Courting Innocence

by Kimberly Dean

  She turned around in his arms, and their mouths came together fast. Her hair was tangled around her face. She moaned as their fronts came into contact. His chest pressed into her breasts until they plumped, and her nipples throbbed.

  Oh, she’d missed him like this.

  He swung her towards the bed. The room was beginning to tilt when Erin remembered the promise she’d made to herself. She wrapped a leg around him and held on. ‘You first.’

  His hand was tracing the thin line of material that rode her buttocks, and they clenched reflexively. She knew he’d like it.

  She ignored the distraction and pushed him backwards. ‘On the bed, King.’

  He didn’t argue.

  And she took control.

  She kicked his shirt out of the way and went for his trousers. They were already loosened, so it was an easy fix. She pulled them down and his cock sprang out, thick and erect. The tiny placket of her G-string became damp.

  She wrapped her hand around him, and his hips rose. When she swept her thumb over the blunt head of him, it happened again.

  ‘Don’t tease,’ he warned.

  She didn’t want to tease. She wanted to show him how much she cared for him.

  ‘I won’t,’ she promised. The music in the room was now a pulsating heartbeat. Standing so he could see, she completed the strip act until all she wore were the shoes and his ankle bracelet. It felt warm on her skin. Her body felt strong and vibrant. Feminine.

  There was just one more thing.

  She picked up the blindfold off the nightstand. ‘Put it on?’

  His gaze blistered her, and a muscle in his jaw worked. She held her breath, but then he grabbed the black fabric and put it on himself.

  He lay back, but his breaths were ragged.

  Erin squeezed her thighs together tightly. He was truly giving in to her.

  She climbed on to the bed with him. She still had the platform shoes on. They’d probably tear the sheets, but she didn’t care. She spread her hands on his chest. It had been a long time since she’d been allowed to explore.

  She started with his pecs.

  ‘I’ve missed you,’ she whispered as she bent down and kissed him right over the heart. ‘I’ve missed touching you and talking with you.’

  She dragged her tongue over his nipple. ‘Hearing you laugh.’

  She worked her way down. His torso was so heavily roped, she knew he’d not only been spending more time at the office. He’d been in the gym.

  She kissed the tension she found there, too, but his belly only cinched in tighter.

  ‘We need to be stronger together,’ she whispered. She stroked his biceps. ‘I need you, Colton.’

  ‘Sunny.’

  He blindly pulled her up for a kiss, but afterwards she continued on her mission. She intended to touch and kiss every inch of his body until he stopped fighting.

  Fighting her, fighting himself, fighting the situation…

  If that was what it took for him to understand her feelings for him, she’d do it until the sun rose.

  She set about her ministrations until his hands were clenching at her, and his body was straining. ‘Erin,’ he said hoarsely.

  She glanced up from where she was at his feet.

  His mouth was set tight, and his jaw was locked.

  He looked so aroused, she couldn’t resist. Crawling up his body, she assumed her position. She straddled his hips and guided him between her legs.

  His hands settled on her thighs. One dropped lower, searching, until it clapped over her ankle…the one encircled by his bracelet…Erin moaned and brought them fully together.

  He felt thick as he burrowed up into her, and urgency gripped her.

  ‘I want you,’ she murmured. ‘Stop pushing me away.’

  She began to pump, and he groaned.

  ‘Stop trying to hide how we feel about one another.’ She braced her hands against his shoulders. ‘My family would want this for me.’

  His hips pumped up into her again – but then he froze.

  The strain in his face was clear. A sound ripped from his throat, and then he was tearing the blindfold off.

  Erin sat back in surprise, but then she felt the room spinning again.

  She ended up on her back.

  His eyes burned down at her, but he determinedly slowed his breaths. When he began to thrust, the tempo was slow and controlled.

  Dutiful.

  Erin let out a cry of frustration. She reached for him and swung her hips up. He used his weight to control her and continued to mechanically fuck her.

  She writhed beneath him. She didn’t want to be fucked. She’d wanted to make love to him.

  Even as his body penetrated hers, she could feel him denying himself. Withdrawing emotionally. She raked her nails down his back. ‘Give it to me,’ she begged.

  He thrust roughly, but then regained control.

  Erin sagged against the mattress, going limp. She took his thrusts, but her hope was fading…until he wrapped his hand around her ankle again.

  The thin gold chain bit into her skin.

  ‘You don’t want all of me,’ he said fiercely.

  ‘Oooh,’ she moaned. Her need was back, and it was desperate. ‘Yes, I do.’

  But she’d take what she could get.

  Her knees were still bent with the heavy shoes on her feet. It wasn’t quite the missionary position. She clapped her hand over his, keeping it right where it was, and wrapped herself around him.

  ‘I love you,’ she whispered in his ear.

  He bucked. ‘Don’t.’

  ‘I love you,’ she repeated.

  He swore, but he was too far gone to stop. He began pumping faster.

  She told him she loved him over and over again until she got what she wanted. He fucked her hard, until the bed squeaked and the headboard bounced. The climax came over them both, and it came fast.

  Erin kissed his temple as he came down upon her. ‘I love you,’ she said one last time.

  ‘Don’t.’

  Her lips hesitated against his skin. He wasn’t asking her to stop telling him.

  He was asking her not to give him her heart.

  The next morning, Erin was awake and at the kitchen table when she heard Colton upstairs. She swallowed hard and quickly checked that there was no dampness on her cheekbones. When the staircase betrayed footsteps, she wrapped her hands around her coffee cup and braced herself.

  Stay strong, she told herself. Buck up.

  Never let them see you sweat.

  He came to a stop in the archway, and his shoulders relaxed. ‘There you are.’

  No, she hadn’t run out on him.

  Not yet.

  ‘There’s coffee,’ she said with a nod.

  ‘Thanks.’ He couldn’t quite meet her gaze, but that was fine with her.

  She couldn’t meet his either.

  His hair was mussed, and he’d thrown on only a pair of jeans. They rode low on his hips, and his chest was bare. Her fingers itched to touch him. This was how she found him sexiest, but that didn’t matter any more, did it?

  Outside, a front was moving in. The snow hadn’t hit yet, but the wind was howling. She dreaded going out into it, but she’d deal.

  Anything was better than the chill here.

  She took another drink of her coffee. She needed the caffeine.

  Colton poured himself a cup and leaned against the counter to drink it.

  Erin could feel his gaze on her. She knew she didn’t look put together. She’d showered last night. Scoured herself, to tell the truth. She’d cried, too, but she’d never let him know. She’d crawled back onto the far side of the bed with her hair wet. It had dried into wild waves. She’d collected it into a ponytail, but she knew that without her makeup she looked about sixteen.

  A sharp bark of laughter nearly escaped her. Good thing she hadn’t hooked up with him then. She never would have been able to handle it when he’d had his fill and tossed her aside. She was barely
handling it now.

  Nina had been right.

  Erin took another drink of hot coffee when her throat thickened.

  ‘Erin,’ he said softly.

  She stood and went to the sink. She’d already cleaned last night’s dishes from the table and put them in the dishwasher. ‘I rented that pole from my gym. I’d appreciate it if you would return it so I can get my deposit back.’

  His brow furrowed. ‘Sure, but won’t you be going there anyway?’

  ‘I don’t think so.’ She washed out the cup and left it in the sink. ‘Not any more.’

  She headed out of the room.

  ‘Erin, about last night –’ He followed her, but that was when he saw her suitcase by the front door.

  She’d had it packed, but using it had never been an option.

  His gaze snapped back to her.

  Her arm felt heavy as she took her coat off the hook. A little part inside her waited for him to tell her not to go.

  But he didn’t.

  She picked up a piece of paper from the little table she’d put by the entryway. Sad first use for it, but it had served its purpose.

  She held the paper out for him. That muscle in his jaw flexed, but he came closer to take it. ‘What is this?’

  Erin pulled her hand back fast. She didn’t want him to touch her. She was on a fine wire as it was.

  She stared at his chest. ‘It’s notice that I want to cancel our agreement.’

  The air left him.

  She didn’t know why it was a surprise. ‘Your key is here, too.’

  Her chin trembled, but she lifted her gaze and, for the first time all morning, looked him in the eye.

  He looked like hell.

  ‘Goodbye, Colton.’ Her voice weakened. ‘I love you.’

  But she loved herself even more.

  She grabbed her roller bag, turned and left.

  Chapter Fifteen

  ‘Erin, are you OK?’ The knock on her bedroom door came late morning, and Sienna didn’t wait for a response. She opened the door, and her eyes widened when she peeked inside.

  Erin was still in bed. Her eyes felt like sandpaper, her head hurt and her back was sore. She’d broken up with Colton the day before, but she’d only texted her friend early this morning. If she’d slept much between, she didn’t remember it.

  Sienna stepped inside. ‘Oh, honey. Can I get you anything?’

  Erin pushed her hair out of her face. She must look like hell. ‘A fresh set of eyes. Can you come look at this?’

  She waved her friend over urgently, and the furrows in Sienna’s brow deepened. The bed was cluttered. She had to push aside books and sheets of paper before she could crawl on to an open space. ‘What is it?’

  ‘My résumé.’ Erin pushed the laptop on to her roommate’s lap and jotted another reminder in the notebook at her hip. She tilted her head from side to side to try to loosen the kink in her neck, but it had taken up permanent residence.

  Much like the hole in her heart.

  But she wasn’t going to wallow this time. She’d made this decision, and she knew why it had to be done. She clenched her teeth when she felt the tell-tale prickling in her tear ducts. ‘Let me know if I missed anything, or if it makes any sense at all.’

  Sienna shot her a look of concern. ‘OK.’

  Erin started sorting through a stack of papers. They were employment postings she’d printed out. She was casting a wide net and trying to think outside the box. She’d made a vow the last time this had happened that she’d stand on her own two feet. She’d come a long way since then, but she still hadn’t found a job.

  It was next on her to-do list.

  ‘You should add the decorating you did at your parents’ home for the holidays. Your work was featured in a national magazine.’

  ‘I don’t want to ride my parents’ coat-tails.’

  ‘OK.’ Sienna understood and didn’t argue. ‘Then you should include the decorating you did down at the soup kitchen. That wasn’t an assortment of papier-mâché turkeys. You made that place warm and inviting for everyone.’

  Erin nodded, and her ponytail flopped. It sat on the top of her head, but had loosened so much, it was about to fall out. She didn’t care. She was focused on one thing and one thing only. Self-preservation was funny that way.

  Sienna looked around the room. ‘Have you been at this all night?’

  ‘Mm hm.’

  ‘Erin.’ Her roommate laid her hand over the laptop keyboard as Erin tried to make edits. ‘Maybe it’s time you took a break.’

  Erin tilted back the screen and squinted at it. ‘Is it that bad?’

  ‘No, your résumé looks great.’

  ‘Maybe I should have Jason look at it. He’ll tell me the truth.’

  ‘Sure, fine. Get another opinion.’

  Sienna rubbed her back, and Erin sat up straighter. Her muscles were starting to cramp. Maybe a break wasn’t such a bad idea. She emailed the résumé to Jason before she forgot, then rubbed her eyes. Sienna’s sympathetic back rub was making her throat thicken again. She pushed back the covers, got out of bed and stretched.

  Sienna closed the laptop and leaned back against the pillows lining the headboard. ‘I thought I was coming over here to eat ice-cream for breakfast.’

  Erin pulled her arm across her chest to stretch her shoulder as she’d learned in dance class. ‘I’m not going to fall apart again.’

  ‘I can see that.’ Sienna tapped her fingers against the stack of job openings. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

  Talk about Colton not wanting her love? Talk about how she’d walked out to save herself? And maybe, in the back of her mind, save him? She shook her head.

  ‘Has he called?’

  ‘No.’ She’d checked her phone nearly every half-hour to make sure it hadn’t lost power or been accidentally muted. She knew her decision was the right one, but she couldn’t stop hoping he’d come to his senses. ‘What was your boss’s name at the Apple Tree Grille? Would you act as a reference for me?’

  ‘Erin, you are not working as a waitress.’

  ‘I’d prefer not, but I would.’ She had to keep busy.

  Sienna lifted the stack of papers. ‘Try these options first.’

  She set them down and patted the bed. ‘Talk to me.’

  Erin let out a shuddering breath and crawled back on to the bed. She lay on her stomach and wrapped her arms around the pillow. ‘It hurts so bad,’ she whispered.

  ‘I know.’

  So much worse than with her ex-fiancé. That had been sheer surprise and wounded pride. This break-up was slicing her up inside. ‘I tried to meet him halfway, but I can’t go any further.’

  ‘You’re right. He needs to step up. He loves you. I know he does. He’s just torn between his commitments.’

  It was more than that. It went deeper, but it was too private to share. ‘I can’t keep sneaking around.’

  ‘You shouldn’t have to.’

  ‘But I’m giving up so much.’

  ‘You stood up for yourself. It was a brave thing to do.’ Sienna unwound the ponytail holder from Erin’s hair and combed her fingers through the strands. Her own ice-blonde hair was down. It hung around her shoulders in sleek waves.

  She’d stood up for herself, too, only she’d landed her guy. Jason and she were like fire and ice. Had it been too much, Erin thought, to hope that she and Colton could have that dynamic a relationship? Their connection was deep; she could feel it down to her soul.

  She’d just never dreamed it would be so tenuous.

  She let out a shaky breath and propped herself up on her elbows. ‘About that résumé…’

  ‘Let it sit.’ Sienna swung her long legs off the bed and stood. ‘You need some food, some rest and a shower.’

  ‘A shower.’ Erin turned her head to look at the attached bathroom. ‘That might wake me up.’

  Her stomach gave a betraying grumble.

  ‘When was the last time you ate?’

&nb
sp; She bit her lip. She couldn’t remember. Had it been that breakfast she’d picked over at Colton’s while waiting to say goodbye?

  Sienna saw the tears welling up, and she held out her hand. ‘Come on.’

  Erin let herself be dragged out of bed. Once she was on her feet again, her energy waned. She had been going in high gear for too many hours. ‘Did you say ice-cream?’

  ‘I brought mint chocolate chip, chocolate peanut butter chunk, and strawberry.’

  ‘Mint chocolate chip.’

  The perfect breakfast for a wounded heart.

  Seeing Erin walk out the door hit Colton hard – even though he knew it was the right thing for her to do. They couldn’t go on the way they had been, but he didn’t see any other way they could be together.

  That didn’t mean he didn’t feel like he’d just been poleaxed.

  He didn’t make it to work that day, and he didn’t work from home. Instead, he sat in the new living area she’d decorated for him. He looked at the colour and the shelf of cars and the empty space on the sofa beside him. She was everywhere he turned. He could see her bright smile and sunny hair. He could hear her laugh, and he swore his fingertips were experiencing phantom memories of her smooth skin.

  Another bottle of Jack Daniel’s made its way on to his coffee table, but he left it sitting unopened before him. It just reminded him of why he’d had to drown himself in it the first time. The whiskey hadn’t worked then, and he knew damn well it wouldn’t work now.

  The hurt was too deep.

  If only she hadn’t told him she loved him…

  If only she hadn’t smiled at him…batted those baby-blue eyes…used him as a test subject for her cooking experiments…dropped by his office wearing thigh-high boots and nothing more…or strutted by him years ago in a hot-pink bikini…

  ‘Erin,’ he sighed. This hurt had been a long time coming.

  After that, Colton knew he had to keep himself busy. He packed his days with so many things to do, he didn’t have time to think. He threw himself headfirst into his case. When he went to the gym, he pushed himself so hard, the trainers were taking turns sending him home. He left himself no time to think about her.

  About how she might be doing…about where she was spending her time…or with whom…