“You’ve got it all figured out, don’t you,” I muttered.
He didn’t reply. Instead, Ayden stood up, leaving me in the study to analyze what the hell just happened. Besides the obvious, which was that I threw my two cents in and complicated the matter, he was letting me go. But I was never his in the first place.
The front door opened and Gabby and Jason came in, carrying trays of goodies. I jumped up and ran over, praying for a distraction, which I got all too quickly.
“Merry Christmas,” Gabby sang, as I hopped in front of her, taking two of the trays off her stack.
“Merry Christmas,” I replied, smiling at Jason as he watched Gabby glide through the entry. That was the kind of love I wanted—the complete adoration of another type of love.
Was that too much to ask?
Possibly!
“I’ve got a little something for you that will hopefully calm your mind about our little excursion,” Gabby whispered.
“Oh no,” I muttered back.
“Seriously, I think if you weren’t excited about it, you will be now.” She placed the trays down on the kitchen counter, and Brandy gave her a big squeeze.
“Did you get my gift drama out of the way with my brother?” Brandy asked, as Ayden was grabbing a soda out of the refrigerator.
“I did. He was just worrying about nothing.”
Ayden avoided my gaze as he walked out of the kitchen, not saying a word.
Gabby was digging around in her purse until she finally found a piece of paper, which was folded up in a tight square. She handed it over to me, and I quickly unfolded it, my heart pounding as I saw Austin’s name up top.
“It’s an email from him. I wanted Austin to know that this was entirely our idea, and you had nothing to do with it and were beyond mortified that we’d done this. I also made it clear that out of all the years we’d known you, you’d only mentioned him once. You know, I was trying to make it sound like you weren’t one of those chicks pining for their old boyfriends nonstop,” Gabby rambled.
“Thanks for throwing me a bone,” I laughed, my eyes falling to the message.
Hey-
No sweat. I’m actually glad you reached out. I’ll admit, it was a little weird at first, but I feel better knowing it wasn’t her idea.
I looked up from the letter and scowled at Gabby.
“How is this supposed to make me feel better?”
“Keep reading. You’ll see,” Gabby said.
I don’t know what all she’s told you about us, especially given she only mentioned me once. I’ve been a dick over the last several years not responding to her letters, and it would be nice to be able to apologize to her.
I broke my gaze free from the letter, “Again, this isn’t really helping me feel at ease about this whole thing.”
Brandy and Gabby traded looks and I continued reading.
This message is somewhere between my tenth and twentieth attempt at emailing you back, and it’s not any easier so I’ll get straight to the point because everything I want to say just doesn’t come out right in print. I do want to see her. Please tell her fall or fly, I’m by her side. She’ll know what it means. I’ve got a reservation under my name for drinks at seven o’clock in the bar at the Lodge.
A. Graham
Fall or fly, my stomach tightened as I reread his words. The words he told me every single day after Jake’s death to make me get out of bed. I swallowed the lump down and wiped at the tears that were threatening to cascade down my cheeks.
“Oh, sweetie. Don’t cry,” Brandy said, wrapping her arms around me.
“Maybe, this was a bad idea,” Gabby said.
I shook my head taking in a deep sniff. “No, it was a brilliant idea. And I should have done it myself a long time ago.”
“What’s going on in here?” Ayden’s voice wary.
“Do you mind if he sees it?” Brandy asked, glancing at the paper.
I shook my head, and Brandy grabbed the paper from my hands and shoved it over to Ayden.
Those words had haunted me from the moment I’d left him. They were responsible for every guilty, regret-filled thought that plagued me every single day since I was eighteen, and Austin knew it.
Letting out a sigh, I glanced over at Ayden as he continued to read. I needed this trip more than Brandy and Gabby ever could’ve imagined, whether it was for closure or new beginnings. I was ready to take the beating.
Ayden’s gaze slowly lifted to meet mine and a warmth spread through me as I saw concern fill his expression. I bit my lip and nodded, answering his silent question.
I was going to be okay.
“What’s going on, you guys? Why does Ayden seem to understand the letter more than we do?” Brandy asked, crossing her arms.
“I haven’t been completely forthright about everything. There’s some stuff I need to tell you about Austin.”
“And my brother already knows?” Brandy asked bewildered.
“Yeah, the poor guy got an earful last night at his launch party,” I said, dismissing the importance.
I saw Ayden’s shoulders drop out of my periphery, but I couldn’t worry about it. I needed to straighten myself out first.
“It didn’t occur to me that there was more to the story,” she said nervously.
Ayden handed me the letter back and our eyes connected, but this time there was no hiding the turmoil that my action caused.
And for that I was very sorry.
“This is so awesome,” Brandy gushed, popping her head over the back of the leather seat. “Do you realize how big these seats are? And we get special food?”
I had to laugh. Leave it to Brandy to be excited about airplane food. We had just boarded our plane, and Aaron surprised Brandy with First Class seats for all of us. She was so cute about it. I wanted to squeeze her cheeks.
“Seriously? They serve a choice of salmon or steak salad for lunch?” Brandy continued. “This is way better than peanuts or pretzels.” Aaron slid his arms around her waist and flipped her back in the seat to a fit of giggles.
We were lucky to have her in our lives.
Gabby rolled her eyes and laughed as she removed a blanket from the sanitized package and spread it over her lap. She leaned her head against Jason, and I glanced quickly out the window as I watched the food cart get loaded inside. First Class had already been called and now all of the regular seats were loading. Mason and Ayden weren’t here yet. Somehow, someone’s alarm clock didn’t go off, or I didn’t quite hear the whole story about who was picking up who, but they’d just gotten through security so they’d be here soon.
Once I told Brandy and Gabby the entire story about Austin and me, they were completely beside themselves for setting this trip up, but I promised them it needed to be done. If I didn’t want to go, I would have put a stop to it. I think they only felt slightly better about the whole thing. The truth of it was that I wanted to quit speculating about a boy from high school. If I just get it out of my system, I should be able to move on. Or at least that was the plan.
I leaned my head against the seat and then that little pesky voice in my head couldn’t leave well enough alone and chirped. “And maybe you’ll fall madly in love all over again.”
Right, on a ski trip where neither of us have spoken for years.
“You look like you’re deep in thought,” Ayden’s voice brought me back to reality.
I turned to face him and my cheeks warmed. I was certain he knew what I was busy daydreaming about, which only made it worse. His hair looked like he jumped in and out of the shower within a two-minute time period and he’d forgot to comb it. I suspected he was the culprit of tardiness. It was hard not to grin as I watched him secure his carry-on in the compartment above; his body stretching and my eyes wandering.
Gabby started laughing, bringing me out of my daze, and I watched her raise a brow from across the aisle. Was it obvious? I rolled my eyes and grabbed one of the magazines I’d bought at the gate.
Flipping the pages, I pretended to be completely enthralled in the fashion hit-and-miss section when Ayden sank into the seat next to me. A light scent of soap and something Ayden drifted over, and I couldn’t help but think back to that weekend he came over. The very thing that he came to relay turned out to be the very thing making my emotions bounce all over the place.
Ayden’s body began to pulse forward, and I started laughing as Mason sat behind us, thumping his brother’s seat with his feet.
“This is why I don’t do family vacations any longer,” Ayden said, loud enough for his brother to hear.
“What are you gonna do about it?” Mason laughed. “Mr. Bigshot, huh.”
As Ayden sat in the chair, his body kept bumping forward as he tried to look at the magazine I was scanning. His smile was so infectious—I couldn’t imagine sitting anywhere else. If nothing else, I’d be in a good mood by the time we landed in Salt Lake City. I loved how Brandy’s family was so close. She and her brothers were the exact opposite of mine.
“Completely hideous,” Ayden said, shaking his head.
“Come on. Your brother’s not that bad,” I said, laughing as our eyes connected.
“I wasn’t talking about my brother.” He pointed at the page in front of me where some actress was dressed in a sheer pink jumpsuit with a corset visible underneath.
“You better start getting used to high fashion, you know,” I teased. “Dating a model and all.”
His smile fell slightly, and he moved forward to grab something out of his bag that he’d slid under the seat in front of him. He pulled out two books and handed me one. He ignored my comment and focused on the book he’d just given me.
“This one’s for you. I haven’t read it, but I saw it at the bookstore, and it sounded like something you’d like. It’s a mystery. I saw a lot of those on your shelves at home. Hope you haven’t read it yet.”
My heart literally melted on the spot. And I realized how very difficult it was to keep him in the friend zone.
“This was so sweet of you,” I said, admiring the cover. “And no, I haven’t read this one, but I love the author. I can’t wait to start it. Thanks. What do you have?”
I reached over and picked up his novel.
“I’m on a historical kick right now. This guy writes with incredible detail. By the end of each book, I felt like I lived through whatever time period he wrote about.”
“I never took you for a reader. Like a real reader,” I said, grinning.
“Are there fake readers out there?” he joked.
“You’d be surprised. To get people into bed, there are a lot of fake talents floating around out there.”
“I didn’t know reading was a talent, but I’ll take it.” His laugh was cut short as the flight attendant began her demonstration on how to survive a plane crash, and I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched her gaze move back and forth between Mason and Ayden. It was like her brain was participating in some sort of high stakes ping-pong match of hotness. I glanced at Ayden who didn’t even seem to notice her fascination, which resulted in a pulse of satisfaction racing through me.
“So when’s…”
“She’s getting in tomorrow,” he replied, cutting off my question.
How’d he know who or what I was talking about?
“That’s cool.” I was the one who picked out that particular model and didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t for the life of me remember her name. “So does model chick know how to ski or snowboard?”
Real mature.
“She skis. Sammie skis.” He opened his book and held it in his left hand.
Samantha! That was it. Shouldn’t have a problem remembering it now that it rolled off his lips.
I didn’t like how it rolled off his lips.
My mind drifted off to the rooming situation, and I tried to remember how many bedrooms this place had…was it four or five?
“I wonder since Mason and I are the singles of the group, if we’ll have to bunk up,” I joked.
“That would be fine with me, doll,” Mason’s voice sounded from behind.
I started laughing. “Is that how you start out your moves? With doll?”
“Only on the special ones,” he joked.
“I’m honored.” The plane began moving down the runway, and I wrapped my fingers around the armrests. Even though I wasn’t scared of flying in the traditional sense, I hated taking off and landing. Everything else was fine, and I didn’t require meds before boarding like my mother so I’d say I was doing pretty well.
Ayden caught my reaction and smiled. Lowering his hand over mine, I felt the tension of the moment slip away as quickly as it came. Once we were in the sky, we both began reading. Everyone else was plugged into the movie players, which kind of made it like our own little soundproof box. I found myself reading the same sentence over and over again as my mind kept drifting to Austin.
In less than eight hours I would be meeting him for drinks, and I’d know the course of our relationship. Would we be merely acquaintances or would a friendship resurface? Would I go back home with more understanding or resolution? The thought of seeing him was suddenly terrifying as my mind wandered to all of the “what if” scenarios surrounding our history. Had he forgiven me for leaving? Would he be able to forgive me? Did he care? Did I screw him up as much as I did myself?
“That must be an intense page,” Ayden said softly.
I looked over at him and laughed. “Lots of big words.”
He closed his book and placed it on the tray. “You’re going to be okay. When he sees you, all will be forgiven. No one could possibly stay mad at that face.”
I turned in my seat and my eyes narrowed as I studied him. “How do you always know what’s bothering me?”
“Just lucky, I guess.”
“What if I meet him and nothing changes? I go back to Portland and am still as screwed up as I’ve always been. All these years, I’ve been able to blame my choices on my past, and what if the problem is really just me?” I laughed, but it didn’t sound very funny.
Ayden turned slightly in the chair and lifted up the armrest between us.
“You’re not anymore screwed up than the rest of us, Lily.”
“Oh, but I am,” I assured him.
“I’m not exactly sure what you’re referring to, but the Lily I know is a passionate free-spirit who embraces friendship fiercely.”
“I’ll give you that. I’m an awesome friend, but I suck at romantic relationships. That’s what I was referring to.” I smiled, and I knew he knew it too.
“You don’t see a ring on my finger either,” he laughed, wiggling his ring finger.
“Doesn’t mean you suck. You just haven’t found that special someone.”
“So why can’t you apply that same line of thinking to yourself. You put so much pressure on yourself,” he whispered, as one of the flight attendants walked down the aisle.
I couldn’t explain it to him, what it was like to feel numb time and again. And how I so desperately wanted the numbness to fade. Besides we were on our way to a ski vacation, where he would eventually meet up with Sammie, and I would do who knows what with what I was about to discover.
“Maybe you just haven’t found the right person. Or maybe you did and he’s in Utah.”
“Now onto the most important question of all,” I said, grinning
“And what is that?”
“Are you a member of the mile-high club?”
He wriggled his brows, and I couldn’t help but burst into laughter. “I’ll never tell.”
Without the armrest separating us, I leaned against him and began reading again, this time flipping the page and allowing myself to bury my mind into someone else’s world.
“Can we just stay here forever?” Brandy asked, as we all piled into the grand foyer of the condo.
Besides the fact that the snow began falling once we reached Deer Valley, the lodge was stunning and our condo was spectacular. This was turning int
o a perfect getaway.
The foyer was two stories high and exposed beams jetted from above in a sunburst pattern. The wall to my left was covered in built-ins for snow gear and straight in front of us was the great room. This would be a wonderful refuge if things headed south on me this week.
“Kudos to whoever picked this place out,” I replied, following Jason and Gabby down the hall.
Gabby stopped and took a bow just as I looked around the great room. A large leather sectional framed the room along with several overstuffed chairs, and a huge flat screen was anchored above the fireplace. The room opened to the kitchen, which was just as grand as the rest of the condo. Dark granite countertops covered the rustic, lower cabinets, and the breakfast bar was large enough to fit six chairs.
Ayden came up behind me and set his hand on my shoulder, sending a prickle of electricity down my arm. “This is all fine and dandy, but we need to figure out the bedroom situation. That’s where we’ll see what’s up,” he said.
For some reason, hearing Ayden mention the word ‘bedroom’ messed with me. I closed my eyes and rolled them simultaneously at my pitiful reaction.
“There are five bedrooms,” Gabby replied, but her voice went up an octave on the word bedrooms.
Oh, no. There was a catch.
“Two of the bedrooms have an adjoining ensuite. The other three share two main bathrooms,” she said.
“That’s no big deal,” I said, shrugging my shoulder.
“One of the bedrooms has bunk beds. Two of ‘em. Twin size.” Brandy took over for Gabby. She raised her brow and twisted her lips as she looked at her brothers. “Since we set poor Lily up for this trip, I think it’s only fair she gets one of the rooms with a bathroom. Aaron and I’ll take one without. But I think it’s rock, paper, scissor time for the two of you.”
“I’m fine with it,” Ayden said. “Bunks for me.”
“What about Sammie?” I asked, turning to him. “Are you claiming top or bottom bunk with her?”
Beyond Reason (Beyond Love Series #3) Page 8
