Beyond Reason (Beyond Love Series #3)

by Bolton, Karice

  “Kiss me,” I whispered. I probably sounded like I was begging, but I honestly didn’t care any longer. He pressed his forehead to mine, keeping his mouth just out of my reach.

  “I can’t, Lily. I won’t do that,” he murmured. “There are too many factors.”

  My body trembled, which was apparently Ayden’s breaking point. He cupped my chin in his hands, and hovered his lips deathly close to mine. My body was aching with desire as he pressed his mouth to mine, and the sensation immediately heated me all the way through. The warmth of his lips contrasted with the chill of the snow, and with each deepening kiss, an intense craving so spectacular drilled into me. His tongue brushed along the seam of my lips, and I shuddered as I parted my lips. My pulse was running wild as the intensity of our kisses deepened with every passing second. His hand ran along my face as we barely even took a breath.

  “Sir, that’s against resort rules,” a man’s voice echoed through the peaceful mountain air.

  Ayden let out a groan and pressed his forehead against mine, my lips still tingling from the amazing kiss.

  “Sir, did you hear me?” the man asked again.

  “Yeah. Loud and clear. Our snowball fight got a little carried away,” Ayden apologized, trying not to laugh as he rolled off me. “Sorry about that.”

  I stayed completely motionless until I heard the snow patrol ski away and then wriggled my way out of the snow.

  “Did we just get busted by snow patrol?” I giggled.

  “Guess so,” he laughed. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

  Ayden scooped me up out of the snow and brushed the snow off my back.

  “You’ve got to be freezing,” he said.

  “It was worth it. Beside I’m completely layered,” I teased.

  “I’m so sorry,” Ayden said, strapping on his board.

  What? I just had the best kiss of my entire life and the guy was apologizing.

  “Why are you sorry?” I asked, trying not to let my hurt show.

  “Did you listen to anything I said earlier?” he asked, his brow arched.

  “Yeah, but I guess I figured you got over it,” I offered, spiraling into the endless pit of my stomach. Why was he doing this again?

  “It won’t happen again,” he replied, and I watched the wall rebuild itself right in front of me, which was fine. I was done with these false starts, back to business, back to friend zone.

  “I can’t believe the snow patrol caught us. That ought to at least go down in the scrapbook,” I said, securing my board.

  “Not just the snow patrol,” Gabby’s voice startled me, and I looked up to see Jason and her standing about ten feet away, grinning.

  “It’s not what it looked like,” I stuttered, glancing at Ayden.

  “It was pretty much what it looked like,” Ayden said, laughing. “But we’ve both come to our senses. I think there was something in this morning’s coffee.”

  And just like that, he stole my heart and took off down the mountain without looking back.

  “I can’t do this anymore,” I muttered to myself as I plopped onto my bed. Things today had started so great, and then turned to shit in an instant, which seemed to be a theme for me. The only thing I had been able to figure out so far was that I was the common denominator in that equation. With that revelation, I vowed that I was no longer going to fall for Ayden’s looks, or his touches, or his shirtless ways. He was just as confused as I was, and there was no way I planned on making it any worse. I had about an hour before meeting Austin for dinner, and I had planned on spending it with a good mystery. I pushed my feet under the comforter and organized my pillows perfectly just as a thump rattled the walls out in the hall.

  I slipped deeper into bed and then heard a faint knock on my bedroom door—so faint I wasn’t sure I’d actually heard it until it happened again. I slid off the bed and grabbed my fleece robe. I’d washed off all my makeup and had left my hair in the ponytail before I had to put myself back together again. I had to take a hot shower to warm up after leaving the slopes. I was sure if the kiss had ended differently, I wouldn’t have needed it, but such was life.

  I trundled over to the door and wondered who it was, or why they didn’t just come in. Jason and Gabby were getting couples’ massages and Brandy and Aaron were having a romantic dinner out somewhere. Mason was bar hopping and Ayden was god knows where since he’d taken to vanishing in the night, so I had no idea who would be on the other side of the door.

  I wrenched on the handle to see only Ayden standing in the hallway, leaning against the doorframe. His eyes were glassy, and he was wearing the adorable grin that I’d come to miss in the last few hours. He had a knit cap on and was dressed in jeans and a wool sweater. He looked incredible, but I was disappointed in myself for noticing. He wasn’t who I needed to be focusing on. He had made that clear up on that mountain, several times.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be bothering someone else?” I asked, taking a step back.

  He shrugged but didn’t move from the doorway.

  “Are you drunk?” I asked, raising a brow.

  “You’re so damn sexy,” he murmured, not answering my question.

  He had to be drunk. I was in a pale pink fleece robe, sporting polka dot knee-high socks, and my nose was all red from too much sun on the slopes.

  “What’s up, Ayden?”

  “Won’t you invite me in?”

  “It’s not like it’s my apartment. It’s a bedroom. I didn’t think it’d need a formal invite.” I gestured to the pair of chairs that were by the fireplace, but he didn’t budge. “Okay. So either you want in or you don’t.”

  I wasn’t really sure what his intentions were. This trip had been full of awkward moments and remorseful comments. Or at least that was how I took it, took him, at this point.

  He walked a few steps forward and the slight breeze as he walked by had more than a hint of a few drinks. I kept the door open and followed as he swayed toward the closest chair. All of my snowboard clothes were hanging in front of the fireplace, drying from the day’s runs.

  “I’ve missed you,” he muttered, as he slammed into the chair.

  I sat down in the other chair, tucking one leg underneath me as confusion settled around me.

  “You’ve missed me?” I questioned. “We just spent half the day together before you bolted. So that’s a little hard to imagine. I didn’t go anywhere. I was pretty easy to find. So I find that hard to believe.”

  “It’s true, more than you can imagine…” his voice trailed off.

  His eyes connected with mine, and I felt the familiar charge run between us, but there was no way I would act on it. Not with what he did to me on the mountain. Not with his inability to make up his mind. Not with what was coming up tonight. And definitely not with what led him here.

  But then my heart was completely disloyal to my mind.

  “I’ve missed you too.”

  His eyes narrowed on mine.

  “I think you’ve just had a little too much to drink tonight. Tomorrow morning, you’ll wake up and realize that. But right now, I want to stop you from making any embarrassing whiskey admissions,” I teased, trying to distract him. “We’ve already had more than our fair share of false starts, and I don’t intend to have any more.”

  My heart was pounding as I waited for his reaction. I didn’t know if I wanted him to call my bluff or take my words at face value.

  He reached up and swiped his knit cap off, ruffling his hair up. My mind went to thoughts of running my fingers through his hair, and a wave of heat rolled through me as his eyes connected with mine.

  “So are you gonna meet up with that guy tonight?” he growled.

  “You mean Austin? Uh, yeah. That’s kind of why I was brought here, apparently. You made that very clear last night and today. And my suspicions are that poor Sammie was brought as a prop and you intended to make me think—”

  “About that,” he muttered.

  I crossed my arms and
pinched my lips together. “Yeah. About that.”

  “I didn’t mean anything,” he began. “I just wanted an easy out. I wanted to be here and give the illusion that I wasn’t here for you, but I am. I am here for you.”

  “I find that hard to believe,” I replied, feeling the knot in my stomach tighten.

  “Of course you do.” Anger lingered on his last word.

  “Don’t turn this around on me. I haven’t been the one waffling. I haven’t kissed you, only to run away. I didn’t lead you on and then tell you to stop. That’s all you.”

  The warmth of the fire was beginning to make me overheat or maybe it was Ayden’s reaction to something I didn’t even understand. I wanted to peel off my robe, but I was certain that would give him the wrong idea so I sat simmering in front of the fire, watching him.

  “You made yourself clear, Ayden. And tonight you’ve just had a few too many. By tomorrow, you’ll wish you never stopped by to say hi. I guarantee it. This fits your pattern perfectly.”

  “That’s bullshit and you know it,” he replied, standing up.

  “Is it?” I questioned, standing up to face him.

  Big mistake!

  Our bodies were only inches from each other, and I felt the heat rolling off of his. Ayden’s eyes were boring right through me as I looked up at him. I could smell his cologne and the faint caramel hint of whisky that must have been his drink of choice tonight. The combination was intoxicating, but I refused to do anything he or I’d regret in the morning.

  “Lily, it’s been so hard playing along with everything. Damn it. I’ve tried, but I can’t take it any longer,” he whispered, as the warmth from his breath skated across my cheeks.

  Chills ran across my skin as the look in his eyes intensified. His eyes fell to my lips and his hands ran up my arms. My breath caught, and I couldn’t move as I felt him take a step closer to me as the energy between us strengthened.

  “I can’t let you go to someone who doesn’t understand how amazing you are. So what? You made a mistake when you were a teenager. You’re carrying all of this guilt from something that happened a long time ago, like eons ago, and I feel like I’m running out of ways to get you to understand that you don’t need to spend your entire life apologizing. The first time you reached out to him, he should have responded. If your love was as strong as you think, he would’ve.”

  His words stung, but they were all things I’d thought about over and over again, and here Ayden was calling it like it was, once again.

  “Don’t go to him tonight,” he whispered. “Stay here with me.”

  I began to shake my head, but Ayden’s hands ran up my spine, sending a powerful surge through me as his arms cradled my body against his. I pressed my cheek on his chest, feeling the heavy beat of his heart as he waited for my response. I attempted to steady my breathing and tell him no, but being held in Ayden’s arms was like some fairytale, wiping away all my worries and concerns. Every time. But I had to remind myself of all the moments when he found some sort of clarity and managed to push me away. Feeling like I was just some mistake wasn’t what I’d consider a fairytale ending. I needed to be a sure thing. I needed to be his sure thing.

  I took a step back and looked into Ayden’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I need to make my dinner appointment. But it’s not even about Austin. I just don’t want to keep being your second-thought. I’ve already made plans and I intend to keep them.”

  His stare turned icy as he dropped his arms from me. “Do you want to know where I was last night?”

  I wasn’t sure I did.

  “I went over to the lodge and sat in the bar, trying to figure out how to make you see that I was the guy you needed, not Austin,” Ayden’s voice was gravelly as he looked into my eyes. He started laughing. “You know, I saw Austin last night when I was at the bar. And unless he makes out with all of his clients, I don’t think he was being completely honest with you.”

  I felt like I was slapped in the face when I heard Ayden’s words.

  “Was it Stephanie?” I asked, not that it really mattered. We weren’t a couple. He could date whomever he wanted. I just didn’t want to be lied to.

  Or at least that’s what I told myself.

  “No. It wasn’t Stephanie.”

  “Well, it’s really no concern of mine, or yours, for that matter. He’s single. I’m single,” I replied, loosening my ponytail, hoping to rid myself of the sudden headache that appeared. “It doesn’t matter who he makes out with or doesn’t make out with.”

  I was lying through my teeth, and Ayden saw right through it. I could tell as he crossed his arms.

  “So you’re okay with being lied to?” he questioned.

  “There’s nothing serious between us so it’s no skin off my nose.” I pressed my lips together, and I tried to hold in the mix of embarrassment and anger that was rising. I wasn’t even sure who to direct it at any more.

  “Don’t you think better of yourself?” Ayden asked. His touch startled me as he placed his hand on my waist, but it gave me something I so desperately craved with him, closeness

  “I do, which is why I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret when you sober up. I don’t want to put myself through that. So yeah, I do respect myself enough not to continue to be toyed with. I didn’t kiss you because I was bored. It actually meant something to me, and I’m tired of getting mixed messages from you.”

  “You don’t think you’ve been sending me mixed messages?” Ayden’s jaw tensed.

  “How?” I asked.

  Ayden looked around the bedroom like that alone would alert me to something.

  “What?”

  “We’re in Utah. You’re going out with him tonight,” he replied.

  “All of us flew down here so that I could hash stuff out with him. That’s what I’ve been doing,” I replied.

  “That’s not the only reason you came, Lily. And we both know it. So that alone, I’d say was a big red flag for me to step away from you, to stay away from you. But I just can’t keep away from you any longer. I swear to God the only thing that made my brand successful was all the ideas I thought up to launch just so we could work together on campaigns. I’m not going to keep playing games, pretending that you don’t matter to me. You matter and you’re not a regret or a mistake. You are what I need, Lily. What I crave. And this trip has shown me that.”

  Ayden pulled me into him, his lips crashing down to mine before I even tried to resist. There was no holding back as his mouth parted with mine, his tongue sweeping through my mouth as I kissed him deeper than on the mountain, deeper than with anyone ever before. Our mouths stayed on one another’s searching for an easy resolution to make this moment last. But we both knew it wouldn’t. It couldn’t. I pulled my fingers though his hair as his lips slowly worked up my cheek toward my ear, sending a shivery sensation clear to my toes.

  “Your lips are addicting,” he murmured. “But so is the rest of you.”

  I pulled back slowly and looked into his eyes, the intensity in them overwhelming. This entire situation was teetering on devastation as I continued to fall deeper for Ayden Rhodes because I knew by tomorrow he’d be second-guessing every single second of what just happened; like he had done every single time there was an almost or not quite between us. Every time I heard an apology come from his lips, it killed me because I wasn’t ever sorry. I didn’t want to hear it again.

  I looked up at him and glanced at the clock on the wall.

  “I should get ready,” I said softly.

  “Don’t. Please, don’t.” Ayden’s blue eyes were so dark, they were almost black as he watched me move away from him. I forced a smile and fought the urge to fall into his arms. I couldn’t afford to go there.

  “Alright, whatever,” he said, walking out of the room, not even giving another glance in my direction.

  And that was why I couldn’t fall under his spell.

  I shut the door behind him and pushed down all of the memories of Ayden and I
spending so much time together over the years, and me never once recognizing the signs. We’d spent countless hours working on building his business, and it never occurred to me that he might have been interested. Or maybe he wasn’t. Maybe it was only a recent thing. I’d always been attracted to him, but only recently did the feelings come crashing down anytime he was near me.

  I had absolutely no desire to go out tonight, but after chasing Ayden out of the room, I certainly couldn’t call it off now. I quickly put on some foundation and powder. My cheeks would probably stay rosy all night from Ayden, which was just wrong on so many levels. Then again, it sounded like Austin certainly wasn’t missing out between us seeing one another so no biggie there.

  I pulled on some black tights and boots and slipped a black sweater dress over my head. Running a brush through my hair, I decided to put my hair back into a ponytail and be done with everything. I turned off the light by my bed and bid adieu to the book I never got to finish as I walked out of my bedroom. Ayden’s door was closed as I walked down the hall. I didn’t see any sign of Sammie. I wondered if she was in there with him.

  I put on a jacket and walked outside. The snow was still coming down, and it was hard not to think back to the afternoon on the mountain, and how much fun I’d had with Ayden. How wrong was it of me to be walking to see one guy, and daydreaming about another. But tonight was just a friendly dinner. I was sure of it. Following the lighted path, I found my way inside the warm lodge and looked for Austin in the restaurant. He waved me over and was already seated with a bottle of wine at our table and a starter ready to dig into.

  “Hey,” I said, walking over to the table.

  He stood up and gave me a big hug. Austin was dressed in a pair of jeans and a blue flannel shirt. He looked really good, relaxed. I guess a good make-out session would do that to a person.

  “Those look delicious,” I said, eyeing the beef skewers.

  “They are. I thought it’d be nice if you didn’t have to wait.”

  “That’s very nice of you. You obviously know me well,” I teased.

  “I actually think I do,” he laughed. “You haven’t changed as much as I thought you would’ve after you left.”