by Lauren Runow
He never arrives.
Not only does this get my blood boiling on the military side of things, but it breaks my heart on the personal side, too.
After work, I drive to his house, not paying attention to the fact I’m still wearing my uniform. After seeing his truck, a light film of sweat coats my palms as nerves start to take over.
After knocking a few times he answers wrapped in a towel with no shirt on and still dripping wet from the shower.
“Oh, hey,” he says nonchalantly before opening the door wider to allow me to come in.
“Oh, hey? Really, Alex? What the hell?”
“What’s up your ass?” He turns and stands in front of me, running his fingers through his wet hair.
“What’s up my ass? What happened to you? Why haven’t you returned my phone calls or texts messages? And what happened with you at work? You knew I would find out.”
“Oh, yeah, because you’re my boss. How could I forget? Whatever. I got drunk, had a good time. I needed to blow off some steam, and that’s what works for me.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“I don’t know. I’m not obligated to call you. Remember, we’re just fucking. So is that why you’re here?” He drops his towel to reveal he has nothing underneath. “That’s all you want, right? Just a good fuck. A secret fuck. Then let’s go. You know I’m game.”
“Alex, stop,” I demand, pushing him back.
“Stop what? This is what you want, right?”
“You know it’s more than that.”
“No. Actually I don’t. Why don’t you tell me?”
“You know our work won’t allow this. What’s happening between us. I could get in a lot of trouble. I wish it was different, but it’s not.”
Alex’s fists squeeze tightly together as he takes a deep breath and bites out, “Fuck our jobs.”
“I can’t do that, Alex. This job is my life. I'm an Officer. If I get kicked out, my life is over.”
“So what, I’m just your toy then?”
Tears start to fill my eyes, “I’m sorry, Alex, I’m truly sorry. Maybe this was all just a mistake.”
I try to push my way past him but he holds me close just as tears roll down my cheek and onto his bare chest.
“No, Jenelle. You can’t say that. We’re not a mistake. I’m not a mistake. I just want to be the man you can’t live without, why does our job have to matter in that?”
I choke back a sob. “It’s not fair. I know. I don’t want to lose you but there’s more. Alex, they’re discharging you from the military.”
He pulls me off his chest and holds me at arms length. “What?”
“Yes, Alex, they’re moving forward with a dishonorable discharge. After you were arrested they said if you stepped out of line one more time than you were out. There was nothing I could do.”
“No! They can’t do that!”
“Yes, Alex, they can. And they are.”
Tears fall freely as I watch panic take over his face. Shaking his head, he stomps back to his room. “No! They can’t do this.” He’s back in a minute, fully dressed. “I’ll go talk to them.”
And just like that. He’s gone and I lose all control in the middle of his apartment.
Alone.
10
The military started his discharge immediately and their first work of order was to move him back to base and keep him under their watchful eye. He’s sent me a few text messages but we haven’t had any time to talk alone.
I’ve learned from my debriefings that he’s moving back to the Chicago area where he’s originally from and will be fully discharged by early next week.
Until then, he’s on cleaning duty and has also been tasked with building a fence on the back of the base. They’re working him like a dog every second of the day as his punishment until his time in the military is over.
That’s why I’m completely surprised when I see him standing at my door.
“Alex…” I say breathlessly.
Our lips meet instantly when he wraps me in his arms, lifting me slightly. For a second, my arms fall limp to the side as I completely give myself to him. Before long, a surge of lightning runs through my body and I wrap my arms around his neck, bringing him closer.
I knew I missed him, I knew I had something for him but in this moment I know it’s love that I feel. There’s no more fear. No more questions. For the first time since he walked out of my house weeks ago I feel whole again.
His arms slip down my body, and effortlessly, he picks me up, walking straight to my room and placing me down on the bed before covering me with all of him.
Fingers travel down my arm until they’re entangled with mine. They grip me tightly before traveling up and placing one hand above my head. He reaches down for my other arm to do the same until both hands are secured up high.
Once I’m in a position he wants, he starts unbuttoning my pajama top, pulling it open and resting his soft lips directly over my nipple.
There’s no rush, there’s no harsh sucking, he’s taking his time. Fully living in the moment and cherishing my body like he never has before.
Sliding down, feeling every inch of bare skin, he removes the rest of my clothing before reaching over his head and pulling his own shirt off.
I don’t dare move from the position he’s put me in, I just stare, hoping to God this isn’t a dream.
Within seconds, his lips reach mine again as his body thrusts inside me, pushing a deep, God-releasing moan from my lips.
I’ve missed this.
I’ve needed this.
I’ve needed him.
His motions are slow and methodical as he wipes my hair from my face, looking directly into my eyes.
“Don’t forget me, okay?” he whispers.
I shake my head slightly before our lips meet again and don’t leave one another’s until we’re both screaming in pleasure and giving one another everything we have to give.
We stay entangled in each other’s arms, no words said, just heavy breathing and hearts beating together in unison until we hear a honk outside.
He looks at the clock before sighing. “That’s my cab. I snuck out so I have to get back before someone notices I’m gone.”
We both get up, him putting his clothes back on and me grabbing a robe.
Standing at the front door he turns back to me, his face the saddest I’ve ever seen.
“I’m moving today,” he says while tucking my hair behind my ear.
“What are you going to do?” I reach for his hand, not wanting to let him go.
“Not sure yet. I have some things I’m working on.”
“And…”
“And what? I couldn't leave without saying goodbye.”
“So that’s it. This is goodbye?”
He doesn’t answer, just turns around at the cab honking his horn.
When our eyes meet, I barely choke out, “Will I ever see you again?”
His lips softly touch my forehead before answering, “No,” and walking away from my life.
11
8 months later
With my fake smile plastered on my face as I greet someone walking by, I walk into my office, reaching to close the door behind me as quickly as possible.
I don’t even know why I bother pretending to be happy. It takes a lot of effort, and really, I couldn’t care less if everyone here thinks I’m a bitch. I feel like one.
I’ve been walking around here feeling like a zombie for months now. People ask me what’s wrong, but I just lie, smile my same disgusting smile and question why they would ask.
Some people have speculated it’s because of Travis, which pisses me off even more. He doesn’t deserve the accolades of anyone thinking a prick like him would affect me this way.
Sarah made good on her promise of trying to ruin his life but the poor girl fell right into Travis’s trap of lies. Before she could do anything, he came out, told everyone, and said he was doing “the right thing” by
wanting to be a father. Now they’re going to be a family, ring and all.
I call bullshit.
He was just trying to save his own ass and spin the situation as much as he could.
I’ve heard he got in a lot of trouble, but nowhere near as much as he should have. The military took pity on them because of the child, and the fact they were becoming a family.
Makes me sick.
Mainly, I feel sorry for her. Why would you want to be with someone who you know doesn’t love you and is only with you to save his own reputation? His true feelings about the situation were how he reacted when she first told him of the baby.
But I’ve kept my mouth shut. She made her bed and now she can lie in it with the cheating bastard he is.
I just wish I could stand up for myself. Voice to everyone who asks what’s going on and tell them how much I miss Alex. Tell them how he was this amazing guy deep inside who was trying to make good of his life.
I can’t tell them I’ve fallen in love when I shouldn’t have, and because of the stupid rules my job has I have to be alone and miserable instead of fighting for the man I love.
Alex meant what he said, too. He left the next morning and I haven’t heard from him or seen him since. I guess that’s better in the long run, but it still hurts.
Layla’s been there for me, sitting with me while I cry my eyes out in a pint of Jamoca Almond Fudge ice cream, but I think she’s even getting sick of my sadness.
A big sigh releases from my lips as I grudgingly lift my arms to type one more email before I shut it off. The day is finally over, and I’m so ready to go home to curl up on my couch and do nothing.
Right before I turn off my computer, an email pops up from an address I don’t know with the subject line of: The High Road.
I open the email, which reads: Listen to the lyrics with a link to a YouTube video.
Clicking on it, a window opens to a music video from Three Days Grace called The High Road. Of course I’m familiar with the band and the song but I’m still confused as to why someone sent it to me, so I listen.
It’s not until the chorus when I hear it talk about being a mistake and doing whatever it takes to make it so you can’t live without them that my heart starts to pound and my palms sweat.
I take a deep breath to calm my nerves, trying not to get my hopes up but remembering Alex saying something similar to me before.
Just as the song ends, another email pops up with only the subject line of: Come home and nothing in the body of the email.
I don’t even bother turning off my computer. I just grab my things and run out the door, not caring about the repercussions I might face from running through the halls.
I need to get home, now!
My heart beats faster than I can function and my hands tremble as I try to reverse out of the parking spot.
The line to get off base is a few cars long and I try to take deep, calming breaths as tears spill over from my eyes.
Everything possible is running through my head. Is it Alex? Is he really here? Did he come back?
I shake my head, focusing on taking deep breaths in and out, just getting home as quickly as possible.
When I pull up, I see a black, old muscle car parked next to my parking spot. Visions of this car flash through my memory. I’ve seen it multiple times in my parking lot and around town but now it’s in my visitor parking, throwing me for a total loop.
Just as memories of Alex’s tattoo flash through my brain, the door opens and I sit, frozen in anticipation as I watch Alex exit the car.
My hands shake as I put my car in park and try to undo my seatbelt before opening my door.
He stops a few feet away from me as I push my door shut and lean against my car, still in shock.
We stare briefly at each other, both not saying a word, until Alex reaches his arm out, breathlessly whispering, “Jenelle…”
Tears spill over once again as I run into his arms, hugging him tightly until we lock lips, feeling every emotion run through my body, igniting into him.
I pull back, running my fingers along his face, feeling him to make sure he’s real. “Alex… You’re here? How?”
He laughs. “Yes, I’m here. I’ve been here awhile, but I had things I had to do first.”
I stare at him more but stay gripped in his arms. “You’ve been here? In Vacaville?”
“Yes, but I couldn’t come to you until I was ready.”
My stomach sinks. He’s been here and hasn't told me. Why?
“Ready? For what?”
“For you. I had to prove to you that I’m the man you want. I can—”
I cut him off. “You don’t have to prove anything to me.”
“I do. And I will. We weren't a mistake. I want to be your man, and I’ll prove it.”
“I know. Alex, we weren’t a mistake. I never should have said that. I want to be with you. My life has been miserable since you left.”
I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him in closer and burying my head in his chest.
His hand caresses my hair. “I had to leave, I had to make something of myself first. I can tell you now that I have a great job—”
“Wait, you have a job? Here?”
He laughs. “Yes, here. I went back home for a couple of months; I needed to get my shit together. My parents wouldn’t talk to me at first, but I was able to prove to them that I cleaned up my act; that I was willing to work hard and support myself the honest way. I started with this car. I had to get it working for Ky.”
“Oh Alex, I’m so sorry you had to—”
“No, don’t be, everything happens for a reason and I truly believe that now. The military set me up with a drug and alcohol counselor, and that was what set me on the right path. I knew I didn’t need the counseling but it showed me exactly what I’d be good at. I spent more time talking to the guy about how to become a counselor than about my perceived problem.”
I look at him with the most confused look on my face. The light chuckle escaping his lips warms my body like a soft blanket. God I’ve missed that sound.
“He led me to what I needed to do, and after my certification I was able to find a job here as a drug and alcohol counselor. I’m honestly making a difference in people’s lives and I feel really good about it.”
He looks me in the eye and I’m stunned as we sit in silence for a few beats.
“I’m… I… I think I’m in shock. I can’t believe you’re here.” My head starts to spin. “Wait, how long have you been here?”
The guilty look that flashes across his face makes me shift back, but he holds me close to him.
“I’ve been here for almost a month. I had to make sure my job was secure. I had to make sure my life was in order. But I’ve been—”
“You’ve been spying on me haven’t you?” I ask, mildly offended.
“I swear I wasn’t spying. I wasn’t quite ready to come back, but I had to see you. I had to make sure you were okay.” His lips briefly touch mine. “I’m here to win you back.”
Tears fill my eyes but I don’t want to blink them away.
“No matter what, I couldn’t stay away from you. I need you in my life. I told you I’d do whatever it takes to prove it to you.”
“And I told you. You don’t have to prove anything. I don’t care what you do or who you are. As long as you’re here with me. I love you, Alex.”
“God, I’ve waited so long to hear you say that.”
His lips crash with mine before we walked hand in hand to my apartment.
Together at last.
Together forever in our new life.
Other Books By Lauren Runow
Gravity
Gravity is not your normal, sweet romance of childhood friends to lovers. Spanning over twenty years—it’s raw, it’s real, asking the question if soul mates really exist.
Lily
At eight years old, the boy next door changed my life. He was the force pulling me toward him despit
e our differences. It was like magic.
We understood each other, supported each other and in the process became everything to each other.
But in chasing Trevin’s dream, I lost myself along the way.
Trevin
Through tremendous heartache, she was there. Through fame and fortune, she was there. Loving Lily was the one thing I got right.
Eclipsing her in my shadow, I took from her until she was empty. Now I must do anything to prove I can be the man she wants, no, the man she deserves.
Last Chance
Last Chance is a story of love and heartache proving that life is not always fair, but it's worth the pain to get the moments you’ll treasure forever.
Mackenzie
From the very first moment I laid eyes on him, I knew my heart was his for the taking. He was the boy who filled me with butterflies and made my palms turn clammy at the mere sight of him.
There was only one problem… he was my best friend’s older brother.
It’s been eight years since I’ve last seen him, and I refuse to live another day without telling him the truth. So here I stand, taking my last chance to get him to notice me, my last chance to see if he feels the same way.
I need to know if he is just a fantasy, or if he could be my reality…
Before my reality changes forever.
Connor
I never wanted a girlfriend; I was burned by love and vowed to never go down that road again. But when the beautiful girl I’ve known practically my entire life snuck her way into my arms there was something that changed in me. I wanted to be with her, next to her. Just simply kissing her lips made my life complete.
Now I have one mission.
To make hers complete, too.
Black Widow
Preston
I bury my pain in a sex club. I can be anonymous and still be faithful to my deceased wife's memory. At the club, I can give and receive pleasure without guilt or attachment. My mask hides the lies of my past.
