Lone Eagle

by Danielle Steel

  “Is it still all right if I come back tonight, Kate?” he asked her so humbly that it touched her heart. No matter how guilty she felt, there was no way she could bring herself to say no.

  He came over half an hour later, and as always, they fell into bed. Their longing for each other was like a tidal wave, it swept everything in its wake, and left them gasping for air. Not being together for a week had seemed far too long.

  September flew by as soon as Labor Day was past. Joe had to go to California for a few days, and then he flew to Nevada for a test flight. He invited Kate to come along, but she didn't think she should. There was no way to explain it if Andy called. He had only called once or twice in the two months he'd been gone, it was almost impossible for him to call, but he wrote to her faithfully every day.

  By the end of September, Kate and Joe had been living together for two months. It had begun to seem comfortable and normal, as though they were married. He was so relaxed that one night, when her mother called, he almost answered the phone. Kate grabbed it from his hand before he could say anything, and they both looked startled when they realized what he'd almost done.

  She flew with him every weekend, went to the factory with him, he asked her opinions and she gave him advice. And the people in his office had begun to treat her as his wife. But remarkably, they hadn't run into anyone she knew in restaurants or movie theaters, or even walking down the street. Part of their good fortune had been that many of the people she knew went away for the summer. But even after Labor Day there had been no chance encounters with people who might suspect she and Joe were having an affair. They had found an easy rhythm that worked for them. And then, in mid-October, Kate looked devastated when Andy called to tell her he was coming home. He told Kate how grateful he was, how well she had done, how uncomplaining she had been. Her letters had been wonderful, and he was dying to see her and Reed again. The photographs she'd sent were adorable, and Andy said the baby looked even more like Kate than before, except for the color of his hair. He told Kate that the trials he had participated in, in Germany, had gone extremely well. But he was anxious to wrap up his work in the next two weeks and come home.

  Kate and Joe sat in the kitchen for hours, discussing it, the night he called.

  “What are we going to do?” she asked miserably. Now that she had to face reality, she had never been so tormented in her life. Someone was going to get hurt, possibly all of them, even her son. There was no way out. There were choices to be made, and she and Joe had to come to some kind of agreement or decision in a matter of days.

  “I want to marry you, Kate,” he said quietly. “I want you to get divorced. You can go to Reno and stay for six weeks. We could be married by the end of the year.” It was all she had ever wanted from him. But in order to do that now, she had to destroy Andy's life. It seemed a blow too cruel for anyone to take, and so unfair to him. He had done nothing to deserve this fate, and it wasn't his fault that she had fallen prey to Joe's charms again.

  “I don't even know what to say to him,” she said, looking at Joe, and feeling sick over it. His parents were going to be distraught, and hers. But for Andy it would be the worst of all. And he had no suspicion whatsoever what was about to befall him.

  “Tell him the truth,” Joe said practically. It was easy for him to be the winner in the piece. All he had to do was stand back and let Kate deliver the fatal blow. “What other choice do we have, Kate? Walk away from each other again? Is that what you want to do?” It was the only other choice they had, or else to continue a clandestine affair, and Kate knew the pressure and deceit of that would drive her insane, and Joe agreed. He wanted to live with her, be married to her, he even wanted to be with Reed, and if they were married, he would. “I feel sorry for him,” Joe said decently, “but he has a right to know.”

  “Are you serious about getting married, Joe?” She still remembered her mother's words, and Kate knew him well. Joe loved his freedom and his planes. But he also loved her. And he was nearly forty years old. She believed he was finally ready to settle down and make a serious commitment to her this time, or so he said. She just wanted to be sure before she asked Andy for a divorce. Other than being devastated over losing her, she knew he would be heartbroken not to be living with his son.

  “I'm serious,” Joe said emphatically. “It's time, Kate.” For her, it would have been time three or four years before. Or even five. He had taken his time getting there. And her parents would have been happier if they'd gotten married before or during the war. But whatever path they had taken to get there, he had arrived, and now he wanted her to do what she had to, to make it work for them. It was in her hands. He couldn't do more than assure her that he was serious, and wanted to marry her.

  “I'll tell him when he gets home,” she said. She wasn't looking forward to it, but they both agreed, it had to be done.

  She found a sitter, and they spent a weekend at a cozy inn in Connecticut in an out-of-the-way place. Joe had stayed there once before, and no one had bothered or intruded on him. It seemed the perfect hideaway for them. Often, people recognized him wherever they went, and with ordinary strangers, he introduced her as his wife. She didn't respond at first when the woman at the inn called her by Joe's name. She realized it was going to be strange to give up Andy's name. She had been calling herself Kate Scott for more than a year. It had been hard enough to adjust to giving up Jamison after twenty-six years. And now she would have another name. She felt as though she were on a merry-go-round. It was where she wanted to be, and had wanted to be for years, but now that it was happening, it all felt strange.

  Joe moved his things out the night before Andy came home, but he spent the night with her anyway. The baby was teething and cried all night, Kate's nerves were raw, and by morning even Joe looked strained. All she wanted now was to get it over with. She was going to tell Andy that night, and she had already convinced herself that it was going to be a gruesome scene of heartbreak and regret.

  She felt as though she and Joe had lived in isolation for four months. She had been avoiding whoever she knew in order to keep their secret, and she had seen none of her few friends. But so far, no one seemed to have figured out what was happening. And in the next few weeks, everyone would know. After she told Andy, she was going to tell her parents, and she knew that wasn't going to be a pretty scene. She had already played out all of it in her head, and with Joe. It was their destiny to be together, she knew. It had always been that way. She was just sorry that she was going to cause Andy so much pain. She never should have married him, she realized. It hadn't been fair to him. But she had never expected Joe to come back into her life again. And if he hadn't, maybe she and Andy could have made it work. They would never know. And at least, this way, she had Reed. Although Joe was certain he wanted Kate and Reed, he was still unsure about having their own kids. They had talked about it several times, and he wasn't convinced that having children would improve the quality of their life. But he was enough now for Kate.

  Joe left for the office at nine the next day, and she was picking Andy up at the airport at noon. She had told Joe she'd call him when she could, but she didn't know if it would be possible that night. Out of respect for her husband, she had to see how it went. But she promised Joe she would call him no later than the next day.

  They made love that morning before he left, and he kissed her one last time, and blew Reed a kiss.

  “Try not to worry about it, sweetheart. I know you'll do the best you can. Better now, after a year, than five years from now. You're doing him a favor ending it this soon. He'll get married again and have a good life.” It irked her that Joe was so practical about it. It was easy being the winner. She was sure it was not going to seem quite so simple to Andy when he heard the news.

  Kate took a cab to Idlewild at eleven o'clock. She had brought Reed with her, and she was wearing a plain black dress, and black hat. She realized that she looked a little funereal when she left the house, but it seemed appropria
te. For them at least, this was not going to be a happy day

  She checked the list of arriving flights when she arrived at the airport, and saw that his flight was on time. And then, holding the baby close to her, she went to wait for him at the gate.

  Andy was one of the first passengers off the plane. He looked tired from the flight, and four months of hard work, but he smiled broadly the moment he saw his wife and son, and kissed her so hard he knocked off her hat.

  “I've missed you so much, Kate!” He took the baby out of her arms and couldn't believe how much he'd grown. Reed was nearly eight months old by then. He had eight teeth and could almost stand up by himself. And as Andy held him, he reached for his mother and started to scream.

  “He doesn't even know who I am anymore,” Andy looked crushed, and as they walked out of the airport, he put an arm around her. He felt as though he'd been gone for years. He not only felt as though the baby didn't know who he was, he could tell that Kate was ill at ease with him, and when he looked at her as they drove home in a cab, she looked strange. She said she was happy to see him, but she looked like someone had died. She asked him about Germany, and the trials, but when he tried to hold her hand in the cab, she pulled it away to look for something in her purse. She didn't want to mislead him more than she already had.

  Kate made lunch for all of them when they got home, and put Reed down for a nap afterward. All she wanted was to get it over with. She couldn't wait. She didn't want to play out a farce with him. He deserved more respect from her than that.

  “Kate, are you all right?” he asked after she put the baby to bed. She looked suddenly older and more serious in the somber black dress. He didn't know what had happened while he was gone, but he knew something had. The atmosphere around them seemed incredibly tense, and Kate kept avoiding his touch, his arms, his eyes.

  “Can we sit down and talk?” she said, as they walked into the living room and she sat down on the couch. Andy sat down across from her, and all she could think of as she looked at him was Joe.

  This was the worst thing she had ever done in her life, to anyone, she knew. When she had left Joe three years before, it had been an entirely different situation than walking out on a man who she knew loved her, and taking his child with her. But there was no escape now. They had to face the truth, both of them. She had been foolish to marry him and think that their love would grow, but she had meant well. She was very attached to him, and they had had lots of happy times. But all of it had meant nothing the moment she saw Joe.

  “What's wrong, Kate?” Andy asked quietly. He looked upset, but he was very much in control. He looked as though he'd matured in the past four months. He had seen and heard of atrocities that had made his blood run cold. There was no way not to grow up with all the responsibility that had rested on him. And now he had come home to something even worse. He could see it in her eyes.

  “Andy, I've made a terrible mistake,” she began, sitting well away from him. She didn't try to sit near him, or take his hand. And she wanted to get it over with as fast as she could, for both their sakes.

  “I don't think we need to talk about this,” he suddenly cut into what she'd just said, and she looked surprised.

  “Yes, we do,” she went on. “We have to talk about it. Something happened while you were gone.” She was planning to tell him that she had met Joe again, and that, as a result, everything had changed. But Andy was holding up a hand to stop her, as though he could turn back her words, and she saw something in his eyes she'd never seen there before. It was a kind of strength and dignity she had never known he was capable of, and he took the control of the situation away from her.

  “Whatever happened, Kate, I don't need to know what it was. In fact, I don't want to know. You're not going to tell me. It's not important. We're what's important, and our son. Whatever you were going to say to me, don't. I won't listen to it. We are going to shut the door behind us now, and go on.” She was so stunned that for a moment, she couldn't say a word.

  “But Andy, we can't…” She could feel tears filling her eyes. He had to listen to her. She was going to divorce him, and marry Joe. She didn't want to be married to Andy anymore. And Joe wanted to marry her. She wasn't going to lose him now, after all these years. But Andy had something to say about it, and she couldn't divorce him, unless he agreed. He had obviously figured it out, or enough to know that their marriage was on the line, and he was not going to lie down and let her roll over him. He had already made a decision about it, no matter how she felt. And as far as Andy was concerned, the subject was closed.

  “Yes, Kate, we can,” he said in a tone that frightened her. “And we will. Whatever you wanted to say to me, you're going to keep to yourself. We're married. We have a son. We'll have more children soon, I hope. And we're going to have a good life. And that's all you're going to say to me. Is that clear? I probably shouldn't have stayed away as long as I did. But I think we did something important in Germany, and I'm glad that I was part of it. And now you're going to be my wife, Kate, and we'll go on from here.” Kate was stunned by the power of his words and the steel in his eyes. It was very unlike him.

  “But Andy, please,” the tears were rolling down her cheeks. “I can't do this… I can't…” she sobbed. She was in love with Joe, and not with him. She had never felt so trapped in her life as she just had, listening to him. He was not going to let her out, she knew, no matter what she said. Her only choice then would be to run away with Joe, and live with him. She couldn't even take Reed with her if she wasn't divorced and didn't have custody. Andy might as well have put her in jail and locked her in. And they both knew he just had. She had not yet consulted a lawyer, she had wanted to tell Andy first, but she knew that she could not divorce him without grounds to do so. And she had none against him. Her hands were tied, unless he agreed. “You have to listen to me,” she pleaded with him. “You don't want me like this.” She was sobbing, and his eyes were hard.

  “We're married, Kate. That's the end of it. You'll feel better about it in a while, and you'll thank me for this one day. You were about to make a terrible mistake, and I'm not going to let that happen to us. I can't. Now, I'm going to shower and take a nap. Would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight?” When she looked up at him, her eyes were bleak. She didn't want to go anywhere with him. She didn't want to be married to him. She was his prisoner now. Not his wife.

  She never answered him about dinner, and he didn't wait to hear her response. He left the room and closed the bedroom door. He was shaking when he walked into the bathroom and locked the door, but Kate didn't know that. For the first time in the years she'd known him, she hated him. All she wanted was to be with Joe, but she couldn't leave her son. Andy knew he had her by the throat. She would never abandon Reed. And if Andy would not agree to divorce her, she was trapped.

  When she heard him turn on the shower, she called Joe. He was in a meeting, but she asked Hazel to get him out, and a moment later, he was on the phone.

  “What's up? Was it very bad?” He sounded worried. He'd been thinking about her all day, wondering how it had gone when she told Andy she was leaving him.

  “Worse than that. He won't even listen to me. He won't give me a divorce. And if he doesn't, I can't take Reed.”

  “He's just bluffing you, Kate. He's scared. Just hold firm.”

  “You don't understand. I've never seen him like this. He says the matter is closed. It's done. He wouldn't even let me talk about it.” She hadn't even had the chance to tell him about Joe, which had seemed fair and she thought would convince him. But he wouldn't let her speak, and Kate felt as though he had surrounded himself with a wall of stone.

  “Then take the baby and walk out,” Joe said, sounding stern. She felt trapped between the two men, like their pawn. “He can't force you to stay there.”

  “He can force me to come back with Reed, if he takes me to court.” She sounded scared, and she was. The way Andy had looked at her, she knew she had good re
ason to be. Andy did not intend to lose her or his son.

  “He won't. The two of you can stay with me.” It would be an even bigger scandal than it was, if she did. She knew she had to get Andy to agree with her, to let her out. It was the only way she could go.

  “I'll talk to him tonight,” she said. He went back to his meeting, and she hung up as Andy got out of the shower. She called a sitter and agreed to go to dinner with him that night, but the atmosphere between them was extremely unpleasant when she did. He was icy with her and his tone was hard. He wanted her to know that he meant everything he'd said. She was hoping to convince him over dinner, but she got nowhere.

  “Andy, please, listen to me…. I can't do this. You don't want to be married to me like this.” She was pleading with him. And in order to win him over, it suddenly seemed like the wrong time to tell him it was Joe.

  “Kate, when I left, everything was fine. It was great. It's going to be great again. Trust me on this. You're hysterical, you don't know what you're doing, and I'm not going to let you destroy our life.” He was ice cold and firm, and she felt as though he had a grip on her throat. She could barely speak.

  “Things have changed. You've been gone for four months.” She felt desperate as she tried to explain it to him. And she had an eerie sense that he knew what had happened and with whom. But he didn't seem to care. No matter what Kate did or said, Andy would not let her go. He didn't want to know who or why. He wanted to hear none of it, and they spoke not a word to each other as they went home in a cab. Kate felt almost as though she had lost her strength to move or walk or speak to him.

  She got a sitter and went to Joe's office the next day. She was panic-stricken, and Joe was visibly upset. But she needed support and direction from him. It was as though Andy had grown into someone she didn't even know while he was in Germany. He was immovable and invincible. And she sat talking to Joe in tears.