Not Your Hero

by Anna Brooks

He squints his eyes and sits down in front of me. My hand falls away, and I immediately miss the warmth he provides.

  “What did he say?”

  “Sam, I-”

  “What did he tell you?” His voice is embarrassed, unsure. Nothing like the Sam I know.

  “Everything.”

  15

  Sam

  I DROP MY HEAD, ashamed she knows my disgusting past.

  “Now you know.”

  I take a deep breath, then stand up, ready to leave. She won’t want anything to do with me now—knowing what I come from, the kind of life I’ve led, who my father is.

  “Where are you going?” she asks, standing with me.

  “Leaving.”

  “Why?” At the confusion in her voice, I turn and find her brows drawn together.

  I run my hands over my face and look at the ceiling. “No way you’ll want me anymore. And I don’t blame you.”

  Courtney’s warm hand on my arm sends a bolt of comfort through me. “If anything, it makes me want you more.”

  I whip my head in her direction, and her soft smile makes my knees weak.

  “What?”

  “What he told me, how he told me . . .” She shivers, and I grip her upper arms.

  “Did he hurt you?”

  “No, no. Nothing like that.”

  She grips my hands and takes me to the couch. We sit down, and she leans over and gently kisses me.

  “You’re too good to me,” I tell her. With everything she’s going through, she still tries to comfort me. “I want to get back to all this talk about us, but I need to know what he said about Ben.” I’m really not worried about this bogus custody battle. I know my dad. And there’s no way he would lose to Denton. If there’s one thing about Jerome Monroe, he doesn’t say what he doesn’t mean. And he said he would help.

  She smiles, and I know the good news is coming. “He said everything would be resolved by the end of the week.”

  “What?” I smile.

  “Yeah. I guess Matt’s new wife got pregnant by some governor, and Denton covered it up. The birth, the adoption.” Bouncing in her seat, she claps, obviously excited. I dig my fingers into the palm of my hand to keep from grabbing her beautiful tits. I swear she turns me into a horny teenager. “He didn’t seem fazed at all and said his assistant would stop by with some papers for me to sign. He also told me to tell you . . .” she trails off and looks away from me.

  “What, babe?” I turn her chin and force her to look at me. She needs to know she can tell me. “It’s okay. I can handle it.” And I can. I’ve heard anything and everything from that man. It doesn’t surprise me that he gave her a message for me.

  Her mouth opens a couple of times, and she looks away again. I grip her head with both hands and rest my forehead on hers. “It’s okay,” I whisper.

  “He said that you were even now. That he never wanted to see you again.” A tear rolls out of her eye. “I’m sorry.”

  I’m not surprised but honestly relieved. The past eight years I’ve been avoiding reality, living because of my past. But now. Now I want to live in spite my past.

  “Hey,” I whisper. She raises her head to look at me. “It’s okay. Really. Don’t worry about me.”

  “He was horrible, Sam. I couldn’t believe how . . . mean he sounded.”

  “Let’s just focus on Ben right now.”

  She nods and leans over to kiss me. I meet her halfway, and when our lips touch, an understanding passes, a clarity. This is a new beginning for us. We pull apart, and I help her stand.

  “Have you eaten lunch?” I ask.

  “No. I’m not hungry.”

  “You’ve gotta eat, babe.”

  “I know, but until this is really over . . .”

  I get it. My stomach’s been in knots all morning, too. I can’t imagine how she’s feeling.

  “Wanna watch a movie or something? You can tell me more about what Jerome said.”

  “Yeah.”

  We end up leaving the TV off, but she tells me almost verbatim everything that went on. I’m sure he showed up early hoping I wouldn’t be here. As much as I hate she had to deal with him on her own, it may have been for the better because there’s a good chance I would have done or said something that would have pissed him off enough to walk away.

  Courtney’s happiness is rubbing off on me, and before I know it, she looks at the clock and quickly stands.

  “I’ve gotta go get Ben from school.”

  “Can I come with you?” The words come out before I think. Although, I want this. I do. I want Courtney, and Ben comes with her. I want both of them.

  She pauses for a moment, and I panic, thinking I overstepped. But then tucks her hair behind her ears and grins. “Yeah. That would be nice.”

  I wait for her at the front door, and we walk to her car together.

  “Why don’t you let me drive?” This has been an emotional day for her, and I’d feel better if she could just relax for a minute. Plus, I’m a man. Men drive.

  “It’s okay. I can.”

  “You’ve had a long day, and you’re exhausted. Please.” I hold out my hand for the keys, and she rolls her eyes before handing them to me.

  “Fine, here.”

  I give her a little tug when the metal touches my fingers and pull her in for a quick kiss.

  “Oh, guess what?” I ask, pulling onto the street.

  “What?”

  “Nate, ya know the guy who works for me?”

  “Yeah, I’ve met him a couple times. He seems really nice.”

  “He and his wife, Janie, had their baby this morning. A little girl.”

  “Really?” she squeaks. “That’s so exciting. What did they name her?”

  “Umm, I don’t know actually. His family all came in, and he never told me.”

  “Aww. That’s sweet. I bet they’re happy.” I steal a glance over and am happy to see a genuine smile on her face. I haven’t seen much of that lately, and I’ve missed it.

  “Yeah. He was flying pretty high. He’ll be a good dad.”

  “Is he taking time off work?”

  I nod. “He said when the baby was born he would take a couple weeks.”

  “Can you survive without him?” she jokes.

  I rub the back of my neck because I’ve been really busy lately, and I don’t know how I’m going to manage all the house calls on my own. Some of the stuff requires two people. Plus, he does most of the paperwork. I hate paperwork.

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “Let me know if you need any help. I mean, I’m not very handy but . . .”

  I pull into the pick-up lot for the school and put the car in park. Turning in my seat so I can look directly at her, I say, “You’re amazing, you know that?”

  She looks shyly away and mumbles, “No, I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are. You’re going through probably one of the worst things a single parent could right now, but yet you offer your help to me.” She raises her head and smiles. “Really. You’re great. Ben’s lucky to have you.”

  “Thanks.”

  We leave the car and stand under a tree in the front of the school. Courtney leans against me, and I happily wrap my arm around her. The bell rings, and a million kids run out. Ben’s little head is bouncing between a bunch of them, and Courtney has to take a step back when he jumps into her arms.

  “Hi, Mom!”

  She kneels down and wraps her arms around him, pressing her face into his head. I step back and let her have her moment. There’s more to this hug than a typical picking up from school hug. It’s confidence and relief that she’s not going to lose her son. He laughs and looks up, finally noticing me.

  “Hi, Sam. What are you doing here?”

  I clear my throat from the lump in the center of it. A huge part of me is terrified to take this leap, but the sparkle in his eyes makes it so worth it.

  “I came with your mom to get you.” I suddenly worry he may not want me around, that me being
here is weird for him. “Is that okay?”

  “Yes,” he says instantly, looking at me and smiling just like his mother.

  “Good.”

  When Courtney stands, she tilts her head and wipes her eyes. I reach out and wrap my arm around her shoulder and Ben grabs her hand. We walk back to the parking lot, listening to Ben talk about his day.

  “Courtney,” an angry male voice calls right as we get to her car.

  She freezes, and my guard goes up.

  When we all turn, he waves a paper and stomps closer. I stand in front of her and push Ben between us.

  “Matt,” she whispers, fear dripping out of her voice.

  “What the hell is this?” he yells.

  I take a brief moment to assess him. He’s taller than I am, but he’s skinny. Expensive suit and pink shirt. His face is flushed, no doubt from anger, and I turn my back to him to talk to Courtney and Ben.

  “Go in the car and turn the radio on, okay? I’ll be there in a second.” I hand her the keys, and my anger builds a little higher when her shaky hands grip them.

  “Courtney!” he yells again, and she jumps.

  “Look at me, babe.” She does, and I finish. “Take Ben to the car and turn the radio on. I’ll be right there. Ben?”

  He looks back from Matt to me, confused.

  “Can you go get in your seat, buddy? I’ll be right there.”

  He shrugs. “Sure.”

  Courtney’s face is pale, and her eyes widen.

  “I got this. It’s fine. Go.” I give her a little shove, and she glances over my shoulder once more before grabbing Ben and shuffling them to the car.

  “I’m not done talking to you!” Matt yells.

  I walk to him as calmly as I can and grip his bicep, pulling him away from not only Ben and Courtney, but from the rest of the people picking up their kids. He tries to rip his arm away, but I’ve got so much anger in me right now that there’s no way he can break my hold.

  “Hey,” he whines. “Let me go. Who the fuck do you think you are?”

  “Shut up, asshole,” I grit out. “Have some fucking respect. There are kids around.”

  Once we round the corner, I shove him back a little, and he rubs his arm. Pussy. I cross my arms across my chest while he rights himself.

  “Who are you?” Matt asks.

  I ignore his question. “What do you want?”

  “I need to talk to Courtney. Fucking bitch is blackmailing me and my wife.”

  “No. Her lawyer is blackmailing you and your wife. And don’t call her a bitch.”

  “Again. Who the hell are you?”

  “I’m the man in her and Ben’s life. And you are not. Never have been.” I lean forward to emphasize my next words. “And never fucking will be.”

  “He’s my son. And she kept it from me.”

  Can’t believe this fucker thinks he’s gonna try to pull this shit on me. “Really? Where have you been the past five years?”

  “I . . .”

  “Exactly. You haven’t been.” I say a silent prayer up to my mom right now, hoping my words don’t come back to bite me in the ass. “You think you can win this? Huh? You think you’re gonna swoop in after kicking a pregnant woman out, after abandoning her and Ben?” I refuse to call him his son. “You want nothing to do with him. Your new in-laws just want the publicity. And I’ll only tell you this one more time. You will not win.”

  “You don’t know shit.” His anger is now starting to rise, and I take a step back. I don’t want to get into a fight with this dickface. At least not here, not now.

  “I know this. Those two people,” I point back to the parking lot, “the ones you left to fend for themselves. They’re mine now. And I’ll fucking die before I let your sorry ass anywhere near them. You hear me?”

  He runs a hand through his hair and glares at me. “You’ve got no idea who you’re up against. Denton is a beast. He doesn’t like losing.”

  “Yeah? Well, Monroe is a fucking monster, and he doesn’t lose.” I look around and am relieved nobody seems to be watching us. “Listen. We both know you’re doing this because of the family you married into. But I’m telling you now, stop. Do you really want it splashed across the newspapers that your wife had an affair with a sixty-year-old married governor and gave the kid up for illegal adoption?”

  His face pales and he takes a step back, shocked. “That’s-” He scrunches the paper in his hand and steps toward me. “Denton sealed that. There’s no way anyone can find that out.”

  “I’m not so sure. I think you need to go home and have a little chat with your wife and father-in-law. Find out what’s more important. Once they decide saving their name outweighs whatever the hell this act you have going on with wanting to be a dad, you’ll sign the fucking papers. Then you’ll never breathe Courtney or Ben’s names again.”

  “Who the hell do you think you are?”

  I stick out my hand, and he hesitantly takes it. I squeeze and answer. “Sam Monroe.” His eyes widen slightly. “And you think my dad is ruthless? Try me. Try to fuck with them. Just fucking try, and I’ll instill an entire new world of hurt on your ass so fast, you’ll wish it was my piece of shit father fighting you behind paper and money.”

  He rips his hand away and steps closer.

  “You threatening me?”

  “Fuck yeah, I am. You wanna test me?”

  We stare each other down, and he finally gives up, throwing his arms in the air. “I don’t want the little brat anyways. You can have them. Fuck all of you.”

  I watch until he rounds the corner then rest my hands on my knees. I meant every word I said, too. I know what he’s about, I grew up with money hungry lawyers. Whether he intended to or not, I learned some shit from my dad. And I know how to read people, and Matt is nothing but a little pussy trying to kiss his new daddy’s ass.

  I can guarantee those papers will be signed and delivered by the end of the week.

  I roll my shoulders and head back to the car. As soon as Courtney sees me, she gets out and shuts the door. She runs to me, worry splashed all over her face.

  “What happened? What did he say? Oh, my God, he’s going to try to take-”

  I cut her off with a quick kiss. She stumbles a bit, and I steady her.

  “It’s fine. Everything’s fine. Let’s go get ice cream.”

  “Sam. You can’t just kiss me to distract me. I deserve to know what he said.”

  Ben is staring out of the window, worried.

  “And I’ll tell you. Later.” I smile really big, to reassure Ben. “But right now, Ben is scared. Everything is fine. Matt is gone.”

  “But-”

  “No. No buts. Ice cream. Then we’ll talk later.”

  I walk around the car, and right before I open the door, she calls out to me.

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Are you ready?”

  She tilts her head and smiles. “Yeah, Sam. I’m ready. Are you?” Clearly, she’s asking about more than ice cream.

  I rest my arms on the top of the car and lean closer to her. “I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life.”

  16

  Courtney

  SINCE THE FIRST MOMENT I held Ben in my arms, I’ve been a nervous wreck. I was petrified he would get sick as a baby, scared he would die in his sleep. I was afraid he’d hurt himself every time he tried something new. I constantly doubted, and still do, everything and anything I did; worried I would ruin him for life. When he started asking about his dad, fear of not being enough crept to the surface and made me question myself as a single mother even more.

  But when I read the court papers and thought I might lose him, horror flooded my body. If it wasn’t for Sam and his dad, I don’t know where I would be right now. Certainly not sitting at an ice cream parlor, eating Blue Moon at four on a Monday afternoon, after seeing my ex for the first time in five years. Especially after he just tried to sue me for custody of the child he
donated his sperm for.

  “Court?” Sam’s laughing voice pulls me from my thoughts.

  “Yeah?”

  “Did you hear what he just said?” He tilts his head toward Ben, who has more chocolate on his face than in his mouth.

  “No, sorry.” I lean closer to Ben. “What’s up, honey?”

  “I want Chloe to sleep over.”

  I cough to prevent from choking, and Sam lowers his head to hide his laughter.

  “Oh, well. I don’t know.” Can I do that? Do girls have sleepovers with little boys in kindergarten? That just seems . . . wrong. “We’ll talk about it later.”

  Luckily, he’s an easygoing kid because he shrugs and continues to eat his ice cream off the cone.

  “What are your plans for the rest of the day?” Sam asks.

  “I work tonight. Mona is coming over at seven.”

  His eyes harden and the hand that rests on my thigh tightens for a brief moment. “How many days do you work there this week?” His voice has taken on an angry tone.

  “Aside from tonight, I work Friday and Saturday night.”

  He nods but doesn’t respond. When he abruptly stands, he kicks his chair back and it crashes into the empty table behind us. I jump, and Ben stops with his tongue sticking out mid-lick, but quickly resumes eating.

  “Sam,” I whisper.

  He grabs his garbage. “I’ll be outside.” Without looking back, he exits.

  What the hell? Why is he pissed off all of the sudden? I swear that man has more mood swings than a woman with PMS.

  “Is he mad?” Ben asks, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt.

  “Use a napkin. And no, I don’t think so.” I smile as convincing as I can and dip a napkin in water to get the chocolate off his mouth. I hope that he doesn’t sense my frustration. “Do you need to go potty before we go home?”

  “No.”

  “All right, grab your garbage and let’s go.”

  We meet Sam outside, and he silently opens our doors before driving us home. Ben is stuffed; I can tell because he’s not talking. I lean my head back on my seat and stare out the window. Sam’s hand reaches over for mine, and I hesitantly lace my fingers with his. I don’t understand how he can be so loving and protective one minute then storming out like a child for a reason I don’t even know the next. Keeping up with him is exhausting. And as much as there’s something worth fighting for with him, I wonder if I’m strong enough.