Memories of Gold

by Ali Olson

  He looked at her, curious, but before he could ask about her outburst of amusement, Mrs. Jessup and the rest of the tenants began walking through the hallway. Everyone in the house was moving outside, away from danger, and likely to see the extent of the damage the quake had on the town.

  Jimmy reached out to help her stand, and she took his hand. The rush of sensation, from that simple gesture and the way he had moved to protect her when she fell, engulfed Mary. The deep wanting she felt for the man standing over her rose again to the surface, but she also felt the comfort and happiness that one only feels around family. He loved her, after all.

  She looked into his eyes. Within them, she saw concern, desire, and love, just as he had said. Hope rose within her. With all that, perhaps he could find a way to forgive her.

  Time unfroze and Jimmy put his other arm behind her so she could use his body and strength to help her stand. The closeness of their bodies sent a rush of heat rising to Mary’s cheeks as she pressed against him, more than just a protector. She remembered his strong naked body pressed against hers, and her breath caught in her throat.

  Before she could find the strength to move away, he leaned in and kissed her; she immediately responded in kind, her entire body alight with fire. They stood there for several seconds, wrapped together, the hard kiss fulfilling the want they had both experienced in the other’s presence, and awakening even stronger desires.

  Before more could happen, they heard footsteps coming back into the house and Mrs. Jessup’s booming voice echoing through the rooms as she declared what would need to be fixed. They parted, and Jimmy looked down at her, grinning again. He moved a few strands of hair out of her eyes with one hand. The other continued to hold hers, not letting go since he had helped her stand.

  With visible effort, he turned away from her and, still holding her hand, began moving out of the room. “Let’s go outside. We should leave before another shake brings the whole place crashing down.”

  They made their way through the hallway toward the open door, Jimmy guiding Maria around the fallen timber from different areas of the house and the various items scattered across the floor. Only when they were outside in the middle of the street with the rest of the boarders and people from neighboring homes did they turn around and survey the damage.

  The wooden clapboard building looked sturdy enough from the outside; there was no tilt to it or any other indicators that it had sustained serious damage during the earthquake. They then looked around at the rest of the street. Again, not much damage. It had been strong enough to be unsettling and knock down a few things, but not powerful enough to cause serious destruction to the town.

  People were searching the skies for signs of smoke. Fires after earthquakes were common, and could be much more damaging than the tremors that started them. Luckily, there were no signs of runaway flames.

  Mary heard her name being called, and saw Josie threading through the crowd in Mary’s direction. When she got to where Mary and Jimmy stood, she grabbed her friend and hugged her, checking to be sure she was well and unhurt. Mary let go of Jimmy’s hand, conveying her feelings about being pulled away in a lingering glance.

  Josie spoke in a rushed, breathy voice, interspersed with coughs. “I was at the tailor when the earth started dancing like that. I’m lucky I had just gotten there, though. Another customer is walking around in a dress held together with a few pins.”

  Josie smirked and tried to find the woman to show Mary, but Mary’s thoughts were elsewhere. Josie looked pale and thin in the bright sunlight, and even though her behavior seemed to insist otherwise, there was something off that Mary couldn’t explain even to herself.

  As Josie continued chattering about the surprise of the quake, Mary relaxed a little, even though her friend’s words were occasionally interrupted by coughing. Josie’s mannerisms and personality were the same as ever, so it couldn’t be anything much.

  Josie located the lady and pointed her out, then hugged Mary once more and darted off to check on her daughter. She was fine, Mary assured herself.

  Mary wished to finish her conversation with Jimmy, but it needed to be discussed in private, not while standing out on the street, and in many ways she was glad of the small reprieve. After another kiss and the gentle touch of his hand against hers, not to mention the declaration of love, she didn’t think she would be able to say anything that would hurt him, even in private.

  She knew she would need to check on Emma at some point, and considered asking Jimmy to go with her. If she opened that part of her life to him, maybe it would make the rest easier.

  Chapter 7

  Jimmy stood in the middle of the street with the crowd, content for the moment just to stand in the warm morning sunshine. After the agonizing hours since Maria had left the day before, reconnecting with her left him happy and gave him a sense of peace despite the hubbub around him.

  He recalled the kiss from a few minutes before and felt a rush of pleasure. She had not stopped it, nor did she take her hand away from his until absolutely necessary. When her friend Josie pulled her away, he knew that Maria had wanted to stay hand-in-hand with him. She loved him through and through.

  She reciprocated his feelings, and that was the only thing that mattered for him at the moment. He stood alone in the crowd of people, hardly aware of their existence. His eyes and thoughts wandered over Mary’s body as she stood with her friend, who was describing her visit to the tailor. Her dress looked quite expensive, much flashier than the one Mary wore. He preferred the understated beauty of Mary’s. He wondered how wealthy the girl’s husband must be in order to pay for frocks like that.

  His thoughts went back to Mary. He desired her, more than anything, and seeing her form from a slight distance gave him the opportunity to run his eyes over her entire figure. His fingers itched to touch her bare skin once more.

  She moved back towards him, leaning her weight against his arm and taking his hand again. He stood, grasping her hand, enjoying the contact and wishing for more. Maria tugged lightly at his arm and said, “Jimmy, I want you to meet somebody important. Will you—“

  She stopped suddenly, cutting off her words as another woman bounded up to her, this one older, short, with wild hair. Someone that Jimmy had not met before. He felt Maria stiffen next to him and turned to her. Her face was filled with worry; she almost looked as if she were in pain.

  The stranger began speaking the moment she was near enough to be heard. “Mary! Are you hurt? I was worried for you, especially after you were feeling poorly last night. But you seem well enough now. The saloon had a few broken bottles, but it will be cleaned in a jiffy so we can be open tonight. I want you working. It’s always a mite busier after quakes, you know.”

  Throughout the woman’s chatter, Maria stayed stiff and silent, her eyes wider than usual, and Jimmy watched her. He wanted to help her, but he was unsure what to do, so he stood by her and waited for some cue.

  As the woman continued to talk, some of her words began to arrange into some kind of sense. She had spoken about Maria working, and a saloon had been mentioned. When another voice shouted “Daisy!” across the crowd and the woman turned and hurried toward it, everything clicked into place.

  The men at the boardinghouse had mentioned Daisy’s, the saloon and whorehouse. The whorehouse where Maria worked.

  He suddenly felt cramped, as if everything was closing in on him, and he found it difficult to take a full breath. There were too many people around. He needed to get out of the crowd of people and sit down.

  That was Daisy, from Daisy’s Saloon, and Maria worked there. His mind repeated the information, but it did nothing to quell the confusion inside him. He tried to grasp at unlikely possibilities. Perhaps she tended the bar, or helped Daisy keep track of the ledgers, or other positions he invented, knowing full well that there was only one job a woman as beautiful as Maria would have at an establishment like Daisy’s.

  He turned again to Maria, and her head was bowed
. The various invented explanations fell away, leaving only the truth.

  Jimmy’s chest felt unbearably tight, as if a band had been wrapped around his lungs, squeezing the air from them. He thought of other men, lots of other men, touching his Maria’s body and experiencing what they had together.

  No, not his Maria. This stranger named Mary that obviously was in no way the same person he knew from childhood. The woman he thought he had known until this moment, when he discovered exactly how incorrect he was.

  He was dumbfounded, so shocked he could do nothing but stand and stare at Mary as she kept her head tilted downward, silent and unmoving, except for a single tear that dropped off the tip of her nose to the ground. His brain froze as he stared at her, waiting for something to which he couldn’t give a name, but nothing happened.

  After what felt like hours, his mind began working again. The first thought that occurred to him was that he needed to walk somewhere. Somewhere away from the people, buildings, and painful knowledge that were all too much.

  Jimmy turned away from Mary and strode between buildings, taking the quickest route to get himself out of town.

  Mary heard Jimmy move and her hand fell from his grasp. She watched his shadow disappear from the spot where it lay at her feet. She raised her head and watched the direction of his departure for a moment, undecided as to what to do. After a moment, she swiped the back of her hand across her cheeks to wipe away the wetness that was there and began to follow.

  She was not certain where he was going, but she had a guess and knew she needed to follow him and explain. She couldn’t let him leave without her, whatever the consequences.

  Mary trotted after him, following at a distance as his long strides took him further and further out of town, and even still he continued walking. She was confident she knew his destination now, and it made her heart ache.

  After a few minutes, Jimmy was walking through the tall wild grass, making his way to the small clump of trees they had visited together so many times. The forest he had taken her to only a few days before. Still Mary followed.

  At last, he stopped. Near the trees he sat upon a large boulder, his elbows on his knees and fingers at his temples, as if his brain was so heavy it needed to be held up with his hands. Mary looked at the peaceful surroundings.

  She thought about the magic of the trees, of her wish. There was no magic large enough to solve this problem for her, though. They were beautiful trees, but trees nonetheless. Nothing more. They were unable to fix her relationship with Jimmy.

  He continued to sit, silent. She stood next to him, unsure of whether or not to speak. After a few minutes, though, she could stand the silence no longer. She needed to say something. “I’m so sorry, Jimmy. I didn’t want you to find out that way. I was trying—“

  “How could you not have told me sooner?” he cut in. His voice was tired and unhappy. “You lied to me. I knew there was something you were keeping from me, but this?”

  His face was pained, and he did not look her in the eyes as he spoke. His reaction made her cringe inside. He was disgusted by her, she realized, and the pain of the statement washed through her body. She needed to try to make it better somehow.

  “Listen, many women out here must work at a saloon at some point. Life is hard when you need to take care of yourself. I tried to work the claim and a dozen other things after Pa died, but none of it provided enough to keep me going, so I had to find something that did. I haven’t had a father to take care of me, nor anyone else for that matter.”

  She realized the accusation of her last statement just after she said it, and saw his face crumple as it hit him. Her voice grew quiet as she struggled to hold back tears. “Jimmy, you couldn’t help not being here. I didn’t mean it like that. I needed work and Daisy gave me employment. It’s not so bad.”

  He barked a short, humorless laugh. “Not so bad? I left you destitute, forced you to become a whore,” it was the first time he actually said it, in his mind or aloud, and he stumbled over the word. “And you think it’s not so bad? I just—I just need to think on this.’

  She stood next to him, quietly hovering and watching his facial expression change from one of utter depression to stolid determination. He started speaking slowly, as if he had forgotten how to use his tongue.

  “I can’t change the past. I can’t come back earlier and stop all this from happening, and for that I am so sorry. But I can try to fix it right now. Do not go back there. I don’t have much, but I can keep you clothed and fed and sheltered until we decide on some … on something. Perhaps I can find you a place in San Francisco.”

  Happiness flared in her, then died down as quickly as it started, melting into nothing as he continued speaking and she realized he was not proposing a home with him. He wanted to help her leave Daisy’s, but not as his wife.

  Then she thought of Emma, her responsibilities to the young girl. Even if she wanted to consider his offer, she couldn’t abandon her. And she could never ask Jimmy to take on that burden, as well. Her throat was so tight at the thought of letting him leave without her that she found it hard to breathe. She would explain it to him, though. He would understand, and perhaps they could still find some way to be together. Barely audible, she started, “I can’t. I need to—“

  “You want to stay here in Shasta, working at Daisy’s?” He sounded incredulous. “You want to continue working in that saloon instead of letting me take care of you?”

  In the back of her mind, Mary knew that he most likely meant that in a different way than it sounded, but her anger flared, regardless. She had taken the position knowing exactly what it was and refusing to let herself be ashamed, and for a long time she had taken care of herself and others besides.

  Now, suddenly, he was here telling her she was crazy to not run away and leave all worries and responsibilities behind. “I decide what I do, Jimmy. I must pay for things, you know. Nothing is free around here—“

  Jimmy’s anger lit like a fire inside him, scorching his soul. What could she possibly need to pay for? He was unable to stop himself from throwing some of his hurt back at her. “Fancy silk skirts and ribbons? Like that friend Josie of yours?” he asked, his voice full of scorn.

  He regretted the words the moment he spoke them, but this day, all his shattered hopes, had sent him over the edge, and there was no going back now.

  She put her hands on her hips, glaring daggers at him. “Is that what you think of me now? That I am some trollop whoring myself for a few pretty baubles? I’ve got responsibilities you know nothing about, Mister Parker.”

  She had only called him by his last name three times in all the years they had known each other, each time when her temper was hot. He remembered the last time she had said it, back when she was eight, right before shoving him into mud.

  He wanted to stop the whole thing and let them both calm down, but he couldn’t stop himself. He stood up and looked down into her eyes. He wanted to strangle her and kiss her at the same time. Why was she so stubborn and willful? Didn’t she realize how much this hurt him?

  He spoke through gritted teeth. “Well, Miss Mary, feel free to explain it to me. What is so important that you would rather stay at the saloon instead of with me?”

  “Right about now, it’s because you are being a pompous ass.”

  She turned and began storming away. He was lucky she hadn’t shoved him into mud again. If there had been any around, it would have been tempting.

  Within a few moments, she regretted the things she said, but there was nothing she could do to fix it for the moment, and trying to speak to him would only lead to more angry words and more hurt for both of them. She kept walking, tears streaming down her cheeks. She let them fall.

  Jimmy watched her go, waves of anger and despair washing over him. She had lied to him, and she was going back to the saloon as if it was fine. As if they weren’t in love. What if it was just him after all? What if she hadn’t meant what she said?

  His heart p
rotested the idea. He could not believe that was true. He remembered the sound of her voice as she whispered against him, the way her blue eyes stared into his as they had kissed. There was something there, so why did she decline his offer? He watched her as she marched away, already small with distance, and knew that within moments she would be hidden by buildings.

  His anger disappeared and misery took over. All his plans and dreams for the future he had planned over the past few days had crashed around him. He tried to tell himself to go back to San Francisco without her and continue on with his plans as if he’d never seen again, but that did no good. She was a part of him, and the loss was too great to just go on like it hadn’t happened.

  He sat back down and relived the conversation, feeling the words tear at his heart again. The second time through, though, he hit on something he had hardly noticed in the heat of the moment. She had mentioned responsibilities. But what responsibilities could she possibly have? She had no family to tend to.

  And why did she start working at Daisy’s in the first place?

  He had lived in mining camps outside of these towns long enough to make a guess. She had been left alone with no money, no skills—she hadn’t even been able to read, for God’s sake—and would have starved without work. He knew that her father never exactly ingratiated himself with others, meaning there were no friendly families she could stay with.

  Empathy welled within him, tangling with his depression. After taking a few moments to think about her situation with a cool head, he realized that she had simply taken care of herself in any way she could. As independent as she was, she would never ask for help even if it had been waiting nearby for her. And here he was, demanding that she live off him and expecting her to rely solely on his generosity for her livelihood. The Maria he knew would not have done that.