Worth Saving

by W. S. Greer

  Suddenly, I hear the sound of Danielle clearing her throat, and that breaks us from the trance.

  “Okay. Well, I’d like to thank you all for coming,” Danielle says, her cheeks red, probably from the embarrassment of having people make out in her class. “Feel free to come back tomorrow night for the advanced class if you’re feeling up for a tougher challenge, and a little more hands-on teaching. Just come see me for sign-up. Thanks very much.”

  Everyone in the class starts packing up their paintings and heading for the doors. As they leave, I look up at Austin. He’s still staring at me, paying attention to nothing but me.

  “You want me to take you home?” he asks, but I know he already knows I don’t.

  “No.”

  “Where do you want to go now?”

  “Can you just take me somewhere quiet? Do you live close by?”

  “I do.”

  “Okay. Do you mind if we go to your place? Would that be okay with you?”

  Austin doesn’t answer, he just grabs me by the hand and leads me out the building. We speed walk down the sidewalk until we reach a small parking lot where his car is parked. The next thing I know, we’re driving down the highway in silence.

  I don’t know what’s going through his head right now, but there are too many thoughts in my head to hold on to just one. But, no matter what I’m thinking, I can’t ignore the thought that keeps holding me back. I’m a twenty-one year old, high-dollar prostitute who’s forced to sleep with men I don’t want to by my violent and abusive boss, Damien Baxter. Damien is like a shadowy figure standing in the background of all of my pictures, making them all look dark and terrifying. Which brings me back to the question I was asking myself before I even left the house; what the fuck am I doing? I know I’m not ready for this, but I’m starting to think I want it, which is probably the thing that scares me most of all.

  I knew we were getting close when Austin turned his car into the residential area. I ignored the gorgeous houses and stayed in my head, thinking about what it is I’m doing, but I can’t ignore anything now, because we’ve pulled into the garage of a beautiful home. Austin puts the car in park and we both get out. I follow him inside as he flips switches to turn on lights that guide us into the living room. Once he turns on a lamp, I see that he isn’t your typical guy. Part of me was expecting there to be clothes and used condoms all over the floor, and stacks of Hustler magazine strewn across the couch. The guys I’ve encountered in my life have obviously lowered my expectations for the male sex.

  Austin’s living room is furnished like he paid for an interior decorator. His couch and loveseat are dark brown, half suede, half leather and they look like they’ve never been sat on. He has a glass coffee table resting on top of a dark brown rug and centered in front of the couch and loveseat. The walls all have pictures of different monuments. On one wall, there’s a large picture of the St. Louis arch, in a dark wood frame. On another wall is the Eiffel Tower, and the Brooklyn Bridge is the feature on another wall. The entire room is masculine and very mature for a twenty-three year old.

  “This is a really nice place,” I compliment.

  “Thank you. I’m glad you like it.”

  “You stay here by yourself?”

  “Yeah. My parents saved up quite a bit for me when I was growing up, so I kind of had a head start financially, and now the military is paying me pretty well. I do okay.”

  A head start financially. Well, that must’ve been nice.

  “So, can I get you something to drink?” Austin asks as he walks into the kitchen. He flips on the light and the gorgeous space is illuminated. Stainless steel appliances, dark brown wood cabinets, and a brown tile floor. It’s a beautiful kitchen.

  For some reason, in the ten seconds it takes for me to admire Austin’s kitchen, I realize where I am. I mean, I knew I was in his house, obviously, and I knew we just had a great time at the paint studio, but something is different now. He asks me if I want a drink, and it just dons on me that I allowed myself to be brought to his house. I allowed myself to open up and do something I’ve never done before. Truth be told, I’ve never willingly gone over to a man’s house. I lost my virginity at sixteen years old in my dad’s house. Shortly thereafter, I ran away, and the rest is history, I guess. But, I’ve never done this before. So, what exactly is this? Is this dating? Are we becoming a couple? Is that what he’s expecting? Is that what I’m expecting? Am I allowing how amazing he’s been to give me amnesia about my life and the things I do? Just what the fuck are we doing? What am I doing?

  “Layla, you want a drink?” Austin asks again, still standing with his hand on the door of the refrigerator.

  “What do you want from me, Austin?” I reply. The question catches him off guard, and he tilts his head.

  “What do you mean?”

  “What do you expect to come out of all this? What am I doing here?”

  “Well, you’re here because you wanted to come here. As for what I expect, I don’t know. Are you asking me what I expect tonight or in the future?”

  “What do you expect to happen with us? Because, I’m not sure I even know. I don’t know what I’m doing. I know I wanted to come here, and it was me who called you to go out tonight, but now that I’m here, and you’ve been so sweet to me, I just don’t know what’s supposed to happen. My life isn’t any easier now than it was the day we had breakfast together, and there’s still stuff you don’t know about me that I’m sure could ruin all of this talk of being my BFF. So, I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know, and I’m sorry if this is confusing. I don’t mean for it to be. It’s just that I’m confused.”

  Austin takes his hand off the fridge and walks over to me. When he gets close, I can smell his cologne, and my stomach does flips.

  “I don’t know anything either, Layla. I’m confused, too” he admits. “When you called, I didn’t know what to expect, so I didn’t come into this night thinking that any particular thing was gonna happen. I just knew I wanted to go out with you. Before I saw you in the bar that night, I always said that I was too busy to have anything serious with anyone. This isn’t how I do things, either. You asked me about the desert queens one day, and I laughed because I knew what you were talking about. Well, desert queens were all I ever really dealt with because I knew it’d never be anything serious. I was a helicopter pilot, flying all over the world, meeting all kinds of women. I was just trying to enjoy my life, and I’ve been the same kind of guy that you hate. But, things with me are different now. I don’t know if it has something to do with seeing my co-pilot die in the desert, or maybe I’m just maturing and starting to want different things. I don’t know. I just know how I feel, and there’s something about being around you that makes me feel better. I like talking to you. It’s like this weird challenge I have with myself to get you to smile whenever we hang out. I like having to break down your walls. I like that you’re guarded. We have some sort of connection that neither one of us can explain, but maybe it doesn’t need explaining. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. We’re getting to know each other, and the more I find out about you, the more I like.”

  I let out a deep breath of air out of frustration.

  “I don’t think you understand, Austin,” I try to explain. “I like you, and you make me feel good, too. I’ve never known anybody as goofy as you, and that’s great because you make me laugh and feel good every time we get together. You seem like a great guy, and I don’t want to hurt you. There are things in my life that are difficult . . .”

  “So what? There’s things in my life that are difficult, too. I’m not saying I love you and I want you to marry me tomorrow at A Little White Chapel. All I’m saying is that if we make each other feel good, shouldn’t that be all that matters? Why does it have to be this big, earth-stopping deal? We like each other. We enjoy each other’s company. That’s it.”

  I let out another sigh and shake my head.

  “How am I supposed to save you from me when you
keep saying things like that? How am I supposed to resist you?”

  “Maybe that’s the problem, Layla,” Austin says as he inches his face closer to mine. “You keep trying to resist, when you need to just let it happen. Just let us happen.”

  Austin leans forward and kisses me again. The butterflies come roaring back into my stomach, and I feel the little tingles again, all the way down to the tips of my toes. I don’t fight it. I let my body do whatever it wants as Austin slithers his tongue over mine, caressing my mouth with his. We move towards the couch and the next thing I know, I’m laying down with Austin hovering over me. My breathing is uncontrollable and I’m sure my skin is bright red, because it feels as hot as the sun right now. Austin glides his hands down my body, and it feels like it’s never been done to me before. Doing what I do, I never get turned on, so the wetness I feel between my legs is almost a surprise to me.

  I run my hands all over his body, lifting up his shirt and letting my fingers glide over his unbelievable stomach. His six-pack is something women can only dream about, and his breathing and kissing of my neck is almost more than I can handle. My body quivers with his every touch as he slightly lifts up my dress and slides down to kiss my inner thigh. I let out genuine moans of pleasure when I feel his tongue slide across my flesh. I want him so bad, but when I feel his hands move up my legs and reach for my panties, I stop him.

  I grab Austin’s wrists and hold them in place. I can see it on his face that he’s wondering what the hell I’m doing after letting him get this far, but I have to stop. While I hold his wrists, I think about where I was coming from the night he saw me walking late at night. I’d just come from a customer’s house. It only took that customer a few minutes to do his thing and pass out, and then I left, which ended up being the reason my stomach still aches from my run-in with Damien. I had to do my job that night, and I never meant for this night with Austin to turn into all of this. I still work at Red Pony. So, how can I do this with him now, and then go back to work in two days and allow myself to be forced to do it again with some random guy I’ve never even seen before? I can’t do that to him. I can’t do this. I won’t do it.

  “What’s the matter?” Austin asks, still frozen.

  “I’m so sorry, Austin, but I can’t.”

  I can see the disappointment creep into his face as he pulls his hands away from my underwear and sits upright. He thinks for a minute, then he speaks up.

  “It’s okay,” he replies, to my surprise. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”

  “I didn’t mean to lead you on, and I swear I’m not trying to give you blue balls,” I joke, but neither of us smile or laugh. “I just have some stuff I have to figure out first. My head is still all over the place, and I don’t even know what to think. I just can’t. Not right now.”

  Austin exhales loudly.

  “I understand. I know you have your issues about your past. I totally understand.”

  “Well, it’s more than that. It’s . . . it’s just complicated.”

  “More than that?” he asks with a puzzled look on his face. “You could tell me, you know. As your BFF, I promise I’ll be understanding.

  “Not yet. I can’t yet, but I promise you, when the time’s right, I’ll explain everything. I just need some time. I know it’s a lot to ask, and I’m so sorry. I just need you to try to understand that it’s complicated.”

  “I understand. I do,” he replies. Then, he scoots over on the couch and takes both of my hands in his. “Look, I have no problem being patient, okay. Whenever you’re ready to tell me, I’ll do my best to understand and be supportive. But until that time, don’t disappear on me, okay? I want us to be able to keep hanging out. Is that okay?”

  Like so many other times tonight, an uncontrollable smile takes over my entire face.

  “Of course it is. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

  I don’t know how other people would describe the perfect night. But for me, I discover that I rather enjoy being on Austin’s couch. Simple, I know. My perfect night turns out to be watching TV and laughing at funny shows. It’s learning about Austin’s likes and dislikes, and telling him about mine, knowing that he isn’t judging me for having a tiny obsession with the show Orange Is the New Black, or for having a crush on Ruby Rose. It’s having a drink of wine and never questioning his motives for the night. It’s just being together, and enjoying each other’s company, and knowing that no matter what happens in the future, we’re building our relationship with our friendship first. It’s laughing until my stomach hurts, and it’s accidentally falling asleep on that same couch, with his arm just barely touching mine. It was all the touch I needed.

  I did it. I had my version of a perfect night, and it couldn’t have come at a better time, because I needed it more than I even knew. And because who the hell knows what turn my crazy life is going to take tomorrow.

  Layla

  My heart’s pounding. It’s been that way since I woke up this morning still laying on Austin’s couch. It kept pounding when I looked at him, lying there asleep, and I realized I had feelings for him. And when I thought about the possibility of us actually ending up together, the pounding kept on. But now, it’s at its worst.

  I snuck out of Austin’s house while he was asleep and called a taxi to come get me, and the whole ride I kept thinking about what it was I was about to do. I asked myself over and over again if I was sure, and if I was making the right decision, and I decided to do what I’m doing right now. The uncertainty of it all makes my nerves tighten, but my feelings for a change in my life urge me forward. So, as the cab drove on, I convinced myself I was doing the right thing, and when I arrived at Red Pony, I got out of the cab feeling confident. When I opened the door and walked in, my confidence was still high, but when I got to the bottom of the stairs and saw Damien and David sitting in one of the booths, my confidence melted into a puddle under my feet.

  Nonetheless, I know why I’m here. Even if I don’t know what’s going to happen with Austin and me, I know I need this time to figure it out, and I can’t do that if I’m going home with different men every night. Just like I told Austin last night, I need some time to figure stuff out. My life has moved so fast that I haven’t had the time to just sit down and think about what it is I actually want in this life. I’ve only been focusing on surviving and making sure I have money to make it on my own. For the first time in my life, I’m thinking about what I want in the future, not just the present. I don’t know if it was Austin that made me start thinking about it, all I know is that I’m thinking about it now. I have to figure my life out. So, I’m here. I’m doing it.

  “Wasn’t expecting to see you today. Don’t you come in tomorrow night?” Damien asks as he rolls a joint right there on the table.

  There’s stacks of money lying on the table between the two extra-large men. Probably the money they made last night from the available girls, and since the club is closed at the moment, they have no reason to hide it. Damien lights up his joint and puffs out smoke right in my face. David, the calmer, more mature brother, immediately looks annoyed. His head is just as bald as his brother’s, but he has a goatee and dresses much nicer. He looks the part of an actual business man.

  “Yeah, I’m scheduled for tomorrow, but I wanted to come talk to you first,” I reply. All the confidence I had has evaporated now.

  “Okay. Well, talk,” Damien barks.

  “Okay, well umm, I’ve been working here since I was seventeen years old,” I begin. “Going on four years now, and I’ve never really taken much time off. I’ve been working non-stop as an available girl for a long time, and I’ve had some things come up that require my time and attention.”

  Damien passes the joint over to his older brother, who takes a quick hit of it and hands it back.

  “What the fuck do you want, Layla?” Damien asks without even looking up at me.

  “I need to take some time off, Damien, please.”

  Dami
en’s eyes snap up at me.

  “What the fuck do you think this is, Wal-Mart? You think you can just take vacation days or some shit? You’re an available girl, Layla, and now you’re saying you want to be unavailable so you can do whatever the fuck you want to do. That ain’t how it works down here.”

  “How long are you planning on being gone?” David interrupts. My eyes bounce over to him and I feel a little more at ease now that he’s spoken up. David is the smarter, more business-minded of the two, and we all know that when you need something, you go to David whenever possible. Even though they look almost exactly alike, they’re personalities are completely different. Damien would fall apart if it wasn’t for David.

  “I really need, like, a month,” I answer, and Damien’s head snaps my way.

  “A month? Are you out of your fucking mind? What the hell do you need a whole month for?” Damien bellows.

  “I just need some time to straighten my life out.”

  “What is so bad about your life? Don’t I take care of you? Are you saying I make your life too hard? I don’t do enough for you?” Damien snaps.

  “Oh calm the fuck down!” David chimes in. “What makes you think it has anything to do with you? She’s right. She’s worked here loyally for a long time now, and sometimes you need a fucking break, especially doing what she does and working for you, Damien.”

  Damien furrows his brow. I know he doesn’t like being made to look like he doesn’t have all the power, but the truth is that David is the captain who guides the ship that is Red Pony Gentleman’s Club.

  “Look, Layla,” David says as he turns his attention towards me. “I know you work hard, and I know you’ve been through a lot, even before you started working here. And I think you’ve earned some time off. I’m gonna let you take the next month off, and when you come back, Damien and I will expect you to have your shit figured out, and for you to be ready to make some money. Do we understand each other?”