Beyond Reason (Beyond Love Series #3)

by Bolton, Karice

“Is that so?” He narrowed his eyes at me and took a step closer as he removed the cartons out of the bag. I reached for the plastic utensils and my arm bumped into his, and I took a quick step back. It felt like all of the air had been sucked out of the room, and I had no idea why. It wasn’t like we hadn’t been alone together before. Granted, it wasn’t in my apartment, and Brandy was usually lurking around the corner or something, but what the hell?

  “So you didn’t have dinner yet?” he asked, seemingly unfazed.

  Didn’t he notice the earth just shifted off its axis point for God’s sake?

  “No. I had dinner. I had a steak dinner, actually.”

  His grin deepened. “Care to elaborate?”

  “By the time I got to the cab, I was hungry again. That’s what I get for ordering a petite filet mignon. Besides, I want something good and greasy to take away the bad taste in my mouth from the date from hell.” I rolled my eyes and grabbed two plates.

  “You were on a date tonight?” The timbre of his voice lowered in a way that told me I didn’t imagine the shift in the universe.

  I shrugged. “Yes and no. Technically yes. But it was a mistake, and one I won’t be repeating anytime soon.”

  Ayden was quiet while I piled two scoops of chow mein on my plate, followed by cashew chicken and broccoli beef.

  “Nice selection,” I said, flashing him a smile. I emptied the open bottle of wine into my glass. “If you want to uncork that bottle, the opener’s in the drawer right by your left hip.”

  I wandered into the living room and sat down on the couch with my plate full of food on my lap, and I set the glass of wine on the coffee table. I heard him rattling around in the kitchen as I turned on the television and then happily began forking the noodles in my mouth.

  Would I normally be this carefree about loving my noodles in front of a man?

  No.

  But this was Ayden.

  The same guy who has had to scrape me up off the ground. Not that it was a common occurrence, but there was this one unfortunate incident sophomore year where I got a little too excited about beer pong. Brandy and Gabby called for reinforcements, Ayden and Mason, but it had been too late. I was a goner by the time they arrived. I never repeated that mistake again. Although, I was probably well on my way right now…

  Ayden sat next to me and again, I noticed a shift. It had to be the wine.

  “So what went so terribly wrong that you even needed to eat a second dinner to get the first out of that brain of yours?” He took a sip of wine and his gaze steadied on mine.

  “It was a co-worker. I thought I felt something, but once the date happened, I was dead wrong. That’s been happening a lot lately. I think I’m taking a hiatus from the whole dating scene. It’s just too much.” I placed my hand against my forehead feigning exhaustion.

  “Interesting you say that,” he said, scooping the broccoli beef onto his fork.

  “How so?”

  “That’s kind of what I came here to talk to you about.” He took a bite and a few beats went by before he spoke again. “Does Austin Graham ring a bell?”

  My heart plummeted as if it was crashing down the side of the Empire State building, and I didn’t feel an end in sight so I just sat frozen, staring at Ayden as he waited for a reply.

  “They tracked him down, and tomorrow you’ll be getting a text from my sister about a ski trip to Utah,” Ayden replied.

  “Oh, no,” I whispered. “Please tell me they didn’t contact him.”

  “I don’t know if they’ve contacted him, but they know where he is.”

  “I never should have told them about my high school boyfriend,” I sighed. “There’s more to the story, and I really didn’t want to go digging it up again. It was pretty awful.”

  “Did he hurt you?” his voice as steady as his gaze.

  “No. God no. Nothing like that. I probably did the hurting.”

  I bit my lip and looked at the television where some reality show had couples yelling at one another.

  “I didn’t even tell them his name.”

  “Well, you put Brandy down in front of a database and she can find anyone. She should probably scrap law school and go straight into PI work.” He smiled and put his hand on my knee and a pulse of heat ran through me. “She really gets off on it.”

  I put my plate on the coffee table and sat back on the couch while Ayden continued to eat. What were Brandy and Gabby thinking? Just because Austin was my high school boyfriend didn’t mean I wanted to hunt the poor guy down. I was sure he moved on. I did…kind of. The funny part was that I wanted to be mad at Brandy and Gabby, but I wasn’t. I should’ve told them the whole story, and then they would never have thought about tracking him down. Never.

  I let out a deep breath, hoping it would lessen the tight, achy sensation in my chest.

  It didn’t.

  “So you want to tell me what happened between you and him?” Ayden asked. He shifted on the couch and put his empty plate next to mine. “Maybe if you get it off your chest, you’ll feel better.”

  “You know how high school love is,” I laughed, hoping to dismiss it quickly. “Drama filled…where every emotion is at the surface, and every piece of gossip is internalized.”

  “Actually, I don’t,” Ayden said. “I didn’t mess around with having a girlfriend in high school. I didn’t like the idea of being tied down. Mason, on the other hand, switched girls every trimester.”

  “You didn’t date in high school?” I asked, my attention momentarily swayed.

  “I didn’t say that. I just didn’t have a girlfriend.”

  “You were one of those…” I grinned.

  Ayden started laughing and shrugged. “Guilty. So what’s up with Austin?”

  Did I really want to bore poor Ayden with details?

  I glanced at him and saw a trace of amusement behind his eyes and felt it was only fair that I embraced my chatterbox ways in front of him. After all, he was related to the mastermind of destruction. Someone had to pay.

  “Austin and I were the perfect match and completely inseparable. We went through a lot and made it through as a couple. I know it was high school and all, but we actually could have made it.” I steadied my eyes on Ayden’s. I waited for an eye roll or a bit of skepticism to be reflected behind his expression, but it didn’t happen. His eyes were kind and welcoming, and there was a bit of something more hidden in his expression, but I couldn’t tell what it was. “And what tore us apart was some piece of gossip that I knew wasn’t even true. But I used it as my excuse and took off to college early and never spoke to him again. I guess because I wanted to believe it was true so I had an excuse to escape.”

  “So you were scared and bolted.”

  “I guess.”

  “What was the gossip?” he questioned.

  “That he’d gotten some other girl pregnant. It wasn’t true.”

  “When you said you went through a lot as a couple?” Ayden questioned. His eyes fastened on mine.

  “I’ve never talked about it to anyone,” I said, pushing myself further into the couch. “But we needed each other and got each other through it.”

  And I never would tell anyone. It was too painful. I had managed to shove it to the farthest place in my mind and bury it under lots of new memories.

  He was quiet for a moment and then spoke. “Until you left him.”

  I nodded and a lump formed in the back of my throat.

  I was a mess. Between the whiskey, wine, steak, and Chinese food, I was a ticking time bomb.

  I NEVER cried.

  I NEVER allowed myself to be vulnerable.

  I NEVER talked about anything serious.

  And somehow in front of Ayden, all three of my rules were about to be broken. It was definitely the alcohol. Had to be. I was going to turn this around.

  “So they expect me to take off from work for a ski trip?” I asked, arching my brow.

  “That they do. Actually, I’ll be going too. And so will Ma
son.”

  My heart sputtered.

  “Well, I wonder if I should give them a taste of their own medicine?” I asked. “Especially if you are already planning on coming.”

  Once he realized I was no longer going to have a meltdown, Ayden’s eyes flicked to a lighter shade of blue and his body relaxed.

  “How so?” he asked.

  “I’m not sure yet, but I’ll think of something. Maybe, you’ll be my boy toy? We can totally freak out Brandy. And then I’ll figure out a way to ensure I don’t bump into poor, unsuspecting Austin.”

  “Who said I’d be willing to do that?” he chided.

  “Just a hunch.” I flashed him a grin.

  “So you’re not going to tell me what—”

  “Nope. It’s water under the bridge and Brandy and Gabby don’t even know. If they did, I don’t think they would’ve gotten this bright idea of theirs,” I interrupted.

  That was putting it lightly. Why didn’t I just tell him? Was I afraid he’d judge me? Was I worried he’d think less of me? I was sure I’d already given him enough ammo over the years to make him skeptical of my decision-making skills. I was even skeptical of them.

  “Funny how they assume I can just take time off,” I replied. “Although, I probably won’t have a job by then.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Long story. It’s not quite the place I thought it was. I love my job and I’m damn good at it, but it’s not gonna work out for the long term. The d-bag I went on a date with tonight is the son of the president of the firm. To say he wasn’t thrilled that I’d turned him down so many times before tonight would be putting it mildly. I was just lucky some potential account requested me or I probably would’ve gotten canned this week. What really sucks is all the bonus money I have coming to me. It’s almost mine but not quite. If they let me go or I quit before the vesting date, I’m screwed.”

  Ayden’s eyes darkened a shade and he turned to face me. “Lily, this is serious. This is sexual harassment. They can’t get away with that,” his voice tipped with anger.

  “Well, being that this is my first position out of school, I don’t want to risk bringing attention to anything of the sort. I don’t need that type of reputation in the industry. You know a girl-who-cries-wolf or something. I just want to make it to the vesting date and get the hell out of there—quietly. I have enough money owed to me to carry me through a year, even if I have a hard time finding another job.”

  “When’s the date?” he asked.

  “December 23rd.”

  Ayden nodded and seemed to be contemplating something.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Just thinking about how far we’ve come in this world and how far we have to go.”

  I knew this had to irritate him. Ayden and Mason were so protective of Brandy that any sort of discrimination or unfairness when it came to females drove them insane.

  “I know what I’ll do,” I said, turning the subject back to the reason for his visit.

  “Tell me,” he replied, the mischief creeping back into his expression.

  He was so sexy I had to turn away.

  No. It wasn’t that he was sexy. It was as if his body was calling for sex, and turning away did nothing to calm the rush of feelings that were inside of me. I had to get back on track and wait for the alcohol to leave my system.

  “When she texts me about the ski trip, I’ll reply how awesome that’ll be, and how I’m going to bring a date!” I gushed.

  “A date?” he asked, looking baffled.

  Was it my imagination or did I sense a glimpse of disappointment?

  “Yeah… You! But she doesn’t have to know that part. But it’ll totally mess with her.”

  Ayden laughed, and I scooted forward on the couch as he stood up to get a refill.

  “That’s evil.” He grabbed his glass off the table and made his way to the kitchen.

  “Not as evil as hunting down a crush from high school,” I shouted.

  “Now poor Austin was just a crush, huh?” Ayden’s voice echoed through the apartment.

  “You know what I mean.”

  He came back with a full glass and the bottle to refill mine, and he was wearing a huge grin. I stood up and stepped over to him, holding out my glass.

  “I don’t think any guy could just have a crush on you,” he said quietly, as the liquid splashed inside of my wineglass, and his words rattled around my mind.

  My heart stopped, and it felt like the room was spinning. Did I just hear that right? I shouldn’t have stood up. But rather than sit back down, I stared up at him and took a sip of wine. His eyes locked on mine, and I felt the energy between us charge up even more. Wine or not, there was definitely something going on here. A few strands of my hair got caught between my lips and the glass, but I didn’t do anything to remove it. Instead, I watched his eyes lower to my lips and hoped for a kiss.

  Ayden’s hand touched my cheek softly as I finished my sip, and he pushed my auburn hair off my shoulder. His touch made my thoughts dive into murky waters, and I could no longer figure out what was what so I sat down quickly and laughed.

  Great! And now I had turned into the Joker.

  So I sighed, and then I sighed again.

  “Sorry,” he muttered.

  He sat next to me, and the way he turned made his muscles flex under his sweater in a way that made it impossible not to want to see what was hidden from view. It’s not like I hadn’t seen him before. I’d seen him in shorts and no shirt many times over the years but somehow this was different.

  And that was the problem. I knew exactly how flawless he looked under the sweater. So much so I could imagine my fingers running across his chest, my lips tracing along his neck. Maybe I’d found the perfect combination to turn myself on again? Wine and whisky!

  “You have nothing to be sorry for,” I said softly, waiting for something more.

  “What if the Austin thing actually worked out? You hear about that all the time where people go back to their high school sweethearts and fall madly in love all over again,” he said.

  His words completely wiped away all the fantasies I was just enjoying.

  Damn him! What if he was right?

  “I think that’s very unlikely. First, he’d have to be willing to speak to me. Second, he’d have to be willing to speak to me and—”

  “Let me guess. Third, he’d have to be willing to speak to you.” His brow quirked up. “So this is an already known issue?”

  “What?” I asked, playing innocent.

  “Him not speaking to you?”

  “I may or may not have reached out over the years. And yes, silence very well could have been what I heard back.” I twisted my mouth into a pile of contorted lips that no longer wanted to participate in this conversation.

  I guess that was another little fact I failed to mention to Brandy and Gabby.

  Ayden pushed his fingers through his hair and let out a deep breath.

  “Well, I actually was going to bring someone, but—”

  I slapped my forehead harder than I intended and yelped.

  “Oh, my god. That was so selfish of me. I don’t know what got into me,” I stammered, feeling a blush creep up my face.

  Of course, he was going to bring someone. He was gorgeous, wealthy, and available. The wine may have brought my feel-goods back being around the opposite sex, but it completely messed with my sense of reality.

  “No. It’s not like that. It’s nothing serious. I hadn’t even mentioned it to her.”

  For some reason, the word her made me nauseous and agitated.

  Well, maybe it wasn’t the word.

  “Ayden, you’ve done so much just by telling me what’s up. Don’t worry about it. That’s one of the perks you’ve got being a twin. I’ll ask Mason.” I winked at him playfully and felt my control slowly seeping back in. Keep everyone at a safe distance, and I would never get hurt. That always was my plan and always would be my plan.

  “
Nah, seriously. I don’t mind. I think it would be a lot of fun. I didn’t assume I’d become part of your plan, but I like the idea. I hate being the third wheel. That’s the only reason I was bringing someone. But if…” his voice trailed off.

  “If what?” I prompted.

  “If nothing, actually. I’d love the opportunity to punk my sister. And you never know, maybe this Austin thing will be good for you.” He smiled, but the look in his eyes didn’t match.

  “Now you’re starting to sound like your sister,” I scoffed, crossing my arms in front of me.

  He cringed and laughed as he grabbed the remote and began flipping through the channels. “Can’t have that.”

  “You want me to make some popcorn?” I asked.

  “That sounds nice. I think I could get used to making this a tradition when I’m in Portland. And you have expanded channels?”

  His words sent a streak of happiness through me as I stood up and walked toward the kitchen.

  “I have all the channels, premium too. Even though I’ve developed quite the reputation for going out, I enjoy staying home with a good book or movie even more. I just like to throw people off, keep ‘em talking.”

  “Well, it’s working,” he muttered.

  I grabbed the air popper and shook the kernels into the cup. I perched myself up on the counter next to the sink and filled a glass with water, gulping it quickly as the popcorn popped into a giant metal bowl.

  As I sat comfortably on the counter, my mind began wandering to the issue at hand. What if everyone was right? What if meeting up with Austin turned out to be a good thing? So many things were left unsaid when I left him. I wasn’t ready to say them right after high school, so I did the logical thing and ran. The problem with my plan was that I never realized how stuck in the past that would make me. It was as if I had been left stranded in high school while everyone else moved on in life and grew up.

  Instead of maturing, I replayed the images over and over again of the night that changed my life forever. The images that woke me up at night—that made me question what my purpose in life was supposed to be. And the one person who helped me through it all, I abandoned.

  Austin was the only person who had gotten me through the most horrible moment in my life, and as a thank you, I ditched him. When I had finally reached out to Austin, it was too late. And that was when I began wearing my flaws out in the open, to protect myself. In college I went wild, or at least it looked like I did. What no one knew was that I was just searching for the one person to make me feel alive again, like Austin did. I wanted to feel that safe and happy again. And to this day, I hadn’t been able to find it.