Sex, Decisions & Rock n' Roll (Redemption Tour #2)

by Michelle Lee

“I’m good with that, but I have only one condition. Well, two actually.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “One, what we say stays between us.”

  “I can live with that.”

  “Good.”

  “And the second?”

  “I get to veto any questions you ask that are just either too embarrassing or you just don’t need to know the answer to them. You cool with that?”

  We reach the end of the hall, and Russell puts out his arm to stop me from opening the door. “Just give me a sec to check if it’s not crazy out near the cars, okay?”

  I nod. Russell opens the door and bright sunlight filters in, blinding me for the moment. Then darkness eats up the light, and I stand alone in the empty hallway. I can hear Dash singing in the distance, and it warms my heart. His voice is like nothing I’ve ever heard when he sings. It’s so gritty and raw and full of so much emotion. I close my eyes and just listen the best I can, letting his voice and words wash over me.

  “I focus on the pain that stretches out my endless days. When the darkness consumes me I feel some peace, but… it’s never enough… it’s never enough…”

  His lyrics… the song makes my heart ache. I can’t imagine what he was going through when he wrote it. The pain is evident in it, and I doubt most of his fans even realize it. That’s what bothers me so much about them. All they see is the pretty package that is Dash and nothing else. I’m sure some of them take in the actual words he sings and notice the pain behind them, but I doubt they dwell on them too long before they’re screaming his name and dreaming of being with him. But I know the real Dash. I know the real pain behind his words. I know him. And he knows the real me. That realization knocks the breath out of me. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own pain, I completely forgot about Dash’s. He’s given me so much, and what have I given him? I need to do more. I need to show him more. I need to be the woman he deserves to be with. I need to be better than what I am at the moment. I need him. I need us.

  “All good, Jules, let’s go.”

  On shaky legs I make my way to the door. Russell wraps his arm around me as we exit. I hear them before I see them—Redemption fans. Their screams go straight to my ears. When I look around Russell’s muscular, bulky arm, I notice a barricade and then the fans behind them. All screaming, most holding signs claiming their undying love for the guys. I few call out to me asking how Dash is in real life, and I can’t help but smile. I don’t hear any words of disdain toward me as Russell leads us to waiting open car. I climb in, and Russell takes the passenger seat up front after closing my door. The car eases forward and turns away from the barricade, from the fans.

  I suddenly feel tired as a yawn escapes. Easing back into the seat, my hand touches something next to me. When I look down, a small white box with a little silver bow on top lies on the seat. I wonder where it came from and if it’s for me. “Hey, Russell, there’s a gift back here. Do you know who it’s for?”

  He looks over his shoulder to see what I’m talking about. “I’m not sure. Open it and see what’s in it, I guess.” He turns back around. I pick up the little box and notice a small slip of paper sticking out from underneath the bow. Looking more closely at it, I see my name elegantly written. “It has my mine on it.”

  “Then it must be for you. Dash knew what car we would be taking, so maybe he put it in here.”

  “That makes sense.”

  “Are you going to open it? I doubt there’s anything embarrassing in a box that small.”

  “I hadn’t thought of that, but thanks for putting that in my head.”

  “No problem.” Russell again turns his attention back to the road ahead.

  The box feels light in my hands. It’s not wrapped, so I easily lift the cover off. When I do, I find tissue paper folded neatly inside. As I pull back the paper, I catch a glimpse of something gold nestled inside. My heart pounds a little harder, a little faster the more I remove the tissue paper. For something so small, there sure is a lot of freakin’ tissue paper. Finally the top layer is removed, and what lies beneath stops my heart. Stops my breath. Stops time. Stops everything. With a shaky hand I pull out the delicate gold chain, and dangling from it is half a heart with the initials B.C. It’s the necklace and charm Blake gave to me when we first started dating. He holds the other half with my initials on it. My body starts to shake. He knows where I am. He knows how to find me.

  “I thought I’d hear you squealing by now. What? Dash didn’t give a good present?”

  “Ummmm… something… something like that…” My mind folds in on itself, trying to protect it from the fact that Blake knows where I am… exactly where I am, but how?

  “Jules, everything okay?” I look up to find Russell looking at me in the mirror on his visor.

  I clear my throat, trying to dislodge the emotional knot that has lodged its way in it. “Um, yeah, I’m fine. I’m fine.”

  “Are you sure? You’re white as a ghost. What are you not telling me?” Russell turns around, his eyes fixed on mine.

  I hold up the necklace, the charm dangling back and forth.

  “That’s not from Dash?”

  I shake my head as a tear slips down my cheek. I’m trying so hard not to break down, but it’s proving to more difficult than I fight against.

  “Who’s it from?” Russell is completely turned around in his front seat. The seatbelt is cutting tightly across his chest.

  I shake my head again as more tears fall.

  “Remember twenty questions, Jules. Who’s it from?” His voice his firm and authoritative, but there’s also an underlining hint of concern and protectiveness as well.

  “Veto.”

  “Nuh uh, who’s it from?” If I didn’t know him, I would be scared of him at the moment.

  I swallow, the lump getting stuck along the way down. I swallow again and again, eventually dislodging it. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Deep breath in, deep breath out.

  “It’s… it’s from my ex…” The words taste vile on my tongue.

  “You’re ex? What am I missing, Jules?

  How can I tell him? Blake said he would ruin Dash, ruin everything, and I can’t allow that to happen. I told Dr. Hoffman enough to satisfy her, but she doesn’t know the whole story. She doesn’t know the complete truth. But Dash trusts Russell. He trusts him so much that he will only allow Russell to be my security. He can protect me. He protects Dash, so maybe he can protect us from Blake. No. No, he can’t. Blake was able to send me a message clear across the Atlantic Ocean and have it land right in my lap. I can’t risk it. But I’ve already said too much. I said my ex, and my reaction to the gift isn’t one of someone whose ex isn’t over a broken heart.

  “Jules, you can trust me. Whatever you say is between you and me unless you want me to tell someone else, okay?”

  “I can trust you?”

  “Yes.”

  “You won’t tell anyone if I tell you.”

  “I won’t unless you want me to.”

  I close my eyes and say a silent prayer, hoping I’m doing the right thing. “It’s from my abusive ex, and he’s found me—again.”

  I NOW UNDERSTAND why Dash trusts Russell so much. Why he wants him to look after me when he’s not around. In such a short amount of time, Russell has become not only my protector against this crazy world Dash lives in, but also a friend. I told him everything, and surprisingly it was easy to do. Russell just sat there looking at me, nodding to encourage me to continue when I thought it would be too difficult to. He never once asked a question or spoke a single word. I guess he was being a good friend and letting me get it all out. Once I was done, he stood up, took my hand, and pulled me into his arms. He gave me the biggest and tightest hug I’ve ever gotten. And I melted into the comfort of it. Once he let me go, he paced around my hotel room, his fists clenching and unclenching over and over. I thought he was going to wear a hole in the carpet from all the pacing he was doing. When he finally completed lap one hundred, he sto
pped, turning toward me with his hands on the top of his head. The look on his face was one filled with concern and anger.

  “Does Dash know? Of course he knows. That was a stupid question.” Russell continues his pacing.

  “He knows about my relationship with Blake. He just doesn’t…”

  Russell’s footsteps falter, and he quickly turns toward me. “Are you telling me Dash doesn’t know that… that… that the son of bitch has been in contact with you recently? Come on, Jules, that’s just… he needs to… He needs to know.”

  I know he’s right, but he doesn’t understand what Blake is really capable of. When he said he would hurt Dash, I believe him. I believe everything he’s ever told me, except for the times he said he was sorry. At first I believed him, I believed him with everything I had, but then when he first slapped me, first choked me, I knew his love was a lie. But when he threatens and it’s a promise, I believe him.

  “I understand he needs to know, Russell, but if I tell him and Blake finds out… I can’t take that chance… Blake is serious… he’s done things to… I can’t… I can’t… Dash can’t know… I shouldn’t have told you… now you’re in danger because of me and if anything were to happen…” My mind wanders, conjuring up all the possible things that could happen to Russell thanks to Blake. He’s twisted and has gone to great lengths to get rid of who he was and becoming Chef Becc. I wrap my arms around my waist, trying to hold everything in that it wants to come spilling out. There is so much turmoil and chaotic emotion inside me, I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, or puke. Maybe a combination of all three.

  “Hey, Jules, don’t… don’t cry… I can’t… shit… I can’t handle that shit and if Dash found out I made you cry, he’d fucking kill me.” Russell comes to stand in front of me and pulls into another bone-crushing, yet comforting hug. Russell releases his death grip on me and steps away as he reaches out and pats my head. A small laugh escapes my mouth.

  “That’s better. Laughing I can handle. Crying not so much. It’s gonna be okay, Jules, I promise… we’ll figure something out. But I think eventually Dash needs to find out, otherwise if this guy is as unstable and dangerous as you’ve described and something were to happen to you… I don’t even want to think about what that would do to Dash… his world would end, but he would probably take me out first, since I know about this and I’m not going to tell him.”

  My eyes quickly look up and find Russell looking at me. A frown marks his lips, his brown eyes slightly glossy and filled with worry. I can’t believe what he’s just said, though. I thought he would tell Dash right away. “You’re not going to tell him? Really?”

  Russell reaches out and grips my shoulders, and his big, bulking body bends down to look me right in the eyes. “You have my word. I won’t say anything to Dash… yet… but if I see that you are in real danger or if you hear from that fucker again while you’re here, then I’m going to open my big fat mouth and you won’t be able to stop me. But… I think you should be the one to tell him. He has a right to know what’s going on, Jules, and from my experience keeping secrets isn’t a good thing… even if done for the right reasons.”

  I nod. “You’re right. I will tell him, but not yet. I don’t want to become more of a distraction…”

  Russell interrupts. “You’re not a distraction, Jules, trust me. I’ve known Dash since he’s gotten into this business, and one thing I’ve come to learn being around Dash since he’s started dating you is you are his number one priority now. Yes, he loves being the lead singer of this band and playing guitar for his fans, but he would leave it all in a heartbeat if it meant he got to keep you safe and with him forever. And if you’re a distraction, you’re the very best kind of distraction because I’ve never seen Dash so focused and so alive since before you walked into his life. Now forget about what Roland has said, forget about those damn groupies, and just remember that you are far more important than anything else. If you were my sister, and I kinda feel like you are, I’d be damn thrilled to know she’s with a man like Dash, okay?”

  I’m so touched by his words that my eyes burn with the tears that are threatening to fall down my cheeks. I sniffle to hold them back and think of some witty comment to lighten the mood in the room. “You’re not so bad yourself, and you’re like that pain-in-the-ass big brother I never wanted but got stuck with anyway.”

  A small smile pulls at the corner of Russell’s mouth while he shakes his head, and a chuckle fills the room. “Beautiful and a smart mouth. Dash is a very lucky guy. Okay, sis, I’m gonna head out and let you get some rest before I come back to pick you up for the show tonight. Val should be back later on, so let her know I can take her back to the stadium as well.” Russell gives me a quick kiss on the forehead and then walks to the door.

  Before he can open it, I stop him. “Thanks, Russell, for everything.”

  He turns around, a mega-watt smile on his lips. “I’ve got your back, Jules. Nothing’s gonna get to you if I can help it. Now get some rest. I’ll see you in a few hours.” He opens the door, giving me one last dimpled smile before he’s gone.

  I take a deep breath in and slowly let it out. “I think a long, hot bath is in order and then a nice little nap.” The weight of the situation is pushing down on me, and I just need to do anything I can to relax before I see Dash tonight. I don’t want to do anything to cause a problem and have Roland have another reason to not like me. I know what Russell said, but it’s hard to forget Roland’s words and everyone else’s today, but I’m going to do my damnedest and try.

  AFTER A NICE hot bath and a nap that surprisingly was devoid of any nightmares related to Blake, I feel much better. I get dressed, putting on a pair of skinny black jeans, a sparkly purple silk top that Tracy bought and insisted I packed, along with a pair of black studded ankle boots. They’re not too high that I’m going to break my neck trying to walk in them. But they are sexy as hell and make the outfit. They make me feel like a rocker chick, believe it or not. Like I have any idea what would make a rocker chick, but I have a feeling these boots might be a start.

  Like he promised, Russell came to pick me up. I tried to call Val’s room, but she never answered. I assumed she had come back to change and then headed back to the stadium. Something was up with my friend, and I had a feeling it had to do with a certain drummer—still. I had my suspicions earlier on when we met the guys the first time, but seeing her around them, she gives Vic glances every once in a while and tries to hide the fact that she’s doing so. I can’t imagine wanting to be with someone and not being able to.

  The ride over is quiet. Russell only asks how I’m feeling after my nap, and then his attention is at the passing scenery out the window. I know I’ve put him in a difficult position, but I hope he truly understands my need to keep Dash in the dark at the moment. I shouldn’t have told Russell as much as I had, but the words just came pouring out and I couldn’t stop. And not only will Dash be upset if he finds out I kept this from him, but so will Val. She’s been there since the beginning and more than anyone understands what Blake is capable of. I’m sure if she knew he was back she would have first kicked my ass for keeping it from her, and then gone on a rampage to find Blake and then proceeded to kick his ass too.

  The car pulls up to a back entrance, I presume, and to my surprise there aren’t any fans—girls—loitering around. I half expected the place to be crawling with scantily clad women vying for the attention of the guys. Russell exits the car and opens my door. He’s in security mode, the confidante I talked to earlier today nowhere to be found. Knowing that makes me relax even further. I was afraid Russell would bring up our earlier conversation and throw me for a loop, but this… this I can handle. “Stay close to me, Jules,” Russell instructs and then talks in a walkie-talkie, letting them know of my arrival. He guides us through a maze of hallways and I can hear the screaming fans, even though they are nowhere to be seen. I can imagine if I were in the heart of the stadium, it would be deafening judging by what I’
m hearing through the halls. Russell continues to look down at me, always smiling, as we continue on our journey. We come to a corridor and when I look down it, not more than fifty feet away I can see the stadium seating. The chanting and screaming has become even louder—almost deafeningly louder. I leave Russell’s side and make my way down the corridor. I just need to see this with my own eyes. It was different when I saw them perform from the skybox. I didn’t have a personal connection like I do now. I stop at the entrance, and my eyes take in the sight before me.

  The stadium is packed. I mean, there isn’t an available seat left. Redemption has definitely made an impression in Rome, selling out in record time. My chest can’t help but swell up with pride. Dash and the guys have worked so long and hard for this, and finally it’s paying off. Many hold signs professing their love for the guys and chanting “Redemption. Redemption. Redemption.” I can’t wait to see Dash and the guys take the stage and perform in front of all these people. I can’t wait to see Dash. “It’s something, isn’t it?” Russell comes up behind me, peering over my shoulder. “It sure is.” I can’t take my eyes scanning around the stadium. It’s different seeing it from this level. Being in the skybox everything looked small, but like this, everything looks larger than life. “Come on. Someone is waiting to see you and is probably wondering where the fuck you are and will ring my neck if I don’t deliver you to him soon.”

  We finally make our way backstage, not going unnoticed by many disappointed female fans. I start my search for Dash. My eyes scan all over the place trying to find him; you would think being so tall, spotting Dash was would be easy. I crane my neck trying to look around and over everyone. Russell points off to the left, and my eyes immediately find what they have been dying to see—Dash. He’s talking with someone from the crew, being very animated, until his gaze meets mine. I feel all squishy inside when he gives me his panty-dropping smirk. My body heats up, and I begin to vibrate with anticipation; I can’t wait to be in his arms. He says a few more things to the crew members and then he slowly, torturously makes his way toward me.