, you don’t want to know about me. Sex. That’s all this is.”
I can tell he’s treading lightly. His eyes cast down to the ground and his voice is almost a whisper. The way his shoulders lean forward it almost seems like he’s guarding his own feelings more than mine.
But it’s too late. I won’t put up with someone treating me like that. We may just be fuck buddies but neither of us can deny this might be turning into something more. We both know it’s happening so maybe we should just end it now.
“I asked you a simple question. You can’t expect me to not want to know anything about you. I’m your commanding officer. The rules changed when you walked into my office a couple of months ago, or did you forget? No matter how causal this is, I think I have the right to want to know something about someone I’m risking everything for. Now, please, excuse me.”
I try to leave, but he won’t budge, and even though I could move him with the slightest of touches, I don’t want to. He’s blocking me but intentionally testing my boundaries at the same time.
He wants to see how far I’ll go, and damn it, I can’t bring myself to push him out of the way because I don’t want to.
I’ve done it. I’ve started to care for him. I want to know more about him, but I didn’t see it coming until it slapped me across the face.
Both our bodies stand at attention, not willing to move but not willing to give into one another either. We’ve come to a crossroad and neither one of us is willing to move yet both of us are scared to walk away.
I get the nerve to make my move to the side to start my exit, but he stops me, grabbing my arm slightly and holding me there, looking down and whispering, “It was my brother.”
Tears burn the backs of my eyes as the knowledge I learned before I knew who Alex really was runs through my head.
“The military, all of this, this was his dream. Not mine. But he didn’t get to live it, so I—”
I turn to stop him there. “I know.”
Watery eyes look into mine, “You what?”
“Alex, I know about your brother. I know he was killed in Iraq. I know you joined the military in his memory.”
“And you’ve never said anything?”
“No. Remember? No truths, no personal information. I was playing by your rules.”
He looks down, taking a deep breath.
“So, is that what the tattoo signifies? Your brother?”
“Yes. He was always the good kid, straight A’s all throughout high school. He played sports and even got a football scholarship but turned it down because he felt it was his duty to join the military. Me, on the other hand, I was the complete fuck up; always causing trouble, barely graduated high school, landing myself in and out of jail for petty theft and minor drug offenses. There he was doing the honorable thing, fighting for his country while I was getting drunk and high every night with my wife.”
He runs his fingers down his face while shaking his head in disbelief. “Man, our relationship was toxic. We were nothing but bad for each other. Our lives were one big blur of parties and drugs and barely making it by. We fought like crazy and stole anything we could get our hands on to get our next fix.”
I put my hand over which is still holding on to my arm for support. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”
His eyes are soaked with sadness as he looks away. “It should’ve been me. I’m the son that should be dead. Not him. My family wouldn’t have mourned me like they did him. They would’ve looked at it as a favor to them if I was the one killed.”
He walks to his bed, sitting down and placing his head in his hands shaking back and forth.
“The night I found o
ut he died I was high as a kite. Melissa and I had just taken a hit when my phone rang. It took months to get the sound of my mother’s screams out of my head when she cried out that Ky was dead. I just remember looking over to Melissa as her eyes rolled back in her head and she fell back on the couch in delight. But it never hit me. Pure disgust did. Disgust for who I was. Disgust for the life I was leading. Disgust that I missed his going away party because I was too high to give a shit.”
“Alex—” I sit down next to him, leaning my head on to his shoulder “—I’m so sorry.”
He shakes his head, sniffing loudly as he wipes tears that escaped from his eyes. “I quit that day. Never looked back. Tried to get Melissa to quit too, but she didn’t have the drive I did. And when I joined the military to finish the career Ky wanted, she left me—filed for divorce and moved out with a guy I thought was my best friend. Turns out she was just with me because I could score the best drugs and when I wouldn’t, she moved on to the next.”
“So tell me about the tattoo,” I ask, running my fingers up the back of his shirt where it’s etched in his skin.
“Ky tried once to help get me clean. He bought a ‘69 Chevelle and asked me to help him fix it up. We were almost finished when he was deployed. When he left, he asked me to complete it for him but I went back to my drug-filled days. It’s sitting in a garage at my parents’ house. I haven’t been able to even look at it since his death.”
I kiss the image of the car before asking, “And the lake?”
“When we were little boys, we loved going to Lake Michigan; there’s a small out cove where we hung a rope swing and used to jump off it over and over again.” He takes a deep, shaky breath in. “I guess these are my two favorite memories of him.”
I don’t say anything about the other tattoos, knowing I don’t want to push him too much. Instead, I reach up, pulling his lips to mine, and for the first time, we don’t just fuck. We hold each other, slowly feeling the emotions of the tattoo and the life he’s led bleeding out with me being his calming force leading the way.
7
Alex finally talked me into going to another rave, and I’d be lying if I said deep down I wasn’t at least a little excited. When we pull up, it’s at a different location than the first one and I’m surprised by the people standing out front. I thought it drew attention to the location but pushed the idea out of my head and made our way past everyone to get inside.
As we walk through the doors, the same feeling of euphoria fills my soul. The bass beat setting the tone of my own heartbeat, lifting me to a cloud of serene happiness.
Alex pulls me tightly against him, moving to the music and beginning my night of being anyone but the Officer I am.
Sweat drips down my face hours later, and Alex grabs me, pulling me through the crowd to a counter where he purchases water. Just as the bottle hits my lips, screams yell out when the front doors fly open and police storm the facility mere feet away from where we stand.
“Everyone freeze!” the police shout out in unison.
Alex turns to me screaming, “Run!” while pushing me away from the scene.
An officer grabs my arm before I can get away and Alex rushes to break me free, screaming, “Get out of here!” as two cops tackle him to the ground.
I pause when realization sinks in about what’s really going on. Alex lifts his head from the ground, yelling at me to run before the police push his head flat against the concert floor.
My heart beats fast as I turn to run away only to be caught in the arms of someone tall and strong. My head slams against his bulletproof vest as he holds me tightly, saying, “You aren’t going anywhere.”
When I’m flipped around with my hands forcefully held behind my back, I look up to see Alex being yanked off the floor and taken away with his wrists tied together in some kind of plastic handcuff.
My mind races out of control. What will happen now? Am I being arrested? Where are they taking me? I think I’m going to throw up!
I’m rushed to a van where they forcefully lift me up and push me inside with my hands tied together behind my back with what feels like zip ties. The plastic cuts deep into my wrists as tears spill down my face.
Through watery eyes, I look around, blinking to see more clearly. The van is stuffed with people sitting on either side, but I don’t see Alex anywhere. A deep panic sets in, and suddenly, I can’t breathe. I have no idea where Alex is and now I’m sitting in the back of a police van with strangers. I look at each of their faces, searching for any bit of panic or fear, dying to know they feel the same way I do.
Even though I haven’t been read my rights, I’m pretty sure I’m being arrested. The way everyone around me looks either pissed or sad, with their heads sagging down, my feelings are verified.
I’ve been arrested.
But for what?
I haven’t done any drugs or even drank anything tonight. I’m completely sober. I turn to my right to see a girl who looks like she’s rolling high with her head back and her jaw grinding back and forth without a care in the world.
To my left, I catch eyes with a female who looks to be around twenty years old. She looks bored instead of panicked so I ask, “What’s going on?”
She glances at me and her eyes soften when she notices fear written all over my face. “Oh, girl. Don’t stress. Everything will be okay. This happens every once in a while, no big deal.”
“No big deal!” My eyebrows raise and I start to panic more. “Are we being arrested? I could lose my job. I could get kicked out—”
She stops me before a full panic attack sets in. “It’s okay. Breathe.” She takes a deep breath, egging me on to follow her lead. “That’s it, in through the nose…”
I drop my head back against the van wall, focusing on taking deep breaths to calm myself down.
“Don’t worry. You don’t look high. Are you?”
I look at her, and with tears rolling down my face I shake my head.
“And you don’t have any drugs on you?”
I shake my head again.
“Then you’re fine. You’ll get a ticket, maybe. Just for trespassing but I don’t know—” she pauses, looking out at the street through the still open doors “—they got a lot of us this time so that’s a good thing. Just means they’ll have too many to process so as long as there aren’t any warrants or tickets on your record you’ll be set free.” She nudges me with her shoulder, trying to calm me down some more. “Just sucks to ruin our night is all.” Then she winks at me before turning to her friend on the other side.
The slamming of the back doors make me jump, and before I know it, the van is moving but to where, I still don’t know.
When the doors open again, police officers pull us out one by one and we walk into a large room where we’re told to sit and wait for our turn to be called up.
I take my seat against the wall and look up to see Alex staring at me from across the room. My eyes light up but his stay fierce, locked on mine, and he lightly moves his head back and forth while pushing his lips out in a shhh movement. Then he mouths very slowly, making sure I fully understand him. You. Don’t. Know. Me.
My eyebrows clench together, and he can see the confusion written all over my face when he says it again, slower this time, then lightly nods his head and raises his eyebrows in response.
I nod my head just as I’m called up for my turn. I look at the woman waiting for me then back to Alex. After a deep breath, his normally strong features sag and his shoulders slip forward when he mouths, I’m sorry before closing his eyes and looking down.
They ask for my ID, and I’ve never been so thankful that I left my purse at home that contains my military ID. All I have on me now is my driver’s license, ATM card along with some cash.
I’m just praying I can keep the military aspect of my life out of this. I point her to where it is in my back pocket and she reaches in to retrieve them.
“Why do you have a Colorado driver’s license?” the book
ing woman barks out.
Shit! Since I’m in the military I don’t have a California driver’s license, Colorado is technically still my home state. “I, um, I’m—”
“You here on vacation or something?” she asks.
“Yes, um, vacation. I’m visiting my friend who lives here.”
“Well, that’s a shame. Happy vacation to you.” She laughs to herself. “And where’s this friend of yours?”
I look around, locking eyes with Alex briefly before glancing around the room. “I’m, um, I’m not sure.”
“Well, some friend she is. Takes you to an illegal party, gets you arrested then leaves your ass,” she says under her breath, shaking her head in disbelief.
I sigh, not sure how to respond. Looking around the room again, I notice Alex being called up to the desk near him.
“Well, let me get a look at you,” the woman says, standing up and removing the ties that were binding my wrists together. “Are you on anything?”
“Excuse me?” I ask.
“Drugs, did you take anything tonight?”
“No, ma’am,” I say sternly then instantly regret it.
She stops mid-track and looks at me surprised. “Well, well, I haven’t been called ma’am in quite a while.” She laughs before she sighs, standing back up straight and looking into my eyes with nothing but boredom crossing her expression. “Okay, I want you to stand on one foot and balance while touching your finger to your nose.”
I do as I’m told and though fear has me trembling, I think I pass her test.
“Yeah, you’re sober. Go on over to the first cell on your right and wait there for further instruction.”
I do as I’m told, glancing over at Alex who’s still standing in the cuffs and talking to someone at the desk with his back to me.
When I enter the holding cell, I notice the girl I spoke with in the van sitting with an empty seat next to her so I walk over with a slight smile on my face, hoping she’ll befriend me so I don’t freak out again.
